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Loki stares at himself in the mirror in Mobius’ bathroom and thinks about how long it’s been since he saw his true face. He doesn’t like looking at it, it’s probably internalized hatred taught to him at a young age, but he can’t change that. At least he doesn’t think that’s something you can change.
He stayed here last night. Didn’t mean to. Just happened. After everything that happened and finally getting a moment to breath he realized he didn’t actually have a place to go. The time line he came from was destroyed so he can’t go back to it. He’s not even sure he’d want to anyways.
He’s changed. He’s still trying to figure out if it’s for the better or the worse. Loki thinks before this all happened he would have been upset at how much he had changed. But looking back on how angry and hurt he had been, especially after everything that purple monster had put him through, didn’t make him want to go back at all.
After knowing what happens to him too. The suffering doesn’t stop. His father is only proud of him and loves him in his last moments alive. After that had seemed like it was kind of fun through, he liked seeing himself and Thor close again. With no envy over each other just fighting for their home. But after that didn’t seem so great for him. The purple monster wins in the end for him. He dies at the hand of his abuser.
Loki shakes himself out of those thoughts. He’s already dwelled on them far too much for his own liking. Replaying things he had seen in his head.
But now he had friends. He’d always wanted friends. Not just his brothers friends who tolerated him and in the end hated him. He had a version of himself who was still their own person but reminds himself of all his best aspects. She felt like a sister. She was nice at weird times and other times she would tease him too much.
He had Mobius. Who was effortlessly kind to him. Perhaps not all the time, but he could say the same for himself. But Mobius believed in him, he doesn’t think anyone has believed in him since he was little with his mother. Mobius knows him like Loki is his favorite book to read. Doesn’t put up with his bullshit but doesn’t shun him when he steps over lines he knows he shouldn’t cross but is just too tempted too.
And that feels really nice, too nice almost. He’s never been very good at these things but he’s trying his hardest to understand himself, his new self. His self that feels happy.
Oooo, Let’s examine that, shall we? A voice in his head jabs at him. Why do you feel so happy around him?
He shuts that line of thought down right away. He’s started following that thread but the moment he gets started is the moment it becomes too scary to think about. Too vulnerable.
Anyways, the point is Loki is staring at himself in the mirror and trying to psyche himself up. He hasn’t seen his true face in a long long time. He tried very hard to hide it from himself. But he’s learning some self acceptance now so he thinks he might as well take a look.
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Let’s his illusion shimmer off his body. He waits a few moments, really tries to prepare himself for what he’ll see because it’s always a shock.
He opens his eyes slowly, red glaring back at him. His skin is a dark blue with little raised lighter blue lines. He touches his hair line and feels along the blue horns that swoop back close to his hair. Less impressively outward than the ones he makes for himself on his helmet. He stares at himself for a good 15 minutes. Retracing the lines on his face. He barely recognizes himself.
He must have been in there too long because suddenly the door is being pushed open and Mobius says “hey, are you alright in here I-“ there’s a small gasp on the man’s breath as he cuts himself off.
Loki’s eyes widen in fear and anger as he quickly puts his illusion back into place. And he would never hurt Mobius, but that doesn’t mean he can’t lie. He pushes the man up against the door and practically snarls.
“You will forget you ever saw that, and never mention it again, or I will kill you. I swear I will.” He hisses out his threat, but anyone who knows him will know it has no real heat.
Mobius knows, because he doesn’t flinch, just levels him with an unimpressed smile and says, “clam down for me? There’s no need to throw a hissy fit.”
He scoffs and turns away, grabbing the counter with white knuckles. He hopes Mobius will leave. He wasn’t ready for his friend- gods, maybe best friend- to see him like that, “I’m a monster.” He breaths out. Feels tears tighten in his throat. Mobius laughs a little and he whirls around on the man with a heavy frown, “what on Asgard is so funny?”
“You!” The man gestures to him with a hand, the other in his pocket and it’s so nonchalant that it’s infuriating. “You can be so dramatic. Got any other quotes from hot topic?”
“What the Hel is a hot topic.” He snarls out and it just makes Mobius laugh a bit more. The man takes his hand out of his pocket and puts them both on his shoulders. He jumps a little. He’s still not used to friends being so touchy. His brother and mother were the only people who ever touched him freely. And it’s been a while since he’s seen them.
“You’re not a monster Loki. Monsters are evil.”
“I’m a nightmare that parents tell their children to scare them. I wouldn’t expect you to understand, midgardian-“
“Hey.” Mobius gives him a stern look. “That’s enough, okay? You don’t have to be ashamed of who you are.”
Loki just stares at him for a long time. He doesn’t think anyone’s ever said that to him. His mother implied it, but it was never said directly to him. “Well why not?” The little scared creature in his mind decides to attack rather than say thank you.
Mobius squeezes both his shoulders, “cus you’re just you. You didn’t get to pick what you are. I know you have a complicated past with yourself.” The man offers him a smile, reassuring and bright, “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I’ve just never seen it in person. I almost thought you were someone else”.
“Me too,” he answers.
“I know it’s hard to trust people, after everything that’s happened, but I’m on your side, Loki.”
Loki takes a leap and hopes for the best. He lets his illusion go, realizes how tiring it is to keep up all the time in the process.
Mobius doesn’t gasp this time but does look his features over. His eyes linger on his horns a bit longer. “See? Is this so bad?”
He guesses it isn’t. It still feels strange, he looks at his hands, with the black little nails. They aren’t much sharper than his illusions but they are more almond shaped. Like they desperately want to be claws.
He looks back up to see Mobius’ staring at him, eyes slowly roaming his face. He doesn’t feel embarrassed-well, maybe a little- but he does feel exposed.
Loki puts his illusion back on and it feels like putting a heavy coat on over an already heavy body. “Don’t expect to see it again.” He huffs.
Mobius nods and then takes him out to the living space where he’s prepared a little lunch for them.
—
They have a lot of free time now. Loki will sometimes let his illusion drop and allow himself to just sit in his true form when Mobius isn’t around. Just so he can feel what it’s like.
It evolves over time. Sometimes he’ll let Mobius be around him like that for short periods before he starts to feel strange and then he puts that heavy illusion back on. Mobius doesn’t say much, but always just gives him the kind smile he always gives him.
And isn’t that something, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it. Which makes it easy to go at his own pace, and that’s probably the whole point. He feels a bit like he’s playing Mobius’ game and then catches himself. Not everything is a game where he is meant to lose every time. Especially with Mobius.
Currently they are having drinks and just talking. Mobius has a lot of good stories from his time at the TVA. Loki has a lot of good stories from Asgard. He’s let himself take his illusion down, feeling safe and comfortable with just the two of them here, reminiscing.
“And then Thor, the lugging ouf, causes the whole ship to turn. The water is freezing cold but it doesn’t bother me, just him.” He laughs at his own story, “so I lug him up to the shore and he’s shivering so hard his teeth clack together-“
Mobius has his head tilted a little, amused look on his face and a certain softness to his eyes. Loki realizes the man is just staring at him, and hasn’t commented or laughed in the last 10 minutes. He thought this was a good story, maybe not.
“Are you paying attention?” Loki huffs.
“Yes, of course. He was shivering, go on.” Mobius doesn’t move though, just keeps looking at him.
“What could you possibly find so fascinating? You’ve been staring at me for 10 minutes now. 11 actually.”
Mobius shrugs and brings his glass of scotch on the rocks up like he’s going to take a drink before he says, “you’re beautiful, that’s all.” And then takes his sip.
It’s like the thread inside Loki unravels at such a quick rate it burns his hands. Did he just say beautiful? Him? Like this? He blinks in a stupid stupor for far longer than he would have liked before he decides to take action. He’s a god after all, he should do what he likes.
He sets his own drink down on the table, on a coaster like he’s been asked to do so many times before. He gets up and strides to the mans chair, takes the drink from his hands and puts it on the side table (also on a coaster, he’s not looking to get yelled at currently) and cups the man’s cheeks while he plants his thighs firmly on either side of Mobius’ own thighs.
The human, bless his heart, has about 2 seconds to look surprised before Loki is kissing him. Soft and gentle, he doesn’t want to scare the midgardian away. Mobius takes a moment to catch up before kissing him back. When he pulls away he makes sure to do it slowly so if the man would like to kiss him again he doesn’t have far to go.
“Is that all it takes to get Loki Laufeyson to finally kiss me?” For all the turn and cheek he’s putting on he sounds dazed and a bit confused as well.
“No ones ever called me that before, especially looking like this.”
“I think I lied.” Mobius says and the knife in his heart is instant. He made a mistake. He took it the wrong way. He put himself out there and got hurt again, just like always. The creature in his brain wants him to retaliate but he doesn’t get a chance, “you’re gorgeous.” Mobius pulls him closer.
He huffs a laugh as they kiss again, “don’t do that again, Im not in the right mind set for cruel jokes.” He says against the man’s lips.
Mobius makes a little self accomplished noise and he can’t help but sink into the kiss despite being a bit upset about the joke.
It feels like coming home.
Mobius pulls away, “so, is this just kissing for the sake of kissing or?”
“I don’t just kiss people because I want to.”
“I don’t know, that sounds like something you would do.”
Loki laughs a bit before taking a deep breath, “one thing at a time, Mobius. This isn’t something I do. But if it eases your mind, I am doing this because I hold some sort of affection for you. You’ll have to be patient with me.”
“I can do that,” Mobius says in a voice that is so filled to the brim with love he doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before.
Loki smiles and leans back in to kiss him again.