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wrong number

Summary:

inspired by a tweet about nudes...

Notes:

tweet was "Girls nudes are like pieces of art while dick pics are like "look at my sex sausage would U like some Fuk"

Work Text:

In hindsight, Wanda should have known that the rewards number she texted to get 25% off her order would not have replied, “Who is this?”.

But hindsight wasn’t going to undoxx her number.

The original person she accidentally texted had been very kind. They thanked her for all the good work she has done with the Avengers, and that was it.

Wanda did not expect that they would screenshot the brief conversation and send it to their friends with at least one of those friends then going on to leak her phone number on Reddit and trigger a massive influx of messages.

There were the kind messages, the thank yous, and the hope you are having a great days. There was plenty of hate, threats, and put-downs.

Above all stood an impressive quantity of nudes that flooded her cell every minute.

“I should have leaked my number years ago.” Tony flicked through the pictures, eyes wide and lips pursed.

Wanda rolled her eyes. “Do I need a whole new phone, or can you just give me an updated number?”

The inventor didn’t even register there was another human in the room, his finger flicking up at an alarming rate. “Holy shit, some of these have multiple people in it.”

Wanda snatched the phone out of his hands and glared at him as he whined.

“I’ll just get you a new unit. I remotely destroyed all tracking features when the number leaked, so you can keep it until I get the new one set up.” Tony paused. “Actually, scratch what I said, it is very dangerous to have that phone now and you should leave it with me. Don’t worry about deleting any of your own nudes, I’ll clear it when I’m done.”

She did not leave the phone with him.

 

Vision was on her like a fly on dinner the second she stepped through the door to the house. “Darling, how are you? Are you alright? I imagine the emotional taxation of a privacy violation has left you exhausted, so I have dinner prepared and the bed turned down.”

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. She could feel his anxious energy flowing around them both and tried to exude calmness as she pressed herself against him and melted in his embrace.

“Wanda,” She felt her husband lift his chin off her head. “Is your phone still on? There is an unusual amount of cellular activity in this exact spot.”

He loosened his grip as she pulled away. “I put my phone on silent.” Wanda clarified and went on her tiptoes to kiss Vision on the cheek. “Dinner smells amazing.”

Vision was hot on her heels as she made her way to the kitchen. “Why would you not turn it off entirely? Any essential communications will no longer come through on the cell.”

Wanda suppressed a wicked grin. “Did Tony tell you what the main message type I’ve been getting is?”

“Pornographic.” Vision answered immediately with as much gravitas as telling her the time.

“Right.” Wanda opened the oven door to find a pizza. “Vizh, I am so turned on right now.”

“What?” His voice rose in panicked confusion. “Well, I mean, I suppose, if… it would make sense given that—”

She grabbed a cutting board from the countertop and held it just below the pizza rack. Red wisps wrapped around the food and slid it onto the wooden board. “How did you know I wanted pizza?”

Vision’s mouth moved for several beats before sound started coming out of him. “You want pizza seventy-six percent of all evenings, though you only allow it no more than three times every thirty-one days. What do you mean you’re turned on right now?”

Her eyes were wide with guilt as she looked up at him from the haphazard slice she had ripped off for herself. “You made me pizza from scratch, Vizh.” Her eyes shut as she moaned into the hot slice and Vision averted his gaze. He was not about to get jealous of tomato, cheese, and flour.

“I looked at a few of the messages,” Wanda called his attention back to her. “In case you’re wondering.”

Vision fiddled with the dishes, continuing to avoid eye contact with his wife. “Should I… be concerned?”

“It said, ‘Look at my cum gun want fuck?’” Wanda tore off another piece of pizza. “Why can’t you write me poetry like that?”