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Kidou is a rational man above all. It doesn’t mean in the slightest he is devoid of feelings or unaware of them. All the contrary actually. Kidou considers himself well in touch with his feelings, just not upfront with them. Haruna likes to fondly associate him with prickly pears, tough and thorny on the outside, but soft and sweet on the inside.
(If he is a prickle pear, then Haruna is a prune, soft exterior and hard interior. Delicate, but so strong it baffles him)
Because he is a ‘sensitive man’ as his sister puts it, he acknowledges easily the astonishment Endou Mamoru turns out to be. The first match against Raimon Junior High is supposed to be a reconnaissance mission to gauge the strength of a certain powerful striker from last year’s Football Frontier. He never expects to have a front-row view of the rebirth of a forty-year long instinct technique, and certainly not from a player he has never heard of before. But Kidou is rational, so he takes it in stride. No matter that he is an unknown player in a weak team. Strength is strength, and Kidou would be a fool to not acknowledge Endou Mamoru’s one.
So, he pays closer attention to Raimon’s team. He is not all that surprised they end up winning against Occult Junior High and Nosei Junior High; the addition of Gouenji Shuuya is a welcomed boost to their offense and their captain mends and adjusts ends to create a solid team play. Kidou is well aware of his feelings, so he recognizes fondness bubbling in his chest the more he looks at Raimon, at Endou’s soccer. It was pure, straightforward and free-spirited, different from the soccer he has been playing, but somehow familiar—like he used to know this soccer.
Kidou knows he grows fond and does nothing to stop it. He stays rational nonetheless and stores up their data to thoroughly crush them the next time they face off, but it doesn’t stop him from, dare he say, enjoying Endou Mamoru’s soccer. He is a big soccer freak, laughing, breathing and being soccer. Standing in front of him feels like being directly exposed to the sun, a blazing stare and a challenging grin that screams “bring it on!”
Though Teikoku lost, Kidou feels happiness because he can finally play the soccer he once believed in and challenge Raimon again.
Then, they lose against Zeus, and Kidou, rational and sensitive as he is, is sure he will never crawl up from the pit of despair. Endou comes to him, worried and shaken as if the defeat has been his own, and Kidou doesn’t know how to face him with the shame threatening to choke him up. He isn’t going to play against Raimon, he has no chance to meet this dazzling soccer head on, not after such crushing humiliation. Endou smiles and ‘that makes you and me the same’, and not even his goggles protect him from the radiation of light. Kidou likes the idea of being the same as someone as amazing as him, and later clenches his fists to control the sudden urge of infuriation of being robbed of this soccer yet again. How would it have been great to play against him once again. How would it have been great to…
“You’ve only seen Endou from the front.” Gouenji’s words stuck the whole night. “How about letting him look after your back?”
Kidou is rational and, after a thorough peruse of the Football Frontier Regulations, knows the possibility exists. Kidou is a sensitive man and knows the elation in his chest goes beyond simple happiness. Kidou is both, so he takes his chances. He is going to see it, with his own two eyes, what makes Raimon so exceptional. He wants to experience what it means to have Endou Mamoru guarding your back.
He is not disappointed. He is literally gobsmacked.
Endou is above and beyond everything he has imagined. The scorching flame that both invites and threatens those who stand in front of him, becomes a grounding force when he is behind you. Kidou understands how Raimon was able to rise from the ground. Unlike him, Endou was upfront with his feelings. Whether he is happy, excited, frustrated or angry, he shows it. A good dribble, a nice save, a solid shoot was all it took for Endou to shower his teammates with confidence, purposely and earnestly boosting their confidence. And when all hope seems to have vanished, Endou is always up for the challenge, reminding them that not giving up is our soccer! Whatever tough situation we’re faced with as a team, we can push through it with our fighting spirit and the trust we have for each other…
That’s Raimon Soccer Team’s true power!
Breathtaking, Kidou thinks at that time and he can’t seem to be able to look away. His legs can’t stop moving, fueled by an energy foreign to him but still so familiar. An ignited spark, a warmth coursing through his views and magnifying his senses. All the polite coldness and distrustful glances some of the players sent him melt, blown away by the captain’s words. Suddenly, everyone’s movements are synchronized without him having to direct them, without anyone having to say anything.
“Kidou!” The captain—his captain calls out as he runs to him, his never-say-die spirit reaching out to him. Kidou reacts instantly before his thoughts can even catch up, not at all surprised that Gouenji also responds to the call of their captain. Inazuma Break, people later call their combined shot; Break Trio, Kidou hears people hush while the three of them walk past them. The nickname surprises him the first time he hears it.
Trio? Kidou blinks and looks around them, notices the awed stares and raises an eyebrow in disbelief. Him, alongside Endou and Gouenji? He finds the idea ludicrous. For having watched and analyzed Raimon’s game then later joined the team, he intrinsically knows the unusually deep bond between the captain and the striker. He can’t count the number of times he caught them communicating with half sentences that wouldn’t have made sense to him if he was a lesser man. Or the nods that usually follow their stare-off, as if their glances alone carry more weight than words. Or how the way Gouenji stands beside—half a step behind— Endou looks like the planets and stars of the universe have once been aligned to enact that this, them being like this, was natural. Is meant to be.
Kidou is sensible. That’s the reason why he acknowledges easily the constricted squeeze in his chest as jealousy. Kidou is rational. He understands and accepts that whatever this is, is out of his reach.
Yet, people watch the three of them like they are of the same kind. Yet, their teammates, people who have known the goalkeeper-striker duo before he did, easily take the three of them as a package deal, like the trio is meant to be as much as the duo has once been.
Kidou is so sure they are wrong. He is closer to Endou than most, but not to the degree of Gouenji. He isn’t… He can’t be part of that light, not with the things he has done. He can only be a silent supporter from the shadows, taking care of things that would hinder Endou’s advance, making sure that the light that saved him continues to expand, clear and shine for the world to see.
Yet… one day, after school and practice, on their way home, Kidou learns how wrong he is. It is the three of them like it often is, engaging meandering conversations, when Endou suddenly changes routes and tells them to follow him. Kidou watches Gouenji and is relieved to see the same befuddlement in his eyes. Despite that, they follow without hesitation because Endou never leads astray. Their walk ends in the cemetery of the town.
Endou Daisuke, Kidou reads the name on the tomb Endou kneels in front of, and his heart clenches painfully, in reverence, in respect, in humbleness and love. His captain, always radiant, always strong, allowing him to see his vulnerable side, someone like him who just isn’t worthy his trust and light. Endou, why are you so…?
He looks to the side for an answer, to Gouenji who stares at his captain with so much love, and when the striker finally looks back at him, Kidou finds himself completely understanding what he is conveying, his glance alone carrying more weight than words.
And Kidou finally gets it. As far as Endou is concerned, it’s not a question of being worthy. It doesn’t even matter whether or not you acknowledge him. Endou chooses you, and when he does, he doesn’t leave. Endou is unlike himself; he aims higher and higher but leaves no one behind. Kidou knows his captain can reach higher grounds, but Endou will have no qualms refusing entry if there is a faint chance that he’d have to abandon one of his friends in exchange.
Kidou is rational enough to know that he doesn’t deserve this light, but Endou has already decided he wanted him, as much as he decided he wanted Gouenji, and he will never leave him behind. Kidou is sensible enough to accept this, his insecurities be damned.
Endou finally rises few minutes later, grins at them and “A bowl of ramen before going home wouldn’t hurt, right guys?”. Kidou doesn’t fight the soft smile that tugs on his lips, follows his captain alongside Gouenji, and finds completely natural to be part of this trio.