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Barnaby could feel the water droplets falling from his hair and onto his neck, leaving cool paths on his skin. The morning was chilly and the sky was still dark with the remains of the night before. It was still way too early for anyone to be out of bed, albeit he had a justification since he exercised early in the morning everyday and refused to wait any longer than their curfew to leave the common room for a quick trip to the showers.
He wondered what her excuse was though, as he watched sitting by the fountain at the middle courtyard.
He had seen her do that often, ever since she was reunited with her brother for a few minutes last year. She sat in silence and thought, thought, thought until she had grown tired of it.
Barnaby knew he was kind, maybe too kind, and perhaps also a little naïve (Merula told him that often), but he was no fool. Not to this, and not to her. Never to her.
He took a decisive step forward and walked up to her. Her eyes were trained on the ground in front of her feet. He knew she had noticed his presence, but she didn’t want to raise her gaze and greet him. It was okay, she didn’t have to.
Instead, he knelt on one knee before her and brushed her calf with his fingers. She blinked a couple of times, as if she had just come back to reality, and her eyes met his. He thought she may have been crying. He had been wrong.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” he asked. It was more of a request than a demand.
She pressed her lips together. To him, it looked like she was trying to smile, but there was no shine in her eyes. “I was just thinking. It’s not important.”
Barnaby shook his head. She had always been like this, keeping things to herself, ever since he met her. It wasn’t as bad before, but things had changed after last year's events. She had changed. She had grown wary and distant. ‘I’ve never been better’, she would reply every time he asked how she was doing, and he knew she was lying.
He once heard someone say ‘ignorance is bliss’, and he didn’t really understand what people meant by it at the time. To him, knowledge was nothing if not a strength, that’s exactly why he tried so hard to learn, even if it wasn’t easy. Now, though, he thought he may have finally come to understand its true meaning, because maybe, just maybe, ignorance had indeed been bliss for them.
To learn the truth about her brother’s disappearance, about everything it conveyed, as well as the risk they had all taken upon them just by shedding light over the reality of the situation… It all took a toll on them all, especially on her. He could tell. The only difference between them and her was she wasn't willing to talk about it even if someone asked directly, dismissing their concerns with a confident smile.
“If it wasn’t important,” he broke the silence. “You wouldn’t be here alone, when the sun is not even up yet.”
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, looking concerned, and averted her gaze.
Barnaby took a slow, deep breath and brought the hand that had been touching her calf to her lap, taking the hand that had been resting there. He squeezed reassuringly.
“Are you mad at me?” she asked suddenly, and he was dumbfounded.
Barnaby blinked, astonished. He wondered what it was he had done to ever make her think such a thing, and upon finding nothing, his confusion only grew. “Of course not,” he assured. “Why would you say that? Did I do something? Did I say something mean to you, or-?”
"No!" she quickly shook her head. “No, of course not, it’s just…” tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill, and her voice began to tremble at the end. “I keep thinking, you see…”
He didn’t talk. It didn’t seem like the right time to talk. Instead he decided to stay quiet and listen; to wait for her to be ready to open up and share her thoughts for the first time this year, no matter how long it took her.
His thumb brushed the back of her hand reassuringly the same way he had done when they nervously linked their hands together when walking back to Hogwarts from their first date.
“The vaults,” she choked. She hadn’t been crying when he got here, but she was now. “I knew- we all knew they were dangerous. Still, we all tried to find them. You all tried to help me find Jacob, or at least the truth about what happened but-!” she squeezed her eyes shut and doubled over, as if in pain. “I never expected…”
Something inside Barnaby’s chest hurt, as if someone had taken his heart with a cold, boney hand and squeezed.
“I never thought it would come to this. Now, because of me- because I couldn’t leave this to Dumbledore like he asked me to from the very beginning, you are all in danger!” she sobbed. “The vaults were dangerous, but now there’s ‘R’, and we don’t know how many dark wizards are out there or who they are going to attack next! They used the Cruciatus Curse on Merula already! And we can’t even tell the Ministry, because-!” she was rambling, terrified.
Barnaby called her name and tightened his grip on her hand slightly, and she stopped talking even though the sobs continued to shake her body. He waited for her to look at him before speaking.
“I knew it would be dangerous. I think we all did. You did nothing wrong,” he wasn’t very good with words, so he could only hope to get his feelings across. “Now that I know what ‘R’ has been doing I know I want to stop it. I have no doubt it’s the same for everyone else, too.”
He waited for a response, and got none. “We are together, and we will all help each other. Watch each other's backs, so please,” he took a shaky breath. “Please don’t cry.”
Her worries weren’t going to fade away with gentle words in a big, green courtyard, and they were both very much aware of that fact. But maybe, hopefully, it would help lighten up the weight on her shoulders just a little.
She let out a watery laugh and, even though it didn’t sound anywhere near as happy as he would have hoped, he decided it was an improvement.
He stood up, startling her, and pulled on her hand. When she got on her feet he started walking, practically dragging her behind him.
“Barnaby!” she gasped, her tears drying in the fresh morning breeze. “Where are we going?”
He looked over his shoulder. “Hogsmeade.”
She furrowed her eyebrows a little as she watched the bright expression on her lover's face with wide eyes. “But, Barnaby, it’s not even seven o’clock! Everything will still be closed!”
He turned back to the front. “We will walk around until they are open then.”
He didn’t see the incredulous smile on her face.