Work Text:
It was a normal day, like any other. I had arrived at work, readying myself for a day of boring lectures and annoying coworkers, when I received the comm that changed my whole life. I excused myself from my meeting to answer.
"Fenn, is everything alright?"
"No. It's your dad. I need you to get to the hospital. Now."
"What's going on?"
"The paramedics came and got him, he's… you need to get here."
"Alright, I'm on my way."
I didn't care that my work day hadn't even started, didn't care that my coworker wanted details, didn't care about the nervousness that was growing in my stomach. I packed everything up, got in my speeder and drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital.
As soon as I entered the Emergency Room, I saw Fenn, Bo-Katan, and Cara. I knew something was wrong when Fenn came and threw her arms around me.
"Fenn, what's going on?"
"After you left for work, Boba started having a pain in his jaw. I gave him his meds but nothing worked. So we called the medics and they brought him here."
"OK, so they're giving him the proper meds now?"
"Sweetie…"
"Fennec what!"
"He's dying"
"What?"
"The doctor can explain more, they said there's some decisions you need to make."
The weight of the words, the implications, all the close calls he's had over the years, all the near misses and it all led to today. I looked over to Cara, her eyes were red from the constant tears streaming, even Fennec was teary eyed. This wasn't some sick joke. It wasn't a dream. This was real. All the times I had a nightmare of him dying, bleeding out on some spaceport, somewhere I couldn't see him draw his last breath, were exactly that a dream. Instead, the last memory I would have of my father would be his last breath.
"Take me to him" my voice was steady, I needed to be what my father needed, a rock, steady. Fennec began to guide me towards his room when a thought occurred to me.
"Cara, did you call …"
"He's on his way"
Another pain to my heart to add to the pain that was already the day. I couldn't think of him right now, I needed to focus on my father, he was my priority.
When I entered his room, the sheer weight of seeing him on the hospital bed, the monitors, the IV, and the oxygen mask, it all reinforced this was real. My aged father lay on the bed, drawing in painful breaths. I could hear the struggle.
"I'm gonna find the doctor," Fennec whispered to me. I simply nodded, all my focus on the man who had raised me.
I walked up to the side of his bed, taking his hand into mine, the warmth I was so used to was gone. He stirred at the contact turning his warm brown eyes to face me, I forced a smile on my face "Hey dad, missed me already? You'd do anything to make sure I was by your side huh?"
He chuckled, "Of course" he gasped though his oxygen mask, "how else am I gonna get the attention of ner ad".
My free hand came to stroke his head, again what struck me was how cold he was, I leaned forward and placed a shaky kiss on his forehead. I rested my forehead against his.
"You feel cold, do you need another blanket, buir?"
"Please"
I simply nodded, I stood when I noticed a nurse walking by, "Excuse me, can I get another blanket for my dad?"
"Of course, I'll be right back"
As quickly as she came into view, she had disappeared and reemerged with two warmed blankets. I laid them out on top of him, tucking him in, remembering all those times when he had tucked me in. I was fighting hard to keep the tears at bay, he didn't need to see me breakdown, he needed my sarcastic joking self. He needed me.
"Ms. Fett?"
I turned to the voice, an older man stood at the entrance, his face was kind but serious.
"I'll be right back, dad." I placed his hand under the warmed blanket, hoping that it might help get his circulation going.
I stepped closer to the doctor and raised my hand, "Nice to meet you, Ms. Fett, my name is Doctor Alonzo."
"A pleasure I'm sure"
"I wished we were meeting under different circumstances."
"Agreed, what's going on with my dad" I had enough pleasantries I needed information.
"Your father was brought in due to severe jaw pain, we gave him some meds and ran several tests. Ms. Fett, your father is dying. I'm so sorry."
"How?"
"Excuse me?"
I took a moment to steady my voice, "How do you know he's dying?"
"His organs are shutting down. His liver, his kidneys, even his lungs they're all slowing down."
"Isn't there anything we can do?"
"I'm afraid not. The only thing I can offer is that we make him as comfortable as possible."
I simply nodded, "How long?"
"From his latest test results it can be anywhere from a couple of hours to at most a day."
I turned to look back at my father's sleeping form, "Do I have your permission to make him comfortable?" He asked.
"Yes"
I turned to face the doctor once more, "We'll move him to a private room, so you and your family can spend what little time you have left together."
"Thank you" my voice was barely audible. I turned to walk back into his room, all the memories of our time together flooding back like a lightning bolt. The time when I was 4 or 5 and I pretended I was an archaeologist and he was my assistant. The time I had been playing bounty hunter with my imaginary friends and he had been watching me from the doorway. The times I had fallen asleep on his lap while watching a holo-vid and I woke up to him carrying me to bed and promptly tucking me in. The first time I lied to him and the punishment I had received. The first time a guy broke my heart and how quick he wanted to kill him. The endless amount of bear hugs he gave, each time telling me how much he loved me.
All the times I'd come home to him blasting music and dancing in the living room, only to have me join him. His cheesy jokes. His boisterous laugh that would fill our house. The endless parade of people that constantly asked him for advice. The times I would get so annoyed with him or we would yell at each other, only to apologize to each other a few hours later.
All of those memories, all of that love, the jokes, the annoyance, what I wouldn't give to have an extra day, an extra month, an extra year with him.
I stood by his side holding his hand once again and stroking his head. He turned to look at me, those warm brown eyes were getting heavy.
"Hey"
"Hey" he answered weakly.
"Doctor's gonna give you some meds to ease your pain okay."
He nodded, "I want to go home"
"I know" I answered shakily, "let's just get these meds in and then we can talk about it, okay."
He simply nodded, closing his eyes. The tears I had been holding back were beginning to silently fall, I rested my head against his again. I'm not sure how long I was there when I felt a hand on my back. I looked up to see a nurse on the other side of the bed administering his meds, I turned to the hand on my back to see the shiny beskar helmet.
It had been years since I last saw Din. The promises we had whispered to one another when we first met, never came to pass. He was pulled away from me when he acquired the darksaber. He didn't want me to feel I didn't have a choice but to be by his side, so instead he pushed me away, said he did it because he loved me. Truth is I think the reality of a life with me scared him more then he wanted to admit.
"Hi cyar'ika"
"Hey Din"
My father stirred at the added voice and opened his eyes, "Hey di'kut" he chuckled out. I moved to the side so Din could stand closer to him.
"I'm gonna talk to Fennec, give you guys some time."
"Can you ask her to come in?" my father struggled out. I simply nodded, I needed to step away, the black T visor of Din’s helmet locked eyes with me. I didn't want him here, not really, I needed to focus on my dad not on the future I could have had.
I walked back into the waiting room, and found the three women that had become important in my dad's life. Fennec was the love of his life. Bo had been the mediator between him and the Manda’lor when he couldn't talk to Din face to face, and Cara had been the one to step in with the New Republic whenever things got a little too hairy.
As soon as Fennec saw me walk into the waiting room, she walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. I let myself go, the tears I had been silently letting go, now had no hold, within seconds her shirt was wet from the sobs that left my body.
"The … the doctor …" I tried letting out, "nothing … do … comfortable …" is all I had managed before a new wave of tears left me. How was I going to survive this world without him, he was my rock, my guiding light.
"It's okay, sweetie, I got you" she kept rubbing small circles on my back as she held me to her.
"Here have some water" Bo offered, I grabbed the bottle in her hand and chucked it back. It helped to calm my nerves a little.
"The Manda’lor is in there now with him. I'm gonna go back in a few minutes. They said they were gonna move him to a private room" I had finally been able to speak without the fear of tears ripping through me again.
They simply nodded but I knew and I could feel what the real question was without them having to ask, "The doctor said it could be a few hours or a day."
Cara came up to stand beside me, pulling me into her arms as well. I had never been a huge fan of the drop trooper, but in that moment I was thankful for her.
"Ms. Fett"
I turned to see the same nurse that had gotten the blankets behind me, "Yes?"
"Your father and the Manda’lor are asking for you."
"I'll be right there, thank you"
Fennec looked at me, her eyes were teary eyed as well, "Dad wants you to come back as well, Fenn", she nodded, held my hand as we walked back into the room.
I tried once again to put on a smiley face for my father, "Look who I found, your better half" I jokingly teased. They had changed his oxygen mask to an oxygen tube around his nose, his eyes were still half-lidded.
Din came to stand beside me, as I watched Fennec walk over to his bedside, releasing my hand the closer she got.
"How are you doing?" Din asked, I could see his hands were clenching and unclenching by his side, a tell-tale sign of his from long ago. He wanted to reach his hand out to me, but knew it probably wasn't a good idea.
"Dealing" was all I offered.
"I'm here for you"
I sneered in derision, I pulled him off to the side of the room so our conversation wouldn't interrupt the moment Fennec and my dad were having.
"Listen, you made it very clear a long time ago, you wanted nothing to do with me. I got the message loud and clear. So don't worry about being here for me. You and I both know you don't actually care."
"That's not true"
"No? Was it just my imagination, or didn't you leave me two weeks before we were supposed to get married? Since that day did you ever reach out? No. So don't pretend you care now. Be here for my dad. Not for me."
I walked away from him, I didn't need him. I had learned to live without him. I had moved on. Not really, but he didn't need to know that. As I walked away, I heard him let out a sigh. It had been years since that night but the pain was just all too real still.
"... when we meet on the other side Fenn, you and I are gonna go on a date. We'll see all that the universe has to offer." I heard my father say to Fenn as I stood beside them.
Fenn leaned closer, kissing his lips, "I'll be there".
"Excuse me, we're gonna take him up to his room now" another nurse had come to move him. I simply nodded. Fenn said she'd tell the girls that were waiting, I smiled at her and followed the nurse and my dad, silently being followed by Din.
The room he was in was devoid of anything, there was just a heart monitor, nothing else in the room. No TV. No Phone. Nothing. It was a waiting room for a very specific event, that's all. Really, I should have been grateful, he'd be able to rest in peace and in the comfort of family, something many in his line of work wouldn't have had a chance for.
Once they had stationed him, I stood by his side, his eye lids were fighting to stay awake, I leaned down and to his ears, "Dad, just rest. We'll be OK. I'll be OK."
My sobs were starting to come back, "T-thank you … for being … the best man I have ever known. For being the best … father I could have asked for. I love you ner buir. I always will."
He clenched my hand and closed his eyes. Fennec came to stand on his other side, as she whispered her goodbye to him. We both leaned on either side and gave him a kiss on his forehead. I walked away, so Fennec could have a moment alone with him.
Din came up behind me, "I never stopped loving you", seriously he wanted to have this conversation now. I turned to look at him, my eyes raw from the silent tears I had been shedding walking to the room and the not so silent I had unleashed in the waiting room.
"Din" I began in a quieter voice, "I … I can't have this conversation now."
"I'm not asking for anything. I have no right to, I just wanted you to know. I'm here for you, whether you want me to be or not. I'm not leaving you, not again. That has been the single greatest mistake of my life, and there isn't a moment that goes by that I wish I hadn't pushed you away, especially after Grogu went with Luke."
I gapped "Grogu, I forgot to …"
Din placed a hand on my shoulder, "It's okay, I called him and Luke. They'll be here shortly." How could I have forgotten my son like that, regardless of whatever happened between me and Din, Grogu and I had kept up our communication, oftentimes we would call once or twice a week. I can't believe I forgot him.
I placed my hand on top of his "Thank you, I don't know… I can't believe…"
"Hey, it's okay. I got you okay."
The comfort of his hand on my shoulder grounded me, how I missed his hands, his arms. I missed him. I knew if I spent more time with Din, I'd be right back to where I was all those years ago hopelessly head over heels in love with him.
"Hun" Cara's voice cut in, I peered around Din’s broad shoulders, "Fenn thinks it might be time". I nodded.
I looked back at Din, "Can you hold my hand?"
"For now and always, ner kar'ta"
Din walked back into the room with me, I heard a little "Buir" behind me, I turned and saw Luke and Grogu. I couldn't help but smile at my growing son, he was still as adorable as ever. He climbed up to Boba’s bed, and patted the side of his face. I could see tears were starting to stream down his face, he walked over to me, asking to be held. I didn't wait and took him in my arms, he nestled against my neck, as he had all those times when he was younger. I began rubbing circles on his back, Din pulled me into his side, as we stood by my father's bed.
He opened his eyes once more, looked in mine and smiled, "I love you ner ad. I'm proud of you" he slowly closed his eyes, he let out a final breath and the monitor screeched. The nurse came in, turned off the alarm indicating an undetectable heart. She looked at the time.
"Time of death, 4:30 p.m."
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I turned my body into Din’s and broke down, there wasn't a dry eye in the room as we all cried for the man who fought hard for his family, to stay alive. The man fought hard for his people in the palace, to make sure they were given dignity. The man who honoured his father's name and what it meant to be a Mandalorian.
Din finally found his voice, "Why don't we all head back to your place?" He suggested. I simply nodded, I couldn't find my voice, even if I tried.
The rest of the day was a blur, I remember Din drove me home, he had arranged for someone to drive home my speeder. Someone offered me food, Grogu fell asleep
on my lap. There was laughter as people shared funny stories about my father. All I remember really was the deafening silence, after everyone left. I had put Grogu to sleep in the guest room. Luke said he'd stay at a hotel. Din was the only one who remained.
Once we were alone, he took off his helmet and placed it on the table in the living room. I was standing on the balcony trying to get fresh air.
"I'm sorry about your dad"
I nodded, afraid how my voice would sound if I opened it. "Do you need help with the arrangements for his funeral?"
"I think he had it all planned, I'll look through his papers tomorrow."
I hadn't turned to face him, as he came to stand beside me. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, his features were still as handsome as ever, aged, but still handsome.
"Your father told me something today"
"What did he say?"
"He said I was the biggest di'kut for letting you get away."
"Ha, yeah that's my father"
"He also said if I didn't make it right between us, he would haunt me till my dying breath."
I couldn't help but laugh, "That sounds even more like him". The fact that he used one of his moments to make sure I was okay, got me crying again. Din pulled me into his arms, comforting me.
"I'm not letting you go again, cyare. Not again. I was young and stupid, I thought you deserved better than a man who had a responsibility he didn't want thrown at him. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain, for failing you. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you needed me to be all those years ago."
"Please stop talking" I really didn't want to hear it, but also I really just wanted to sleep. I looked up to his warm eyes, those brown eyes that used to hold so much love and adoration for me, despite the years, those eyes seemed to hold even more than ever before.
"I'm really tired" I offered, he simply nodded "I'll get out of your hair so you can rest cyar’ika".
I shook my head no, "Stay with me, I just need you to hold me. We can talk tomorrow about us, but tonight just hold me."
"For now and always, ner kar'ta."
I don't remember much. I must have fallen asleep in his arms standing up, I remember floating, I remember hearing the sound of armour clinking, and then the weight of an arm around my waist pulling me into a warm chest.
After that night, I never went to sleep without that comforting weight on my waist. It may have taken us years to get here, but Din kept his promise to my father and made it right between us. Even from the grave, my father never failed to keep looking after me.