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Soonyoung decided to distance himself from the noise of the big crowd—partying.
He let his feet drag him towards the shore, it was a peaceful night—it was cold but at the same time, it's enough for the wind breeze to touch his bare skin, not causing him to feel the biting cold and regret wearing his Hawaiian shirt. Although summer already ended, his sudden vacation trip wasn't rainy at all, perfect for him to forget the cold weather of Seoul for a bit.
As he was holding a bottle of wine and a wine glass, he coast the lonely shore as he let his foot dug at the sand and the other alternately. He went almost near the water, as he settled to watch the waves crawling to the shore and kiss his bare feet.
He drew his knees closer to his chest as he let himself lost in his thoughts for a while, not wanting to think about work, as it gives him more stress, he then finds himself thinking about the future, his future, exactly.
Soonyoung became successful at a young age without the help of anyone, even without the support that he wants to receive from his family.
When he graduated high school, his parents asked him what will he take as profession. Soonyoung knew—he knew that the moment he dropped those words, he would find himself as a disappointment for their family.
His parents owns a law firm. His parents both studied law, even his older brother studied law, because that's what their parents wants, obviously, they want that for Soonyoung too, but he let himself be rebellious.
Only this time, just for the sake of his dreams, his passion.
The moment he passed third-year high school, Soonyoung knew, he wanted to have his own brand of clothes, although, Soonyoung isn't into fashion, he always wanted to have one. That's why when he said he wanted to pursue fashion designing, his parents were disappointed big time and that's what Soonyoung already expected.
He already readied himself when the day comes and right exactly when it came, it was the biggest heartbreak he ever felt in his entire life.
He wanted to say that he was kidding, that it was just an impulsive decision—pressured by the fact that he needs to immediately decide as he was struggling finding his choice of career.
But no one knew, only he knew, that he didn't feel any guilt whenever he did even the slightest mistake, and worrying too much about how his parents would scold him and punish him like what the judiciary does in courts, punishing how serious offense a criminal did, but that time, Soonyoung didn't worry about that.
He didn't gain any support—although, even he doesn't admit, deep down, it's what he always wanted—the support of his parents and being accepted. Now that he's in his late twenties and his name came to everyone's knowledge, it was all enough for Soonyoung, he was grateful that it exceeded compared to what he only wanted, but as much as he doesn't want to think of it, he thinks a part of him is still missing.
As he finished thinking about his early years of difficulties and hardworks, his thought shifted immediately to another, and that's having a family of his own.
It shouldn't be difficult if you think about it. As a person who already has the capability to settle down because he already earns not only for himself but enough to secure the future of his children and even his children's children. However, it isn't enough, he thought, he doesn't even experience being in love at all, although he's open to being attracted to both genders. Soonyoung hasn't found anyone yet who will match any of his preference, out of his friend group, he's the only one who doesn't find his love life worrying. That's why his friends set him up for a lot of blind dates and so far, none of any of those people he met seemed to work out. He then decided not to think about that too much, but the truth is, he does, he worries and thinks about it too much.
Soonyoung wanted to find someone who will spend the rest of his life with.
After that, he then gets back to his reality and continued watching the gentle waves, the night was still peaceful, it was quiet, but enough for him to still hear the loud beats of the music from one of the nightclubs on the island. It was dark but the light from most of the cottages that were occupied by some people and the shining light from the moon set in front of him was enough for him to still see the wine bottle he was no near to finish as he has a small tolerance on alcohol and worrying that he might need to crawl from the shore to his cottage room later on.
He was about to go back as he felt he already acquired enough the picture of the vast sea, when suddenly, he unconsciously look at the almost far area of the water. He found something—or someone he assumes.
He observes whatever that person was doing, it was dark, so he couldn't manage to see them clearly, his brows furrowed as his assumption was slowly hitting him and as he stood up trying to answer whatever this person was doing.
Soonyoung hit himself mentally as he isn't quick-witted enough to notice the person was slowly drowning and takes him even a minute to realize it. He was almost panicking and his brain only can think of both things in a short span of time—what on earth this person could possibly be doing and decided to swim when it's already dark and the other one—thinking of ways how he can save them.
He was thinking about whether to call a lifeguard but it'll be too late now when he comes back, so, without thinking any further, he lets go of the wine glass he was holding earlier and went straight to the water, he tried to run in the water, enough for him to save that person immediately. He tried to carry the guy using his forearms as he placed them under his shoulder and tried to get him out of the water.
When they reached the shore, he let the guy lay down there and remain lost conscious, Soonyoung honestly didn't know what to do, albeit, he knows a little knowledge about resuscitation. He was somewhat panicking when he tried to mouth-to-mouth the guy.
Yes, it's a stranger he was almost making out with, but that didn't matter to him, as the guy's life was on the line.
After a few chest compressions, the guy, thank God, regain his consciousness and was coughing water he swallowed from drowning. Soonyoung sighed relief and asked the guy if he was now okay, it took long for him to receive a response from the guy.
"What are you doing at this time and decided to swim out there, you could've killed yourself."
Soonyoung said and tried to suppress being mad because he knows he doesn't even have the gut to be angry for the latter.
Now that he observe the guy more—this time, much closer—with the help of the moonlight struck upon them, he can see his eyes showing coldness and it was restless too, he thought. Something also caught his attention, the oatmeal cardigan the guy was wearing, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
The guy was wearing the cardigan Soonyoung designed himself, it was from the autumn collection he had years ago when his name bloomed to fame.
"What was he thinking, wearing a cardigan to swim in the water?" He thought to himself.
"What a weird choice of outfit to go for."
Another judgment he made, not noticing that he was trying to give the guy a head-to-toe look as if he's some sort of a mad man.
"Can you let go of me now?"
That stopped Soonyoung from his thoughts and was quickly embarrassed when he noticed he was still holding him in both of his shoulders. The tone of the guy was deep and nothing but cold compared to his eyes. Instead of being intimidated he was more taken aback. He slowly removed his pair of hands from the stranger and decided to sit beside him.
He laid his hands beside him, resting upon the sand, and as he let both of his legs loosen up reaching the water. He noticed the stranger drew his knees closer to his chest as he hugged them both, noticing how cold he was, but Soonyoung got nothing to offer since he was only wearing his Hawaiian shirt.
"Are you cold?"
He asked with concern but the stranger just slightly shook his head.
Silence came between the both of them, for seconds turn to minutes, it was awkward for a bit on Soonyoung's side, however, the stranger finds the silence comforting in contrast to Soonyoung's belief and he just let it like that.
"T—Thank you..." The stranger decided to break the silence.
Soonyoung turned his head to the stranger looking at him and showed him a little smile and a slight nod.
Then comes silence again.
"If it isn't because of you, I might be dead by now, so, thank you." The stranger added.
Soonyoung smiled again and this time the atmosphere become much more comfortable by now.
"Jihoon." The stranger offered his hands to Soonyoung.
He accepted it, it was soft and warm, as he mentally describe how he felt.
"Soonyoung."
He was supposed to give out his pen name 'Hoshi' but that would be silly, he thought, it's what everyone calls him though and he didn't want to say what he does for a living to whomever that easily, besides, it's pointless and it'll make him look conceited.
They both started talking and getting to know each other a little, and both then find out, they were from the same country. Jihoon's from Busan and he was from Namyangju but then moved to Seoul.
After a while of comfortable conversation about everything they could think of—both of them wondered how they became comfortable immediately with each other. Soonyoung then decided to ask Jihoon about the incident earlier.
"What happened out there? You already know that you aren't able to swim and possibly if you drown—which you did, no one can see you. And the fact that it was already dark."
As he has said that, the Jihoon he once talked to—apparently feeling all comfy with him—lost. If you look at Jihoon he isn't the type of guy you wouldn't want to mess with, although, he may seem soft and pretty much less aggressive, his cold aura could definitely make you think otherwise, but at least that's what Soonyoung thought.
Soonyoung felt guilty for asking that, the latter seemed to lose his smile, but he wasn't really smiling—those pair of eyes, it was different from the moment Soonyoung decided to address the incident.
"I... I—I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."
Even though Soonyoung was in fact uncertain if he offended Jihoon and as a result, he acted like that, he still thought it wasn't nice to ask that, maybe Jihoon was embarrassed to let the older know that he doesn't know how to swim.
To Jihoon's side, it's the opposite of what Soonyoung was thinking.
It isn't because Jihoon is embarrassed that Soonyoung would think he can't swim, it's the fact that he did it on purpose. Jihoon knows how to swim, he even took swimming lessons back when he was a kid.
The incident that happened earlier... it was on purpose.
[tw // suicide attempt , mention of suicide , character death]
Although Jihoon was drunk, his mind was still conscious when he decided to—well, end his life.
Depressing to think about, Jihoon is near losing his mind. He's sad, desperate, and lonely. He already tried attending a lot of therapy sessions with his Psychologist but none of them work.
This vacation to the Maldives was actually suggested by his therapist, to let himself unwind for a bit and maybe tried to forget, as well. He's trying to forget someone. Forget the fact that—someone was already gone long.
His boyfriend, Mingyu. Died almost two years ago due to a terminal illness.
That made Jihoon feel a severe stage of depression and in a long time of mourning, this trip was supposed to be fun, but he can't do fun, as he was feeling miserable and a lot of things made him remember his late boyfriend. He decided to go alone even though his friends and family were trying to persuade him to go with him. He knows they were worried about him. Worried by the fact that he might harm and put himself in danger, they couldn't avoid thinking like that, and the reason that the fact Jihoon had made countless times wherein he tried to put himself in danger.
In Jihoon's defense, he was hopeless, and he couldn't live his life anymore—It doesn't have a purpose anymore, now that Mingyu was gone. You couldn't blame Jihoon though, they were together for almost 9 years and those, not just the memories they've made but Mingyu's presence itself are impossible to forget.
There was a long silence between the two strangers again.
"I—It's okay..." Jihoon said hesitating, he wanted to explain himself to Soonyoung but couldn't manage to bring himself open to people.
Soonyoung, however, picked that up immediately. He knows Jihoon wanted to say something but couldn't make himself open to Soonyoung.
"Hey, you know, I just remembered,"
The once hesitant Jihoon looked up at Soonyoung, "Hmm?"
"That if you wanted to open up to a stranger, it's okay—they don't know you personally, so they can't judge you."
The older said and gave Jihoon a reassuring type of smile. Jihoon was still hesitant though—for a bit—he tried to make himself feel comfy with this stranger whom he owed his life with.
Soonyoung loses hope that Jihoon will open up to him, I guess he isn't the type of person to open up to a stranger, so he knows where he's coming from. He offered Jihoon the wine he was drinking earlier and Jihoon let himself have some, not minding the fact that they were sharing one glass.
When Jihoon started to open up a little, that's when Soonyoung was surprised.
It's the second time Jihoon made him feel like this.
"About earlier—It wasn't actually an incident—how should I tell you this... uhh—" Jihoon said.
Soonyoung didn't reply though, except for the fact that he was still surprised that Jihoon finally tried to open up to him, which made him all ears.
When Jihoon gets the hint that Soonyoung wanted to listen, he thought that there's no harm if he at least opens up to him.
"I mean I bet he wouldn't even listen, so what could lose?" Inner Jihoon said.
"It wasn't an incident, moreover, it was on purpose—I made it myself."
Jihoon said but he wasn't proud of that. He knows it's something not to be proud of.
Soonyoung gasped and touched his chest, he was acting as if he was just betrayed.
"You didn't! Why did you do that?"
He said to Jihoon who was now reluctantly smiling because he didn't know how exaggerated this stranger in front of him is.
But that didn't last long though, the supposed to smile that was forming on Jihoon's lips we're gone in just a span of seconds—his eyes were only hooded upon the water in front of him, and he was slightly swaying while his knees are still in front of him, trying to be in sync with the sound of the waves.
"I just... don't see what's the point of living anymore."
That saddens Soonyoung, he just didn't expect that there are people like Jihoon. He knows how hard it is to find your purpose, although Soonyoung believes the opposite, he still could bring himself to empathize with Jihoon's side.
That made the atmosphere become quieter for a moment but it wasn't awkward at all, rather it was actually comforting.
"The one that I love the most was now gone and I just felt a part of me just completely disappear."
When Soonyoung didn't reply, Jihoon just felt the urge to continue.
"My boyfriend, Mingyu. He died two years ago. I felt like, that part of me went after him that made me feel incomplete and I don't feel like myself anymore."
That made Soonyoung feel bad for Jihoon. He understands Jihoon enough because he once lost someone he loves before but he knows it isn't exactly the same compared to what Jihoon felt. Soonyoung understands because it's how he felt when his parents gave up on him just because of his passion.
Jihoon thought Soonyoung was like every other people he tried opening up with—like his therapist—he tells about how he felt in every time he visits for counseling, but he felt they doesn't genuinely listen to him, that they're just trying to do their job.
But Jihoon was wrong. He was wrong because for the first time he felt someone listened to him just for once.
"You know, Jihoon..." Soonyoung started.
He looked at the man first and made sure Jihoon was listening but instead, Jihoon looked back at him and he felt he was waiting for what's Soonyoung was about to say.
"I may not put myself in your place and we might not have exactly experienced the same thing, might not feel the same way you feel but I know where you're coming from."
Soonyoung knew he sucks at giving advices but what he's proud of is that he can emotionally connect to someone, this might be silly to think about but he's thanking his Myers Briggs personality type.
"I won't say that I hope you're going to be okay."
Jihoon looks at him all confused.
"Because no one feels okay after they lost someone a certain people but I know one day you'll get the closure that you deserve."
Soonyoung gave him a smile full of hope.
"But now that you're still in the process of dealing with all of this, I hope it shouldn't be an excuse for you to end your life just like that, wherever Mingyu is, I'm sure he also wants for you to be happy."
Jihoon just gave him a smile.
"May I?"
Soonyoung reached for Jihoon's one hand and Jihoon just let Soonyoung be. He then caressed the back of Jihoon's hand. Jihoon isn't sure why, but it soothes him for a bit.
"I may not help with your problems but at least in the meantime, I'll make sure you won't be alone."
Soonyoung stood up and patted his shorts, shortly after that, he offered his hands to Jihoon to stand up which made Jihoon confused.
"Where are we going?" Jihoon asked.
"Let's go have fun, just for tonight."
Soonyoung said while smiling and picked up the wine bottle and the glass they were sharing earlier.
Jihoon thought Soonyoung would bring him to the party at one of the nightclubs, instead, he was so surprised that Soonyoung lead him to a lighthouse and made him saw the whole island, it was shining because it was already dark enough but the lights made it more look enchanting.
They were quiet and from time to time Soonyoung asked how Jihoon felt and the younger was thankful for Soonyoung, at least for a bit he felt a little happiness after a long time, even though it was simple and he never thought this is how Soonyoung defines "fun" it made Jihoon forget the pain for a while.
After that they went back to their own respective cottage room, they never thought their rooms were beside each other.
"See you tomorrow, Jihoon, I hope you had fun." Soonyoung bubbly said.
"I sure did, Soonyoung, thank you." Jihoon replied.
They already went inside their room and Soonyoung was already planning in his mind the things he and Jihoon would do tomorrow to help Jihoon feel a little bit better until he fell asleep, safe to say, both of them sleep soundly.
At least that's what Soonyoung thought, after finding out the next morning that the person that occupies his cottage room beside his already left. He knocked a couple of times in Jihoon's room and the moment a staff told him the guy occupying the room already left without giving Soonyoung a notice, it was as if he felt a little betrayed.
That's why Soonyoung was so surprised when his secretary told him the CEO of the agency that handles Soonyoung's soon-to-be fashion week for his upcoming autumn collection wanted to meet him personally.
Soonyoung finds it a little weird for someone like a rich CEO who wanted him to meet in a coffee shop. Although he was uncertain, he still chose to come to the meeting place.
But what Soonyoung didn't expect more is whoever that person could possibly be.
The moment the CEO went inside the cafe, it was as if a bucket of cold water just got poured into Soonyoung. After months of that vacation trip from the Maldives, he thought it was the last time he would ever see that stranger, not until today.
He was wearing a quill grey trench coat paired with those cold eyes Soonyoung was familiar with. He noticed his hair we're a lot different compared to when he met him months ago in the Maldives, it was an ash grey, now it was an all-natural black, which perfectly matches his upturned dark eyes.
Soonyoung didn't notice how he unconsciously jaw dropped, both shocked on finding out who's this person he was meeting with and how a person like him could be this gorgeous.
Lo and behold, it was the guy he just saved one peaceful night from drowning back then, but what he didn't know is that he was trying to drown himself just because he was feeling the mourning of losing someone.
The fresh memory of the things that happened that night immediately went pasts Soonyoung's mind and finding out how Jihoon left him with no notice and months after would want to meet Soonyoung. He wasn't angry, he really wasn't, how could he? They were only a complete stranger so it was reasonable for Jihoon to just leave him like that.
Soonyoung shouldn't be angry, he was just sulking.
The fact that Jihoon just shared half of Jihoon's life during that one night, makes him want to protect Jihoon, but of course, Soonyoung wouldn't admit that he doesn't even acknowledge the thought to himself yet.
"Hi;"
The once intimidating aura of Jihoon was gone and was immediately shifted to a small smile. The awkwardness of the first time they met also went back. Soonyoung cleared his throat before saying anything to the younger.
"You're Mr. Lee?" Soonyoung sounded shocked.
"Long time no see, Mr. Kwon. I apologize for not saying goodbye to you the night after that, I'm still thankful for what you did for me back there even though I've drowned myself wearing the cardigan you've made."
Jihoon chuckled for a bit, Soonyoung examined him, and safe to say, Jihoon, seems a lot better now compared to before, and that made Soonyoung forget how he felt sad when Jihoon left him without the notice.
"It's nice meeting you again, Jihoon." Soonyoung said, finally showing his smile.
After that, they discussed the details of Soonyoung's upcoming fashion event that Jihoon's agency would handle, not leaving the fact that they are trying to catch up with each other. They just never thought they would meet each other again after that incident one peaceful night.
END