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Tony groaned as he opened his eyes. It was still dark out. Great. Insomnia was always fun. Hissing as he stretched his stiff neck, he surveyed the unlit lab. Scrap metal and tools littered the area. There was an unfinished suit lying on the table next to him. Huh. He slept with a suit.
“Fri, what time is it?” he asked, looking at the ceiling.
“It is currently 2:06 am, boss. I would suggest that you go back to bed, in an actual bed, not on a table. Ms. Potts would like me to let you know that coffee is not a sleep substitute,” the AI replied.
“Were you always this snarky?”
“I take after you, boss.”
“Fair enough.” Tony sighed. “Is anybody else awake in the Tower?”
“There are currently 103 people awake. The managing director is also awake, and he would appreciate it if you could respond to the 23 missed calls from him.”
Tony groaned again. “No thanks, Fri. I’d rather not.”
“Boss, you also have 658 sheets of paperwork on your desk that need to be reviewed and signed. Ms. Potts would be grateful if you completed it.” FRIDAY replied.
“Fri, are you trying to kill me?” The mechanic asked, grimacing.
“Don’t worry boss. I already have a plan for that,” she said in an eerie voice he was sure he didn’t add into her code.
“You’re terrifying. Why did I wake up? Wait. Fri, don’t—”
“Of course boss,” the AI interrupted. “Most people wake up once or twice during the night. Reasons this might happen include drinking caffeine or alcohol late in the day, a poor sleep environment, a sleep disorder, or another health condition. When you can’t get back to sleep quickly, you won’t get enough quality sleep to keep you refreshed and healthy. It’s important to figure out what’s waking you up so you can treat the problem and get some rest.”
“Fri, that hurt my feelings. I can’t believe you just did that. That hit my heart. Is there anyone I can actually talk to awake in this building?”
“Sir, Captain Rogers is currently in the gym.”
“I’ll pass on that one,” he said, waving his arm.
“Peter is also awake.”
“Ah, finally. Something to do. Wait, why is he awake at this hour? Fri, don’t answer that. I’ll check on him myself.”
He got out of bed, stretching his arms. The self-proclaimed genius put on his fluffy unicorn slippers (stop laughing, they were comfy) and padded out the door.
The hallway was not quiet and dark as he expected. Flashing lights and sounds were coming from Peter’s room.
A gauntlet formed around Tony’s hand. FRIDAY should have warned him if there was something wrong or if there were intruders. She would have, right? Eh, it was probably nothing he or Peter couldn’t handle. He hoped the kid was okay.
The billionaire knocked on the door. No response. He shoved the door open swiftly, repulsor aimed and ready to fire.
Tony blinked, not able to comprehend the scene in front of him. There was Peter, upside down, sitting on the ceiling, music blasting, rainbow lights flashing, and a disco ball twirling next to him (where did he get that? Probably FRIDAY). The spidery child was even eating paper.
Tony closed his eyes. This was a dream. That’s all it was. He was going to wake up and never remember this again.
The older man opened his eyes. (He wasn’t that old. Well he had creaky joints. Okay fine he was old). Nope, not a dream. Peter was still sitting on the ceiling munching on printer paper, unaware of Tony’s presence or of the trashed room around him. May was going to rip him a new one.
“Are you on drugs kid?” Tony exclaimed.
“No,” Peter replied, still eating paper with a blank stare.
“Alcohol?”
“Nope.”
“Weed?”
“Nuh uh.”
“Did you take anything? Are you possessed?”
“I drank coffee.”
“Kid, why are you awake at 2 in the morning with a disco ball?” Tony asked, exasperated.
“I needed to do homework.”
“Fantabulous. The homework excuse. And why are you eating paper?”
“My teacher said the assignment was a piece of cake so I’m eating it. I like cake. Yummy cake.”
“Kid, no. Just no. Homework is not goddamn cake . Why am I explaining this to you? You’re supposed to be smart. And don’t drink coffee. You’re better than that.”
“You eat coffee for lunch, though.” Well that was true.
“This is what happens when you take in a spider-child with his fast metabolism,” Tony rambled to no one in particular. “Why did I have to wake up in the middle of the night? FRI NO STOP—”
“Boss—”
The End.