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It had started as a grocery shopping trip. The whole group had gone, even Galahad, hiding in Arthur’s vest, and it’d started out simply enough. It didn’t last.
“Hey Lew,” Arthur said, pushing their empty cart. Vivi had gone off with Mystery to get dog food and the weird stuff she liked to eat, leaving her two boyfriends on their own.
“Yeah?” Lewis said.
“Since it’s just the two of us right now...Would you say we’re brocery shopping?”
Lewis laughed. “We should check out the broduce section.”
“Get some bronanas.”
“Bro-colli.”
“Brotato Chips.”
“That wouldn't be in the broduce section,” Lewis argued.
“Yeah, but I’m out of fruit and vegetable puns.”
“Vegeta-bro.” Lewis suggested.
“Oh my god. You’re worse than Vivi,” Arthur said.
“But besides broduce, we could get some other stuff. Brogurt, brotein, bro-”
“I just had an idea,” Arthur interrupted.
“Oh?”
“Get in the cart.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see,” Arthur replied, and Lewis sighed before getting into the cart.
“So what was your ide-” Arthur started pushing the cart as fast as he could. “Arthur what are you doing!”
“This was my idea!”
“Its a terrible idea!”
“No it’s not!” Arthur yelled. “This is a great idea!” he continued, as he attempted to jump onto the back of the cart and ride it to the end of the aisle. It worked, for a second, before the cart started tipping back.
“This isn’t working!” Lewis yelled, as the cart continued to tip back.
“I can tell!” Arthur yelled back. He tried to get off, but the cart kept tipping until it fell, spilling Lewis out of it and trapping Arthur underneath. There was a brief pause while they took in the situation- Lewis leaned against a shelf, sunglasses on the ground next to him, Arthur stuck inside the upside-down shopping cart- and then the two started laughing.
“That didn’t work,” Lewis said.
“I kinda forgot that you don't actually weigh anything,” Arthur said. “I was planning on using your weight to balance out mine.”
“Try Vivi next time,” Lewis said. “Or don’t, actually. I can’t imagine this going any better with Vivi, and she’d probably want to be the one pushing.”
“Oh god,” Arthur said.
“Arthur? Lewis?” Vivi yelled in the distance. The two looked at each other.
“Shit,” Arthur whispered.
Lewis didn’t even scold him for swearing. He grabbed his sunglasses off the ground and put them on haphazardly, before trying to help Arthur get out from under the cart.
“There you guys are!” they heard.
“Shit,” Arthur said again.
“...What the hell happened?” Vivi asked.
“Uh…..” Lewis stammered, finally getting the cart off Arthur, who stood up and brushed himself off, attempting to look dignified despite having just been trapped under a shopping cart.
“Brocery shopping. Brocery shopping happened,” he said.
“I am never leaving you two alone again,” Vivi said, putting her bags in the cart. “Seriously. How?”
“I was trying to use Lewis to balance out my weight,” Arthur said, “Except he doesnt weigh anything.”
“Oh my god, you two are idiots,” Vivi said. “Well, I’ve already paid for all my stuff, so unless you guys have more ‘brocery shopping’ to do, I suggest we leave.”
“We’re good,” Arthur said.
“I am never doing that again,” Lewis added.
“Good,” Vivi replied, giving them each a kiss on the cheek. “Now. Who’s driving? Actually, scratch that. I’m driving. Clearly you two can’t be trusted with anything with wheels.”
“Hey!” Arthur said, indignantly.
“Don’t even argue,” Vivi told him. He pouted but didnt speak further, not even when they got in the car and he was stuck in the back.
The next time they went grocery shopping, though, Vivi had her own idea.
“Get in the cart,” she told them.
“How?” Arthur asked. She didn’t respond to that, instead trying to shove them in, so the both climbed into the cart and tried to adjust. Arthur ended up in Lewis’s lap, both of them blushing, and Vivi grinning at them.
“Please tell me we’re not- VIVI!” Lewis yelled, as she started running, pushing the cart. “What makes you think this’ll work a second time?” he shouted as she jumped onto the back.
“Quit yelling!” Vivi yelled back.
“VIVI!” Arthur screamed as they ran into a shelf. Chips flew everywhere, all three of them yelling.
“What is going on?” Mystery said, muffled with a bag of dog treats in his mouth, which fell as he took in the scene. A moment later an employee came running over.
“What is going on here?” they asked, staring at the wreck.
“Uh….” Vivi said.
“Get out,” the employee told them. The four of them were out the door nearly before they were done speaking.
“That didn’t go well,” Arthur said.
“I am officially banning you three going brocery shopping,” Mystery said, followed by a chorus of whining.
“Oh come on! It was just one time,” Vivi said. Mystery looked at her, one eyebrow raised. She pouted.
“I have an idea,” Lewis said. He was the one driving this time, Mystery having decided he seemed most responsible right then.
“Oh god,” Arthur said. “What is it?”
“You’ll find out.”
It took two weeks for Arthur and Vivi to find out. Lewis’s idea, it turned out, was for them to buy their own cart. It took ten minutes for Vivi to break it, twenty minutes for Arthur to fix it, and thirty minutes for Lewis to regret it. And that was before the Deadbeats got ahold of it.
The Official Brocery Shopping Cart ended up exiled to Arthurs garage only a week after its purchase.