Chapter Text
Dating a paramedic in one of the most populated cities in America wasn’t always the easiest. He worked long hours, got called in during date nights, and was practically impossible to reach during his shifts. Bucky warned you this would be the case when you started dating, but that didn’t mean it made it any easier.
You missed him constantly and worried about him even more. He didn’t have the most dangerous job compared to other first responders, but after the second time one of the drunk men he was helping landed him in the hospital, the worrying set in. Bucky could hold his own for sure, but the beer bottles they threw at his head still left him with stitches.
Your boyfriend reassured you that there was nothing to worry about. He would come home with gauze wrapped around his head and take you into his arms, mumbling something along the lines of, “Missed you, sweetheart. Oh, this old thing? Just a scratch.” It wasn’t, but he looked too cute in his uniform for you to scold him. He obviously used that to his advantage.
There were some benefits to Bucky’s occupation. The main one being that it was the reason you two met. Your best friend had begged you relentlessly to go to some children’s fair with her and her son, Toby. You, single and with no children, begrudgingly agreed after she bribed you with chocolate and a free dinner. It was pretty mundane for the most part, until you got to the paramedic’s booth.
There, the most beautiful man you’d ever laid your eyes on was standing under a canopy tent, passing out stickers to the kids with a smile that melted your heart. He was wearing his uniform, the hat a little crooked, and would take breaks every once in a while to give the kids a tour of the ambulance behind him. When you and your friend made it through the line, he lifted his eyes and sent you a quick wink.
“Hey, buddy!” He crouched down to be eye level with Toby. “You wanna see the inside of that ambulance over there?” The child’s eyes lit up with excitement, and Bucky’s hands came out to pat him on the shoulders. “Alright then. You and your mom head over there and talk to my pal, Steve. He’ll show you around.”
The group left and you were alone with Bucky, a rickety fold out table covered in EMT stickers and rubber bracelets between you. He picked up a sticker and held it out to you.
“You want one? They’re for the kids, but I think I could make an exception for such a pretty dame. I think it’d look cute on you.” You felt your cheeks burn at his words. It had been a while since you tried your hand at flirting with anyone, let alone a man as handsome as this one.
“Oh yeah? You’d break the rules for a stranger you just met? What if there’s a kid later on that wants a sticker but you’re all out? Bet you’d regret it then.” His eye contact never wavered as you spoke. It sent pulses through your chest.
“I’d break the rules for you any day, sweetheart. I’m Bucky, by the way. Now we aren’t strangers.” He held out his hand and you shook it, relaying your name back to him. “So, you gotta boyfriend walkin’ around here somewhere?”
His lack of subtlety sent a laugh past your lips before you could stop it. He seemed pleased by your reaction and sent you another award winning smile as you answered, “Nope. No boyfriend. I just got dragged here by my friend. She said she’d buy me dinner if I came, so I’m looking forward to that.”
“Well I should thank your friend then. Woulda been a shame if I never got to meet you, y/n.”
“Are you this charming to every girl that stops by your table?” you quipped back, your cheeks hurting from smiling for so long.
“No, no, only the really pretty ones. And I gotta be honest, you’re the only one that’s caught my eye.” He looked over his shoulder and noticed your group returning back from their tour. He quickly looked back at you. “What do you say I buy you dinner, too? You know, to make up for havin’ to talk to me at a kid’s fair. I’ll bring a whole box of these stickers if you say yes.”
You covered your mouth with your hand to stifle another giggle and agreed. Your friend returned to your side just as Bucky finished putting your number in his phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow night then, sweetheart.” He sent you off with one last smile and your stomach all in knots. The children’s fair turned out to not be a total bust, and your friend would never let you forget it.
~~
Your first date with Bucky was nothing short of perfect. He actually did bring you a whole box of stickers, which you were pretty sure was now shoved in one of the closets in the apartment you two shared. He took you to the food truck he claimed was the best in the city, and then he led you down the streets of New York with seemingly no destination in mind.
“You taking me somewhere special, Bucky, or is this just a nice night for a walk?” you had asked him, already pleased with whatever answer he would give you.
“Nah, sweetheart, I got something special for ya. Had to clear it with the boss, but I thought you deserved a special tour since you missed it yesterday talkin’ to me.” He slid his hand from yours and placed it lightly on your lower back, guiding you to an alley behind the local hospital. You were confused for a moment, until you saw the ambulance parked in the corner. Bucky walked over and gave the doors a strong slap, proudly saying, “What d’you say? Wanna let me show you around?”
“Depends,” you beamed back at him. “You gonna let me turn the lights on?”
“‘Course I am. What do I look like, an amateur? What kinda date would I be if I didn’t let my pretty girl flip the lights on,” he scoffed. His compliment sent you ablaze. He opened the back doors of the van before turning back to you and helping you in. You took a look around while he explained the different machines and tools that filled up the space. He seemed to really love his job, his eyes bright as he walked you through the workings.
“I’m having a lot of fun, Bucky. Thanks for taking me out and showing me all this.” You took a seat on the gurney in the center of the van, and Bucky’s smile dropped a bit. You immediately got worried. “What, am I not supposed to sit here? I’m sorry! Let me get up—”
“No, no, sweetheart, you’re fine.” He placed his hands on your shoulders and guided you back down, sitting beside you. “Just see a lot of people in these things, and they don’t always end up okay. Hope I never have to see you back here for real. Probably tear my heart up.” You stared up at him, taken aback by his worry after only knowing you a short while. You placed a hand on his, and he seemed to sense your thoughts.
“I mean, uh, cause we’re friends now, ya know? I don’t like to see anyone I know hurt. I’m not implying anything, I swear. ‘Cause if you don’t want to go on another date with me, that’d be fine. I’d be pretty broken up about it, but I don’t wanna make you feel like you have to and—”
“Bucky?” you cut him off.
He glanced at the roof with furrowed eyebrows before responding, clearly a little embarrassed by his rambling. “Yeah, sweetheart?”
“You gonna kiss me before the night’s over?” His smile lit up the entire back of the ambulance. He brought his hands up to cup your face, resting his forehead on yours.
“That’s all I’ve wanted to do since I picked you up.” When he pressed his lips to yours, you knew he was definitely getting that second date. The kiss was warm and sweet and everything Bucky was. His fingers brushed your cheeks as he shifted your face upwards, desperate to deepen the kiss and get closer to you. You were disappointed when he pulled away, but then that smile graced his face again and were just glad he had chosen you.
“So you gonna show me those lights now, Mr. Paramedic?”
~~
“Sam, I’m tellin’ you. I have to be home before six tonight, no exceptions,” Bucky grumbled, looking over his shoulder to the man in the back of the ambulance. “It’s our three year anniversary. I gotta take my girl out.”
Sam shook his head as he checked the IV drip hanging over the gurney. Normally, the two wouldn’t have these kinds of conversations in front of patients, but Mrs. Jenkins was what they liked to call a “frequent flyer”. She called about twice a week, and there was very rarely anything actually wrong with her. This week she claimed to have gallstones.
“I know, man. You don’t have to worry. Steve and I already made sure that you were off the on-call list for the night. Go on and love your girl,” Sam replied.
“You make sure you treat that girl right, Mr. Barnes. If she has to put up with you all the time, she must be a saint. I’ve already had enough of you and I only see you once a week!” Mrs. Jenkins called from her bed. Bucky chuckled at her irritated tone.
“Mrs. Jenkins, I see you twice a week. And believe me, I treat my girl right.” He pulled the ambulance into the back of the hospital before hopping out to help Sam. He yanked the doors open just as Dr. Romanoff made her way outside.
“What do we got, boys?” she questioned, rolling up her sleeves. Sam spoke up from behind the gurney.
“Mrs. Jenkins says she’s got gallstones. Better take a look at her, Nat.” She discreetly rolled her eyes. It was all of their jobs to take a patient’s concerns seriously, but if her constant complaining on the way to the hospital was any indication, Mrs. Jenkins was fine. Sam wheeled her in while Bucky stayed behind to clean up the van.
“So what are your plans for the night, Barnes?” Nat asked. She knew the ultrasound tech would be the one to check for Mrs. Jenkins’ gallstones, and she was curious what Bucky had planned for her friend. After you and Bucky started dating, all of his friends quickly became yours, Nat especially.
“None of your business, Nat. And you better not call her and interrupt us. I know you love doing that.”
She smirked at him, crossing her arms. “You at least going to finally pop the question? Or are you gonna let that ring burn a hole in your pocket for another year?”
He groaned and shut the back doors to the van. He was going to ask you, truly. He bought the ring about a year ago and asked all of his friends if they thought it was the right time. They all jumped in agreement; they loved you and they also loved how happy you made Bucky. He just had to get around to asking that one little question.
“That’s the plan, I hope. I just need to make sure it’s what she really wants, ya know? Need to make sure she’ll be okay being tied down to me for the rest of her life. I’m a bit of a handful if you haven’t noticed.” He lifted his left arm, the metal glinting in the sunlight. He always talked about his arm like that, as if it was something that made him worth less.
“James Barnes, you are truly an idiot.” Bucky jerked his head back in confusion at her words. “That girl loves you more than anything, she’s told me herself. You really think she cares about your arm? She’s been with you this long hasn’t she?”
“Well, yeah. But what if—” Nat cut him off.
“Nope. Don’t want to hear it. I gotta go check on Mrs. Jenkins. If I don’t get a call from that girl tomorrow morning, screaming about the rock you put on her finger, there’s going to be consequences.” She pushed open the double doors and entered the hospital before he could get another word out.
Bucky leaned against the railing on the wall and let out a long sigh, running his hands through his hair. He knew it had to be tonight. He loved you so much, sometimes it hurt his chest. Your soft skin and melodic laugh brought him so much peace and happiness, he knew from the first date that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. But did you really want to spend yours with him? He was rough and calloused; had a metal arm and worked too much.
Doubt started creeping in his mind, but was abruptly cut off by the ringing of his phone. You were calling him.
“Hey, sweetheart. You okay?” he answered. You didn’t call very often. You knew he wouldn’t be able to pick up most of the time.
“Bucky? Hey! I didn’t think you’d answer. I was gonna leave you a voicemail.” You sounded surprised.
“Got a little break between calls. You okay?” he repeated. He always worried about you too much. It still got the butterflies going in your stomach.
“I’m fine, Buck. I just wanted to let you know that I might not be at the apartment when you get home. Sharon’s letting me borrow her shoes, but I have to go and pick them up. You said dress fancy, right?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I did. What’s wrong with your shoes? Why don’t you wear those red ones?”
You scoffed over the phone. “You mean the ones Alpine decided to destroy this morning? I can’t even put them on anymore, she tore the straps clean off.” Bucky smiled at your exasperated tone. The cat you recently adopted together had been on a mean streak lately. “She’s lucky she’s so cute.”
“Hey, I say that about you all the time,” he laughed. “How ‘bout I buy you some new ones, yeah? Alpine was my idea, after all. Can’t leave my girl shoeless”
“Thanks, Bucky. I don’t want to keep you though. I was just giving you a heads up that I might be out. Promise I’ll be back before 5:30 though.” You were always so worried he would get in trouble for being on the phone at work. He found it beyond endearing.
“Alright, pretty girl. Thanks for tellin’ me. You be careful, okay? Look both ways and all that,” he joked, but you knew there was a hint of seriousness behind his request.
“I always do, Bucky. See you tonight, I love you.”
It was always nice to talk to you in the middle of the day. Lately, Bucky had really only seen you at night and right when he woke up thanks to all of the overtime he’d taken. Something had to pay for that ring in his pocket.
The rest of Bucky’s shift was pretty uneventful for a Friday evening. There were a few cuts and bruises from kitchen accidents and playground mishaps, but overall, nothing major. When 4:00 rolled around, he started to get excited for his upcoming date. He wondered what you’d wear, and how it would fall across your body. He could practically smell your perfume as he sat in the driver’s seat of the ambulance, envisioning your body close to his as he walked you out of the apartment. He pictured your face as he got down on one knee, completely shocked but—
“We have a hit and run on 9th in East Village. One confirmed injury, possible casualty on the scene,” the dispatcher’s voice patched through the radio of the vehicle. Steve, who was seated in the passenger seat, flipped the lights on as Bucky got the engine going. “We’re looking for a white Honda Accord. Victim is female, mid 20s.” Bucky’s blood ran cold as panic seeped through his veins. That’s exactly the car you drove. It couldn’t be you, right? You just said you’d be careful.
“We don’t know it’s her, Buck. There’s eight million people in the city. Let’s just get there,” Steve said, sending his friend a knowing look. But even Steve gripped the sway bar on the roof tighter when he heard the description.
Bucky raced through the city, whipping around corners at speeds he never had before. Steve knew better than to say anything. If it really was you on the scene, there was nothing he could do to stop Bucky from getting to you. The horn blared as Bucky forced cars out of his path. He kept hearing the words possible casualty over and over in his head. He couldn’t lose you.
“Call her,” Bucky grunted out, tossing a careless look to his friend. Steve looked apprehensive.
“Bucky, I don’t think—”
“I said just call her!” he screamed, the steering wheel groaning under his grip. His usual calm demeanor was gone; it could be gone for good if he found you there, lying dead in East Village. Steve pulled out his phone and clicked your contact, holding it up to his ear and praying you would pick up. By some grace of god, the line stopped ringing.
“Hello?” Steve knew immediately that wasn’t your voice. Dread filled his chest.
“Who is this?” he barked out. Bucky’s head whipped toward his best friend, his eyes wide with panic.
“Uh, I’m Dave. This phone’s just lying on the street. Think it might be from that car accident a little ways down. You need me to—” Steve hung up on him, hands trembling. His voice was weak when he spoke.
“Bucky—”
“Don’t say it, Steve. Please don’t say it.” He sounded so desperate, like if Steve didn’t say the words then maybe they wouldn’t be true.
“It’s her.” The pedal was against the floor of the van before he could even finish the sentence. Bucky had to remove his left hand from the wheel before it split the thing in half, opting to pull it through his hair instead. He clenched his jaw with a force and sped impossibly fast towards the scene that was coming into view. It looked brutal. Your car was flipped upside down and the driver’s side door was caved in. Had a semi truck hit you?
“Bucky, you need to stay calm. She needs you to be calm to help her.” Steve’s words floated past his head as Bucky tried to wrap his mind around the state of your car. Possible casualty on the scene. He sent the ambulance to a skidding halt and was running to your door before Steve could even get his seatbelt off. He threw the emergency kit to the ground and looked through the broken window. Sure enough, there you were. Upside down with blood dripping down your face, the seatbelt holding you in at an unusual angle.
“Bucky, we need to wait for the fire department to come and get the door off. Her legs are probably crushed by the front of the car.” Bucky wasn’t listening to Steve. He backed up and gripped the door with his vibranium arm, ripping it off its hinges to get to you. He did the same to the seatbelt, carefully removing you from the car once you were freed. He held your head in his lap as Steve began assessing your injuries.
“Come on, pretty girl. Open those eyes for me,” he whispered, trembling fingers brushing over your forehead. Your head only lulled to the side, completely unaware of your boyfriend’s pleas. “Y/n, please. You gotta wake up. I can fix this, but you need to tell me what hurts.” Tears filled his eyes. Steve began speaking into the radio on his shoulder.
“Ambulance 42 to hospital 4 for patient report.” He waited, responding when the hospital picked up. “We’ll be en route to your facility, extremely emergent, with a mid 20s female. Patient has fractures in both tibias and possible femurs. Contusions covering the left half of the body and possible head trauma. Non-responsive. We’ll give vitals when we are en route.”
Steve’s report seemed to snap Bucky out of his daze. If he wanted his girl to live, he needed to be calm. He pulled out the flashlight from his bag, and lifted your eyelids. His stomach dropped when your left eye was more dilated than your right, a common sign of head trauma. He needed to get you to the hospital; he needed you to be okay, but he was practically useless in this state, tears blurring you from his vision.
“Pos-Possible head trauma. We need, uh, to order a CT in advance to—” His trembling words were stopped when a hand dropped onto his shoulder, Sam standing above him. Steve must have called for back up when he wasn’t paying attention.
“I got her, Buck. Go wait in the van.” Bucky didn’t seem to want to let you go, the constant ministration of his hands through your hair like a lifeline. “You gotta let me help her, man.” Bucky finally relented, passing your cradled head to Sam.
“Please be careful with her. She’s all I got.” He watched as Sam nodded his head, instructing Steve to lift you up and place you on the stretcher. Your legs had been splinted and your clothes were covered in blood. Looking down, Bucky noticed that his were too. So were his hands. He began furiously wiping them on his pant legs as the tears continued to stream down his face.
“Get her in, come on. Martinez, you’re driving!” Steve’s authoritative voice carried throughout the scene. Bucky ran behind the gurney. He wasn’t going to leave you alone in the back of that ambulance. “You sure you’re okay to be back here, Buck?”
“Doesn’t matter how I am. If she wakes up I gotta be there.” Bucky leaned back against the wall of the ambulance as his friends worked around you. Your heart monitor was going strong, but that did very little to ease Bucky’s nerves. “Why isn’t she waking up?” Steve paused his hands as they hooked you up to an IV, glancing at Bucky. He was visibly shaking and covered in blood. Steve had never seen his best friend look more pale.
His authoritative demeanor softened as he spoke again. “She’s got head trauma, Buck. You know it takes a while to get that sorted.” Sam grunted in agreement, working down at your legs to tear away the material that would be in the doctor’s way. “Look, when we get to the hospital, you gotta wait for the doctors to let us know what’s going on. We won’t know anything until they get her in that scanner.”
Bucky covered his face in his hands and slid to the floor, the bumpy road knocking him around every once in a while. Logically, he knew that Steve was right. He had been called to multiple car accidents in his time, and knew that this was a process. Until they were able to run tests on you, there was no way of knowing the extent of your injuries. But Bucky didn’t want to be logical, he wanted you to wake up. He wanted you to be sitting up on that gurney, pestering him about kissing you and trying out the sirens and telling him that you’d stay. If only for a little bit longer so that he could ask you that damn question that he’d put off for too long.
Being a paramedic, he saw many people grieving. They would scream and push others out of the way just to catch a glimpse of their loved one as they were rolled into the ambulance. They always seemed like they were in more pain than the patient. Bucky never understood that until now; not until he sat there on the ambulance floor, watching your limp arms being poked and prodded by his friends, did he realize that this hurt worse than the day he lost his arm.
This pain, it was unimaginable.
He didn’t even realize they made it to the hospital until the doors were slammed open, Natasha at the end of the van with a horrified look on her face. Bucky took the opportunity to press a kiss to your forehead before you were taken away, whispering against your skin, “Please don’t leave me, sweetheart. You gotta be strong for me.”
Natasha quickly recovered and had you out of the van in a blink, seemingly unaffected by your state. Nat responded to tragedy differently than Bucky, it seemed. “Still unresponsive?” she asked, running beside the bed.
“Yes.” Steve’s response was short and grim. Bucky went to follow them back, but he was stopped in his tracks by Sam.
“Hey, man, you heard what Steve said. Go wait in the waiting room, get yourself something to drink, and try to relax. There’s nothing you can do for her back there. She’s in good hands, you know that.” His hand came down to pat Bucky’s shoulder.
There was no use arguing, he knew Sam was right.
~~
Bucky quickly discovered that sitting in that waiting room was tortuous. If this had been anyone else, he would’ve already gotten off of work and taken you out. Maybe he’d already have proposed to you; you would have been his fiancee. His chest heaved at the thought. He didn’t even know if you’d make it through the night anymore. He switched positions in the uncomfortable chair for the tenth time within the hour, when Natasha walked through the doors to the waiting room.
Bucky shot to his feet immediately, Steve doing the same beside him. He’d joined his best friend after the first hour he’d been sitting there. Bucky’s fingers curled open and closed as Nat approached them, her hair still held back by a surgical cap.
“Is she okay? Can I see her?” His words were rushed.
“We got really lucky with her head. Scans showed a subdural hematoma, but it wasn’t big enough to operate on. We gave her about 120 stitches throughout her body, so those will take a long time to heal. The biggest thing was her legs. We had to call in the orthopedic surgeon to reset them and she might end up needing a more invasive surgery later.” Bucky’s head was spinning. He’d heard those terms a thousand times, but they didn’t mean anything to him at the moment.
“She’s alive?” he croaked out, his throat felt raw. Nat placed a gentle hand on his arm.
“She’s alive, Barnes. She’s gonna be okay.” He broke down then, completely sobbing on the waiting room floor. He’d been so sure you weren’t going to make it. He’d resigned himself to never seeing your smile again. He thought he’d have to go home to that apartment filled with your things and be reminded of you at every turn. He’d have to look at Alpine and remember your excited smile when he suggested they get a cat to keep you company while he was away at work.
Steve dropped to the floor beside him, placing a steady hand on his back. “It’s okay, pal. Everything’s gonna be alright.” Bucky couldn’t even bring himself to raise his head from his hands, so Steve asked for him, “Can he go see her?”
“They said only family, but I’m pretty sure those rules don’t apply to you.” Nat gave the room number and suddenly Bucky was being ushered towards the back of the hospital. He quickly wiped his tears away with the back of his hand when they arrived at your door, giving a quick sniff to try to compose himself.
His friends let him go in alone.
Bucky nearly burst into tears a second time when he saw you lying there on the bed. He had spent his whole life saving people and yet it seemed to mean nothing to him when you were here looking like this. He almost blamed himself, but he knew you would be angry if he did. He grabbed your chart from the foot of the bed to look it over, his head now much more clear than it had been when Nat was explaining your injuries. Knowing your life wasn’t on the line brought him some relief. Some.
“What’s the verdict, doctor?” Your voice made him drop the clipboard, his wide eyes meeting your groggy ones.
“Oh my god, sweetheart.” He was by your side in an instant, delicate hands brushing stray hairs out of your face. “I’m so happy that you’re okay. I’m so sorry we didn’t get there quicker, I drove as fast as I could.” His eyes were searching every inch of your bruised face.
“Oh, Bucky, I’m sorry you had to be the one to see me like that.” He slid his hands down your shoulders, clicking his tongue.
“You don’t worry about me, pretty girl. I’m glad I was there. Got you out of that car way faster because of it.” He reached over to the side table and poured you a glass of water, prompting the straw into your mouth. “Anything hurt? You need me to get Nat?” He never stopped touching you, not even when he went to get a chair from the corner of the small room.
“I think I’m okay. Everything just feels fuzzy and my legs feel all stiff.”
“I know, sweetheart, I’m sorry. That’s the pain meds and Nat said you really did a number on your legs. We’ll have to come in a few times after you get discharged to check on ‘em.” Bucky hardly sounded like himself. His voice was scratchy and he sounded distant, like you were another one of his patients in the back of an ambulance. He was holding something back.
“What’s wrong?” you asked. The answer was pretty obvious, but you wanted him to get it off his chest. His face fell at your words. Bucky leaned over your bed and pressed his forehead to yours, his warm tears making a path down your face.
“You said you’d be careful,” he began, his eyes pressed shut. “And then I got a call about a possible casualty and they were talking about you. I got there as quick as I could and you were still so hurt already. You wouldn’t answer me. You looked so—so lifeless. I’ve never been frozen responding to a call before, but when I had you in my arms and you were just so limp I couldn’t even breathe. Stevie and Sam had to get you to the ambulance, I didn’t have the strength to lift you.” He opened his eyes and let out a shaky breath, “I can’t do this without you, sweetheart. I’m not me anymore, not without you.”
“You didn’t lose me, Bucky. I’m right here.”
“But I did lose you, just for a little while. And that was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. God, I just—I just love you. So much. Seein’ you in the back of that van like you were some random girl in a car accident… I couldn’t handle it.” He shifted to sit back in his chair, hand never leaving yours, and wiped at the tears on his face.
“I’m sorry I put you through that. The truck just came at me so fast and I couldn’t—”
“No, no, no, sweetheart. I didn’t say all that to make you feel bad. None of this is your fault. Never your fault. I just needed to tell you how loved you are. How much I’d break apart if I ever lost you,” he rushed out.
“I love you just as much, Buck, truly. I’m just sorry I ruined our plans. Some anniversary this is, right?” You gestured to the thick casts surrounding your legs.
“You think I’m worried about that, pretty girl? I can reschedule our date. I’m just so thankful you pulled through for me.” One of the machines beeped in the corner and it caught his eye. “I should get Nat. I know you said you felt fine, but we should still get her to give you a once over.” He gave your cheek a soft brush and went to stand from the chair, but you caught his arm.
“Wait.”
“What is it? Are you okay?” He leaned over you again, hands pressing to whatever skin he could find.
“Kiss me?” His worry lines faded and were replaced by a small smile and puffy eyes.
“That’s all I’ve wanted to do since you woke up.” And so he did.