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Time is a gem.
It tells us to cherish everything that is on our surrounding, beyond the comprehension of anyone, which holds accountable on making us feel different emotions, but most importantly being happy. It tells us to seize our own precious moments with the people around our existence.
Like what a beautiful man has been thinking of every time the clock ticks by in his wall. He can’t help but to wait for the exact time where he is preparing for something he has never been for.
At exact 5:00 AM KST, Jihoon has been preparing so much like a day he wants to treasure in his life forever. He makes sure that he is quick to do his morning routine. He has his cereals with milk for the breakfast, makes sure that he takes a bath in just about 5 minutes, wears his usual clothing style, both polo and slacks, and puts his watch, shoes, and the best perfume he seldom used (he wants to use it in what he thinks as important occasion).
What a day to be happy. He says within his mind, ignoring all the thoughts that may affect and ruin his happiness.
Minutes later, followed by what he said is a beep in his phone, appearing a text message from someone. Jihoon abruptly opens the phone to check the notification that is being sent to him.
From: Soonyoung
Are you ready?
Kwon Soonyoung, a person that Jihoon treats as someone whom he dears. Someone that makes him feel satisfied and happy much more in his life. With the way of how he rushes to the time for him to prepare quickly but surely, I know for sure, this Kwon Soonyoung who messaged him is far from being friends with him, someone who is important to him.
Jihoon smiled as he received the message. He is getting excited more for what they think they are going to do for this day. Speaking of it, with too much excitement within his body, he is still unsure on what must be the activities they need to be done. He doesn’t know if it’s perfect to just stay in his studio, or go into close provinces in the city where there are good parks to be appreciated, or whatever it is to be wanted and agreed by the two of them.
For a couple of minutes of thinking, Jihoon is bothered and shocked when Soonyoung is calling his phone.
“Hello.” Jihoon answers.
“You forget to reply to my message.” Soonyoung, on the other line, responds.
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay” Soonyoung says as Jihoon feels that Soonyoung is smiling from the other line. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
“I’m already outside of your apartment. Come down if you think you are ready, for real.” Soonyoung’s last answer before he puts down the call between the two of them.
As Jihoon heard what Soonyoung said, he looks at the mirror in his room to check his appearance and outfit. Before leaving, he leaves a sigh in front of the mirror and talks within himself, “It’s a normal day. Nothing to be afraid and overthink about.” Soon, he locks the door of his room apartment and goes down to meet Soonyoung.
From the sight of Jihoon, Soonyoung’s beauty is far from beyond what people do think and fantasize about, according to him. He has these unique eyes that look like the hands of the clock and points to the time of 10:10. He smiles to little jokes that his friends and Jihoon throw whenever they had gatherings, either big or small. Whenever he smiles, those eyes are vanishing. Jihoon finds his physique endearing and cute. Soonyoung must be simple with the dress he wears, simple rounded-neck shirt and a denim pants, plus the Air Jordan shoes, but for Jihoon, the simplicity brings Soonyoung to the elegancy that he thinks he’s the only one who can see it.
Soonyoung releases a smile as Jihoon went out at his apartment building. The moment the latter saw it, he can’t help but to feel his stomach crumbling inside his abdomen. Why does his smile need to be that sweet? He thought.
“Hey.” Jihoon greets him.
Soonyoung raises a hand, “Hey. Are you ready?”
Jihoon nods that make Soonyoung smile again.
“Let’s go.” Soonyoung offers to Jihoon, as he voluntarily open the door of the passenger seat of his car to let Jihoon goes inside.
If there’s another thing that Jihoon will note about Soonyoung, it’s his attitude and the way he treats his parents, friends, and also him. Soonyoung is a gentleman guy that anyone would be in love to the man that he is. His actions are not forced, and he does all of this kind of services to him voluntarily. He is a well-raised man with a well-raised heart. He helps all the best that he can, to the people in need, or to people like him who have a special place in Soonyoung’s heart. He makes sure that he is able to ask his friends about their day, and making sure that he is listening to the rants that they have. He never forgets to encourage those people with kind words from his heart and mouth.
When Soonyoung starts his engine and drive, he asks Jihoon, “What do you want to do right now?”
Jihoon looks at Soonyoung, but is afraid to answer about the question. Up until now, he doesn’t have any ideas in his mind. “To be honest, Soonyoung, I don’t know about it. I have no idea on what can we do.”
Soonyoung instantly starts to think of what is better to do for this fine Saturday. While in the middle of the road, driving, a sudden thought comes up to him, “Do you want to try in amusement park?”
“Amusement park? Like the Ferris Wheel and such?”
“Yes.” Soonyoung responds with a smile on his face “I know a nearby place for that. I remember also that you haven’t try on being with rides so maybe you like the idea of trying and fulfilling those.”
Jihoon is never shock like this on the days of completing what he wants from his childhood up until now. His family and friends maybe remember things that he likes and suddenly gets it, but the impact of this one from Soonyoung, is completely different. And he can’t help himself but to smile.
“Sure. I want to try some.” Jihoon answers.
Soonyoung shifts his gaze to Jihoon for a while and smiles as he sees the latter’s fondness for today’s agenda.
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Inside the car, both of them play songs on the radio and jam to whatever song has come out on the player. It’s their usual bonding whenever they have a chance to go to places they want to visit and they play songs from their phone or in the car radio to ease the boredom of the trip.
From about an hour of being inside the car, the two has finally arrived to their destination. Soonyoung parks his car to the available slot in the parking lot as they enter the premise of the area. As soon as Soonyoung is done, Jihoon opens the door of the car and goes out. With the way Jihoon expresses his amazement into the big amusement park right in front of his eyes, Soonyoung can’t stop himself but to stare at the younger. He’s really something. He thought.
Jihoon on the other hand, is still amused on the place where they are at the moment. He admits to himself that he has never gone to any parks before, nor experience on the rides built inside the place. He always thinks how sad his childhood was for not gaining different kinds of experiences and happiness of a child because of his parents’ expectations from him and also their relatives. But the moment Jihoon gained friends and people like Soonyoung, he got to explore things that he has never felt before; it’s the joy from childhood. He’s thankful for those people that he made him realize and explore things that they had when they were children. And he’s thankful to Soonyoung as early as now that the latter is able to bring him in this place.
“We haven’t enter the park, yet you are fond as early as now.” Soonyoung interrupts while he is still looking at the destination.
Jihoon answers, “You know how my childhood was stolen from golden memories and happiness.”
“Yeah, I do. But if you are going to just stare and enjoy the view you have, you will miss so much points of this thing, Mr. Lee. So, are you ready?”
Jihoon looks back at Soonyoung and smiles, a sign of readiness in this park adventure in this day that is given to them. As the latter saw Jihoon, he holds the hand of the younger that makes him shock into his position but he chooses not to make his reaction obvious to the elder. It’s not that he’s not usual for what Soonyoung has done, but it feels different. Still feels different. Jihoon can’t help himself but to look down at the floor, making sure that Soonyoung will not see him blushing at all.
Jihoon still feels the shivers in his spine when Soonyoung always does little things for him.
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“Can you please calm the fuck down, Soonyoung? I still have not recovered from the Log Jam that we rode a while ago!” Jihoon protests that make Soonyoung laugh.
“Are you for real, Jihoon? Seriously?” Soonyoung replies and still laughs seeing the face of Jihoon like he can’t take any of the rides anymore.
“We have started from extreme rides. I know you want me not to forget all of these moments but for Pete’s sake, Soonyoung. Let us calm ourselves. I feel like I am throwing up.”
Even though the elder keeps on laughing seeing Jihoon’s feelings after riding two extreme rides, Soonyoung leads the latter on a free bench that can be found on the park. As soon as he finds one, he guides Jihoon to the bench and lets him sit.
“Stay here for a moment.” Soonyoung commands.
“Where are you going?” the younger interrogates.
“Just a second, I’ll not be away for long. I promise.”
And Soonyoung goes to somewhere as quickly as he can. Jihoon is clueless to where does the elder will go to, but he trusts him when he said he’s not be gone for long. A minute after leaving him, Soonyoung is back to where Jihoon is and lends him a bottle of water.
“To calm your adrenaline also after riding” Soonyoung offers.
Jihoon looks up at the elder and gets the bottled water from its hands “Thank you.”
Jihoon drinks the water to quench the thirst inside his body even if its two rides that he had ridden, also, like what Soonyoung has said, to calm the adrenaline that was rushing into his nerves after riding.
“How are you?” Soonyoung suddenly asks him.
“Somehow, I feel relieved after drinking. Thank you for this.” Jihoon responds as he lifts the bottle that was full a while ago that is now empty. The elder is relieved to hear the younger’s words.
Soonyoung sits beside Jihoon and joins him in the company of resting. A couple of minutes, the latter is the one who invites the elder to try another ride. “Let’s go.”
The elder, looking into Jihoon, “But maybe you are still –“
“I am fine, already. Let us go. Guide me in trying and exploring this park.”
As much as Soonyoung wants to butts in, he sees Jihoon’s eyes begging on what he wants. What makes him surprise is that the younger is pulling his hand already, like Jihoon is ready to bring Soonyoung even if he is not familiar into this place.
He can’t help but to plaster a small smile to what Jihoon is acting. “Do I have a choice?” and releases a weak laugh.
The elder lets Jihoon to take him to the rides that he wants to try. Rides here, rides there; both of them are now feeling dizzy to what they are doing. But it doesn’t matter. They see each other’s smile, and they are already satisfied. Soonyoung sees Jihoon laughing and smiling after trying the rides, Jihoon sees Soonyoung leaving a smile on his face. They’re happy, and it’s enough. They think so.
The two of them decides to eat for lunch so they find food chains that are inside the park. It’s not that hard to find because different chains are available inside. They take their time on eating and enjoying the food that they have. Aside from eating, endless stories and laughter can be heard between the two of them. It’s usual for Jihoon and Soonyoung to be in this kind of habit the moment they got to know each other. And it doesn’t fade nor change at all.
After gaining energy because of eating, they go back to try different rides again that the both of them have not yet try a while ago. Again, rides here, rides there. They sometimes rest after trying one ride on another so that they will not feel exhausted for so long.
Jihoon and Soonyoung don’t care about the time even if the dusk is soon to appear and happen within the place. No one minds for every second that is focused to happiness and joy between two men who are completely making this day memorable within their entire life. Or maybe, it’s only Jihoon.
But he doesn’t care. He is happy. He sees Soonyoung happy. That’s what matters to him, for now.
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Night has come in the park, but Jihoon and Soonyoung seems to still have energy after riding into different rides inside this big amusement park. Soonyoung can’t help but to wonder on how both of them able to keep a large amount of it even if they have already explored anything.
But not in the Ferris Wheel, where Jihoon is now freely staring.
“You want to ride?” Soonyoung asks.
“Are you not tired?” Jihoon asks back.
“Why are you answering my question?”
“I’m not.”
“Yeah, I’m still fine.” Soonyoung replies in defeat.
“You sure?” Jihoon asks hesitantly, as he cranes his neck up to wait for Soonyoung’s answer. There he sees Soonyoung nods with a smile on his face. “Okay then.”
Jihoon pulls Soonyoung to ride inside one of the carts of the Ferris Wheel. Soonyoung, being shocked on what Jihoon is doing, lets himself being dragged by the younger into riding. It’s good to know for the both of them that they are able to ride into this as it is the last operation for this day.
As they enter into the cart, the both of them sit, facing towards each other. There’s no awkwardness with the silence between them. It’s a comfortable one. Just like the old times. When they reach the peak of the ride, Jihoon looks down to see the beauty inside of the amusement park from the view up above. He is mesmerized to what he sees in his vision. Slowly he lifts his head and looks into his window side to see the view of the city lights that can be seen from the top. He can’t help himself but to gasp into the beautiful scenery that he is witnessing right now. His mind is running into ‘what-if’ questions. What if he sees this spot when he was a child? Was he able to appreciate more about this in his position right now?
“Woah.” Jihoon breaks the silence. “This… this is so nice. And calming.”
Soonyoung, who is staring to the younger since a while ago where it started to look into its surrounding, smiles as he sees Jihoon’s expression towards what the latter sees right through its eyes. “Yes, it’s nice and calming.”
Before Jihoon turns his head into Soonyoung’s direction, the latter is able to break the stare into the younger and looks into its window side of the cart. The younger is now the one who looks back into Soonyoung who is now looking into the view of the city lights. Jihoon releases a soft smile into his lips.
These two men enjoy the moment they have inside their cart in the Ferris Wheel; unending exchange of stories that was paused after their lunch, laughter that is not tedious to hear. Just Soonyoung and Jihoon enjoying everything.
But the younger can’t help but to think of another situation as the day runs.
At 9:00 PM KST, as the Ferris Wheel’s last operation is done, Jihoon and Soonyoung both agree to leave the park. Before Jihoon is able to step outside of this place, he gets his phone to take pictures in this evening scenario inside the amusement park. While they are walking ahead to the parking lot, Jihoon takes a picture of Soonyoung sneakily, even if it’s the back part of the latter.
One sad thought has come upon to the younger’s mind. It’s how Jihoon wishes in his life to be able to have this kind of moment again, taking picture of Soonyoung for him.
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Soonyoung drives back to the city where he and Jihoon live. Good thing for him that there are no jams in the traffic going back to their place for him to drive in just half an hour only. But before he sends back the younger to its apartment, he asks Jihoon for something.
“Do you want to go to the park near the river? Have some refreshments, you know.” Soonyoung asks without trying to look on the younger’s face. “Don’t worry, it’s near on your apartment.”
Hearing the question from him, Jihoon tries to calm his nerves down. He doesn’t know why, but all he feels through the question is fear. He must not have this into his spine, so he pushes himself to cover up the bad feeling that he has.
Jihoon hesitantly answers but tries not to make it obvious, “Su-sure.”
Soonyoung nods upon hearing the answer from Jihoon himself.
Starting from the question down to the answer, the car is filled with intense feeling of Jihoon. He feels like malfunctioning. He tries to ignore thoughts that might cause his own mental exhaustion. It’s too early for this. He thought.
The elder has found the area he was talking about a while ago so he parks his car at the side of it. The authorities let the car owners park their vehicles at this position. As soon as the engine stops, Soonyoung unbuckles his seat belt and unloads at the car. For Jihoon, he finds himself having a hard time on removing the belt within his body not because of he doesn’t know how to do it, but because of the tension he has keep on rising up and he feels like his brain is unable to process anything as of the moment.
There’s nothing to fear, Jihoon. He says within himself while leaving a deep sigh into the air, hoping what he have said resonates into his mind. He finally removes the seat belt of the passenger seat and goes out in Soonyoung’s car. The latter waits for Jihoon to be out of his car and walks with him at the same time. As soon as he meets the younger, he notices the anxiety that has been filling up into its eyes. Soonyoung is about to ask until Jihoon releases a smile to him that makes him convince that everything is fine, or maybe it’s just him who thinks of it.
The two of them walk into the park surely, but as the time goes by, Jihoon notices how it makes him a little irritable. He can’t explain if the silence between the two of them is a peaceful one or something that would bother him for the rest of his days in this week. He hopes that it doesn’t.
Even if he does not look into Jihoon’s face, Soonyoung senses the anxious feeling of the younger. Because even him feels the same way. He doesn’t know what brought him up to ask Jihoon about having a walk in the park or even staying here in a few hours after having a joyful time in the amusement park from the morning up until night. After a long walk, Soonyoung finds a bench that is facing the river, making him distracted to whatever he is thinking about.
“Hey, there’s a bench. Let’s sit.” Soonyoung initiates.
Without waiting for Jihoon’s answer, he grabs the latter’s hand in a soft manner way, like how he used to do, and leads him to the bench. In shock, the younger becomes dumbfounded as he doesn’t expect Soonyoung to hold his hand in that way. It’s how his stomach is softly grumbling.
He wishes for the latter not to let go of his hand.
But as soon as they are able to sit, Soonyoung slowly removes his hand from locking its own to Jihoon’s. From the butterflies felt by the younger, to a little heartache Jihoon chooses not to mend about. It’s nothing. It should be nothing. He says within his mind.
And silence roams around in both of them who are sitting next to each other. No one tries to open for something they are unprepared (at least) to talk about. They both sense themselves of what should be the right words they must release because it’s either they can make the others uncomfortable or hurt. Soonyoung and Jihoon are cautious for breaking the hearts of either of them.
Until Jihoon breaks the silence. “Is it okay for you to do this again?”
Soonyoung gets confused to what the younger is talking about, and Jihoon notices it through the facial expression of the elder, so he clears his statement. “I mean – this type of … bonding. By the two of us.”
The elder is relieved after clearing the statement. Lately then, he releases his smile. “Yeah. If you have time. After all, we are still friends.”
We are still friends. Words that keep repeating into Jihoon’s mind. But he doesn't know how to feel about the word 'friends' from Soonyoung's mouth. It makes him questioned to open the things he thought must be closed already. But Jihoon has no time, extra time, to ask Soonyoung about them. Jihoon realizes that this time of sightseeing in the river with cold air, beside the person you cherish in your life, are the remaining hours of the day of his borrowed time with Soonyoung.
Jihoon realizes how everything between them had fallen apart; thinking about this time with Soonyoung is just a favour, one last favour that he can put down to his memory lane. Because the next days, weeks, months, or even years, Soonyoung is not his anymore.
So he takes the courage, by himself, and initiates the conversation. “Soonyoung?”
The latter looks at him slowly, making sure that he is listening carefully.
“We had tried, aren’t we?” Jihoon asks. “We had tried making our relationship smooth and fixed, but in the end, our ways separated.”
The elder at first finds it hard to answer Jihoon, but like him, he realizes that there is no other time to give way for this topic but the moment that they have right now. He turns his head from the younger to the river in front of them “Yeah, we had tried. We fought. It’s just – “
Both of them say their words in unison.
“It’s just someone lost the track of time.”
“Someone became tired.”
At this point, both Soonyoung and Jihoon look at each other. Their eyes meet. Hurt, and regret are seen through both of them. They maybe not crying, but they know that not able to release on what they see to each other is more painful.
Soonyoung and Jihoon had a beautiful relationship, they thought. Jihoon is lovely and compassionate. Soonyoung is understanding and full of patience. Both of them know that being in a romantic relationship is not full of ups. So whenever the two of them had misunderstandings, it’s either Soonyoung or Jihoon who made mistake, Soonyoung chose to let his patience lead him. He chose to understand. Jihoon acknowledged what’s up with them and initiated the console.
For Jihoon, it is a win situation that he is able to achieve his dream. The elder was happy to know about him, the same thing as him being glad when Soonyoung became a well-known choreographer. Jihoon being a futuristic man, he worked and worked for him, the company, and for the future of their relationship once both of them chose to level up.
It’s always been great at the first place until everything slowed down when both of them focused on their careers. From having their cuddle nights or celebrations to not having them at all, late night conversations and rants to rare ‘good night’ and ‘good morning’ messages, and from small misunderstandings to big fights that seemed unproblematic. The moment Soonyoung and Jihoon entered the industry, him being a choreographer and the latter being a producer, all of these things that were happening between them, Soonyoung chose to understand, and continued to understand. Because it’s how relationship works. It’s how love must be.
Unfortunately, Jihoon lost the essence of present for the sake of future,
And Soonyoung got tired.
“I’m too focus on building for the future of both of us, not knowing our present is slowly breaking.” Jihoon starts.
Soonyoung adds “And I got tired easily.”
Silence, a sad one, is wailing to both of them, realizing what got wrong to their commitment. Jihoon doesn’t put the blame to Soonyoung, and so the latter, because they had acknowledged that the two of them had their shortcomings.
The tears from Jihoon’s eyes slowly fall down from his face. It’s been few days since they broke up and called it an end, yet it still painful for him on how everything went down. How the beautiful relationship dies.
“How I wish to have you again, and make everything right.” Jihoon breaks the silence. "How I wish that this day will not end because you are with me."
The elder, starting to have cloudy eyes, speaks “But the sad thing is you can’t. We can’t, Jihoon.” Soonyoung can’t hold the tears building up, so it flows naturally.
“It’s sad to hear.” The younger chuckles.
With the moment of flowing tears for Jihoon and Soonyoung, the younger wipes his own and takes a deep breathe.
“But you know what? Thank you for this day. Thank you.” Jihoon initiates. “Thank you for being with me in experiencing more about childhood through amusement park. Thank you for giving me a borrowed time, Soonyoung. Thank you for having your time with me, as someone who became a big part to who I am. I'm sorry if I lose into the reality of present time. I'm sorry if I forget you. I'm sorry for bringing so much confusions and misunderstandings in both of us”
Jihoon looks at Soonyoung, smiles, and continues, “You will always have a great part on my life, Kwon Soonyoung. I hope you know that. Thank you, for loving someone like me.”
The elder grabs him with no hesitation to have a tight hug like he can no longer give to Jihoon. The younger hugs back Soonyoung. One last hug towards the younger where Soonyoung wants him to listen to its heart that screams Jihoon’s name for one last time. “And so are you, Lee Jihoon. Thank you for giving your love to me. I want you to know that I am sorry that I easily became tired. I am sorry if I was not able to fulfill the remaining promises I have. You will always be someone who builds me for who I am right now. On becoming a better person.”
He cups the face of the younger and kisses its forehead. A last piece of showing how he adores and loves Jihoon.
Both of them long for each other’s presence, but for the sake of growth of their individuality and strength, Soonyoung and Jihoon chose to end their relationship few days ago, and clear the reasons in this moment. This is not something they wanted but to prevent the both of them experiencing unwanted situations. It’s hard and painful, but they accept the fact that they lose this time. They know they have a lot to fix on their own, to their personality and their career. To make them to a better person.
And who knows? If God and fate allows them to meet in another time, maybe it’s not what they had before. Maybe it’s much stronger than they think it is.
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It’s 10:15 PM KST. After their hug, Jihoon and Soonyoung remain keeping their composure to the park by letting themselves feel the breeze of the air and looking through the waters. They try to let everything that has been talked about to sink deep into their minds and slowly process on how to face tomorrows like the time they broke up and not able to exchange thoughts that has been questioning themselves. They know that it has been unusual, but this time, it somehow eases the pain, now that they heard everything from each other (and accepting it one by one). Later on, Soonyoung invites Jihoon to go home. They walk with each other like what they have a while ago. Silence and sadness still prevails for the both of them, they admit, but they choose to walk peacefully.
Stopping in front of Soonyoung’s car, Jihoon breaks the silence. “Soonyoung, you should go. Since you said that it is somehow near to where I live, I prefer to walk.”
The elder worriedly disagrees. “No, Jihoon. I will take you ho–“
“It’s okay. I promise.” Jihoon butts in.
As much as Soonyoung wants to protest, he knows that the younger will stop him from trying and have an argument with him. “Are you sure?”
Jihoon nods, and flashes a smile. Assuring the hell out of Soonyoung. As the latter witnesses this, he shows his smile too. It may not be great smiles that they have shown, but they let themselves push to see the genuine one. Soonyoung waves a goodbye and rides into his car.
The engine starts, and a minute after, Soonyoung leaves the place and goes home. Jihoon, in the other hand, observes the latter himself and its car slowly vanishes into his sight. Jihoon chooses to take a walk as he goes home.
Slowly, realization kicks in Jihoon’s mind. That no matter how hard he wants the best for the future of an accompaniment, once that a person forgets how important the present is, tomorrows became blurry. Like what had happened to him and Soonyoung.
He realizes at that point, time is a gem.