Work Text:
In Hamish’s considered opinion, Aunt Mary is quite the coolest person to have ever lived. Sure, his dad is the only Consulting Detective in the world, (he invented the job, you know) and his mum is a specialist registrar who brings home bags of toes and fingers for his dad to experiment on. But Aunt Mary is still the coolest.
She’s even cooler that Mrs Hudson, who once (albeit unknowingly) ran a drug cartel, or even Uncle John who was a soldier in Afghanistan. Even Uncle Graham (yes, Hamish is quite aware, thank you, that Uncle Graham is, in fact, Uncle Greg. But he likes the way Uncle Graham/Greg ruffles his hair when he ‘forgets’ his name) who takes part in high-octane car chases isn’t as cool as Aunt Mary.
The only person Hamish knows who is almost as cool as her is his Uncle Mike (he’s the only one allowed to call him that) and that too only because he once allowed Hamish to almost start a war in Eastern Europe.
Yes, Aunt Mary is the coolest – blonde, smiling Aunt Mary who always gives him tomato juice and salted crackers when he visits. She has the best collection of suspiciously well-made toy guns (which his mum disapproves of him playing with, so he only looks) and she teaches him the neatest martial arts tricks (that even his Dad can’t quite execute).
Aunt Mary also tells him the coolest stories about Queen Annabelle Gertrude Rosaline Adler who (secretly) helped a knight named Hatman take down a giant evil spider named James Teamore.
Hamish decides that when he grows up, he’s going to be just like Aunt Mary.