Work Text:
Captain Kathryn Janeway was barely through the doors to her quarter when she unzipped her jacket and hung it over the back of her favorite reading chair. Really her only reading chair, here in the Delta Quadrant where her quarters and Voyager had become her home for seven years now.
She stretched her arms high above her head to try and release the aches and pains in her muscles from the days work. Or was it a week now? She could barely keep track of it anymore. She’d been living off of coffee and the odd ration bar while they were cruising through this part of space, trying to use the peace and quiet to do some much needed repairs. But her mind always remained on red alerts and she found herself pushing harder than before. Going long hours without sleep or breaks. Anything to get the job done.
She stifled another yawn. She still wanted to catch up on some reports on the ship wide progress. Coffee would need to carry her a few more hours.
Before thought could be put into action, the chime at her door sounded. One look at the chronometer told her there could only be one person ringing her doorbell at this time of the night.
She looked at her desk and the idea that she would be spending the next three hours going through reports only to throw herself exhausted into bed at another ungodly hour, alone. It was her duty to Starfleet and the crew after all.
Then she looked back to the door where she knew he was still waiting for her to answer. She wouldn’t get any more work done tonight, she usually didn’t after his visits. But he would make sure she was fed, keep her company and make her forget how long this journey had become. She never really could say no to him.
In the back of her mind, the lyrics to an old Earth song Tom had recently rediscovered started playing. Spurred on by the rhythm of a song way to energetic for her liking but that easily got stuck on repeat.
Every time you come around, you know I can’t say no
Every time the sun goes down, I let you take control
I can feel the paradise before my world implode
And tonight had something wonderful…
She shook her head to rid it of the song before going to the door.
Chakotay stood leaning against her doorframe as it opened. He flashed her that smile that showed off his dimples and she felt the familiar skip in her heartbeat.
“Mind if I come in?” he asked nicely. His relaxed demeanor was already having a calming effect on her soul.
“Not if you expect me to cook dinner.” She smirked, playfully crossing her arms across her chest.
“How about I cook dinner and you set the table?” he asked, already starting to unzip his jacket. They both knew he was the better cook and she liked the idea that he was that comfortable in her quarters.
“Deal” she stood aside to let him in, watching as he hung his jacket over the back of one of the dinning room chairs and made his way to the replicator.
“So, what are you making Chef?” she asked as she reached into a cupboard to get the placemats, glasses, and candles she saved for their dinners. She even happened to have a bottle of good red wine stashed for them.
As she reached for the candles, she realized there wasn’t much left. The only remnant of their previous dinner, three maybe four nights ago, that had run into its usual midnight hour.
Originally it had just been dinner. Then dinner became weekly dinners. Then dinner ended with a nightcap enjoyed on her couch. Then the nightcap became two, and then three and then a bottle. And then dinners were being held more frequently. She wondered when that had happened.
But they always ended with him getting up to leave, leaving her alone in her quarters, promising herself that the next dinner would end at a reasonable hour. But she enjoyed his company so much that it seemed each dinner it was getting later and later before he left. And she was hating being left alone more and more.
She wondered when it was that she had started shifting the parameters, so neatly put in place on New Earth to keep them from doing something they both clearly had wanted to. She couldn’t even remember anymore why they had been put up in the first place. Was it because she believed they would be getting home soon? Was it because she was still so set on following Starfleet protocol? Was it because of Mark?
None of that seemed to matter now, still thousand of lightyears away from Earth. Having already spent seven years offering up everything she was in order to get her crew home. Saying goodbye to Kathryn and embracing the Captain. Sometimes she felt like a stranger, with only her late night conversation with Chakotay reminding her that there was a human being under the title.
My bad habits lead to late nights, endin’ alone.
Conversations with a stranger I barely know.
Swearin’ this will be the last, but it probably won’t.
I got nothin’ left to lose, or use, or do…
The song was swimming through her mind again and she blinked rapidly to chase it off.
“You’re not really listening, are you?” Chakotay said from where he was working with the replicator. Giving her an amused smile.
She was still standing with the candlesticks in her hands, lost as to what it was she was supposed to be doing with them. “I’m sorry, I got caught up in my own thoughts there. What were you saying?” she tried to sound interested as she unpacked the rest of the items and started setting the table.
“I was just telling you what I’m making for dinner. But it’s not important. Want to tell me what you were thinking about?” he asked curiously as he kept glancing at her. The way his eyes would travel over her made her feel incredibly sexy.
She knew she was blushing. “Oh there’s just this old song that Tom found that keeps playing though my mind. I can’t seem to get rid of it.” She couldn’t possibly tell him she was thinking of all their dinners and how much more intimate they had become. How every touch seemed to linger that extra second, or every word play hinted at something more dirty. Or how she still loved him. The sudden thought made her jump in her own skin and she watched to see if he had noticed anything.
“Which one is it this time? The other day he was playing one about a family of sharks that he intends playing to the baby once it’s born. The thing nearly drove me crazy.” He chuckled. “Apparently B’Elanna broke the PADD he was playing it on in two when he wouldn’t stop.”
Kathryn just smiled, her minds still turning circles around her inner confession. “I don’t remember the name of the song.” She said, as her brows furrowed. She tried to think of how inappropriate her thoughts were, of how she should put the parameters back in place now that she knew they were slowly braking down over time.
She didn’t see him approach her until he was standing almost on top of her, his scent filling the space around her. Her eyes focused on his, she licked her lips, feeling as if he could surely read her mind. He was suddenly all she could focus on. His handsome face, broad shoulders, strong hands. The way his tattoo disappeared into his hairline, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. The way his eyes stared at her and her skin tingled where his hand brushed against her elbow. She saw him lean forward slowly, anticipation building as she froze, holding her breath and closing her eyes.
Then he stepped back having retrieved the bottle of wine behind her on the table. “Sing it for me?” He said as he walked back to her replicator and retrieved the bottle opener she stored there.
She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears as she realized he was not about to kiss her, but she had wanted him to. She turned her back on him and went to go stand in front of the view port, staring at the stars, buying herself some time to compose herself again.
“No, I can’t possibly.” She said, still with her back turned to him, feeling the blush heat her skin. But he must have sensed that there was something else going on.
“Kathryn, are you ok?” he asked concerned. She loved the way her name sounded from his lips.
“Fine!” she said eagerly, needing him to keep his distance before she really lost all sense of control and told him that she still loved him. Before she dropped the last of the parameters. “I’m fine.” She turned to him and smiled, hoping it would comfort him. It didn’t look like he bought it, but he returned to what he was doing.
My bad habits lead to wide eyes starin’ at space.
And I know I’ll lose control of the things that I say.
Yeah, I was lookin’ for a way out, now I can’t escape.
Nothing happens after two, it’s true, it’s true.
My bad habits lead to you…
The song was going to make her go crazy if it kept popping into her thoughts like that.
Was it possible that her bad habits were leading her to him? The way he knew she didn’t always eat resulting in dinner dates. The way he knew she would be up at some ungodly hour because she just never shut down, desperately needing a break. The way he knew that after a particularly hard day at the job she’d like nothing more than to pretend she wasn’t the captain and spend some time with him, curled up on the couch. What was left of the parameters?
With the hope of drowning it out, she went to him and poured them both a glass of wine. Eagerly sipping at hers as she made her way back to the couch. He came to join her moments later as she listened to the replicator buzz in the background, preparing their dinner.
She sat staring at him, half a smile on her face, her fingers playing with her bottom lip. Her eyes kept searching his, wondering if there was any way that he still felt the same. If there was still any hope for them. Again wondering why she had so insisted on those parameters that were keeping her on this side of the couch while he sat less than a meter away from him.
He kept her eye contact, amused as he saw her thinking but not willing to share her thoughts. Something felt different about tonight, like the world had endless possibilities. He was contemplating this when he haphazardly knocked his wine glass, spilling the deep red liquid down his undershirt.
Kathryn jumped up immediately to get a cloth, coming back to kneel on the couch next to him, where he still sat flabbergasted at his lack of coordination. She delicately dabbed at the red stain, knowing full well there was no way that the cloth was going to help. Short from asking him to remove his shirt, it was the next best thing.
The thought made her blush again and she dared look up at him through her lashes. They were so close together, she could feel herself holding her breath so that she wasn’t breathing on his face.
“Kathryn?” he asked, his voice raspy in her own ears.
She searched his eyes once more and when her gaze dropped to his lips, so close to her own, she could form no more thoughts. He saw the moment the last barrier dropped, like a big white flag of surrender.
Chakotay lurched forward to claim her lips with his own. He reveled in the sound of her moan as their lips fit together. He pushed her to him, keeping their lips locked. He needed more of her. Coxing her bottom lip into opening up for him and plunging inside her mouth like it was the oxygen his lungs needed to breathe.
He felt her respond, the way she clung to him. The way she moved her lips beneath his, meeting his tongue every step of the way. Her fingers curling into his hair. He still wanted more.
Kathryn felt the spark from years ago ignite into a flame between them. She pulled at him, needing him to give her more. She felt him push her back down on her couch. She felt the way his body covered hers and reveled in the pressure of his presence. His hand tugged at the bottom of her undershirt until he had freed it just enough for his hand to slip underneath and touch her soft skin, fluttering over her stomach and holding onto her ribcage.
His lips trailed from her mouth, down her jaw and into her neck where the briefest touch made her gasp in ecstasy.
Every pure intention ends when the good times start
Fallin’ over everything to reach the first-time spark
Started under neon lights and then it all got dark
I only know how to go too far
“Wait.” She uttered as the lyrics threatened to take her mind away again. “Wait” she whispered a second time and then felt Chakotay still. His lips left her skin but he rested his forehead in her neck for a second, before sitting upright and moving away from her as much as he could.
He wasn’t looking at her anymore. “I should go” he said when she had finally composed herself again.
She reached for his hand, suddenly filled with panic. She pulled his hand to her, making him stay on the couch next to her. “Don’t go.” Her big blue eyes were shining up at him, leaving him confused.
“Kathryn, the one minute you’re running hot and the next minute you’re cold.” He sighed visibly. “I can’t keep getting up my hopes. Just now I thought…I don’t know what I thought.” He looked away from her again.
Gently she touched his chin and brought him back to face her. She smiled coyly at him, licking her bottom lip where she could still feel his kisses.
“No.” she crept a little closer to him, kissing him softly. “I only wanted to tell you that I’m glad my bad habits lead me to you. And that I love you.” She saw him smile as he leaned forward and kissed her again.
“I love you too.” He whispered. “So, you’ve been listening to that song have you?” he laughed against her lips.
“It’s playing in my head on repeat.” She answered as she nipped at his bottom lip.
“I thought of you the first time I heard it.” His hand was back against her skin.
He kissed her again, slow and passionately, trying to show her everything he had felt for her in the past seven years since seeing her for the first time.
“Oh and” she broke their kisses once more, “I also wanted to let you know the replicator was done, Chef.” She smiled at him with a bit of mischief. He smiled back, kissed her lips a last time and went to fetch their almost burnt dinner.
We took the long way 'round...
My bad habits lead to late nights, endin’ alone
Conversations with a stranger I barely know
Swearin’ this will be the last, but it probably won’t
I got nothin’ left to lose, or use, or do
My bad habits lead to wide eyes starin’ at space
And I know I’ll lose control of the things that I say
Yeah, I was lookin’ for a way out, now I can’t escape
Nothing happens after two, it’s true, it’s true
My bad habits lead to you.