Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Conan-kun had once told Ayumi to watch, to observe. She had been helpful, her observations had been the key to catching the criminal. She didn’t stop observing, after that. Even before Conan-kun had told her to, she noticed a lot, only now she noticed more . She observed the suspects, the bodies, the evidence, and even the police who were on the scene. She was helping, she was noticing important things that sometimes even Conan-kun had missed. He told her that she had done a good job, that she was helping. It was the best feeling in the world. Conan-kun had always been there for her, ever since she had met him, even saving her life a mere week after he had transferred to their class. It felt wonderful to start giving back.

She didn’t only observe during cases, though, especially since Conan-kun had taught them all how to people-watch. She observed the cashiers at the grocery store, she observed the strangers in the streets, or her neighbors at home, but most of all, she observed her friends.

She noticed all of their little habits and quirks, and she loved them all. She couldn’t imagine Mitsuhiko-kun without the way he held his hands when he was nervous, or Genta-kun without him looking down and a little to the left when he was caught in a lie. She couldn’t imagine Ai-chan without that slightly sideways smile she made whenever Ayumi showed her something that she didn’t really care about, but was happy that Ayumi was excited, and she couldn’t imagine Conan-kun without that way his eyebrows twitched when he was told he was too young for something.

Because she noticed all of that and more, it was impossible for her to not notice when her friends were having a Bad Day. For Ayumi, a Bad Day was when she woke up from a nightmare that was more memory than dream. A Bad Day was a day where she spent all of it in her own head, going around in circles with the what-ifs. What if Conan-kun hadn’t gotten to her in time? What if they hadn’t caught that serial killer? Would more people have been killed by now? What if Conan-kun had actually been crushed back then? What if Ai-chan had really been blown up on that bus? A Bad Day was the day where all she wanted to do was curl up in a corner, and mourn for the people she had never known. For all of the people she only met when their corpses were cold and empty, for all the people who they hadn’t been able to give a happy ending. But, that was only Ayumi. She didn’t know what the others’ Bad Days were like, but she could see them when they happened.

She knew Genta was having a Bad Day when he wasn’t hungry, when he wouldn’t finish his lunch. She could tell by the way his hands clenched into fists under the desks, and by the tears in his eyes that he never let fall.

She knew Mitsuhiko was having a Bad Day by the way he talked so much, as if he could fill the silence with his voice, so his mind wouldn’t have to fill it with something else. She could see it in the way he jumped at any noise, by the way he moved too fast when anything else moved at all.

She knew Ai-chan was having a Bad Day by the way she hugged herself when she thought no one was looking, the way her fingernails dug into her arms in a way that had to hurt. Ayumi could see it in the fear that clouded her eyes, even as she tried to smile, and say that everything was all right. Ai-chan had a lot of Bad Days.

She knew that Conan-kun was having a Bad Day by the way he glared at the ground, as if it was the source of all of his problems. She could tell by his breathing, too regulated and deep to be natural. She could see it in the pain in his eyes. (it was always there… but on bad days, it was worse.)

She loved most of what her observations told her about her friends, she loved all the little things that made them them , but she hated their Bad Days. She hated seeing her friends in pain.

She wondered if there was anything she could do… not much seemed to make her Bad Days any better, but maybe she could find something, anything to help her friends. To find, you had to look, and that was what Ayumi was best at, after all. So, she looked. And she found.

She found that Genta-kun got hungry again if anyone was talking about food, a lot. It wouldn’t work right away, but after mentioning food, specifically eel, at least four times, he would start to complain about how hungry he was, and how much wanted eel. Just like normal. Ayumi laughed alongside all four of her very best friends at Hakase’s house, celebrating her first success in brightening a Bad Day. Genta-kun was right there, eating his dinner and laughing too, his hands open and waving, not clenched into angry fists.

She found that Mitsuhiko-kun would get quieter again, and stop jumping at every noise if only someone else opted to fill the silence instead, or gave him a good book to read. Ayumi would talk instead, including him in the conversation as much as possible, and trying to talk about things she knew he would be interested in. At times where there was nothing to talk about, or they had to be quiet for whatever reason, Ayumi would hand him a book from her “Bad Day survival kit”. When she saw him calmly smiling at the book she had given him as the others talked and laughed, occasionally looking up to add to the conversation, she knew she had done something right.

Ai-chan was a little harder to help. She avoided them all somewhat when she was having a Bad Day, so it was hard to see what would help. Ayumi found something though. Well, two things. She found that Ai-chan would try to avoid them, but she actually felt better when Conan-kun was around, when he was around she wouldn’t grip herself, but him instead. She also insulted him a lot more, but Ayumi could tell that Conan-kun didn’t take offense to it, so that was fine. She also found that the fear in Ai-chan’s eyes would lessen when she was wearing hats. Ayumi had no idea why, but she started carrying a baseball hat in her Bad Day survival kit anyway. The look of utter surprise on Ai-chan’s face when Ayumi first handed her that hat had been a sight to behold, it had been worth it though, when Ayumi saw the genuine gratitude in her eyes that had replaced the ever-present fear.

Conan-kun was even harder to figure out than Ai-chan had been. For Genta-kun, the answer had been food. For Mitsuhiko-kun, the answer had been books. For Ai-chan the answer had been… hats. Ayumi had thought that Conan-kun’s answer would have been something like that, something that he loved. It wasn’t books like Mitsuhiko, though. He did read them if she gave them to him, but he would glare at the pages, crinkling them in his hands. It wasn’t soccer, if they played soccer with him on a Bad Day, he would just adopt a more aggressive play style and destroy them all. It wasn’t puzzles, he would just solve them super quick and continue having a Bad Day.

She figured it out one day when she was frustrated. Conan-kun was having a Bad Day and there was nothing she could do to help at all! She could help all of her other friends by now, at least a little, but not Conan-kun. Ai-chan sent her a concerned glance as she snapped her pencil in her clenched fist. She still didn’t know what to do.

They had all been walking home that day, Mitsuhiko and Genta had been playfully arguing about something or another while Ai-chan looked through her phone, sending Ayumi and Conan-kun those concerned looks every once in a while. Conan wasn’t the only one glaring at the pavement. Ugh! She couldn’t take it anymore! Without much warning, she turned around and tackled Conan-kun in a big hug. Even if she couldn’t do anything else, he deserved a hug, at least.

“Ayumi-chan? What?” Conan-kun said, more than a little confused.

“You looked like you needed a hug.” She mumbled into his shoulder. Honestly, he had looked like he had needed a hug for a long time. To her surprise, he laughed, and hugged her back, relaxing under her arms.

“I guess I did, thanks Ayumi-chan.” Mitsuhiko and Genta took that as an invitation to turn it into a group hug, which even Ai-chan reluctantly joined, but Ayumi barely noticed. It would take a bit more experimentation, but she might have finally figured out what Conan needed to feel better.

Conan-kun needed hugs. And hand holding, and being leaned against, and all manner of friendly touch, really. It was so simple, which was why she hadn’t expected it at all. Nothing was straightforward with Conan-kun at all. But she was glad, she had been worried that she would never find a way to make Conan feel better

 She used to think that the best feeling ever was helping out in cases, getting that praise and those results, but she had been wrong. The best feeling ever was helping her friends smile when they otherwise wouldn’t have, the best feeling was helping her friends laugh and joke when they would have been frowning, glaring, or crying. She was sure that nothing could top that feeling, absolutely sure.

Chapter Text

Conan had noticed what Ayumi-chan was doing from the day she started trying to mention food around Genta as much as possible. He had tried to help his friends too, but he just wasn’t that great at comforting people, (Ran could attest) so he was grateful that someone more socially inclined would be able to help them.

Every time those kids got dragged into cases, he felt a wave of guilt. They could have been living normal first-grader lives, their greatest worry could have been about the math worksheet due the next day, not about the murder they had witnessed a few hours ago. But they weren’t, because they were his friends. There was a reason that even Shinichi hadn’t had many close friends in the first place, they were always scared off by the corpses and criminals. While the Detective Boys hadn’t been scared off, they certainly weren’t unscathed, mentally or physically. Every time Conan saw one of their scars, or saw them flinch at a loud noise, his heart broke just a little more.

Ayumi-chan, though, was looking more and more like their saving grace. Already she had found ways to mitigate both Genta and Mitsuhiko’s catastrophizing and panic, and in doing so helped herself. All three of them were going to be okay. While it didn’t get rid of his guilt, seeing the three of them laughing together like nothing was wrong or terrible with the world certainly helped.

He didn’t know why, but somehow he had expected her to stop there. He had been more surprised than he cared to admit when he saw her start to try and help Haibara too. Of course she could tell when Haibara wasn’t doing well, she was one of the most observant people he had met. He was even more surprised when Ayumi-chan had offered Haibara a hat. He gave Haibara hats to help her hide her face, to make her feel safer by not being directly seen, he had never expected Ayumi to pick up on that. From the look on Haibara’s face, she hadn’t either. He had to say, he was impressed. She was only six years old, after all.

After Ayumi-chan managed to consistently cheer Haibara up, he knew he was next on her war path. He saw her staring at him during class in a very familiar way, as if he was a puzzle that needed solving. He wished he could tell her that she was probably wasting her time, but that would upset her and he didn’t want that. He was fine, really. He had been dealing with all this for years and he had his coping mechanisms. Yes, he knew not all of them were healthy, but they worked well enough at the moment. He never really did anything too bad around the Detective Boys anyway, he didn’t want them adopting any of his bad habits after all. 

He felt bad, Ayumi-chan was getting more and more frustrated with her lack of progress with him, and it was affecting all five of them. It came to a head one day while they were walking home from school. Conan had barely even registered Ayumi-chan’s plight at the time, too lost in his own head to respond to much. He knew that it was only his breathing exercises that were keeping him from a panic attack. He was knocked out of his thoughts however when he was almost literally knocked over. He looked down to find his arms full of Ayumi-chan, who had frustrated tears in the corners of her eyes.

“Ayumi-chan? What?” He said, confusion dripping from his voice. All they were doing was walking home from school, what had brought this on?

“You looked like you needed a hug.” She mumbled, and Conan paused. He tried to remember the last time he had been hugged by someone who wasn’t Ran (which caused more problems than it solved, honestly.) and came up almost blank. It must have been… the last time his mom had visited? Right? That was… more than a month ago. Wow. Maybe he did need a hug. He laughed and hugged her back. It was… liberating, in a weird way, and amazing in a not so weird way.

“I guess I did, thanks Ayumi-chan.” He could feel her smile into his shoulder, and he was smiling too. Then he was laughing as they were both tackled by Genta and Mitsuhiko as well. He heard a long sigh, and felt Haibara join them. Leave it to Ayumi-chan to do something like this, to help him when he thought he had done all he could to help himself. To help all of them when he couldn’t.

He was glad they were his friends. So much horrible stuff had happened to him since that night at tropical land, but without that he probably wouldn’t have ever gotten to have the chance to be their friend, and that friendship was something he wouldn’t trade for anything.

He got a lot more hugs after that.