Chapter Text
Pi would never forget that day.
“Pi’s brother should share his hotness and brains with him.”
“Exactly! I can’t see any good things in him except his brother. He is so hot!”
They were his best friends, or so he thought. They talked to him. They smiled at him. They sat with him at lunch. So they must have cared for him, right? But here they were, talking badly about him behind his back. Next thing he knew he was being thrown to the ground and punched over and over and over. It was that day he gave up on the possibility of being loved. Not platonically, and certainly not romantically. There were no people in this world who truly cared, who didn’t just want to use him for his booksmarts or to get to his brother. No exceptions.
---
Well, maybe one exception.
The day couldn’t have been worse. All day he had to play cupid, surrounded by nauseatingly affectionate couples, and now it was raining and he had no umbrella. Truly, the universe hated him for existing.
“Hey, don’t go out in the rain!” He flipped around at the sound of someone approaching him, flinging the glasses clean off his face. The stranger gently placed the glasses back on his face. Pi blinked his eyes open to a face he recognized instantly. Muang Nan. One of the hottest, most popular guys at the university. And he was talking to him. And smiling at him. And offering to share his umbrella.
Pi’s heart fluttered. Someone like Muang Nan should have rushed by without a second glance at him, but instead they were walking together, arms nearly brushing against each other. For the first time in years, Pi felt hope. If someone like Muang Nan could like him, maybe he could find love as well.
---
From that day forward, he followed Muang Nan everywhere he went. In a totally respectful, not creepy way. Everything he did was attractive. Spinning his baton, eating choux creams, the way he posted about the weather on Facebook.
But everywhere he went, he was there too. Sutthaya. The bane of his existence. Everywhere Muang Nan goes, he follows. Pi knew that Sutthaya had to be competing with him for Muang Nan’s heart. Why else would he creepily follow Nan around like Pi wasn’t? Pi hated everything about him. His dumb face, his stupid basketball uniform, the sweet drinks he always drinks. Pi wished he would choke to death. The worst part was, as his brother so helpfully pointed out, he had nothing to compete with him. Mork was hot, popular, and good at sports. Pi was dorky, anti-social, and constantly tripping over his own feet. So he had to try to get a leg up the only way he knew how: by proving he knew Nan better.
---
“Nan, I know you like choux creams. I happened to pass by a bakery today so I got you a box. Happened to? It doesn’t sound very sincere,” he took a breath and tried again. “Nan, I know you like choux creams so I bought some for you? No. Shit! How should I say it?”
A voice came from behind him, “I know you like it, so I stole some for you.” Pi whipped around and slammed right into Sutthaya, spilling the desserts all over the bathroom floor,
“Damn it! Look what you did.”
“Sorry, sorry. Here-” Mork leaned down at the same time he did, bumping Pi and sending him on top of the choux creams.
“Ugh,” Pi groaned.
“I am sorry. Let me buy you a new box” As if. If Pi had learned one thing in life, it’s how to tell when someone was trying to trick him. No puppy dog eyes would fool him.
Pi ignored his apology and examined his hand. It was now covered in sticky mush. Pi mumbled to himself, “shit, now my hand is ruined.” He tried to brush past Mork, but he grabbed his arm and pulled a napkin out of his pocket.
“That was an accident. But this is not,” he said as he wiped his hand. “Are they from the shop in the white building? I will buy you a new box.”
“No need. I can do it myself.” PI stormed out, puzzled by Mork’s on-the-surface kind act. What game was he playing here? Mork was his rival. Somehow, someway this had to be part of his plan to bring him down. No words or actions of his could be trusted.
---
There was, at least, one person at this university he could semi-trust. But he’d never met him, didn’t even know his name. He told me he was a guy from a nearby faculty, so I called him A Guy From a Nearby Faculty.
PI: If someone didn’t stop me first, he’d get punched in the face.
He answered quickly, as he always did. Somehow this guy always seemed to have time for him. What a rarity.
AGFNF: Who would believe that?
Pi: Seriously, how am I inferior to him? Why did Muang Nan go with him, not me?
AGFNF: Do you really want to know why? You have a few problems.
Pi: What?
AGFNF: One, your glasses are too thick. Two, your braces make you sound unclear when you talk. Three, you’re not confident. Four, you get scared so easily.
AGFNF: Seventeen you don’t have many friends. Eighteen, when you lose your glasses you’re completely blind.
Pi: Come on, how is that my fault?
AGFNF: I’m just teasing, Pi. You’re not that bad. I’m about to list your strengths.
Pi: Save it! I’m sure your compliments are just as sincere as your insults. I’m not talking to you anymore.
Pi looked at his reflection in the now darkened phone screen. Did he really have that many problems? Was there really that much wrong with him?
---
He walked into his room despondently. This day could not get any worse.
“Hey, Pi! What’s wrong?” asked Duen.
“Nothing.” He was not in the mood to entertain his idiot brother
“You look like you need to poop.”
“I’m fine, just leave me alone.”
“You’re lying to my face.” He slid his chair over to him. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“I told you, it’s nothing.”
“That’s it!” Suddenly, Duen tackled him to the bed. “Tell me or I’ll fight right in your face.”
“All right, all right, I’m telling!” Pi confessed to Duen that he had a crush, and asked how to know if his crush liked him back. While his suggestion of just asking was good, Pi knew he didn’t have the guts to put himself in such a vulnerable situation.
“Well then just tell him your friend wants to know.”
“I don’t have any friends.”
Duen sighed, “my poor little brother. Look, I’m going to tell you this honestly. It might hurt you badly though. Look at yourself! Thick glasses and messy hair, you don’t speak clearly, you dress way too neatly. People like good-looking people. If you never think of changing yourself, don’t expect anyone to like you, bro.”
“But when you like someone, you like who they truly are.”
“Don’t be so optimistic. Even you like good-looking people too. They call it a first impression.”
“I can’t argue with that, but when you love someone, you love what lies inside.”
“But was it not the you inside that decided how to dress your outer self? Trust me, you can absolutely judge a book by its cover. And both your cover and pages say DORK in bold print. You’ll learn one day.”
That was two people today who had insulted his looks. And maybe they were right. He wasn’t hot. How could Muang Nan like him?... But Nan had already been kind to him. Maybe, just maybe, Duen and AGFNF were wrong. Maybe Nan could see his worth. Just then, Nan updated his status.
MN: See you at the same place, everyone.
Finally, his chance was here. He was going to prove everyone wrong.
---
The lights were flashing and the music was pounding as he approached the bar in his favorite outfit. A striped polo and khakis. The bouncer gave him an appraising look as he handed him his ID. “Take it back, kiddo. You’ve come to the wrong place. We sell liquor here, not butterbeer.”
“I’m old enough, just let me in.” Who was this guy to turn down a paying customer?
“You don’t fit in here. Trust me. Just go home.”
Pi started to panic. This was his opportunity to prove everyone, including this bouncer, wrong but he wouldn’t be able to take it if he couldn’t get in. He was about to shove forward to push past the bouncer when an arm wrapped around his neck.
“He is my friend. He might not look it, but he’s a very cool guy. Let's go in, buddy,” said Mork. Great. What was he doing here and why was he doing this. He tried in vain to remove the arm from his neck but Mork kept a firm grip as he dragged him inside. “First time here, isn’t it?”
Pi wiggled out of his grasp, “Get off of me.” Mork grabbed him again, pulling him out of the way of a waiter carrying a tray of shot glasses.
“Watch where you’re going, otherwise you might get hurt.” They were very close now. He smelled… kinda nice, but he couldn’t pin down the exact scent. Was it sandalwood? Cedarwood? Wait, why did he care? He pulled away/
“Go wherever you want.” Just please be far away from me.
“No. I think I’ll stay here.” Mork smirked.
He has had just about enough of this dude. “I know you came here to see Muang Nan.”
“So what if I did? We are friends.”
Pi sighed, “So many people out there, and you have to like the same person I like.”
“Who says I like Muang Nan.?”
Oh no. No way was he falling for the ‘I don’t know what you're talking about’ schtick. He wasn’t that stupid. “No matter where he goes, you are there. If you don’t like him, why are you always with him?”
“Well, if you want to see Nan, you have to see me too.”
The hell is that supposed to mean? “Piss off, Sutt.”
“You call my name very often. Do you like me?” Pi stormed off after that. He had no time for Mork’s mind games. He had to find Muang Nan.
---
He found him alone at a table. He looked beautiful dressed in all black. Pi took a deep breath, preparing to approach him but Nan noticed him first, “Pi! You’re here too?”
Pi tried to hide his blush. People generally didn’t notice him in large crowds. Or small crowds. Or even if it was just him and one other person in a room. He knew Nan was special. “Nan. You look great tonight?”
“Huh?”
Fuck. Bad start. Nervously, he got a little closer, “You look great tonight.”
Nan smiled. “Thanks, you look great too.” Nailed it.
Mork, who unfortunately had been trailing behind him, leaned in close. “How about some pictures for your keepsakes?” Pi tried to shush him but- “Nan, Mork wants some pictures with you.”
“Mork, no. I’m too shy.” But he handed him his phone anyway. Because who was he kidding? He had been waiting for this moment for months and he was not going to let his insecurities nor Mork’s presence sully it.
“Why are you handing me your phone then?”
“Just do it” he hissed quietly.
“Okay, let’s take some pictures.” Finally, he and Nan were so close. He could feel his heart fluttering in his chest. At Mork’s request, he leaned on Nan’s shoulder. Nan held him close. He was so happy, Pi couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled like this. He wished he could stay in this moment forever.
“Can I tag you?” Pi asked.
“Go for it.” Pi giddy posted the pictures while Nan and Mork chatted. He had pictures! With Nan! Nothing could possibly ruin this moment.
Suddenly his notifications were blowing up with comment after comment.
How dare he stand next to you, Muang nan?
Don’t be near him. He makes you look bad, Muang Nan!
Know your place, loser!
So this was Mork’s game. Butter him up and let the internet do his dirty work for him. What a coward. And what an idiot he was for falling right into his trap. He stormed out the back and watched as the comments kept flooding in.
Pi slams into someone. “Hey! Watch it, glasses. Look where you’re going, not at your phone.”
“S-sorry,” he stuttered. He turned around and slammed into someone else.
“Damn! Careful, dude!” The man shoved him and he fell right into the garbage. The men laughed and jeered. And he deserved it. They were right, he really was pathetic. What was he thinking, showing up somewhere like this? He didn’t belong here, he didn’t belong next to Muang Nan. He didn’t belong anywhere in this world. Tears threatened to fall out of his eyes. He wanted to get up. To push past the taunting men and go home but he couldn’t find it in him to move his legs.
Thankfully, the bouncer came out and shooed the men away. He looked at Pi pitifully. ‘I warned you. You don’t belong here. You can’t protect yourself.” The words hurt even more coming from outside rather than in his internal monologue. He walked out without even offering a hand to help. How much more humiliation could this night have in store for him?
“Hey, are you okay?” Great. Of course Mork was here right now, getting to see the fruition of his plan. Pi, miserable and covered in garbage.
Mork reached out a hand. PI’s frustration snapped. How dare he act concerned when he caused all this? “Get off me! You wanted this!”
“Wait, what did I do?”
He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, “Are you here to make fun of me?”
“Pi, I don’t know what-”
“I know it’s your plan. You’re such a clever guy. Are you happy making me look like a clown? I know I’m a loser. I wear braces and glasses, but you convinced Muang Nan to take pictures with me because you want people to look down on me.”
“People look down on you?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know! Everyone thinks it, including you! I’m just a loser who no one will ever love. I get it. Enjoy having Muang Nan.” Pi turned away but Mork grabbed his arm. He ripped it away from him. “Leave me alone.”
---
The smell still hadn’t faded by the time he got back home. He decided to hose himself off rather than be subjected to questions from his parents. It’s not like a hose shower could be any more humiliating than anything else that happened tonight. He thought back on all the abuse that had been thrown his way. His brother, the bouncer, the men at the bar, the comments, his childhood ‘“friends”. They were all right. He could never be loved for who he was. Something had to change.
“Duen, I get what you said to me now. Someone like me is unlikeable. I don’t want to look like crap anymore. I want to change.”
“I’ll help you.”