Work Text:
Grey:
"I need your help getting through to Bucky." Steve says as he walks into the compound's kitchen where you've been preparing dinner for you and the rest of the Avengers.
"What makes you think I can help?" You ask without missing a beat on the task at hand, chopping vegetables.
"Y/N, I'm desperate here. You know Bucky doesn't talk with anyone other than me and you--"
"Small talk doesn't make us friends, you know." You interject to which Steve rolls his eyes at.
"As I was saying...he's been withdrawn as of late, and this morning his doctor called me to check in to see if he's okay. She said he'd missed their last two sessions."
"Steve, I know you mean well but maybe he needs a break?" You say as you move on from chopping vegetables to preparing dessert, grabbing two pie pans and the store bought pie crusts. You are cutting corners today to get this done on time. "I can try and talk to him but don't get your hopes up."
"Thanks, y/n. That's all I'm asking." Steve says as he retreats from the kitchen and lets you get back to cooking.
You and Bucky are not friends, at least you don't think he considers you a friend. He only ever talks to Steve and makes small talk with you. All you know about Bucky are stories Steve told you, but you know that this Bucky is different. He is no longer the Winter Soldier, and is being pardoned for his wrongdoings. You try to sympathise with him, try to put yourself in his shoes and how lost he must feel in this world. He must feel so out of place, just like you did when you were recruited by the Avengers. And, obviously, with Steve hovering--you know what that is like, must be stressful for Bucky.
With two pies in the oven you ask FRIDAY to set a timer for them while you go shower before dinner.
Living in the compound with the rest of the team has been awesome, specially in thanks to Tony's tech everything is a breeze.
Except when the steamer in your shower won't work.
Bucky's suite is next door and you know for a fact that he left the compound an hour ago to avoid Steve. He won't be back until it's time for dinner. It gives you plenty of time to go next door and grab a quick shower.
You grab your shower caddy, equipped with your favorite shower gel, exfoliating scrub and essential oil, a couple of towels and a fluffy robe that reaches mid-thigh. You try not to pry too much into Bucky's room, but there is not much to look at in there. His bed is neatly made, clearly unslept in. A small basket of plums sits in the middle of his desk. On his night stand is a copy of The Hobbit and the notebook where he keeps scraps of newspapers and articles on Steve. You avert your eyes and head to the bathroom.
You ask FRIDAY to get the steam going and add your favorite essential oil to it. Soon you're under the rainfall shower head enjoying the way the warm water and steam clean out your pores. You take your time drying off, wrapping yourself in the fluffy robe. You grab your bag and your dirty clothes to head back to your room when, you are about to grab the doorknob, the door opens.
Bucky comes in shirt already off, belt unbuckled half way to undoing his pants. You make a point to look into his eyes avoiding his metal arm and his scarred torso. Those silver eyes look back at you yet not meeting your gaze. Staring only in the safe zones, in between your eyebrows or your nose.
Bucky steps back, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was my--Wait. This is my bathroom."
"Sorry," you duck your head and avert your eyes, "my steamer is on the fritz again." You say as you side-step out of the bathroom and scurry off to your suite.
Stormy Blue:
By the time dinner is served everyone but Bucky comes to the dinning hall. Steve glances at Bucky's empty seat and back at you silently asking if you'd talked to Bucky, you just shake your head no.
After cleaning the kitchen and loading the dishwasher you grab the second sugarplum pie you made, a knife, two plates and forks and head on over to Bucky's suite.
FRIDAY announces your presence at the door and you hear Bucky tell FRIDAY to let you in. The door opens and you go in finding Bucky sitting at his desk reading by the low light.
"Hey, so you didn't come down for dinner…" Bucky stares back at you, you remember what Sam was saying earlier at dinner about Bucky and his staring problem. You do get used to it. His stormy blue eyes were once threatening but now in the low light you can see a bit of calm in them. "I made this for you." You shrug like it's no big deal as you set down the plates and the pie. "Everyone missed you at dinner."
Bucky reaches for the pie, a small smile plays on his lips. He cuts you a slice and plates it and repeats the motion for himself, silently he hands you a plate and goes to sit down on the sofa in the small living room area. You follow behind.
You eat together, quietly. When Bucky finishes his slice he gets up and brings back the pie with him to the couch. He raises his eyebrows at you in offering for more, you use your words, "No, thanks. I'm full, besides I made it for you."
This time he looks at you, "Thank you, Y/N."
"So, Steve knows you've been skipping on your therapy. And I wasn't going to say anything, not because I don't care--I do, care. It's just not my place to-- I mean we're not even friends."
"We are friends. Strangers don't bake pies for me." He says as he smiles at you the way you've only seen him smile at Steve.
"Oh. Very well then." You smile at him and continue,"We're worried about you. Not only have you been avoiding therapy, you've been avoiding Steve. What 's going on? Are you okay?"
Bucky releases a big breath. "It's just… Everything is so complicated, so much has changed. Ayo taught me control back in Wakanda, told me I am free from the Winter Soldier. But I'm still having nightmares, which means there's a part of him still in there. And now Steve expects me to be just like I was back in the day. Everyone else walks around me on eggshells, waiting for me to snap and go crazy. And sometimes so do I if I'm being honest."
"It doesn't matter what other people think. It only matters what you think. What does James want for himself?"
"To know who I am now that I am no longer the Winter Soldier..." Bucky's eyes widen and gapes back at you. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"My therapist has been working me nonstop for the past month to get me to say that. I'm no longer the Winter Soldier." He repeats it again, testing it out.
"These things take time, Bucky. Don't miss any more sessions with your therapist." You smile at him and get up from the couch to go back to your room when his hands stop you.
"Thank you, Y/N"
You grab both of his hands, "Any time Bucky. I mean it, I'm right next door if you ever need anything."
Greenish Gray:
3 months later
It's 2 am when the phone in your room rings. You're fumbling to pick it up but when you do you hear a desperate breathing.
Bucky .
"Come on over, Buck." You simply say and hang up the phone.
You have FRIDAY displaying a Wakandan sunset on the wall of windows, you know they're Bucky's favorite. You pad across the room in your oversized Avengers sweatshirt and shorts, fluffy socks over your cold feet, to the sectional in the living room area. You hear the door open and close, and soon Bucky is sitting down next to where you lay on the chaise corner of the sectional.
His breathing starts to calm down as he stares at the sunset. You see him clutch to his chest the green weighted blanket you bought him. He looks a bit shaken up, his nightmares had dialed down but every now and then he would have one.
The first night he slept through with no nightmares, he was at your door first thing in the morning. He was beaming, a full smile across his lips, eyes crinkled at the corners, he looked younger and so at peace. Truly beautiful.
But tonight he was being haunted once again by his demons.
You give him time to calm down and space to open up whenever he's ready.
"I had a nightmare," His voice is so low, almost broken. It breaks your heart to see him hurt. "He made me do it. I couldn't stop it."
"Zemo, again?"
He shakes his head, "The Winter Soldier made me hurt you."
He sounds so small and so scared, you barely recognize the man sitting beside you. Months have passed since that talk you had over pie, and you know Bucky now. You know who he is, now that he's finished his court mandated therapy, he's your friend. Bucky trusts you as much as he does Steve. You two train together, discuss books, you're even teaching him how to make plum pies.
It's a work in progress but you do get a sense of who James Buchanan Barnes is in this new world.
He is a flawed man, kind and caring, who continues to try to do the right thing even after he fails.
You grab his flesh hand and pull him close so that he's laying down beside you."You're not him anymore, remember? You are free, Buck." You might be sleep drunk and saying things you normally wouldn't have the courage to say but you do mean them.
You know Bucky is still somewhat uncomfortable with being in close contact with people but still he hugs you to his chest. "Can we talk about anything else? Please?"
A thought pops into your head.
"I want a nickname."
He looks down at you and smirks. "Doll."
You blush profusely and hide your face burrowing it on his shoulder, nervous laughter bubbling up in your throat. That cannot be the first thing that came into his head. Can it? "That sounds like what you might've called your girlfriends back in the 40s. I am most definitely not a doll, James ."
Bucky chuckles. He actually laughs! "You're so wrong about that. Don't believe everything Steve tells you, I might have dated a bit in the 40s but I only had one girlfriend. I used to call her sweetheart." You are taken by surprise when you feel his cold metal fingers tip your chin up to meet his gaze. "You are perfect, like a doll. See how that makes sense?"
You get distracted by his eyes and how in this low light, and intimate and rare moment between you two, they actually look green. A beautiful shade of greyish green, hopeful.
You give him a small smile and avert your eyes to try and find his cute chin dimple beneath his beard. "I'm not perfect, Bucky. And I know you would never hurt me." You feel his lips graze your forehead and close your eyes. "How about a new nickname for you? Buckaroo?" You try to lighten the mood.
"I like it when you call me James." He shrugs.
Next day you wake up curled up on the couch alone. The only sign that Bucky was here is that your head now lays on a pillow and Bucky's weighted blanket lays on top of you.
A sunrise overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge displayed on the wall of windows, a note on the coffee table that reads:
Doll,
Thanks for last night.
-James
Baby Blues:
Bucky comes into your room holding a picture of him in the 40s in his hand and a pair of scissors and hair clippers in the other. "Hey, Doll. Think you could cut my hair?"
"I'd have to watch some tutorials but yes." His hair has gotten so long now it's past his shoulders. He has such beautiful hair though it'd be a shame to cut it all off. But his face is so striking he can pull off the short hair too. You guide him into your bathroom and have him take a seat on the small bench facing away from the mirrors.
Four YouTube tutorials later, you've already cut his hair and trimmed down his beard to a shadow, his chin dimple now easily visible. You cannot stop examining your handiwork.
Looks good.
It's making Bucky uncomfortable. He has yet to look in the mirror and check out his new haircut. "What is it? Is there something wrong with my face?"
There is absolutely nothing wrong with his face. He looks great. You styled his hair to look like the picture he brought you, which you don't plan to give back.
"No." You say as you dust off the hair away from his face. You keep running your hands over his face, stopping at his cheeks, not that you noticed your actions. You were lost in his eyes again. They look so blue today. Have they ever been this blue before? You also do not notice his blushing cheeks. "You look very handsome."
"Thanks, Doll" He smiles up at you and you step back to let him see the masterpiece you've created.
You are sweeping the floor when you sigh out a whisper, "I'm gonna miss the long hair though."
He turns around. He definitely heard you. "It's just hair, Doll. I can grow it out again."
Of course he'd rather not. The long hair just reminds him of the Winter Soldier and all the horrible things HYDRA had him do. But he implies that he'd do it. For you.
You stifle a laugh at the thought because it's ridiculous. "You'd grow your hair out for me?"
You feel like swallowing your tongue with the look he gives you, so serious and honest the way he speaks. "Anything to keep you looking at me like that."
You can barely hold his gaze as your face heats up, he speaks again.
"Would you want to go on a date with me?"
Bucky wants to take you to dinner. On a proper date.
For months Sam has been urging him to get back out on the dating scene. And now he feels ready, certainly in a much better headspace to start dating again now that he's starting to figure himself out.
James Buchanan Barnes wants you and has been wanting you for a while now. Until today he wasn't sure you felt the same way. But the way you look at him is anything but innocent or friendly. It's more than that, way more.
"Yes."
"Great. Pick you up at 7? Tonight?"
"Tonight?!" you gasp. That only gives you a couple of hours to get ready. Not nearly enough time to prepare for this monumental event. One does not simply go out with Bucky Barnes with a couple of hours of a heads up. There's preparation that goes into this!! "What should I wear? Do I need to wear makeup? And what do I do with my hair?" You wonder out loud.
Bucky moves in closer and presses a kiss to your cheek. "Whatever you decide I'm sure you'll look as divine as you always do, Doll. I'll wear my best suit for you." He smiles as he walks out of the room and heads back to his suite.
Bonus: The Date
Bucky said you'd look 'divine' in whatever you chose to wear so you went simple and classic. A little black dress with flats, because even though heels make you stand up straighter and make your ass pop after a while they make your feet hurt. You choose to wear as little makeup as possible, opting for mascara and a lip stain.
It's five minutes to seven o' clock when Bucky knocks on your door. You take a deep breath before opening the door and the sight of Bucky in a deep navy blue suit holding a bouquet of purple tulips and hyacinths leaves you once again breathless.
"Hi."
No words come out of your mouth. You are swooning. It's hard to come up with words. He hands you the bouquet and offers you his vibranium arm. You entwine your arms and smile up at him, finally feeling more at home and less nervous to be going on a date with your friend.
He escorts you over to his room. "FRIDAY, set up Do Not Disturb protocol."
FRIDAY dims the lights in the room, lights up a fireplace and displays a Wakandan sunset on the windows. Soft music plays in the background.
Bucky set up the living room area with a cozy rug, pillows, candles and of course your dinner. You place your bouquet in a vase on the nightstand by Bucky's bed. You both settle down on the rug. "This is beautiful, Buck." You say when you finally find your voice.
"Only the best for my Doll." He winks your way.
You will never stop getting flustered whenever he calls you that.
He serves dinner and the champagne. After you're done eating he presents you with a plum pie.
You giggle as he stares at you while you bite into it. His smile widens when you nod in approval. "I'm impressed, Sergeant Barnes. This crust is homemade!" You notice his eyes get a little bit darker when you call him Sergeant.
Eventually Bucky stands and invites you to dance.
You sway softly to the music. Foreheads touching, you keep dancing while gazing into each other's eyes. His hands move from your waist to the center of your back, pressing you closer together. Chest to chest. The air around you is so charged you feel like you might combust. Bucky leans down and presses his lips to yours. You feel, what people would describe as butterflies, actual fireworks go off. Sparks turning into flames until you are just, fire. Burning for this man.
You grab his face and hold him in place, kissing him back, deeper and longer.
"Stay with me tonight." He pleads in a whisper against your lips, as if somehow you'd vanish at the sound of his voice.
You do.
Next morning you wake up with your face pressed to his bare chest, your legs tangled together. Even though you didn't have sex last night it feels like you did, you two bared your souls to each other. There is no stopping the way you're falling hard and fast for Bucky.
It's tradition to give your dog tags to your girl.
You think back to last night when he gave you his dog tags, now the cool metal settles in your chest. You glance at the nightstand and there are your beautiful flowers.
Bucky's voice makes its way to your ear. "Morning, Beautiful."
You plant a kiss on his chest, over his heart. "Morning, James."
You barely slept, both of you were up talking most of the night.
Once you shed your dress and put on one of his shirts you got even more comfortable. As he did too. Bucky stripped down to his underwear, and as you both shed your clothes so did the emotional barriers. Once you felt comfortable with each other you opened up and got really intimate with each other, a whole new level of trust building. When you weren't talking you were kissing...and touching...just touching. You were both respectful of one another, going only as far as both of you were comfortable with.
Bucky was such a gentle man. Literally and figuratively gentle. Gentle with his touch, gentle with your heart.
"Why the purple flowers? And why hyacinths and tulips?" You asked. Yes they are your favorite color, but you know now that everything that Bucky says or does means something more.
Bucky winks at you. "You are so clever, Y/N." He presses his lips to your forehead, "Well, apart from being your favorite color, purple hyacinths are given to someone who not only deserves your respect but also your gratitude. I am so grateful to have you in my life."
You feel your eyes start to water, your vision becomes blurry. "James!"
"And the purple tulips, tulips in general are perfection and represent deep love. Purple tulips symbolize royalty."
Tears fall from the corners of your eyes. This man...just when you think you have him figured out he goes and does something that surprises you.
He tips your chin up so he can look into your eyes when he says this. "Doll, you are the queen of my heart."
You had no idea this man was so romantic.
There is no doubt about it. This man is in love with you.
"I love you, Sergeant James Buchanan Bucky Barnes."
He closes the distance between your lips.
You don't leave his bed for the rest of the day.