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Before the summer of their first year, the study group is all invited to Shirley’s place for an Independence Day party.
Britta agrees, on the condition that everyone read an article about the illusion of freedom in America, especially in 1776.
Jeff agrees, and he says it’s because of the ‘free beer’, and not that he hates being alone on holidays.
Annie agrees without a second thought, and volunteers to help Shirley plan and host.
Pierce is not invited, but somehow finds out and shows up anyway.
Troy is happy to get to spend the holiday away from his own extremely political family, and immediately accepts.
And then there’s Abed.
Abed does not like July Fourth. He never has. To him, it’s mostly drinking, shouting, and the bane of his existence: fireworks. Ever since he was little, it has marked a day of panicking, crying, being incredibly anxious, and just general melting down.
Since Abed dreads the holiday, and plans on spending it crammed under his mattress with noise cancelling headphones, desperately trying to forget that he is real, he has no intentions on going to a social gathering dedicated to it.
To summarize: the last thing Abed wants is to go to a Fourth of July party.
The issue is that when Abed turns Shirley’s offer down, he does so with such force that he hurts her feelings. The whole group is shocked, as Shirley looks incredibly offended and hurt.
Annie is the first to respond to Abed’s cruel rejection. “Abed, where do you get off being so rude to the second sweetest in the group?” She asks.
Britta agrees. “Yeah dude, even I wasn’t that harsh.”
Abed stammers for an explanation. This was not what he intended by saying ‘I actually have no intention of ever going to your Fourth of July party. Yours or anyone else’s.’
Before Abed can explain himself, Jeff butts in. “Abed, you really should apologize.” He says apathetically, not looking up from his phone.
Abed looks to Troy helplessly. “How do I fix this?” He asks quietly.
“Well you could just say that you’re sorry and you’ll go to her party.” Troy suggests.
Abed sighs. He realizes that he’s been misunderstood, and they think he was being rude, but if he clarifies what he meant it will be clear that he is a lot weirder than they thought. As soon as they know that, it will become incredibly tempting for them to leave, and he really doesn’t want that. Besides, maybe this year he can control himself. “Fine.” He says bitterly. And then, to Shirley, “Sorry about that, I’d love to go.”
And that’s how it happened. The study group (minus Annie and Shirley) all gathered on Shirley’s porch at exactly 6:30 on July Fourth.
“Welcome, welcome, come in!!” Shirley greets them. “Elijah and Jordan are playing down the street, so don’t worry about them, and Annie’s in the backyard, getting the fire started. -Jeff, could you go help her with that?” She asks, in her voice that says it’s not really a question but a command.
Jeff shrugs. “Sure.”
Shirley is smiling very wide.“Alright, it’s so nice to see you all, Abed, and -oh Pierce I didn’t know you were-”
Pierce snorts. “I have a right to be here!” He exclaims.
“I’m sure you do…” Shirley responds disapprovingly.
Britta and Troy are directed to go mingle as other guests start showing up, while Pierce stations himself in a chair directly in front of some appetizers.
Abed stands awkwardly in front of a closet, clutching a tote bag to his chest.
“Abed, sweetie, I’m really so glad you made it.” Shirley remarks in her sweet voice. “If you hadn’t I would’ve assumed you were some kind of jerk.” She adds in her low, mean voice.
Abed nods slowly, trying to concentrate on her words. He really isn’t meaning to give focus to the people in the backyard, Shirley’s friends from church’s husbands, who are starting to open their beers. With each can opened comes a startling hissing sound that sends jolts all the way through Abed. Normally he’s fine with the sound, but it’s as if his body recognizes that around the time they start drinking is when they start setting off fireworks. He had already seen in the neighborhood, little kids running around with sparklers, and he could almost feel the sun setting. With each minute that goes by he is getting closer to it. He would have to pour all his energy together to avoid a meltdown.
“Uh Abed? You okay?” Shirley asks hesitantly.
Abed nods again, not making eye contact with anything in particular.
Shirley has a look of concern on her face, but with each second that Abed doesn’t look at her the more her concern turns to frustration. “Abed, go in the backyard with the others. You’re blocking the way.” She says coldly.
Abed doesn’t fully interpret that she’s upset with him, but he does as she asks.
The backyard is both large and crowded. Abed can vaguely recognize members of the study group, but it’s hard to process it all. There’s a fire where people are cooking hot dogs, and a grill where someone is making ribs, and a lot of talking. Abed walks forward, forcing a few other partygoers to dodge around him, and he sits down at a table. There are a lot of noises. He can hear his own breathing, which is rapid and shallow, as well as maybe twenty other people’s talking. It feels as if there are a million conversations going on around him.
“...The economy really needs… and then I said to her, how dare you… be careful with that… look at that moon, wowee!... My mom has terminal cancer… ‘merica...” The different guests' conversations intermingled with each other, characterized by the occasional sizzling sound or crack from the fire.
Suddenly, Troy is sitting beside Abed. “Hey buddy, aren’t you glad you didn’t skip this? For a Christian housewife, Shirley sure throws a great party!” He remarks, clapping a hand on Abed’s shoulder.
Abed flinches at the touch like he’s been burned, and Troy finally realizes that he looks very distressed.
“Sorry Abed, you okay?” He asks gently.
Abed doesn’t respond, because at that moment someone sets off the first firecracker.
BOOM!!!!
Abed’s hands fly to his ears for protection, but he’s too late. He feels almost as if he’s actually been shot, or at least had the wind knocked out of him. He can feel himself shaking, starting at his shoulders, but the tremors pass all the way to his fingers and toes.
Keep it together!!
He reminds himself.
You can still redeem yourself. Don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream.
He clamps one of his hands over his mouth to stifle the high-pitched whimper that had been building.
“Abed? Abed, what's going on?” Troy asks in concern.
Britta has also rushed over, and she’s tightly holding Abed’s hand’s. It’s probably an attempt to ground him, and Abed appreciates that she’s trying, but he knows that the more attention he gets the weirder he looks, and he really wishes she would stop.
Abed shakes his head violently. He’s able to force out the words, “I’m fine.” Through gritted teeth.
He shakes Britta and Troy off of him, and runs back into the house, praying to god that it wasn’t that much of a disturbance.
Luckily, no one follows him inside, and from what he can tell the party is continuing on like normal.
He closes the screen door behind him and runs his fingers anxiously through his hair. Then, he reaches to his side to grab his tote bag and… the bag isn’t there. He’s left his headphones, stim toys, and dark sunglasses at the table.
…
The table with Troy and Britta, two people who would be fascinated to see what kind of weird stuff he keeps in his bag.
Immediately, he’s sent into an internal panic. If they look in his bag it’ll be easy to tell how messed up he is, and this whole thing will have been useless. He can hardly imagine that Troy Barnes, high school quarterback and prom king, would still want to be friends with a guy terrified of fireworks.
Shirley is walking up to him again, and she’s saying something to him, but her words are drowned out by a high-pitched whistling sound of a firework coming from outside that raises all the hairs on Abed’s neck. As the pitch increases more and more, building up to a climactic boom, Abed once again raises his hands to his ears.
Unfortunately, it barely does anything to muffle the sounds, and as the firework seems to send shockwaves through Abed, a chorus of more booms follow them, each one of them causing the thin boy to flinch, and the largest causing him to buckle over, collapsing on his hands and knees to the ground.
His last coherent thought is, Why did you think you could avoid this? Before it all goes black.
--------------
Shirley is getting ready to pass out the sparklers when she hears the screen door crash closed. She looks over from the kitchen and is surprised to see Abed, looking absolutely freaked out. She walks up to him, concerned, and realizes he’s rambling, saying something that sounds like, ‘Don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream.’
As she approaches, she feels her familiar sense of motherly worry. “Hey Abed, sweetie, are you okay? I wasn’t meaning to be too rude. Or did something happen?”
In the backyard, she can hear cheers. The sun is fully set now, and an onslaught of fireworks are lighting up the sky. She takes a second to get lost in the beauty, but before she knows it, Abed has collapsed to the ground.
“Abed, sweetie, what’s going on? Are you hurt?” She desperately asks, herself now on the floor too, wrapping her arms around him to cradle his trembling body. His eyes are glassy and unseeing, yet wide open with fright. His whole body is shivering like a dog, and as more and more fireworks go off, out of his mouth escapes a high-pitched wail.
Shirley is not prepared for this, but after a second her instincts kick in. She shouts at Pierce to get Jeff and Annie, and miraculously, he listens.
Once Jeff and Annie come in, Shirley has them help her carry Abed to the guest room.
“Okay, lay him right there.” She directs, and Annie and Jeff lay Abed out flat.
He’s still wailing just as loud, eyes still wide open, and he isn’t replying to his name or any questions. He is entirely unresponsive, except that every candle, comet, or confetti set off, his whole body shudders and the wail increases in volume and pitch.
Once he is set on the bed, he curls up into the fetal position and covers his ears.
“Okay, Shirley, what is going on with him?” Jeff asks over Abed’s screams.
Shirley shakes her head. “He was looking really spaced out and anxious, and when I went over to him he was on the ground. I tried to comfort him, and maybe not draw too much attention, and then he was screaming.”
“Isn’t it an autism thing? Or-” Annie begins, but Troy runs in the room and cuts her off.
“-Guys,” He says, panting. “Here, I think this will help.” Troy is holding Abed’s tote from earlier, and getting some things out.
“That’s his bag, what are you… ohhh.” Annie says, as she watches Troy gently place the dark sunglasses and headphones on Abed. He also presses a fidget into Abed’s hands.
The relief Abed feels is instantaneous. As the red noise-cancellers clamp over his ears, and the brightness of the whole room goes away, his screaming fades dramatically. He slowly wraps his arms around his legs, holding onto himself tightly and whimpering every so often.
“Alright, I still don’t get it. What is wrong with Abed?” Jeff demands. His concern manifesting into anger.
Troy looks offended. “Nothing. He’s just like this!”
“Like what?” Annie asks curiously.
Troy sighs. “Different. He’s just different.”
--------------
As Abed wakes up, he’s surprised to learn that he’s on a bed in a pitch black room. His shoulders hurt from keeping himself wrapped so tightly, the sides of his head hurts from sleeping with headphones on, and his voice is very hoarse from screaming.
-Wait, why was he screaming?
Oh fuck.
The realization of his current circumstances washes over him, and he sits straight up in bed. Leaving the comfort of the bed is easier said than done, because he’s quite exhausted from the meltdown, but he persists. Hopefully he can get out of the house before someone sees him.
Somewhere else in the room, a chair creaks.
As swiftly as possible, Abed rips the headphones and sunglasses off and turns around.
He can faintly see in the darkness of the room, a silhouette of a rocking chair.
His heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. He gulps. “Is.. Is someone there?”
Suddenly, a lamp turns on, spreading dim light, and Abed can see Shirley in the chair.
“Hello Abed, sorry to startle ya’.” She chimes happily.
Abed eyes her warily, but she isn’t really posing him a threat so he gives in. “You didn’t. Startle me, I mean.” He replies, his gaze shifting to his own bare feet.
Someone took off my shoes?
“Are you.. Feeling any better?” She asks cautiously, hoping she won’t trigger anything new.
“Yeah…” He nods. “I’m um.. Look, I’m sorry if I ruined your party, I’m just going to go home now though.” He says. He’s pretty sure that Shirley is furious with him, he knows he would be, and she’s probably just using her sweet voice to trick him. Best to get out of the house before she throws something at him.
“Oh you didn’t ruin anything. Your little screaming..." She pauses, trying to find a word. "Episode happened inside, so I just said it was the TV. But I don’t know if you can go home now.” She says matter-of-factly, getting up and taking a seat beside him.
Oh fuck this is a horror episode. Shirley is going to kill you.
Abed is caught off guard by that, and obviously confused. “W-What do you mean?” He asks hesitantly.
“Oh silly me, what I mean to say is that you’ve been sleeping.” Shirley replies. “It’s very late. The party’s over, and I was pretty sure you came here with Troy, and I had to force him to leave hours ago. I can drive you back to your dorm, or you can stay here tonight.” She explains.
“Oh.” Is all Abed can say. “I think I’d like to go home. I’m pretty embarrassed, and you’re mad at me, and I’ve already inconvenienced you enough…”
Shirley raises her eyebrows. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, it was my fault. You were pressured into going and then I guilted you for it. I should have asked why you didn’t want to go. And why would I be mad?” She asks.
Abed tilts his head in confusion, trying to piece together why he wasn’t being blamed for it. “You.. You would be mad because I had a meltdown at your party. You being mad would be very rational, because I’m twenty-one and need to learn to control myself, and because I’m weird and too much to handle.”
“Who said you were too much to handle?” Shirley asks in surprise. “Abed, don’t you have.. Psychological differences? And sometimes you need more help? Look, I could never blame you for being yourself, trust me. I just wish you had told me how to help you when you do have those issues, but that’s on me for not asking.” She explains, then takes his hand in hers.
Abed hums a response, once again taking a second to process this mind blowing new information. “You’re sure you aren’t upset with me?”
“I’m sure.” She answers confidently.
“Oh. Are the others freaked out by it?”
Shirley shakes her head.
They sit in silence for a minute, Abed mentally calculating the chances that he was wrong.
Eventually, Shirley gets up. “So, you wanted me to drive you home? Just so you know, it’s already two in the morning.”
Abed shakes his head and smiles. “I actually think I’m good sleeping here. You make me feel safe.”
Shirley beams at him and goes to grab him some pajamas.
Abed sits still at the bed, waiting and thinking. He really had no idea that there could be such understanding reactions to his meltdowns. No one had ever treated it like a part of him that couldn't change, and it was such a relief to know that he wasn't being blamed for it. He thought back to other Fourth of Julys, when a meltdown had turned into being yelled at, or spanked, or at least punished. No one was upset with him, or saying he needed to grow up, they had just... helped him. Someone had given him his headphones and sunglasses, and someone must have carried him up to the bed, too. Abed felt his heart surge with gratefulness, and he couldn't believe he'd been so hesitant to trust his friends with that part of himself.