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Ten Rules to taking care of Leonard McCoy as according to Jim Kirk
1. No matter what he does, don't let him push you away. He's grumpy sure but under all that he's got a heart of gold and will be the loyalest friend you've find in any galaxy.
2. Drag him out places, don't let him become a hermit at the age of 28. He may grumble, he might complain, he will curse but don't let up.
3. Stick. It might not seem like much but he needs you as much as you need him. Don't break his heart, don't betray his trust and just be there.
4. Don't bring home cheap Southern Food, Cheap booze or hourglass blondes.
5. Don't leave your Bones alone on any sort of anniversary, wedding or divorce or Joanna's birthday. Remember to bring booze and cheap take out.
6. Listen. Even if you don't pretend you are, even if you blow off his advice and get into another fist fight, listen. To many people haven't listened to him so don't be another one.
7. Don't poke the bear in the morning, even if you have a cup of coffee from that place across the 'fleet academy
8. Be prepared to deal with a hypocrite, he won't take care of himself but will bitch if you eat half a pound of bacon or go three days without sleep.
9. Do not mention the she-bitch. At all. Ever. If you do prepare to go Bone-less for at least a week or more.
10. When he tells you he loves you, believe him. Don't let him go and hold on as tight as you can.
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Ten Rules for taking care of James Kirk as according to Dr. Leonard McCoy.
1. Accept the fact that a little idiot isn't going to leave you alone. He's imprinted on you, for gods knows what damn reason and you can't shake him.
2. Be a parent, despite his age Kirk is an idiot and a ten year old who can't solve confrontations without taking a swing. He won't listen, again like a damn child, but you gotta keep your eyes on him.
3. Don't expect an honest night's sleep, you will be woken up at 3 am or 2am.. or fucking something am to patch the idiot up. Just do it as fast as you can and go back to sleep.
4. Don't react to his flirting, he does that shit with everyone. He doesn't mean it. DO NOT be another god damn notch on his bedpost.
5. Listen to him. No one else does it and he needs it after everything he'd been though. Feel free to yell, curse and fume at the bad ideas and hair brained schemes but listen.
6. Don't be another asshole that compares him to his dad or brings up his mother.
7. Don't try to celebrate his birthday.
8. Don't get jealous of Spock, they might be the epic friendship to end all time but they're just that... friends.
9. Don't get your hopes up. Kirk commits as well as he keeps out of trouble.
10. Don't drug him or abuse your position to remove his captaincy no matter how suicidal, idiotic or just plain bad his plans are. That is an abuse of power and he will never forgive you. Even if its very, very tempting at times. Despite everything, his idiocy pays off more often than not and he needs more people in his corner when the shit hits the fan.