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It would be so easy.
Wouldn’t it.
Just keep walking.
That’s all you need to do.
Just let the water rush over you.
Give in to it.
They say it’s painful.
But this life is so much more.
Silent tears burned the corner of her eyes before they started to slip down her cheek. She was waist deep in the dark, murky waters. No one could see her at this time of night, but that’s what she wanted. The stars were her only companion tonight, twinkling brightly overheard and her only witnesses. Tights took a painful, shuttering breath as she stood in the water, the icy cold barely registering as she teetered on a decision.
It would be easy, wouldn’t it?
No one would notice.
Mama, Papa, Bulma…. They’ll move on.
They’re stronger than me.
I’m hardly in their life now, so they’ll get over it quickly.
Tights took another shallow breath. Her chest hurt, not from the cold, but from excruciating pain of feeling that she was never good enough. Why try anymore when the result will always be the same? Why put any effort? How much more did she need to give of herself before it was enough?
She tried to think of her family to tether herself to this life. They were always supportive. Success or failure, always there. But it wasn’t enough anymore. She was alone. Her family never understood. She needed to succeed on her own but her parents would always call to tell her to return, to stop her mindless roaming. Yet if she did, if she gave in, she would be admitting defeat… and she was already defeated in spirit.
Tights took a step further into the ocean, the water starting to hit her chest and she couldn’t stop the sob from her lips or the tears that fell and mixed into the salty water. The current was getting stronger and she balanced herself on her toes.
Just a little more.
That’s all it would take.
Just a little more.
You don’t have to suffer anymore.
Just let go.
Tights closed her eyes tight. She swayed with the moving of the waters as she tried to decide. She had enough, hadn’t she? Why was she hesitating? She was alone. So very alone. There was no one waiting for her. So why give it any more thought?
Tights took a deep breath and blew it out quickly. She took a step back.
Coward.
She took another step back.
You can’t even do this right.
Another step.
When will you learn?
Another step.
You’ll be back.
Another step.
You can never escape.
Tights fell down the cold, dry sand and hugged her knees, rocking her cold body as she looked out onto the dark waters. She was all alone, but even so she cried silently as she took shuddering breaths into her pained chest.
When will it be enough?
When will the pain stop?