Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Doyoung has been on the road for some time now.

His hands are on the wheel, his knuckles stiff from his minimal movements for a great stretch of time. The road that lies ahead stretches far, the landscape wide and never-ending. The sun shines on the horizon, leaving nothing to escape from its bright rays. But it isn’t burning — just bright. Doyoung likes the feeling of the sun on his skin, like he’s never done so in his life.

Doyoung drives, mindless, on a long and empty road.

Tapping his fingers against the wheel, gaze roaming into the horizon.

Doyoung sighs. He needs an intervention.

The intervention comes in the form of a man standing at the side of the road, white shirt and lilac hair impossible to miss against the vast browns and greens of the landscape. His arms are extending on the road, his thumbs up. Doyoung takes it as a signal to pull up, slowing down to the side of the road until he comes to a halt. 

The man runs to the passenger side. A marvelous sight welcomes Doyoung as he does. Dreamy yet bright eyes, thick brows and eyelashes, full cheeks— he looks familiar to Doyoung. Has he seen him before? At the downtown perhaps?

“Where did you get this?” The man’s eyes roam around Doyoung’s truck, eyes full of curiosity and wonder.

Doyoung shrugs with a smug grin. This truck is his pride and joy in this lonely, lonely world after all.

“Oh, hey.” The man utters as he belatedly looks up from Doyoung’s truck to Doyoung, looking a little surprised. “Your hair, it’s blue.” 

Doyoung frowns, feeling a little odd. “It’s always been blue.” He juts his chin out towards the man. “Your lilac is fine too.”

The man purses his lips, dimples appearing on his cheeks. Doyoung raises an eyebrow.

“So where are you going?”

“To the gate.”

Doyoung frowns. He is going to the gate too.

“On foot?” Doyoung looks in front of him. The highway still runs long.

“I was hoping not.” The stranger shrugs, a smirk hanging on his lips. “So are you letting me in? You can drop me off where it’s convenient.”

Doyoung could say no just to be mean, but his hands are already numb from the long drive, and he really needs an intervention. 

“Only if you drive.”

The man smiles, all crinkling eyes and dimpled cheeks, before he rounds the truck to approach the driver side instead, lilac hair bouncing as he runs. Doyoung huffs before he shifts himself towards the passenger seat.

“I’m Doyoung.” Doyoung says as soon as the stranger settles on to the driver’s seat. He figures they should at least know each other’s name. 

The stranger’s arms are already on the wheel, but he reaches out to accept the offered hand anyway. Doyoung’s eyes land on the white band on his wrist. It looks very much like Doyoung’s.

“Jaehyun.” He says and Doyong nods. He repeats the name in his head, lets it roll in his tongue without a sound.

“It’s nice to meet you here, Doyoung.” 

Jaehyun grins, and they hit the road.

“So where are you going?” Jaehyun asks as he steps on the pedal, taking a glance at Doyoung. The wind blows into his face, Doyoung closes his eyes.

“To the gate.” 

Jaehyun glances at him again, and Doyoung opens his eyes just in time to see something unreadable in his expression. “You’re leaving already? But I just arrived?”

Doyoung scoffs. “Now what is that supposed to mean to me?” Jaehyun looks at him again with his eyebrows furrowed. Doyoung just shrugs. “I wasn’t planning to leave. And aren’t you going to the same place too? Does that mean you’re leaving?”

“I’m new here. I just wanted to explore.”

Doyoung takes a curious glance. “How long have you been here?”

For someone driving, Jaehyun barely looks at the road ahead, eyes always on Doyoung. In another universe, Doyoung would have scolded him. But here, it’s okay. No one dies here anyway.

“Two days.” Jaehyun answers.

“Oooh.” Doyoung mutters, nodding. “Well, then,” He leans in his seat and closes his eyes again.

 “Welcome to San Cielo.”

~

The highway is wide yet empty, Doyoung’s truck owning the dusty road. The mountains start appearing in his line of sight, a vast landscape of browns at the side of the road. The sky is decorated with an enormous mass of clouds, whites and blues above their head. The stranger— Jaehyun , his mind supplies— drives swiftly, recklessly, stepping on the pedal with much conviction. If it were any place other than San Cielo, Doyoung would have thrown the man out of the driver seat. 

But this is San Cielo. It’s safe here.

Cold air blows onto their faces, hairs swept away with the wind. Jaehyun’s hair is lilac, and Doyoung’s hair is a brilliant shade of blue. Doyoung thinks their colors complement well against the bright sky and these vast lands of dull hue.

It takes less time to reach the gate with their pace. The highway starts to slope upwards as they reach the foot of the mountain. A forest of pine trees starts to cover their vision. The road becomes harder, but they don’t slow down.

“We’re here.” Doyoung announces as they exit the forest.

Doyoung gets off as soon as the truck comes to a halt at the end of the road. From there the gate can already be seen, standing at the edge of the cliff in all its glory. Without a word, Doyoung treks the sloped path towards the peak.

He deviates before he can reach the gate, walking towards the side of the cliff instead. He stops right before his feet land in the thin air, breathing in the smell of the sea.

The sound of the waves crashing against rocks can be heard from where he stands, a hundred feet up from sea level. It’s loud, the waves buzzing with dormant strength—like a storm— filling up his ears with the sound of an ending. Doyoung stands on the edge, looking at the gate. He wonders, if it can end one day, why shouldn’t he end it now?

Ah, right. He was waiting.

“Woah.” A voice resonates from behind him. Doyoung remembers Jaehyun tailing after him.

“A Torii. ” He huffs, laughing. “I gotta say it kind of doesn’t fit the whole concept of San Cielo and yet at the same time it does.”

Doyoung turns to look at him, before he shifts his gaze back to the gate. At the edge of the mountain, it stands, a bright red shade contrasting the blue skies. 

Doyoung sits at the edge of the cliff, staring into the horizon. “This is the gate. If you cross it, you get to leave San Cielo.”

“Cool.” Jaehyun whistles, sitting beside Doyoung, letting his legs hang freely in the air. 

"How is that cool? Everything else— pain, pleasure, memories—” He points at the band on Jaehyun's wrist. "can be set using that. But to leave San Cielo, you have to drive on a mile-long road and trek up a mountain. Not to mention it’s on the edge of a cliff. I mean, what if I fall before passing through? Who's the asshole who thought of that?”

"Probably an adventurous guy?” Jaehyun chuckles. ”Or a romanticist. Most definitely a romantic.”

Doyoung throws him a look that says he’s disappointed with his answer. Jaehyun just shrugs.

“Well if you hate it so much, then why did you come here? You’re not even leaving.”

“I do want to leave,” Doyoung says, voice firm. “I just can’t.”

“What's stopping you then?" Jaehyun’s voice is louder than it had been earlier, battling against the dominant sound of the waves.

"I don’t know.” Doyoung shrugs. "I'm just… waiting."

"For?"

He looks down, running his thumb through the band on his own wrist. "I don't know. I don't remember."

There is a stretch of silence, a long hum of contemplation. The waves below them knock over a huge boulder, remnants splashing all the way up. Jaehyun waits for the waves to calm down a little, before he speaks again. "That's a shame, I thought I could inherit your truck if you left now."

Doyoung squints at him. "I see you had your agenda." He scrutinizes, before he erupts into a chuckle. Jaehyun laughs with him. Doyoung takes notice of the pretty crescents of his eyes.

Silence comes next, the sound of the waves being the only thing left in Doyoung's ears. Jaehyun takes a moment to just sit there with Doyoung, looking into the horizon, swaying his feet in the air. Jaehyun is a fantastic view as he sits at the edge of the cliff, but Doyoung chooses to look away and lie down instead, his feet kept hanging in the air.

"Aren’t you scared of heights?" There is slight laughter on Jaehyun’s voice that Doyoung hears but does not see, his eyes trained on the painted blue skies. 

"I am,” he answers, “This is me training myself. Just in case I do fall before passing through." 

“That’s some extreme way to train.”

“I know.” Doyoung grins. He hears Jaehyun chuckle.

Jaehyun stands up after a little while and takes a stroll around, leaving Doyoung on his own. Doyoung puts his arms behind his head as he flutters his eyes close, listening to the loud sound of the waves and the soft sound of Jaehyun's footsteps as he walks away.

With eyes closed, he tries to remember why he's still here.

And like that, sleep falls into him.

~

Doyoung wakes up to the scene of the mountains fading into the distance, the sound of an engine in his ears, and the wind blowing against his skin. Jaehyun is on the driver seat, his hands on the steering wheel, his lilac hair dancing with the wind. Doyoung thinks it’s very pretty.

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

Doyoung straightens from his slouched position, rubbing his eyes. There’s a soft melody of a song from his player that he belatedly notices playing in the background, so soft it makes him want to go back to sleep. Jaehyun must have played it.

"It's not morning." He blinks, the dark sky clearly indicating night time.

"Yeah. But it's almost, soon." Jaehyun chuckles, shaking his head a little, his eyes still on the road. The landscape is getting flatter now, the ocean gone from their vision. They will reach the town center soon.

Jaehyun glances at Doyoung with a smirk. "How is it that someone who’s afraid of heights slept so peacefully at the edge of the cliff? With feet hanging in the air, no less."

Doyoung flashes a lazy grin, slouching back to his seat. "Like I told you, I've trained myself.”

They drive in silence with Jaehyun sitting straight on his seat while Doyoung is curled up on his own. Jaehyun drives pretty fast, pretty reckless, and Doyoung understands because there are things you can only be once you're in San Cielo— recklessness, carelessness, unbounded courage. Jaehyun looks like a man who would make use of that.

It’s nice to have a company like Jaehyun, Doyoung thinks as he glances at his side. He drives for Doyoung, he’s comfortable to be around with, he doesn’t talk to Doyoung like they’re just strangers. 

And he’s the reason why Doyoung is still in San Cielo.

Jaehyun slowly steps on the break, the truck slowing down gradually before coming into a full stop at the side of the road. Doyoung looks at him in wonder, but with no fear. Being on an empty highway with a man he just met is nothing to be afraid of in San Cielo.

"What's up?" He asks. 

Jaehyun shrugs. "Your turn to drive. It's almost midnight."

It doesn't hit Doyoung immediately. He frowns at Jaehyun like he's living in another world for a few seconds before it sinks into him, the creases in his forehead straightening out. He nods his head slowly, his mouth hung open. "Wow. I should have asked you about this first but... you're not a resident yet?" 

Jaehyun nods. "A tourist."

"Oh," Doyoung says, dumbfounded. Not that there's anything wrong with befriending tourists, but Doyoung has made it a point to avoid them for his own fears, like feeling jealousy towards someone who still exists outside San Cielo. Doyoung's not too keen on hearing how fake this world actually is.

“How many hours do you stay?”

“Twelve.” Jaehyun looks at the band in his wrist. "You awake enough to drive?" 

Doyoung nods. "Will you come back?"

Jaehyun chuckles. Doyoung stares at his dimples extra longer just in case he doesn't get to see it again. "What, did you develop attachment to me already? 

“Maybe."

Jaehyun grimaces, squinting playfully at Doyoung.

"Well, I've got a minute left. Got anything else to say? Just in case it'll be the last time you'll see me." 

Doyoung pretends to think about it, making Jaehyun scoff. He shakes his head, turning away, until Doyoung speaks again.

"You should be the one thanking me for letting you hitchhike, but I’m thanking you anyway. 

“Thank you.” He smiles, genuine. “for being the intervention that I needed today. I would've been gone already if I hadn’t met you today, so thank you.”

There's a crease on Jaehyun's forehead when he says that, but it disappears when Doyoung offers his hand. "Nice to meet you Jaehyun, I hope I made today's visit to San Cielo a little more exciting."

The chuckle that bubbles out from Jaehyun’s lips is deep, his voice complimenting the soft music in the background. Doyoung finds comfort in that, because while everything else in this world is fake, Jaehyun feels so real, is still real, and instead of jealousy which he thought he would feel, Doyoung just feels in awe to have encountered someone like him.

Jaehyun reaches out and holds Doyoung's hand into his with a small smile. Midnight strikes, and then he's gone. 

~

The sun is up high in the sky, but Doyoung doesn't feel any heat. He's in his truck, parked in front of the Inn, waiting. From where he's seated, he can see the old creepy man by the lobby. He's looking at Doyoung again, smiling a creepy smile, something he always does when he sees Doyoung. Doyoung ignores him as he searches for a head of lilac instead.

"Doyoung." Someone knocks at his truck. Doyoung turns to see Seohyun, smiling at him so kindly. "Hey, why are you just out here? Why don't you come in? Mr. Kim would be glad if you do." She gestures to the old man in the reception hall, who smiles again at cue.

"No, I'd rather not." Doyoung declines politely. "I'm just looking for someone."

"A tourist?" Seohyun asks, even though the answer is obvious. All tourists are to stay in the Inn, after all.

Doyoung purses his lips reluctantly. Seohyun takes a step backward.

"There's a gathering at the town hall today. There’s a tourist who just became a permanent resident, so we’re throwing a welcoming party for him. Donghyuck organized it. You should come."

Doyoung wants to laugh. Becoming a resident of San Cielo isn’t exactly something to throw a party for. He bites his lower lip.

"I'll think about it."

"You should! You haven't attended gatherings since—” Seohyun pauses, catching herself. “for a long time now."

Doyoung notices her hesitation, the apology written on her face. It's true, Doyoung has distanced himself from the community for a long time now— ever since Taeyong passed through. 

He puts on his best smile. He doesn't want to trouble Seohyun. "Maybe I'll come by one of these days? Hopefully?" He lies. Seohyun looks relieved at that, smiling before waving a cheerful goodbye to Doyoung. 

Doyoung follows Seohyun with his sight as she enters the Inn, until he sees Mr. Kim smiling at him yet again. Doyoung looks away then, straightening on his seat and starting his engine.

WIth a weird feeling on his stomach, Doyoung steps on the pedal and drives away.

—

There's a spot of lilac at the side of the road.

The sun is hiding today, heavy clouds more prominent in the sky. Doyoung feels something bubbling at the pit of his stomach as he slows down to a stop at the side of the road, honking at the tourist.

"Doyoung!" Jaehyun beams, before he sprints to the side of his truck, cheerful.

“I’m going to the gate too. Hop on!” Doyoung offers.

Jaehyun shakes his head, “Oh, no. That’s not where I’m going this time.”

Taken aback, the smile on Doyoung’s lips falls. Of course, a tourist like Jaehyun wouldn’t fixate himself on leaving San Cielo like Doyoung. Why did Doyoung even assume he’s also going to the gate?

“Why are you taking the highway though? Is it on the way? Want me to drop you off?” Doyoung knows the highway leads to one only one destination, but he offers anyway. Jaehyun’s new and he might have been lost.

There’s a sparkle on Jaehyun’s eyes when he asks, “Would you mind a detour?” and truthfully, with that look on his eyes, Doyoung doesn’t mind, and so he nods. Jaehyun is quick to round the truck, climbing in the driver’s seat instead. Bewildered, Doyoung laughs, but he steps aside to the passenger seat anyway. 

Jaehyun steps on the pedal as soon as he’s in place. The wheels start to run smoothly on the concrete road.

"You were going to the gate today again? We can pass by before driving back to town."

Doyoung nods. Jaehyun beams.

"Great. I have another chance of inheriting your truck."

Doyoung laughs, loudly in the air. "Not today satan. I am not passing through today."

"Hey! No satan here." Jaehyun protests jokingly. "Only good boys in heaven."

Doyoung suppresses a laugh at the back of his throat, feeling something bubbling up his chest as he leans on his seat. It’s easy to get along with Jaehyun, he realizes. Like meeting an old friend on a journey infinite miles away from home. 

The sun is starting to peek from the clouds as they get closer to the mountains. Doyoung is always amused to see the weather changing, thankful for the little details that make San Cielo closer to reality. These little details are what had kept him going until now— the way the wind changes directions, how the waves can be monstrous one day and gentle the next, the greens turning into browns after some time. It's these little imitations that matter so much to Doyoung, things that make him feel a little more real, a little more alive.

"I didn't see you for three days.” Doyoung lets his curiosity take control of his tongue. “Where have you been?" 

“You’ve been looking for me?” Jaehyun smirks, glancing at Doyoung. “I had an operation. They're trying to save my organs from failing, or something. I guess it's successful though. They made me rest for two days before letting me log in."

Doyoung nods his head, slowly.

"I thought you went to— San Junipero, or something." He mumbles with uncertainty. He isn't sure how many heavens exist out there. 

"They don't allow entry in San Junipero anymore. They reopened a few years back but they closed it again. The server is full. And no offense but I won't even dream of visiting San Rico."

"Why? What's wrong with San Rico?" Doyoung hasn’t heard of San Rico before.

Jaehyun hums. “It’s just not a good place.” He answers, focusing on the road. “I’d really rather be in San Cielo. I mean, I made a friend here too.” He glances at Doyoung and smiles. Doyoung smiles back, before he relaxes back in his seat, curling against the door.

It isn’t long until his eyes flutter close, a rare sense of calmness relinquishing in him. With Jaehyun driving his truck, no matter how fast and reckless, Doyoung feels at peace. For one second, he isn’t thinking of leaving San Cielo.

But then he feels Jaehyun take a rough turn and Doyoung stirs on his seat, baffled. He opens his eyes to the view of the highway diverging into two, the one leading up to the gate fading into the distance as they take a road that Doyoung hasn’t taken yet before.

There’s no way Doyoung hadn’t seen this road before.

It runs alongside the empty railway that had been there for as long as Doyoung could remember, the one that crosses the highway just before the road starts to slope. There hadn’t been a road there before, just an empty track with no train to ever cater to.

“This is a new road. They uploaded it into the cloud just yesterday.” Jaehyun explains, sensing Doyoung’s confusion.

“How do you know that when you just got here?” Doyoung asks, wide-eyed.

Jaehyun smirks. “My body is literally in San Cielo’s central facility. I hear everything .”

Doyoung nods dumbfoundedly, looking around. He takes time to observe their surroundings, a side of San Cielo he hasn’t seen before. In the distance he can see windmills standing high, wings turning at a common speed. On one side of the road, the railway follows them to infinity. On the other side, the mountains start to disappear, the wind that smells of the sea getting stronger as they go, welcoming them.

Doyoung lives at the seaside in downtown San Cielo. He has a humble home there, a cabin facing the sea. Donghyuck lives right next to him. Joohyun too. Kyungsoo lives a few walks away.  Many locals choose to reside in that area, the sea offering a calm sense of heaven.

It isn’t crowded, but never empty.

The coast that welcomes Doyoung’s eyes as the mountains disappear and the soil turns into sand is empty, save for the seagulls playing on the shore. The waves are calm like it’s never been as he’s seen from the top of the cliff, with birds flying across the infinite sky. It looks just as beautiful as the beach back home, but for some reason, this view right now is making Doyoung stare in wonder.

Here is something Doyoung has never seen before.

Jaehyun pulls up the truck at the side of the road.

“Well?” He smirks, “ Welcome to San Cielo.”

“Jaehyun look!” 

Doyoung has his feet soaked in the water, his pants and sleeves rolled up.  Doyoung lives by the beach, but he hasn’t actually ever tried going down to the sea. He and Taeyong always kept a safe distance, opting to lie around the sand instead.

“Crabs!” Doyoung exclaims in joy, looking at the tiny crabs emerging from circular holes in the sand.

Jaehyun chuckles. “I’m pretty sure there are crabs near where you stay.”

Doyoung crouches down, trying to look at the tiny holes. “Maybe? Yeah? I think there is. Just that I haven’t actually gone down near the sea for a long time. Taeyong lost his life in the water, so he doesn’t like the sea.”

“Taeyong?”

“I had a friend here, once.” Doyoung smiles. “He already passed through though.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun mutters, crouching down with Doyoung.

“How about you?” Doyoung asks, “How did you— how did you get into the situation where you are now?” 

“It was a car crash.” Jaehyun casually answers, before he laughs when he sees the bewildered expression on Doyoung’s face.

“And you drive like that?” He asks, mouth hanging open.

“It’s not like I can get hurt here, Doyoung.”

Doyoung still has his eyebrows furrowed when he utters, “Figures.” It makes Jaehyun chuckle, mumbling about the funny look on his face. Doyoung goes back to watching the tiny hard-working crabs on the seafloor.

“How about you? How did you die?”

Doyoung gulps, shocked at Jaehyun’s straightforwardness. Everyone in San Cielo likes to downplay their situation by using fancy words— passed away, passed through, upgraded to permanent residency— when in truth it’s just what Jaehyun had just said: They’re dead.

Doyoung isn’t alive anymore.

He looks down and picks up a tiny crab. It walks around his palms in tiny steps. “I don’t know, I don’t remember.”

There is a moment of silence as Jaehyun hums, picking up a tiny crab as well. The seagulls flap their wings in the distance, the calming sound of the waves against his ears. The tiny crab in his palms moves towards his wrist, crawling against his skin, anchoring Doyoung’s thoughts from soaring away.

“I should have asked you this before but,” Jaehyun contemplates. “Did you erase your memories from your life?”

Doyoung looks at the band on his wrist, the tiny crab nipping on it. “I did.”

Jaehyun nods slowly, measuring his words.

“I figured. Can I ask why?”

Doyoung lets his hand soak in the seawater, letting the crab in his wrist run free. He looks up at Jaehyun and smiles, before standing up and going back to the dry shore. Jaehyun does the same, trailing behind him. They sit down on the warm sand, gazing at the horizon.

"Taeyong said that my memories were a burden to me, that they were only bringing me pain, and that I didn't want that— I didn't want to live a hell-like heaven.” He glances at Jaehyun. “He said I wanted to be free of my memories, so I chose to erase them."

Jaehyun is listening intently, eyes on Doyoung, letting his words sink in.

“Did it?” He asks, uncertain.

“Did it what?”

Jaehyun bites his lower lip. “Set you free?”

Doyoung lets out a heavy sigh.

Free is far from what Doyoung has been feeling for a long time. He feels the exact opposite— trapped, encaged into this promise of forever in the paradise that is San Cielo, bound into existing by the chains of memories he can’t even remember, waiting for someone he doesn’t even know anymore.

Doyoung isn’t free.

“For some time, it did.” is what he says instead, far from being ready to open wounds he had carefully tended to. Maybe, in another time, he can talk about it with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun nods his head slowly, before suddenly lying on his back against the warm fine sand. “Ah, my heart kind of hurts.”

Doyoung looks at him, surprised. “Why? What happened?”

Jaehyun hums playfully. “Might be my real body acting up. What if I pass away right now?”

Doyoung looks at him oddly for a moment, before he too proceeds to lie down on his back, settling beside Jaehyun. The sand sticks to his shirt, squeezes through his hair, clings into his skin. Doyoung looks at his side, at Jaehyun gazing at the bright, blue sky.

“Would you like that?” He asks.

Jaehyun raises his hands, reaching up into the sky. “Maybe.” He says as he clasps his fist around the air. 

“Don’t you have anyone you will leave behind?”

The question makes Jaehyun still, stiffening in his position. Doyoung wonders if he crossed a line, stepped into uncharted territory. Maybe he shouldn’t even believe Jaehyun right now. As if anyone would trade life for a fake paradise.

Jaehyun lets his arm fall down to his side, sighing. “I have a son. I don’t think I can leave him just yet.” He says, rather solemnly, before his eyes light up and he turns to Doyoung with an excited smile.

“Hey Doyoung, would you like to meet my son?”

Jaehyun's son is a nice kid with the prettiest eyes and the nicest smile. His eyebrows are thick and pretty, much like his father's, his lashes fluttering each time he laughs. He's just as beautiful as Jaehyun, if not more.

"Let me introduce you to my dearest son, Jaemin."

They're at the town hall, in one of the movie rooms where residents and tourists can view recorded events of their life. The ride back downtown took a little over an hour with Doyoung on the driver's seat. They've got less than two hours left before Jaehyun has to leave.

The movie room is small and can house probably not more than fifteen people, bringing a sense of intimacy to anyone inside the room. The floor is wooden, while the walls are painted dark. They usually use these rooms for counseling sessions.

Doyoung has his eyes fixated on the screen where a young boy is taught how to ride a bicycle by his father, Jaehyun, who's alive and well. Jaehyun on the screen looks a little bit older than the one right next to him, but still so— utterly breathtaking. He laughs when Jaemin whines as Jaehyun lets go of him, Jaemin scrambling to pedal and balance the bicycle outside of his father's grip. His laugh is a piece of music, his smile a scenery of its own.

Doyoung catches himself. It's not Jaehyun who he should be paying attention to.

"Jaemin is a cute boy." He comments, earning a chuckle from Jaehyun.

"He's six years old when he learned how to bike. Can you believe that?" Jaehyun says proudly, leaning forward in his seat. "At twelve, he learned ice skating. He's amazing like that."

Doyoung can't help but smile as he watches Jaehyun. "You look so proud of him."

Jaehyun glances at him, and then at the screen, a smile never leaving his face. "Yeah, I am."

Jaehyun apparently likes to record, which is why he has so much footage of Jaemin— Jaemin’s first speed-skating competition, Jaemin’s dance troupe, Jaemin’s thirteenth birthday, Jaemin’s first day in junior high— memories that are Jaehyun’s, memories he’s willing to share with Doyoung.

As he watches Jaemin grow from a sweet child into a handsome teenager, Doyoung wonders if he, too, had data aside from his memories that he asked to bring with him to San Cielo. If they have not been erased despite Doyoung not accessing them for so long. 

The next footage that shows on the screen is of a teenager Jaemin. He's standing in the middle of what looks like a wedding hall, back straight and posture unbelievably gorgeous. He has his brown hair swept back, eyes and smile charming as he greets other people in the hall. He's sixteen, Jaehyun informs him, but he looks a little more mature, so incredibly handsome.

"Oh, this one is recent." Jaehyun comments.

"Whose wedding?" Doyoung asks, curious.

“His mother’s wedding.” Jaehyun answers. Doyoung doesn’t ask further.

The bride approaches in a traditional wedding dress, making her way into Jaemin with her groom— not Jaehyun— following close. She hugs Jaemin tightly when she reaches him, and Jaemin hugs her back just as tight. They exchange words that Doyoung cannot hear, before they both look at the end of the hall, where another man is quietly sitting.

It’s Jaehyun.

Wearing casual clothes, isolated at one corner of the room.

Jaemin and his mother both wave at Jaehyun, smiling. Jaehyun waves back, smiling just as wide, looking so genuinely happy with the marriage of his son's mother to another man. Doyoung has questions to ask, but he keeps his lips tight.

“We broke up on good terms.” Jaehyun says, as if he’s read Doyoung’s mind. “Chaeyeon is a good friend, first and foremost.”

Doyoung can’t help but ask, “How did Jaemin take it?”

“Oh, Jaemin?” Jaehyun chuckles. “He’s a good kid. Really good kid. He had to go through his parents’ divorce at the young age of seven, but you know? He never blamed any of us for it. He’s been nothing but understanding. He’s… very strong.”

"I haven't been a perfect father, but he's been a perfect son. I really couldn't ask any more of him."

"Hey." Doyoung reaches out to give Jaehyun a pat on the back. "Give yourself some credit. I'm sure you did well enough for him.".

They share a small smile as the screen transitions into another scene, this one glaringly dull compared to the others. The camera is positioned at a high corner of the room. Jaemin is on the opposite corner, staring blankly into space. The room is all white, dull and pale, save for the neon blue logo of San Cielo stamped on the door. 

In the middle of the room, there is a bed, an almost lifeless body lying on it.

Jaehyun.

Doyoung realizes that it’s a live-streaming of his physical body’s condition. He was told that tourists have the privilege of this option.

Doyoung can barely see how Jaehyun looks like, with an oxygen mask and other apparatus covering his face. Even so, Doyoung can tell that he looks older, still young, but so much older than the Jaehyun he knows. His hair is dull, far from the pretty shade of lilac he wears in San Cielo. He also looks beaten up. The accident seemed to have damaged him heavily.

"Oh." Jaehyun beside him mumbles. "I- this isn't what I meant to show you."

Jaehyun is moving to turn off the screen, but Jaemin on the screen suddenly stands up from his seat. This makes Jaehyun stop in his tracks as he sees Jaemin standing next to his almost lifeless body, wordlessly. He falls back down on the couch, with Doyoung guiding him. Doyoung holds his breath, watching Jaehyun carefully.

And then Jaemin is crying, his shoulders shaking as he sinks down on his knees and sobs into his father's hospital gown, his cries an ugly contrast to the beeping sounds of the machines keeping Jaehyun alive. Jaemin is sixteen, far too tall than other people of his age, way too handsome and matured. But Jaemin is still just sixteen, and he needs his father with him.

Jaehyun has his eyes closed when Doyoung turns back to him, head turned down as he listens to the longing sobs of his son. Doyoung used to think that being a tourist is much better. Having the chance to live in both worlds sounds the most ideal because reality can be so taxing and yet there’s only so much of a peaceful paradise one can take. Living in both worlds seems like the better option. 

Considering Jaehyun’s case, Doyoung is starting to think twice.

Doyoung reaches out for Jaehyun's hand, squeezing it. Jaehyun squeezes back, and soon after they find themselves huddled together, Jaehyun leaning on to Doyoung’s shoulder, Jaemin’s cries their lullaby.

They stay like that until midnight strikes.

~

Loud music reverberates through the floor as Doyoung walks through a crowd of people in one of the pubs at dtown San Cielo. Bodies are pressed together, faces only inches apart as people flock at the center, dancing to lively and upbeat music. Colored lights dance around the room, the air reeking of the smell of alcohol. This part of San Cielo is it's most popular attraction, and up to this day Doyoung fails to understand that when San Cielo has so much more to offer.

Doyoung reaches the bar at the end of the room just as the music changes into a slow song, the people on the dance floor dispersing and going back to their respective seats. Doyoung turns back and scans his eyes around, searching for a ball of lilac.

Jaehyun isn't here.

Jaehyun hasn’t been around since yesterday. They weren't able to properly say goodbyes the other night, too caught up in the moment to notice the hour. Doyoung wonders if Jaehyun will still come, after what happened. It stings a little bit in his chest that he might not.

The bartender walks past his side of the bar and Doyoung orders a drink. It comes after not more than a minute, a bright blue drink in a cocktail glass. Doyoung takes a sip, before once again roaming his eyes around.

With all the years that went by, the appearance of the pub had also adapted to time, it's spaces renovated to fit the current trend. The lights used to be a lot warmer, the dance floor a lot smaller from the times when Doyoung would visit with Taeyong.

Taeyong liked the pubs in San Cielo, claiming he hasn't had enough of them in his life. Here, we can do what we couldn't in our life. We can be what we weren't, Doyoung. Taeyong had told him with sparkles in his eyes, a glint of life that Doyoung would do everything to keep.

They made it into a habit to come at least once a week, because Taeyong never danced in his life and was only learning how much he loved it here in San Cielo.

The last time Doyoung went here was the day Taeyong left, searching through the crowd in hopes Taeyong would still be here. Now, Doyoung is here for the same reason, except it isn’t Taeyong that he's looking for this time. And like Taeyong who wasn't there anymore, Jaehyun also isn't here.

Doyoung takes a sip from his drink. He wants to leave San Cielo.

“Doyoung hyung?” A voice calls from beside him. Doyoung lifts his head up in time to see Donghyuck smiling at him, looking fancy in his clothes and make-up as he sits in the stool next to Doyoung.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

“I thought I should pass by.” Doyoung shrugs at him, before turning back to his drink.

They make small talk as they sit together there in the bar. Donghyuck is good with people, good with talking, and if Doyoung isn’t in a bad place, he might be enjoying this uninvited company. Donghyuck keeps talking and Doyoung doesn’t want to look at him, doesn’t want to be having any conversation right now.

“You know hyung, it’s good that you’re here. You’ve been isolating yourself for a good while.” Donghyuck says, taking a sip at his own bottle of beer. “You’re always on the highway, or some other place, fantasizing to finally leave. I mean there’s nothing wrong with leaving, but if you’ve planned to stay, what’s the point of fixating yourself to that?”

Doyoung clicks his tongue thinking, ah, here it comes.

“Live a little, hyung.” Donghyuck tells Doyoung, who has been long dead.

There is another type of people aside from tourists that Doyoung has made a point to avoid: those who consider San Cielo as life. San Cielo, the beautiful paradise that slowly imprisoned Doyoung. Donghyuck is one of them, Taeyong too. No matter how much he knew he would like Donghyuck, Doyoung doesn’t want to be carried away by these kinds of people. Not again.

“Why do you keep calling me hyung?” Doyoung ignores the unsolicited advice and frowns at Donghyuck instead.

Donghyuck blinks at him, confused. “I’m not supposed to?”

Doyoung can feel himself glaring at an innocent man, but he can’t help it. He can feel his grip at his temper slowly loosening. “Well yes. Stop calling me that because it’s unsettling, Donghyuck. It’s bothering me. Just because you chose a young age to relive doesn’t mean you can go around pretending you are actually young. Don’t confuse San Cielo with reality.”

“Woah there.” Donghyuck laughs. setting his drink on the bar counter to cross his arms at Doyoung. “Well maybe I chose to relive this age because it’s the oldest I could choose. Ever thought of that, Doyoung-hyung?”

Doyoung’s eyes widen. “You passed away… that age?”

“Yes. I died young and you clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Donghyuck says nonchalantly, like he’s talking about the weather today. "What’s up with you, hyung?”

“S-Sorry.” Doyoung mutters, looking down, surprised at Donghyuck’s bluntness. Donghyuck looks a little over twenty, or perhaps younger. Is he even allowed to drink? Doyoung feels guilt creeping up his throat as he starts to wonder, how does it feel to have not lived your life long enough?

Maybe San Cielo really is life for other people. Doyoung feels stupid. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him today, but it’s clearly not Donghyuck’s fault.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a little… out of it.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “I knew there was something wrong with you being here in the first place. Why aren’t you with your hot tourist friend this time?” He asks, before he snaps a finger. “Ah, it’s because he’s getting counseling today, isn’t he?”

That makes Doyoung whip his head fast, turning to Donghyuck in surprise. “He is?”

“You didn’t know? I passed by one of the counsel rooms at the town hall and saw him there.”

“I — I haven’t seen him since yesterday.” Doyoung mutters. Oddly enough, the weight in his chest starts to waver. 

“I see. So that is what your problem is.” Donghyuck laughs maniacally, slapping his thigh with his palms. Doyoung looks at him like he’s grown a second head. “Hyung, congratulations!”

Doyoung stares at him dumbfoundedly. “What do you mean?”

“I’m saying, I’m glad there’s something to keep you grounded in here again.” Donghyuck says vaguely, but before Doyoung could further ask him, he hops off from his seat, his bottle of beer long forgotten on the bar counter. Donghyuck pats his clothes a little, before he starts walking away.

“Where are you going?” Doyoung asks.

“To your truck.” Donghyuck glances back. “There’s only four hours left until midnight, hyung. Let’s go.”

There is a crowd of people on the beach in front of the Inn, forming a big circle as they sit on the sand with a bonfire lit at the center. From where he’s parked his truck, Doyoung can already see a head of lilac sitting amongst the crowd. He sighs in relief. Jaehyun is here. Seeing his son last night didn’t chase him away from ever coming back. 

“You’re not very self-aware aren’t you, hyung?” Donghyuck says vaguely, before he jumps off Doyoung’s truck. Doyoung chooses to ignore whatever he has said.

“Donghyuck!” Seohyun yells, running towards Donghyuck. Doyoung watches as he hops off his truck.

“How can you be late? You’re the one who organized this!” She nags at Donghyuck, pinching at his side. Donghyuck shrieks away as he laughs.

“Sorry!” Donghyuck laughs, “But look who I brought with me.” He says, pointing at Doyoung with his lips.

Seohyun finally notices him, delight slowly showing in her expression.

“Doyoung, I’m so glad you decided to participate today!” She exclaims, grabbing Doyoung at his arms. 

Doyoung has absolutely no plans of participating in anything. He just went here because Donghyuck said that Jaehyun was here, and Doyoung wanted to see him with his own two eyes. But Seohyun is already pulling him, ushering him towards the encircled group of people. Seohyun is too kind and Doyoung is too polite to say no at this point. 

Jaehyun waves his hands when he sees Doyoung walking towards the bonfire, and that makes Seohyun decide to drag Doyoung to where Jaehyun is sitting, reluctantly plopping down the sand beside him. Doyoung briefly scans the crowd to see a woman standing up and speaking. He also sees Donghyuck sitting beside a boy who looks around his age, before Jaehyun taps him on his shoulders.

“Where were you?” Jaehyun asks with a smile, his dimples peeking at his cheeks. Doyoung takes a second to look at it. “I waited for an hour on the highway thinking you’d show up. You didn’t go to the gate today?”

I was looking for you, Doyoung doesn’t say. I thought you wouldn’t come back.

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for a reply. He doesn’t get one as the crowd suddenly claps, the woman speaking earlier now taking a seat while the boy beside Donghyuck stands up, smiling shyly at the crowd. Everyone turns their attention to the boy, Doyoung included.

“Hi, I’m Mark.” the boy— Mark, greets. “I’m a new resident. Been a tourist for a long while and now finally a resident.” He laughs, scratching the back of his neck bashfully. Doyoung looks at Jaehyun from the corner of his eyes.

Mark tells his story to the crowd. He’s a boy with a chronic heart disease, one who spent the last years of his life within the four corners of his hospital room. He graduated from college, got a good-paying job in a huge company. He was just about to start building his dreams when he got his first heart attack and had to quit his job and get admitted to the hospital. At age 45, he first entered San Cielo as a visitor. Four years later, he passed away.  

“It was a miracle that I even lived that much. I mean, one more year and I could’ve reached fifty. That’s half of a hundred already.” He laughs again, some others join him, but Doyoung can’t find it in him to laugh along as he stares at the expression written on Mark’s face.

Regret.

Mark looks down at his feet. “But yeah, less than half of a hundred isn’t enough for me. Maybe even a hundred wouldn’t do.” The laughing stops, the crowd going quiet. The only sound that remains is the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, and the crackling sounds the bonfire makes as it devours the wooden twigs.

Doyoung sees Donghyuck reaching out for Mark’s hand. “I had a lot of dreams, but I had to stop chasing them when I was just in my twenties.” 

“I didn’t want to stop living, I wanted to keep fighting.” He lifts his head. “So I chose to relive this era of mine from when I was still free, young, and still healthy. Maybe I couldn’t chase the same dream that I had in my life, but maybe I could find another thing to chase here. Right?”

There’s a buzz from the crowd, some words of encouragement thrown in the air. Mark glances at Donghyuck, before turning back to the group. “I’m really thankful I chose San Cielo. A lot of people here made me realize that death isn’t the end— there is life after death, too. And simple things like this make me want to go on.”

Mark bows his head, signaling the end of his turn. Everyone claps as he takes his seat, and Doyoung realizes how important the sense of community that San Cielo had built over time really is. For the longest time, Doyoung couldn’t accept their existence as a part of reality. They’re just mere data now, uploaded and stored in a cloud server.  Hearing Mark’s speech makes him want to believe otherwise.

The bonfire event ends an hour before midnight, giving the tourists ample time to enjoy the night before bidding their goodbyes. The rest who didn’t get their turn to share are encouraged to participate in the next session— Jaehyun and Doyoung included. Doyoung wanted to refuse. He had nothing to share for he doesn’t remember his life, but Jaehyun wanted to go, and Doyoung had nothing better to do.

“You didn’t answer my question earlier.” Jaehyun says as the two of them walk away from the crowd, side by side along the shore. The waves crawl through the sand and make its way into their feet, but Jaehyun doesn’t mind and neither does Doyoung.

“Where have you been?”

“I think I’m the one who should ask you that.” Doyoung side eyes him. “It was worrying to not see you after—” He shrugs. “What happened the other day.”

“Nothing to worry about Doyoung, I just logged out for a day. I just didn’t want to think— is all.” Jaehyun chuckles, looking ahead. “It’s not like my reality has changed after seeing Jaemin suffering. I’m still unable to be with him even if I don’t log in.”

Jaehyun sighs. “And then earlier today, I thought I should seek counseling to get a better grip of myself, and maybe slowly accept this new reality of mine. I did wait for you on the highway before going to the town hall, but you didn’t come. Where have you been?”

Doyoung shrugs. “Just visited a few pubs downtown.”

“Oh so you’re a pub person, I see.”

Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head as he kicks a pile of sand mindlessly “No, I just— I haven’t been there for a while so I thought I could come to visit. Couldn’t stay for long because I bumped into Donghyuck and he dragged me here.”

“Donghyuck, the young resident, right?” Jaehyun asks, Doyoung nods. “I was able to talk to Mark before the bonfire event. He said Donghyuck’s dream is to be a social worker, that’s why he’s going out of his way to prepare all these kinds of things. Isn’t that amazing, Doyoung? How he’s somehow still achieved his dream in San Cielo?”

There’s a sparkle in Jaehyun's eyes as he says those words to Doyoung, and Doyoung can’t help the feeling of endearment bubbling in his chest. It took him Donghyuck and Mark's stories to almost believe that San Cielo is a good place, but why do a few words from Jaehyun make him want to completely believe that?

“Do you know that outside, San Cielo has the highest satisfaction rate? Even more so than San Junipero.” Jaehyun says matter-of-factly, a hint of playfulness in his voice. “They say people stay longer here than the other existing cloud servers. I think it boils down to the community that is built in here, supporting each other instead of being mere strangers, don’t you think?”

Doyoung does think so. “Is it not because San Cielo has stubborn people like me who refuse to pass through for no reason?” He jokes, and Jaehyun laughs good-naturedly. 

“Maybe.” Jaehyun smiles, before he jabs at Doyoung’s side with an elbow. “Hey, I haven’t actually been to downtown. Do you want to go back there tomorrow?”

“Are you serious?” Doyoung scoffs. “How come? What have you been doing in those two days you were here before I met you?” 

“Just going here and there.” Jaehyun pouts, looking at the sand. “Come on, instead of going to the gate every day, explore San Cielo with me.”

Doyoung looks at him ridiculously. “Jaehyun, I’ve lived here for more than a decade already. I’ve reached every nook and corner that I could.”

“But it’s your first time seeing the beach we went to the other day, right?” Jaehyun grins, eyeing Doyoung playfully. “Who knows, maybe I could still show you something new.” 

And really, Doyoung does believe what Jaehyun says. He’s known San Cielo for as long as he could remember, but he feels as if he’s rediscovering it when he’s with Jaehyun. 

Doyoung stops on his tracks, breathing in the air that smells of the sea. The waves reach his feet, squeezing in between his toes. Jaehyun stops too upon noticing Doyoung. He looks back, his lilac hair blown away by the breeze. Jaehyun is beautiful, and unlike what Donghyuck thinks, Doyoung is absolutely, utterly aware of how much Jaehyun is affecting him.

“You know, I’ve thought of passing through today again.” because I thought I wouldn’t see you again doesn’t get past his lips. It’s a cruel wish to cage someone who's still somehow free. Doyoung swallows those words down his throat. “So yeah, let’s explore San Cielo together. Maybe I could find something else other than my stupid promise to keep me in this artificial world.”

Jaehyun’s eyes glint in the darkness. Doyoung cracks a small smile. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to affect their satisfaction rate that you were so proud of, after all.” 

Jaehyun laughs at that, walking back to where Doyoung is standing still. He grabs Doyoung in the arm to walk a little farther on the shore, before he pulls him down to lie on the sand.

They stay like that— lying down on the sand with the calm sound of the waves kissing the shore. Jaehyun points at the stars and traces the constellations he can remember while Doyoung laughs and tells him that it’s all fake. Jaehyun says it doesn’t matter, because even something artificial could be beautiful.

When midnight strikes, Doyoung is left gazing at the sky. Alone.

~

San Cielo, according to Jaehyun, is the third cloud server to appear in the market after the breakthrough that is San Junipero. The need for new cloud servers arose when San Junipero began experiencing bugs and failures as its demand increased. Along with that, an unfortunate incident marked the start of its downfall.

San Rico was developed next by the same company, a place much more extravagant and lavish than San Junipero could ever be, a place of unfulfilled materialistic desires. New features were introduced, updates and developments that the previous cloud server does not possess. San Rico had stirred the thought of the afterlife into a totally different direction— its existence falling into capitalistic structures, it's market price soaring up the roof. It was a good investment for a lifetime of luxury, they said. Doyoung can't help but grimace at just the idea of it. Jaehyun admitted that he hates the very thought of San Rico.

San Cielo on the other hand was developed by a no-name company. San Cielo went back to the humble beginnings of San Junipero. A place close to nature, where the sea comforts the soul, the vast expanse of greens and browns please the eyes, and the sky covers one's vision. Doyoung thinks, if heaven existed, it would look exactly like this.

Doyoung has quite liked San Cielo.

He hadn’t liked San Cielo for a while now.

Jaehyun's hand is holding onto Doyoung's wrist, pulling him into the dance floor. There's a big smile on his face as he ushers Doyoung through the crowd of dancing people. There are bodies close to him other than Jaehyun, but Doyoung doesn't mind, zooming into the smile on Jaehyun's face and the sparkle in his eyes. Jaehyun looks beautiful standing in front of him, the bar lights hitting his face from all directions, illuminating his profile from different angles. Doyoung can't stop looking, can't stop smiling.

Doyoung thinks, if angels existed, they would look exactly like Jaehyun.

"Doyoung!" Jaehyun yells over the loud music. "C'mon, dance!"

Doyoung laughs, waving him off. "I don't dance!"

"You do!" Jaehyun chuckles, inching closer. "You can!" He says into his ear, his hand resting on Doyoung's shoulders before it slides down to his hand once more as he urges him into a dance. Doyoung shakes his head— he doesn't remember ever dancing— but Jaehyun is so close, one hand on his shoulder, one hand holding onto his as he guides Doyoung into his steps.

And really, Doyoung is weak. He's so weak.

It doesn't take long before Doyoung is swaying with the rhythm, mimicking the steps Jaehyun does in front of him. Jaehyun's movements are fluid as he dances, while Doyoung swears he looks like he has disconnected limbs. Jaehyun laughs when Doyoung whispers that, telling him that he's doing fine before he holds onto Doyoung and twirls him around. Doyoung is surprised but he manages to comply, giggling as he faces Jaehyun once more. They dance to the rest of the song talking and laughing like that.

When the song ends, Jaehyun gives Doyoung a hug. Doyoung is long dead, but he swears he feels something thumping within him as Jaehyun’s lips touch the tip of his ears.

I like it here with you, Jaehyun whispers.

Doyoung has quite liked San Cielo now.

Chapter Text

There are a few tourists scattered around the town hall mingling and socializing when Doyoung arrives the next day at sunset. It’s another community day for the residents and tourists of San Cielo, with some residents organizing their own programs. Kyungsoo still runs the cooking lessons that he and Taeyong used to attend. Joohyun organizes a small community garden. Donghyuck is having another bonfire event at night. 

Doyoung sits on one of the benches, not particularly having anything he wants to do. Jaehyun is in one of the counseling rooms, he had a scheduled session this afternoon. He and Doyoung decided to spend the afternoon separately today and meet at night before the bonfire. Doyoung, used to driving to the gate the moment he wakes up, ends up at the town hall after a significant amount of time doing nothing at home.

He’s tapping his feet on the floor while waiting for the sun to set when he feels someone taking the seat beside him.

“Hi, Doyoung.” The old man at the Inn— Mr. Kim— greets. 

There is always an uncomfortable feeling in his chest whenever Mr. Kim does as much as look at him, but Doyoung pushes that away to greet him back, not wanting to be impolite. “Hello, Mr. Kim.”

Mr. Kim looks around. “Where is your tourist friend? You’re not with him this time?”

Doyoung frowns. Does everyone here recognize him now as a friend of a tourist? Donghyuck had asked him in this manner too. Are they expected to always come as a pair now?

Mr. Kim seems to have noticed the frown on his face, so he explains. “It’s just that I’ve seen you going around downtown with him lately.”

Doyoung hums. Indeed, He and Jaehyun had been hopping from place to place, playing around like little kids, setting competitions on the most useless things.

“I like him.” Mr. Kim says. “I like how he’s affecting you. You’re having fun lately.”

Doyoung tries not to grimace. He likes having fun with Jaehyun too, but for some reason, he doesn’t want to agree with anything that comes from Mr. Kim.

“Thank you for your input, Mr. Kim.” Doyoung tries to be polite, so he bites his tongue to hold himself from saying, even though I didn’t even ask for it.

“You speak so formally to me.” Mr. Kim laughs. “You can call me ahjussi, like everyone else does.”

“Seohyun calls you Mr. Kim.” He retorts. Doyoung really doesn’t want to be friendly to this old man.

“Seohyun is not from here.” Mr. Kim reasons, “She’s not one of us.”

Doyoung pauses.

The community-centric feature of San Cielo wasn’t born out of the resident’s initiatives. It was the exact intention of the developers to put a few people inside that would act as community organizers— to support the residents and provide them an anchor to this world. Seohyun is one of them, an employee of San Cielo. 

Doyoung nods his head, but he doesn’t cave in. “My point still stands.”

“Still stubborn as ever.” Mr. Kim laughs again, the wrinkles on his skin becoming even more prominent as he does. His voice sounds a little ragged, his laugh sounding a little out of breath. Doyoung watches and wonders, in a world where you can choose eternal youth, why did Mr. Kim choose otherwise?

He says that out loud.

Mr. Kim stops laughing and stares at him, a little taken aback. It takes him a few moments to take it in, with Doyoung staring at him unabashedly.

“Well,” he starts, “I think most of us choose to relive the age we have most regrets with, right?” He tips his head towards Doyoung. “Didn’t you choose that age of yours because of the same reason?”

Doyoung shrugs. “I wouldn’t know. I erased my memories.”

“Ah, right.” Mr. Kim nods. “Well, that’s my reason. I wasn’t able to be a father enough for my son when I was at this age. If I bump into him here, I’d like to take the chance of trying to be his father again. I’m trading my youth for that opportunity”

Mr. Kim smiles as he looks at the sunset. “Maybe it’s my lame way of thinking I can make it up to him. or maybe it’s me punishing myself for every pain I have caused him.” 

Doyoung takes his time to ponder on his thoughts. Even Mr. Kim— who irks him for no particular reason— has a story. Everyone in San Cielo has a history. They’re people who lived, once. Doyoung too, even though he can’t remember it. His existence was once more than a fragment of data. 

“So you’re like me.” Doyoung mumbles, looking up to Mr. Kim. “You’re waiting here, too.”

“Like you.” Mr. Kim mimics, letting the words roll slowly on his tongue, before he laughs again. Doyoung couldn’t tell if he’s faking it or he’s just a happy old man. “Yeah. You could say that. I do think we’re alike—” 

“Doyoung.” a familiar voice suddenly calls, pulling Doyoung’s attention away from Mr. Kim to Jaehyun who’s standing in front of the bench, eyebrows furrowed as he looks between the two of them.

His gaze stops at Mr. Kim. “You’re here early.”

Doyoung looks at Mr. Kim, then back at Jaehyun.

“Well then, I shall take my leave.” Mr. Kim suddenly stands up from his seat, greeting Jaehyun with a bow. Jaehyun returns the gesture, looking rather hesitant as he does so. “Thank you for indulging me in a conversation, Doyoung.”

Doyoung nods in acknowledgment, and Mr. Kim gives the two of them one last smile before walking away.

“Do you know him?” Jaehyun asks, looking at Mr. Kim’s back as he walks towards a circle of people, greeting them. 

“Mr. Kim. He’s the caretaker at the inn.” Doyoung answers simply, before he eyes Jaehyun oddly. “Do you not know him?”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I don’t.”

“How come? He’s always at the Inn.”

Jaehyun shrugs. “I don’t know, I just— I never bumped into him.” He looks back at Mr. Kim once more, before turning to Doyoung, holding onto his wrist.

 “Anyway, let’s go. The bonfire’s starting as soon as the sun sets.” 

Unlike last time, Donghyuck is the one who starts the event as he stands there in the middle of the circle they have formed, the bonfire beside him lighting up his features. Doyoung thinks that Donghyuck looks magnificent— how his honey skin illuminates the light from the flames, his honey-colored hair swaying with the air. How he stands there, full of confidence, despite probably having lived the least out of everyone. How he managed to come up and do something like this to help other people. How an existence so small and insignificant and artificial like his still managed to touch others— both the dead and the living.

“There is only one reason why I started facilitating these support group sessions,” Donghyuck says to the crowd, eyes sparkling. Doyoung had never seen more life on someone supposedly dead. “ I consider San Cielo an extension of my life. I am happy here.”

“That’s not to say I want everyone to look at it the way I do. We accept you here, however you view San Cielo. I just hope we could at least work our way onto a mutual understanding.”

A tourist named Taeyeon is the first to talk after Donghyuck’s opening speech. She’s a young-looking woman with golden blonde hair, curly locks flowing down to her waist. “I’m 83 now.” She says with confidence, and then chuckles, “I’m just old, I have too many complications.”

“I’ve been visiting San Cielo for quite some time. I think it’s a very lovely place. I like the pubs here, and the people. Outside the cloud, it’s— not a good place anymore. There are just too many wrong things, injustices, happening around. I think San Cielo is a good place compared to outside”

According to Taeyeon, earning a living outside the cloud is difficult especially for average people like her, for the world has fallen to capitalistic structures, eating away the quality of life of those below. Her children are barely scraping by, living from paycheck to paycheck, but despite that, they still set aside money to purchase paradise for their beloved mother. Taeyeon doesn’t want to burden them any further, but they worked hard for her to be here. The most she could do is enjoy the little paradise they let her have.

Then she looks down, unconsciously running her toe on the sand. “But if you ask me If I want to finally become a resident because of all that, I do not.”

She lifts her head. “Everyone I’ve ever loved is still there. I don’t want to be where they are not around.”

Doyoung wonders if that’s what heaven is supposed to be like— a place where you can live peacefully with your loved ones. He wonders, is that why he’s waiting? Was he waiting for someone he so loved he believed they could finally make San Cielo feel like heaven to him?

And then he wonders, is that why Taeyong left after all?

“I want to live,” Taeyeon states, firmly. Doyoung looks at Jaehyun from the corner of his eyes. “But it’s not meant for me, I hope you can help me accept it.”

The turns go on as the night goes deeper, different tourists and residents speaking up and sharing their views and story. Doyoung listens attentively to each of them. Each person has their own history that Doyoung could always pick something up from.

Jaehyun is the last to speak for the night. He looks at Doyoung with a playful smile when his name is called, before standing up, patting the sand off from his clothes.

“Hi, I’m Jaehyun. Tourist.” He starts, looking at Doyoung again. Doyoung nods encouragingly. Jaehyun looks back to the crowd. “I’ve been here in San Cielo for like, two weeks?”

“I’ve been in a coma for almost half a year now.” Jaehyun starts, eyes looking straight at the flickering flames of the bonfire. “I have a son, he’s sixteen. As my only guardian, he couldn’t enroll me right away. He had to wait for his mom to come back from the U.S. to enroll me in San Cielo. His mom has moved there for good.” Jaehyun tells the rest of his story to the crowd, all of which he had already told Doyoung. He was divorced. Chaeyeon remarried. Jaemin had just started preparing for college entrance exams.

“In all honesty, if you ask me, maybe I do want to stay here.” Jaehyun looks down to his feet. “I’m just— tired. Life hasn’t been good since the one I love left me.”

Doyoung feels a weight on his chest upon hearing that, feeling sorry for Jaehyun. Despite what he said in the media room that night, his divorce must have wounded him.

Then he turns to Doyoung again, giving him a look, before turning back to the crowd. “Jaemin is the only reason I am holding on. My reason for wanting to stay is plenty enough, but even so, I think Jaemin is bigger than that.” 

Jaehyun ends the session by thanking everyone for participating tonight. He thanked Donghyuck who organized this. He thanked the tourists and residents who had shared their stories, saying he learned a lot from them. Lastly, he thanked Doyoung.

“Thank you,” He says, a smile on his face. “for making San Cielo enjoyable for me.”

They sit on the shore as they spend the last hour before Jaehyun has to leave. The sea has somehow become their place, whether it be here or at the beach that Jaehyun found. Doyoung would pick the coastal area of San Cielo over the downtown on any given day.

Jaehyun lies on his back again. He likes doing that, he said. He likes feeling the sand between his hair. He reaches out to Doyoung to pull him down and Doyoung humors him, lying on his back beside him.

“Hey, Doyoung.” He says just as Doyoung settles down. “When is your birthday?”

Doyoung laughs ridiculously. “Are you seriously asking me that? I’m dead, Jaehyun. I’ve been dead for a long time.”

 “And? You’re still here anyway!” Jaehyun retaliates, frowning. “That should mean you’re still allowed to celebrate your birth.”

Doyoung shrugs. “Well if you insist, know that I forgot my birthday when I chose to erase my memories.” He brings one of his hands up, letting his head rest on his palm. “And sorry to break it to you but even if some residents here do remember their birthday, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone celebrating it. It’s just… ironic?”

“Time is a concept lost in San Cielo anyway. We only know night and day here.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Donghyuck remembers his birthday and celebrates it. I asked him when I met him this morning. Also, he keeps track of the date. He knows it’s February right now.”

Doyoung looks at Jaehyun oddly. “I do not know that.” He admits. He can only tell the season with the way their interface adapts to reality. He knows that winter is almost ending with the way the wind is cold and how it hasn’t snowed for a while now. 

“I think,” Doyoung pauses, pushing his tongue against his teeth. “I think Donghyuck is the weird one for knowing that.” 

Jaehyun chuckles, the sound of the waves accompanying his sweet, sweet voice. Doyoung turns to his side to look at him instead. He’s just as pretty as the night sky anyway.

Jaehyun turns to his side too, his head resting on his bent arm, his eyes on Doyoung. “It’s my birthday tomorrow.” He whispers.

Doyoung’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? We should celebrate then!”

“I thought you don’t celebrate birthdays?”

Doyoung jabs him with his knuckles, laughing. “You’re not like me, you’re still alive.”

“And so are you! Technology has given you the extension of life.” Jaehyun counters, Doyoung could only shake his head in disbelief.

Then Jaehyun snuggles closer to Doyoung, their faces only a few inches apart. “So I was thinking, since you don’t know your birthday, why don’t we celebrate it tomorrow as well?” Doyoung opens his mouth to disapprove but Jaehyun is quick to insist. “Oh humor me, will you? Let’s just do something you want to do. Go to a place where you want to go to.”

Doyoung sighs, giving up. “Like I said, I have been everywhere I could be in San Cielo.”

“You don’t know that.” Jaehyun squints at him. “Well, I’m sure you have a go-to place in here? Someplace where you find comfort.”

Doyoung ponders for a while, looking up at the sky, then looking back at Jaehyun. “Then… I want to go to the gate.  I haven’t been there since the day we first met.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “The gate of San Cielo comforts you?”

“Yeah. I—” Doyoung sighs. “For the longest time, my existence revolved around waiting for the time I can finally leave. It’s like assuring me I can just do that. So yeah, being where I can see the gate comforts me, even though going all the way there is such a pain in the ass.”

Jaehyun hums, taking Doyoung’s words in. He looks at Doyoung’s eyes, his gaze soft, his features illuminated under the moonlight. 

“Alright. Then tomorrow, let’s go to the gate?” Jaehyun asks.

Doyoung looks at him and nods. 

“Yeah.”

~

The first time Doyoung had been to the gate was many, many years ago— too many he could not count in his fingers. Taeyong had told him that he wanted to leave together, that if they couldn't grow old, the least they could do is leave together.

But Doyoung wasn't ready yet.

He is waiting.

Taeyong understood that more than anyone. He was the only one in this world who holds Doyoung’s memories, memories that Doyoung himself could not remember anymore. Taeyong is the one who knows why Doyoung chose to erase his memories, the one who reminded him that he had a promise to be kept. Everything Doyoung had shared to him before that, Taeyong had kept dearly. 

“You liked dramas outside the cloud.” Taeyong had informed him during one of their mundane days. “Like those television dramas, you said you loved them so much you spent nights binge-watching them.” He had laughed. “And yes you had an unhealthy sleeping schedule.” 

“I did?” is all Doyoung would ask every time Taeyong would say a random fact about him. It was like he knew Doyoung more than Doyoung knew about himself. 

Perhaps it was the reason why he had accepted when Doyoung said he wasn’t ready to go just yet.

“It was selfish of me to ask.” Taeyong had apologized. “You have a reason for staying, and I have a reason for leaving.”

Taeyong had asked Doyoung to drive him to the gate as their last quest together, decided and courageous and ready to turn into nothingness. Nothing exists beyond the cloud. The afterlife is San Cielo, the two other existing cloud servers, and nothing else.

“You could stay.” Doyoung had said when they were already standing right in front of the gate, with Taeyong a few steps ahead of him. 

“You know I can’t. I’ve stayed long enough." Taeyong had turned back, facing Doyoung. Doyoung saw his eyes that were free of sadness and doubts. Taeyong’s eyes were as clear as day.

"I have someone I promised forever to. It’s not fair for me to spend it without him.”

How about me?  Doyoung could not say. He knew he didn’t have the right to. They were just two strangers, two lost souls who met in this artificial paradise. 

Taeyong had stepped towards Doyoung, his hand cupping Doyoung’s face, caressing his cheek, his thumb across the scar beside his lips. “San Cielo was worthwhile, with you.” He had said with a smile.

That last smile of his that will stay imprinted in Doyoung’s mind, forever.

"You're crying." Jaehyun's voice suddenly resonates through his ears, breaking him free from his reverie.

Indeed, Doyoung feels a tear roll down at the side of his cheeks.

He’s lying on his back, an arm over his eyes, feet hanging in the air on the edge of the cliff. The waves are calm today, ceasing from its war against the rocks beneath the mountain. Like they had promised each other, Jaehyun and Doyoung went to the gate as soon as Jaehyun had logged in. 

Jaehyun removes Doyoung’s arm from his face, wiping Doyoung’s tears away with his fingers. Doyoung stays there with his eyes closed, feeling Jaehyun’s soft touches on his cheeks. 

Doyoung waits for a question that doesn’t come. Instead, he feels Jaehyun quietly shifting on his side, lying down on the ground as well. They lie down beside each other, sharing their silence. The tip of Jaehyun’s finger barely touches Doyoung’s.

“We were supposed to be having fun today.” Doyoung breaks the silence, finally opening his eyes. When he turns his head to the side, Jaehyun is already looking at him. “Sorry.” 

Doyoung suddenly regrets suggesting going to the gate. It doesn’t comfort him anymore like it used to. Instead, it whips him around, forcing him to face the things he’s long been running away from.  

Jaehyun shakes his head, “It doesn’t always have to be fun.”  He reaches forward to wipe away a tear stain left at Doyoung’s eyes. “That’s how it is to be alive.”

Alive. Doyoung isn’t alive anymore, but that one word somewhat comforts him now.

“I sent Taeyong off when he left, here.” Doyoung has mentioned Taeyong to Jaehyun more than he liked to. Jaehyun never really asks, always just receiving what Doyoung wanted to give.

Jaehyun leans forward, propping his elbows and resting his head on his palms. “There was a time in San Cielo when I hadn’t thought of leaving every day. When Taeyong was here, he made everything bearable, a little bit like normal. A little bit like I’m alive.”

Doyoung opens up about Taeyong for the first time since he’s left— a little more than half of Doyoung’s afterlife. Everyone in San Cielo is always tiptoeing around him when it comes to Taeyong. They knew how it changed him— how it felt like San Cielo had lost its meaning when he left. Doyoung hadn’t regretted staying, but as he felt a hole sinking in his chest as more days passed by, he wondered if he should have left with Taeyong after all.

You have a promise to be kept. He always imagined Taeyong reminding him, every time he felt like leaving. And from one evolves two things that bound him to this world, caged him: his promise to wait and his promise to Taeyong to keep that promise.

By the time before he met Jaehyun, Doyoung was just floating around. Just, existing.

“I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing for the—” he shrugs. “I don't even know how long it has been.”

They are already sitting up by the time Doyoung finishes talking about Taeyong. Jaehyun has his eyebrows furrowed, listening intently and digesting each of Doyoung’s words. For a long time, these feelings had been a heavy weight Doyoung had been carrying. He didn’t know it would be so freeing to finally talk about it. 

“You must have… you must have loved Taeyong.” There’s a crease in his forehead as Jaehyun says that. Doyoung wants to reach out and smoothen it out. 

“He’s— he’s the closest person that I have,” Doyoung says softly. “He’s someone I will treasure for as long as I exist.”

Jaehyun nods his head, humming.

“What about… the person you were waiting for?”

“That… Taeyong said that that person is my one great love.” Doyoung laughs. “The person whom I can’t even remember— my one great love. The reason I am stubbornly waiting in this place. Isn’t that funny? Even I think it’s childish.”

Jaehyun frowns, shaking his head. “It’s not. I think… I think there are the kinds of love that a person can carry even beyond their lifetime.”

“Is it like that for you?”

Jaehyun looks at him in the eye with a small smile, his little dimples peeking at his cheeks. “Yeah.” Doyoung feels his chest tightening, but he has no time to process that as Jaehyun reaches out to hold his hand, enclosing it with his.

They share a long comfortable silence, with Doyoung’s hand clasped in between two of Jaehyun’s. They gaze wordlessly into the horizon, their feet dangling in the air. Jaehyun enjoys the highs— the downtown pubs, the bonfire events— while Doyoung enjoys the lows— the gate and the quiet beaches. Doyoung is glad that they can meet halfway.

“Then how about now, Doyoung?” Jaehyun suddenly says, letting go of his hold on Doyoung and standing up.

Doyoung looks up to him, his eyebrows furrowing. “How about what now?” 

“You said you don’t know what you have been doing since he left. How about now?” Jaehyun has a grin at the side of his lips, eyes gazing down at Doyoung’s. “What have you been doing now?”

The crease on Doyoung’s forehead disappears, a smile replacing it.

“I’m exploring San Cielo with you.”

The sky glows with a tint of orange and purple as they hit the highway back to town. The wind is cold and mild, dancing with their colored hair. Jaehyun is the one in the driver seat and Doyoung is looking at him pointedly as they travel down the road, sporting the most disappointed expression he could muster. 

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun’s tone has a hint of cutesy, dimples on full display as he grins while taking glances at Doyoung. 

Doyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Jaehyun, you’re here because of a car accident!” He exclaims, arms crossed on his chest. He hasn’t allowed Jaehyun to drive since that day on the beach, but Jaehyun can be pretty stubborn.

“Come on, It’s not like I’ll die here.”

Doyoung frowns, puffing his cheeks. “That’s true, but still.” He raises an eyebrow. “What if you get into an accident and your heart picks up? what if your heart suddenly fails— hey don’t laugh at me, Jung!”

“You’re being cute.” He looks at him, and then at the road. “Don’t worry. San Cielo has its safeguards.” He raises his wrists as if to prove his point, his band wrapped around it neatly. “I’ve got my settings all right.”

“And besides, it’s my turn to pick a place right?” He smirks mischievously just as he steps on the break, the truck slowing down and coming to halt just before the highway intersects with the railway, just before the road diverges into two.

Doyoung looks around. There’s a small shed right where the road intersects with the tracks. On his left, rocky mountains stood enormously. On his right, he could see the windmills in the distance, the hint of the sea in the air.

Doyoung looks at Jaehyun, confused.

“What are we doing here?”

Jaehyun shrugs. “We know that the highway leads to the gate. We know the new road leads to the beach at the bottom of the cliff.” He grins mischievously. “I kinda wanna know where the train tracks lead to.”

Doyoung almost scoffs at that, shaking his head in amusement. He tilts his head to see as far as he can. From what he can see, the tracks just end at the foot of the mountain. When he looks back to his right, Jaehyun is already climbing down his truck. 

“It probably just ends at the foot of that mountain, Jaehyun. There’s no train anyway.” Doyoung says, hopping off as well. Jaehyun is already in front of him when he gains his footing, beaming, his eyes shining with so much life. 

Jaehyun shrugs. “Who cares? I wanna see anyway.” 

And because Doyoung is under his spell, he can’t say no.

So they walk, following the empty train tracks. Doyoung walks on the rail plates, while Jaehyun is tiptoeing on the steel rails like a child, lips pursed and dimples emerging in concentration. Doyoung can’t help but look at him— the way his lilac hair blends with the colors of the sunset, the way the wind blows through his oversized white shirt, the way sunset hits his skin, and how he laughs when he loses balance and falls off the rails, looking back at Doyoung. Doyoung laughs with him, and soon after he finds himself tiptoeing on the tracks as well, doing exactly what he just deemed as childish. Jaehyun challenges him into a race to the end of the track, and even though he refuses to, Doyoung finds himself sprinting on his tiptoes.

“Hey, Doyoung,” Jaehyun calls when Doyoung is leading, making him turn back to him. “What’s your favorite food?” 

“What’s with the sudden question?” Doyoung laughs, turning around to walk faster on the rail. “You’re distracting me so you’d get ahead, aren’t you?”

“So competitive.” He hears Jaehyun snickering. “It’s because I wanna know about you.”

Doyoung looks back again and sees that Jaehyun is not on the rail anymore but is now standing on the side, footing steady on the ground. 

“I know you who’s standing in front of me. Let me know you before San Cielo.” He says with a small smile, and Doyoung racks his memories for what he could remember, because whatever Jaehyun would ask for, he’s willing to give.

“Let me see.” He hums, hopping off to walk in the middle of the tracks. “ Taeyong said I didn’t particularly have a favorite. I would eat anything as long as it doesn’t have an ingredient I don’t like. But I did talk about the food that I hated so much it stuck to him. He said I hated cucumbers with passion.”

Jaehyun chuckles, shaking his head. “That sounds so much like you.”

Doyoung shares what few memories of his life he can remember, memories he only learned of through Taeyong: He liked dramas. He preferred watching over reading. He liked listening to ballads. He owned at least ten plushies that accompanied him in his sleep. His favorite season is winter because he likes wearing thick coats. He has a brother who he looked up to and loved so dearly.

He doesn’t give without taking anything though, so he asks Jaehyun the same questions he would throw at him. Jaehyun likes LPs, even though they’ve become increasingly harder to accumulate as technology advances over the years. He prefers reading over watching. He likes rhythm and blues. His bed at home only has a single pillow. His favorite season is winter as well. He has someone he loves so dearly and it isn’t Chaeyeon.

“That was unfair to her.” Doyoung couldn’t help but comment.

“I know,” Jaehyun admits. “We both knew. Maybe that’s why we couldn’t hold on no matter how much we wanted to protect Jaemin.”

Doyoung bites the inside of his cheeks to stop himself, but the question flows past his lips anyway. “Who is it, then?”

Jaehyun stops in his tracks, and Doyoung stops with him.

"It’s a secret for now.” He smiles, and then he walks again.

The sun is starting to set behind the mountain, the purples dominating the oranges. The stars are starting to appear in the sky. Doyoung looks back to the road where his truck is parked and sees how far they have walked now. It’s amazing that he doesn’t feel any exhaustion. 

They’re walking side by side in the middle of the rails, the tip of their fingers occasionally touching.

“Say, don’t you want to retrieve your memories?” 

Doyoung furrows his eyebrow, pondering on it for a while before answering, “I actually do. I have wanted to do so many times already. It’s just that— I’m afraid of what they could be.”

Jaehyun looks a little troubled, so Doyoung proceeds. “I mean what if I was just being dramatic and it’s actually nothing to be so stuck up on right? That would mean I wasted my afterlife being torn up over nothing. At this point, I’m just scared to find out.” He laughs.

Jaehyun smiles at that, but Doyoung could tell it was a little strained. “Even then, you’ve got to face it someday right?”

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “If you’re saying that I have been running away, then you’re absolutely right.”

Now Jaehyun chuckles, leaping forward to get ahead of Doyoung before turning on his heels to face him.

“Hey, Doyoung.” He smiles. “Let me do the honor of being your courage.”

Doyoung peers at him with a question, so he continues.

“If I pass away, If I can be with you at any given time, even past midnight, promise me you’d retrieve your memories. I’ll stick with you no matter what.” He says confidently. “In return, I’ll tell you a secret. I’ll also face something I have been running away from. You can have the honor of being my courage too.”

“Let’s stop running away, Doyoung.” He lifts his pinky finger— a sign of a promise— and brings it closer to Doyoung. Doyoung looks at Jaehyun’s hand. He thinks about it for a few moments while Jaehyun patiently waits. 

When he looks back up to meet Jaehyun’s eyes, there’s a glint of something that he can’t point out. Whatever it is, it tells him to draw closer, bringing up his hand and entangling his pinky finger with Jaehyun.

Doyoung— so sick and tired of having to keep promises— makes yet another promise.

Doyoung turns out to be right as they reach the end of the track and sees it just ends at the foot of the mountain. It doesn’t change direction nor does it have a fancy-looking train station. It just— stops. Suddenly.  The steel rail first and then the rail plates. Jaehyun lets out a loud laugh, falling to a crouch on the dusty ground.

“So it really was just for pure aesthetics. Damn.” He clicks his tongue. “I was hoping there’d be a train we can drive or something.”

“How did you even think of that?” Doyoung scoffs. “I mean, why would the residents even need a train? Where would we even go?”  He looks back to where their car is parked, looking like a mere dot in his vision now. He glares at Jaehyun playfully. “You better not disappear on me without walking back to the highway. I am not walking back alone.”

“Yea, yea,” Jaehyun mumbles, attention no longer on Doyoung as he turns his head, searching, eyes scanning their surroundings. Jaehyun is always looking around, always exploring, always trying to see something new.  Doyoung follows his gaze until they’re both looking upwards on the mountain.

“Doyoung, have you ever tried climbing a mountain on foot?”

He turns to Jaehyun slowly, horror written on his face. “No. why?”

Jaehyun beams at him, and Doyoung just knows.

So Doyoung finds himself climbing the mountain using his feet and hands, the slope a lot steeper, rockier, and longer than the trail he treks to get to the gate. It’s a lot of work, even though the peak that Jaehyun had pointed to isn’t actually that high.  Doyoung goes first with Jaehyun following him.

“C’mon Doie. Almost there.”

Doyoung stops to turn back to Jaehyun. “Doie?”

The smile on Jaehyun’s face fades as he blinks fast, before he schools it back into an amused expression. “Yea, Doie. Cute nickname isn’t it? Fits you well.”

Doyoung scoffs at that, making it a point to roll his eyes at Jaehyun, though he can’t help the small smile that blooms on his lips as he turns back to the path and moves forward again.

“Woah.” Doyoung huffs when he reaches the peak.

What welcomes him is the view of night time San Cielo in its entirety. On his left, he can see the coastline, the new beach they had discovered a few days ago. On the next coast, his home. On his right, downtown San Cielo shines with its brightest lights, almost like it’s reflecting the stars in the night sky.

Jaehyun stands beside him, a proud smile on his face. “I was right. We can see San Cielo from up here indeed.”

Doyoung turns at him, before he turns back up front again, mouth agape with the view in front of him. “This is where you wanted to go all along, don’t you?”

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Jaehyun nod. “Yeah.”

“I’ve never seen this,” Doyoung exclaims. “I’ve never seen San Cielo like this.”

The highest point in San Cielo is where the gate is located, but because a forest covers its peak, Doyoung can’t see anything there aside from the sea below the cliff. It’s the first time he’s seen the island from this perspective.

Jaehyun has shown him something new again.

They just sit there beside each other, observing the city from this height as the night passes by, talking about anything that pops into their heads. From where they’re sitting, they can see people as tiny as ants on the streets, making the most of their time before midnight. Doyoung asks if Jaehyun happens to know the ratio of tourists with the residents, and Jaehyun answers that it’s a whopping 42%.

“That’s quite… high.” Doyoung comments.

“The use of cloud servers has evolved over the years, somehow, expanding into different medical fields. Especially San Cielo, having a high satisfaction rate and all. For one, it can help brain activity for Alzheimer’s patients and people like me who are in a coma. It’s partly opened for psychological therapy as well. So it’s no brainer that the tourist population has grown.“ Jaehyun explains.

When there’s only a little less than an hour before midnight left, Jaehyun stands up, readying himself for the trek down. Doyoung pulls him back though, saying he’ll just walk back on his own. For now, he wants to enjoy this view. He isn’t sure when he’ll be not lazy enough to go back here.

They sit for a moment of comfortable silence before Doyoung speaks.

“Happy birthday.” Doyoung greets, suddenly. “I almost forgot we’re celebrating your birthday today, because I’m the one being comforted by you instead.” He smiles at Jaehyun.

“I hope you get to celebrate your birthday awake and with your son next year.” Doyoung says, and he means it.

Jaehyun smiles back, “Thank you.”

“I think—“ Doyoung pauses, letting his tongue roll against his teeth as he ponders if he should say this, but he proceeds to do so anyway because it’s what he feels. “I think you’re good for me.”

 Jaehyun looks surprised for a while, eyes wide. Why?”

Doyoung shrugs. “I don’t know. I just—stopped floating around. I feel like, I’m actually here now. Like you’ve kept my feet on the ground.” Doyoung smiles. “I quite like you.”

Jaehyun is wearing the brightest smile Doyoung has ever seen from him. 

“Quite?” He snickers. “Well that’s too bad because I like you a lot. I really like you. That means I like you more than you like me, in which case I win. That’s another loss for you.”

Doyoung laughs, shaking his head at the ridiculousness. He tries to ignore the bubbling feeling in his chest as Jaehyun’s words echo on his head. I really like you. However Jaehyun means it, Doyoung is glad enough.

“But in all seriousness,” Jaehyun interjects, his hands crawl on the surface until it is right beside Doyoung’s before he takes it and holds it into his. “I find San Cielo fun because of you. And if I’d want to stay, the reason would be you. Just you.”

There is sincerity in his eyes as he said that, his gaze soft, his expression so peaceful as the moonlight illuminates against his skin. With Jaehyun staring at him like this, telling him things like this, holding him like this, Doyoung could swear he could almost hear the beating of a heart.  Doyoung feels a little bit erratic. A little bit out of his right mind. All he could think of is how beautiful Jaehyun is right now under the moonlight, and how nice it would be if he could kiss him.

He leans forward and does just that.

Their lips touch, thin lips against plump ones.

Doyoung feels Jaehyun stiffen against him, not responding to the kiss. He takes as his cue to back away, feeling stupid. 

An apology spills past his lips. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—I mean, there was no consent I really shouldn’t have—“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Jaehyun cups his face with his two hands, reaching out to be the one to kiss him this time. Doyoung holds onto his wrist in shock, processing that Jaehyun is kissing him, before he slowly calms down and melts into Jaehyun’s hold.

Jaehyun’s lips are soft against his, and Doyoung is thankful that he has his settings set to feel such sensations. When they part, Jaehyun manages to slip out, “I consent.”

Doyoung chuckles, and then Jaehyun is leaning forward again, kissing him again and again, leaving little pecks at the side of his lips.

Doyoung’s mind is in chaos, gears working hard on his head, asking questions he doesn’t have an answer to. What are they doing? What would become of them? Did Jaehyun like Doyoung too?

Because Doyoung—

Doyoung had always found himself drawn towards Jaehyun.

Doyoung knew it was dangerous, how fast and hard he’s falling. It’s a bad combination— Doyoung, who has someone he’s been waiting for, and Jaehyun had someone he loved so much it cost him his family. It’s set to crash from where they stand, but like a moth mesmerized with fire, Doyoung can’t help but come close.

Jaehyun pulls away with a frown on his eyebrows. There’s silence, as if he’s weighing his words. And when he finally speaks up, “Doyoung, I—“

The midnight strikes.

Doyoung is left there alone, staring and holding onto nothingness, on top of a mountain, with butterflies in his stomach and a long path to walk.

Still, there’s a smile he can’t wipe off his face when he runs the way back to the highway.

~

Doyoung wakes up to the peaceful sound of waves serenading his ears. The sea breeze smells nice as it flows through the windows of his humble cabin, playing with his curtains before kissing his skin. Doyoung cracks an eye open, catching a ray of the sun illuminating his room. He sits up, slowly, taking his sweet time to stretch his limbs and shake sleep away. When he finally feels awake enough, the view of the ocean framed through his window greets him a good morning.

It’s a good place to wake up to.

He’s not rushing to groom himself and jump into his truck to get away from the town as soon as he wakes up. Instead, he takes his blanket outside, wrapping it around himself as he sits on the wooden floorboards of his porch, scrunching his nose as the cold air welcomes him.

He sits there, wondering.

When did he last like waking up in the morning?

From where he’s seated, he can see the town that has awakened, residents walking in the lone street parallel to the shore. Joohyun is tending to a little garden she has set up in her own home. A few steps away, Donghyuck is there, a smile on his face as he approaches Doyoung.

“Hey, hyung,” Donghyuck greets, running up to Doyoung. He takes a seat beside him as soon as he reaches his porch, without another word, without permission. Doyoung frowns but he adjusts himself to make space for the intrusion. “You’re coming to the bonfire next week again, right?”

Doyoung nods, lips pursed together. 

“Ah.” Donghyuck exclaims, nodding. He closes his eyes and feels the sea breeze hitting his face. “Jaehyun-hyung’s really good for you, you know?”

Doyoung elicits a chuckle, “Yeah.”

Donghyuck turns to him just as he opens his eyes. Doyoung wordlessly offers his blanket, to which Donghyuck accepts, draping it over his shoulders as he slides closer to Doyoung.  Doyoung feels a lot warmer sharing a blanket than using it on his own.

“Look, you’re a lot more friendly too! You’re not acting like the grumpy old man that you really are!”  Donghyuck exclaims happily, squeezing at Doyoung's side.

“For your information, I also died young.” Doyoung snuggles closer. “Just not as young as you.”

“Yeah, whatever. But what I’m saying is, you’ve been attending the support group gatherings lately. You’ve been enjoying San Cielo with Jaehyun-hyung for the past week. I’ve seen you running around at night, you know? You’re enjoying your morning on your porch and you didn’t shoo me away when I approached you. Look, you even shared your blanket with me.” Donghyuck raises a hand gripping on the blanket, as if to prove his point, smiling at him excitedly.

“I like seeing you nowadays, hyung! You haven’t been like this since—” His smile fades, clasping his palm at his lips as if he’s gone into a direction he didn’t intend to, said words he shouldn’t have said. “Sorry. I didn’t want to ruin your morning, hyung.”

Doyoung smiles at him. “Don’t worry. It’s not ruined.” Donghyuck doesn’t seem to be convinced, but it really is fine. Doyoung thinks it’s fine now. He inches closer to Donghyuck to rest his head on his shoulder. Donghyuck easily accommodates him.

“Hey,” Doyoung whispers onto Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Do you think Taeyong is happy wherever he is right now?”

Donghyuck turns his head to his side, looking at Doyoung as if a little surprised. “I don’t know. I was a new resident when he passed through. You’re the one who knew him better hyung.” Donghyuck turns back to the sea again. “And I don’t even know if something exists out there for us. ”

“I think,” Doyoung pauses, pondering, “there is nothing. I think the afterlife ends beyond that gate.”

Donghyuck hums, nodding his head. “Then I take back what I said. I think Taeyong-hyung is happy wherever he is.”

He looks at Doyoung again, and Doyoung lifts his head to stare back at Donghyuck with furrowed eyebrows. “I mean, the thought of not existing is scary. It scares me to my non-existent bones, y’know? But Taeyong-hyung chose that. He bravely chose that because whatever it is out there, his husband is there. He was happy here, right? He was happy with you and yet he sacrificed that. So yes, I think he must be happy when he left.”

Doyoung chuckles at his answer, humming as he digests in Donghyuck’s words. He rests his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder once more, and Donghyuck allows him, tucking them further into their shared blanket.

Doyoung closes his eyes with a small smile.

“I hope he is. I really hope he is.” 

It’s past noon when Doyoung wakes up from the nap he took as Donghyuck left his home. He got a little bit comfortable with Donghyuck, falling asleep on his shoulders until Donghyuck woke him up to make him sleep on his bed instead. As he fell back to sleep, Doyoung wondered when he ever felt so relaxed like this.

He stretches his limbs, before standing up and preparing himself to take the highway.

He’s just about to climb his truck when he spots a head of lilac running down the road near his cabin. He places his palm above his eyes as he squints under the bright sun. He sees Jaehyun running towards him at full speed. He doesn’t have the time to smile at him when Jaehyun clashes their bodies together, enveloping Doyoung in a tight hug.

Arms snaking around his waist, palms clasping against his shirt, Jaehyun buries his face against his neck.

Doyoung hugs him back, surprised. “Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer, only pulls him even closer. 

In Doyoung’s eyes, Jaehyun had always had a big presence. He’s tall— a little bit taller than Doyoung— and he has this way in which he carries himself that just makes it hard to ignore him. But at this moment, as he cuddles into Doyoung’s hold, Jaehyun looks small. Like a child clinging onto his mother, afraid of the world beyond her arms.

“I missed you.” Jaehyun mumbles into his shoulders.

Doyoung runs his fingers on Jaehyun’s hair. “But I’m here. I’m always just here.”

“You weren’t on the highway. I’ve been looking for you.”

“I slept in.” Doyoung answers. “Sorry.”

Jaehyun pulls away, looking at Doyoung in the eyes. “Okay.” He whispers, and then he’s pulling on to Doyoung’s wrist, dragging him inside his cabin.

The first thing that Jaehyun does as soon as the door shuts is to kiss Doyoung, pinning him against the door with a light peck right at his lips. Just a soft kiss that surprises Doyoung, a soft kiss enough to let Doyoung know that he’s doing it again. Doyoung closes his eyes to let him know he wants it too.

The second kiss is much deeper, lasts longer. Jaehyun presses against Doyoung like he could never be closer, hands cupping Doyoung’s face, tasting his lips as if his life depended on it. 

When they part, Jaehyun leans his forehead against Doyoung’s.

“Sorry I just—” Jaehyun pauses, “I keep thinking about you.”

Jaehyun looks into his eyes.

“I left so suddenly last night and I didn’t get to tell you that I keep thinking about you. As soon as I log in, I think of you. When I’m not in San Cielo, in my littlest moments of consciousness, I think of you. That I want to go back already and spend time with you, that I want to touch you, and kiss you, and more.” 

He pulls away, eyes cast down. “I lost it for a moment when you weren’t waiting at the highway like you always have. I thought you wouldn’t be here anymore.” 

Doyoung brushes a fringe off Jaehyun’s eyes.“Where would I even go?”

“Far away.” Jaehyun shrugs. “I don’t know.”

There’s a crease on Jaehyun’s forehead. Doyoung soothes it with his thumb before he cups Jaehyun’s face in his hands. “What made you think of that? I thought we have established the fact that I’m not passing through until I get to fulfill my promise?”

“You might have gotten impatient?” Jaehyun bites his lip. “I might have scared you off?”

“Jaehyun, I was the one who first kissed you.”

Doyoung flicks a finger at Jaehyun’s forehead. “I’m not passing through just yet. Not today, you angel.” He manages to make Jaehyun smile with that, so he rewards himself with another peck on his cheeks, right where his dimples are. Jaehyun responds to him with another kiss on the lips, deeper this time. Jaehyun pushes his tongue onto his mouth and Doyoung allows him easily.

Kissing Jaehyun is like breathing, Doyoung thinks as they find their way onto his bed, plopping down without letting go of each other. Doyoung has long forgotten how it feels like to actually breathe, to actually be alive . Like having a thumping heart beneath his chest, like experiencing the rush of adrenaline, electricity crawling through his skin, Jaehyun makes him feel alive. 

Jaehyun peppers him with kisses, on his jaw, on his neck, on his shoulders, pushing against Doyoung until he’s lying on his back, Jaehyun hovering over him. 

Then he pulls away, looking at him in the eyes.

“Make love with me?” He asks, kissing the back of his Doyoung’s hands. 

Doyoung chuckles. “Back in my days, we used to just call it a fuck. But okay, oldie, let’s make love.”

Jaehyun lets out a loud laugh, before leaning down to capture Doyoung’s lips once again. 

The sun is still hanging in the sky, illuminating his cabin brightly through his large window. Doyoung could laugh at how ridiculous it is that they’re fucking in broad daylight, but Jaehyun looks beautiful as a ray of light hits his naked skin, his lilac hair blooming even more under the sunlight. Doyoung wouldn’t want to ever miss seeing this sight.

He tells Jaehyun that. Jaehyun just chuckles.

They take their time exploring each other, setting a soft, gentle pace. Jaehyun keeps on kissing Doyoung like he can’t get enough of him—touches him like it's the only thing that he has been doing in his life. 

Doyoung remembers what pleasure feels like when Jaehyun thrusts into him, his cock pushing past into the heat of his walls. Jaehyun moves slowly, taking his time, all the while staring at Doyoung’s face, caressing the side of his cheeks. “ You are the beautiful one.” He mumbles softly, pushing Doyoung’s hair from his forehead. "When you close your eyes and your eyebrows furrow. Your voice that sounds like music. Your bright blue hair, and the way it sticks on your forehead. You’re all too beautiful Kim Doyoung.”

Jaehyun moves like he knows Doyoung’s body from inside out—knows exactly his spots, knows exactly how to please him— his body going pliant with Jaehyun’s every thrust. Doyoung has always felt weak when it comes to Jaehyun, but this— this it’s too much. He feels boneless, delicate, like he’s going to trip and fall if Jaehyun doesn’t hold him.

“Jaehyun,” He breathes out, fingers locked between the strands of Jaehyun’s hair. Words are flowing out of his chest, knocking to go past his lips. Instead of letting them through, he pulls Jaehyun closer and chants his name instead. “ Jaehyun, Jae--”

Jaehyun kisses his shoulder, going faster.

When they finish, they lie down on the bed with only Doyoung’s sheets covering their naked bodies. Jaehyun has his elbows propped as he lies sideways, facing Doyoung, while Doyoung lies flat on his back, a satisfied smile on his face.

“I’m not going to disappear even if you stop looking at me.”

Jaehyun smiles, “Just making sure.”

Doyoung shifts on his side to face Jaehyun, reaching out to cup his face with a hand. Jaehyun leans into his touch, kissing his thumb. “I’m staying. and— it’s not just about my promise.”

He means every word when he says, “You make me want to stay, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun looks him in the eyes, holding his free hand. ”You make me want to stay, too.”

They spend the rest of the day in Doyoung’s cabin, lazily lying in his bed cuddled into each other, falling asleep, waking up, kissing and kissing and kissing like they can’t get enough of each other. 

When it’s time for Jaehyun to go, he presses his lips against Doyoung’s forehead, fingers tangled with Doyoung’s hair.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asks, hopeful.

Doyoung smiles. “Yeah.”

“Tomorrow…” Jaehyun trails, “I have something to tell you.”

Doyoung’s eyebrows furrow, but he nods his head. Jaehyun leans in and kisses him on the cheeks.

And then the midnight strikes.

~

There is a man with bright blue hair standing in front of him.

Instead of a cabin with wide windows with a view of the sea, Jaehyun wakes up in a small room with dark blue walls and white curtains, a place he kept at the deepest trench of his memories. The familiar smell of scented candles fills his nose. Jaehyun blinks his eyes, lifting his heavy eyelids. 

A sweet voice cradles his ears, “Jaehyun, it’s time to wake up.”

But Jaehyun’s eyes are heavy from sleep, and he can barely make out the figure looming over him. All he knows is that he has blue hair, and that he’s beautiful.

The man does not speak again, leaving no sign of him. Jaehyun tries his hardest to open his eyes. He wants to see the man, knows he is someone who he’d want to wake up for--

When his eyes finally flutter open, what welcomes him is neither dark blue walls nor wide windows framing the sea, but the view of a young man and a woman sitting beside his bed, talking in low voices. The walls seem farther away, painted dull white. There’s a beeping noise that reverberates through the entire room, bland and repetitive, serving as a background to the low whispers from the people in the room. Then Jaehyun hears his own breathing, the sound amplified in his ears by the plastic mask he is wearing. 

“Dad?” The young man suddenly speaks, looking at Jaehyun with wide eyes.

The woman beside him turns her head suddenly, her mouth falling open as she looks at Jaehyun. Behind her, Jaehyun sees a neon blue light of something like a logo stamped on the room’s door.

San Cielo, it reads.

Chapter Text

There’s a smile hanging on his lips as soon as Doyoung wakes up in the morning.

He remembers last night, remembers the feeling of Jaehyun’s lips against his, their chest flushed against each other, his fingers locked through his beautiful lilac hair. He snuggles his blankets closer to his chest, trying to chase the remnants of Jaehyun.

Doyoung feels braver.

He scurries to get up, wrapping his blanket around his torso as he cleans the room before preparing to head out. A little before noon, he’s all groomed up and walking his way to his truck. He climbs his truck with ease, a grin never leaving his lips.

Doyoung starts the engine and hits the road.

Instead of the highway. He pulls off right in front of the Inn instead, hopeful for any second earlier he could spend with Jaehyun. They had planned to go back to the empty beach and spend the rest of the day there, and while Doyoung has seen San Cielo from every angle that he possibly could, for some reason, he’s willing to see it for a hundred more times with Jaehyun. 

Perhaps this is what living in heaven feels like.

Mr. Kim is standing in his usual place in the reception as Doyoung marches through the lobby, already flashing him a smile. Doyoung smiles back. He doesn’t remember why he always felt irked with the old man anyway.

“You seem to be in a good mood.” Mr. Kim greets.

Doyoung nods. “Have the tourists arrived yet?”

“A little while ago.” 

Doyoung scans his eyes around, searching for a head of lilac. He sees a few familiar faces walking around. Some of the tourists he’s seen during Donghyuck’s bonfire events are loitering around the hall. Taeyeon passes by and offers him a small wave. 

“If it’s Jaehyun you’re looking for, I haven’t seen him just yet.” Mr. Kim supplies.

“Maybe he’s already on the highway,” Doyoung mutters to himself. He didn’t tell him he’d pass by the Inn after all.  They might have missed each other.

“Maybe he’s late. I always see him when he leaves.” Mr. Kim supplies.

Doyoung raises an eyebrow. “How come he hasn’t seen you until that day in the hall?”

Mr. Kim shrugs. “He’s always rushing out to even look around. Anyway, Seohyun is running late today too. Maybe you should wait.” Doyoung looks around. Indeed, Seohyun should be here at this hour.

He settles for sitting on the bench beside the reception, tapping his feet on the floor while waiting for Jaehyun. From behind the counter, Mr. Kim has turned away from him to the other end of the counter, a sign of the end of their conversation. There’s a smile on Mr. Kim’s face as he tends to the flower resting on a vase standing in the corner. Doyoung eyes its bright blue petals. 

“From Joohyun?” He asks, making Mr. Kim look at him with wide eyes. 

“Yes.” He answers, blinking at Doyoung.

“She gave me a bunch of lilacs the other day. I happened to pass by her garden and was looking at some of her flowers. She found me looking at the lilacs and decide to give me some. She said I looked like I was yearning for it.” He laughs lightly, but that is replaced by a frown upon noticing Mr. Kim’s shocked expression. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Mr. Kim clears his throat. “I’m just— surprised you’re initiating conversation. You never talk to me unless I talk to you.”

“Is that so?” Doyoung asks even though he knows it’s true. He’s been such an asshole to Mr. Kim for as long as he can remember, even more so when Taeyong passed through.

He laughs awkwardly. “Why did I do that.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Mr. Kim smiles. “I was trying to come up with anything I can talk about with you anyway.” He shrugs. “Just to keep you company.”

“You come up with anything then?”

Mr. Kim hums. “Have any plans for today, with Jaehyun?”

Doyoung beams excitedly. “There’s a newly uploaded road that leads to the eastern coast. Jaehyun told me about it. The beach there is just as pretty, but what I like about it is its emptiness. When you’re in the sand, it’s as if there is nothing else but the sea on the horizon. It’s a pretty place to spend the day in.”

 “Ah! But Mr. Kim, I’m only telling you this, alright? Don’t tell others just yet.”

Mr. Kim laughs, that same laugh of his which had always irked Doyoung, but today, Doyoung laughs along. “You’re just like me. A little selfish, aren’t you?”

“Nothing wrong with wanting to keep it for ourselves for a little while! Really, you can tell them about it after a week or two.”

Mr. Kim shakes his head. “That would be a bother to this old man. Just let them discover it by themselves.”

Doyoung chuckles, tilting his head to the side. “But you should go there, Mr. Kim. It’s fun seeing something different, once in a while.” He says, eyes gazing into an unknown space, recalling everything new he has seen with Jaehyun.

“You look happy these days.” Mr. Kim suddenly comments.

Doyoung snaps his head back, frowning at the statement.

Happy? 

Doyoung, long dead and gone, a mere fragment of data, is happy?

“Are you?”

Somewhere within him, there is a sensation bubbling at the pit of his chest, a sensation that makes him feel a little more alive. Doyoung’s shoulders feel light.

“I honestly don’t know.” He admits.

Mr. Kim’s smile which had always unsettled him now radiates warmth. 

“Allow yourself to be happy, Doyoung-ah.” He says fondly. “If you weren’t happy in your life, allow yourself to be happy here, at least.” 

“I will,” Doyoung pauses. “ahjussi.”

Mr. Kim smiles even wider. 

Doyoung stands up from his seat and walks towards the reception, resting his elbows on the counter as he talks to Mr. Kim about Joohyun’s flowers. Mr. Kim happily tells him about the Irises that Joohyun gave to him as a gift, how its bright blue petals sometimes reminded him of Doyoung. 

Seohyun arrives a little later, while they are talking about Donghyuck’s bonfire nights.

“I’m sorry for being late, Mr. Kim.” She apologizes as soon as she arrives,  glancing at Doyoung. “Something came up at the facility.”

“It’s no problem, Seohyun. There isn’t much to do anyway. And Doyoung is here to keep me company while waiting for Jaehyun. By the way, have you seen him? Has he not logged in yet?”

“About that,” Seohyun purses her lips, looking at Doyoung. “He might not be able to log in for a few days, Doyoung. I thought I should let you know that.”

Doyoung frowns. “Why? Did anything happen?”

“No, don’t worry! He just needs to go through some… procedures. I’m sure he’ll be back in a few days.”

Doyoung immediately feels something sinking in his chest. He misses Jaehyun already, even though they were just together last night. He was looking forward to spending today with him again. 

“I guess it can’t be helped then.” He smiles, trying to shrug it off. “I’ll just visit a pub for today or something.” He enumerates mentally what he can do with his free time— he’s got nothing. Everything he wants to do, he wants to do with Jaehyun.

Doyoung’s heels are heavy as he turns, waving Seohyun and Mr. Kim goodbye. He’s almost at the door when he hears Seohyun call for him. 

“Doyoung!”

Doyoung turns in time to see Seohyun running up to him, eyes worried and brows furrowed as she does. It isn’t a long run before she’s caught up, stopping a few inches away from Doyoung. 

“Can I ask you something?”

From behind her, Mr. Kim is looking at them curiously.

Doyoung shrugs.“Sure.”

“If— do you—” she pauses, as if hesitating. Doyoung gives her an encouraging nod.

“Do you wish for Jaehyun to become a resident?”

The question surprises Doyoung, his eyebrows furrowing.

It’s a question that has lingered at the back of his mind every time Doyoung remembers seeing Jaemin at Jaehyun’s hospital room. A question he wanted to ask Jaehyun himself in a different way— do you want to stay?— but was afraid of hearing his answer. A question he had kept sealed in his lips, locked into the deepest trench of his mind.

He didn’t think he’d be asked this, from Seohyun of all people

Doyoung looks at the band on his wrist, wondering. Does he?

Would Doyoung really want to cage Jaehyun into this eternal paradise just to be with him? to sever the wings of life that he still owns? A part of him knows he wants to be with Jaehyun, but a part of him is willing to let him go.

Jaehyun deserves to fly.

“I don’t.” He answers, genuinely. “I wished for him to be with his son on his next birthday, and I truly mean it.”

Seohyun smiles at him, a smile so kind it comforts him.

“I’m glad.” She says, before she waves goodbye. 

Instead of a pub, he spends the rest of the day at home, staring at the flowers Joohyun gave to him.

“What do you think of starting a club, hyung?” Donghyuck says, rolling on Doyoung’s bed like it’s his own. He barged in as soon as the sun rose, waking Doyoung up way earlier than he’s supposed to. “Mark is reviving the dance lessons that Jongin hyung left, I’ve got to come up with something too.” 

Doyoung sits on his wooden floors, resting his back against the bed.

“Are you competing or something?” He snorts.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Not really. I just thought I should do something too.”

“Or you could join him.” Doyoung suggests, “Don’t you already have your bonfire events?”

Donghyuck ignores him. “How about a choir? Hyung, didn’t you used to sing for Taeyong-hyung before? I used to sing in a local acapella club when I was in high school.” 

“Wait,” Doyoung raises an eyebrow. “What does this have to do with me?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “You’re obviously joining. We’re gonna have to do this together.” Doyoung shakes his head. Donghyuck pushes. “Look, we could be real angels! We could sing hallelujah as a welcome song when a new tourist comes. I bet they’d think ah, this really is heaven.” 

“Now that’s a reach.” Doyoung laughs. 

“Nah-uh.” Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “Who would see me and not think that he’s in heaven? And if I sing too then what?”

“For starters, I exist.” 

Donghyuck scoffs, offended. “You’re not included. You never think of San Cielo as heaven anyway.”

A frown makes its way into his face as Donghyuck’s words hit him. He turns away from him, opting to stare at his feet instead. Donghyuck goes on about how good he was in singing before, but all his words are lost in Doyoung. 

“You know I actually won that summer compe—”

“How about you?” Doyoung interrupts. “Have you always thought of it that way?”

Donghyuck looks confused. “Have I always thought of what which way?” 

“Of San Cielo… as heaven?”

Donghyuck scratches his chin, seemingly not expecting the question. He’s already talked about a few things since Doyoung went quiet, but the serious look on Doyoung’s face makes him let it go. 

Donghyuck shifts on his seat in the bed, facing his body towards Doyoung.

“I have never thought of it as heaven.” He blinks. “I’ve said this at the bonfire before, I think San Cielo is an extension of my life.”

“I mean, I know I was just talking about people thinking of San Cielo as heaven, but it could never be one for me. Pain, longing, jealousy— I still feel all of these ugly things heaven wouldn’t have allowed me to feel. And honestly? I like it better like this.”

“I want to laugh, but I want to be able to cry too. I appreciate the jealousy I feel every time I hear how people enjoyed their life before passing away, the selfishness I felt wanting Mark to stay here— because he gets me, you know?— and the guilt I felt when he finally had no choice but to do just that. I shed tears with him that day as he cried about the life he lost. I’m glad I was able to do that.”

Donghyuck, Doyoung thinks, is a lot like him. 

“I don't want eternal happiness living in a sunshine paradise, hyung. I want to feel, to experience everything that I haven’t, to live.”

Doyoung takes time to study Donghyuck one more time— the fierceness of his eyes, the look of determination. He has never seen such a small body carry this big of a presence. Donghyuck is amazing, the most amazing in Doyoung’s eyes. 

“I think we are living.” Doyoung whispers as he shifts closer and lets his head rest on Donghyuck’s knees.

Donghyuck cards through his hair as a welcome, humming softly, while Doyoung snuggles closer, seeking contact. In his decade of residency in San Cielo, Doyoung never would have thought he’d say something like this.

“We’re dead, not exactly alive, but we’re living. That’s just as good, right?”

Donghyuck gives him a nod and his kindest smile.

Doyoung is getting ready to meet Donghyuck and Mark at the town hall to prepare for a few things for the bonfire tomorrow when Jaehyun shows up at his doorstep.

He’s wearing his usual white shirt, an apologetic smile hanging on his lips partnered by his dimpled cheek. As always, Doyoung is mesmerized by him but he doesn’t forget to raise an eyebrow as he crosses his arms against his chest.

“‘See you tomorrow?’ you said, and then you disappear on me the very next day.” He remarks with no real bite. He was a little disappointed initially, but he understands that Jaehyun has no control when he’s able to log in.

“Sorry, Doie.” Jaehyun smiles as he steps forward and envelopes Doyoung in a hug, burying his face into his neck. “I missed you.” He whispers.

“I missed you too.” Doyoung looks around. The sun has started setting in the sky, the skies purple instead of blue. Doyoung had given up waiting for Jaehyun for today about two hours ago. He didn’t think he’d show up this late. “Why’d you log in at this hour?”

“I— about that—” 

It's only when Doyoung pulls away and looks at Jaehyun again that he notices there's a different look on Jaehyun's face. A crease on his forehead that seems permanent, his eyes that used to be so bright now a bit dim. For the second time, he feels small in Doyoung's grip. It's like he needs to be held or he'll fall.

Jaehyun’s smile is gone. “I woke up.”

Doyoung's ears perk. Something knocks over his chest. “Woke up... like, woke up?”

“Outside the cloud, I opened my eyes. Jaemin was there and—”

“That’s great!" Doyoung exclaims, eyes wide, before he envelopes Jaehyun into a hug, squeezing him closer, and closer, and closer into his chest, their bodies pressed together.

Inside his chest, Doyoung ignores the weight that is slowly settling down.

 "Jaehyun, that's great.” He mumbles, fingers clinging onto Jaehyun’s shirt. 

"Tell me what happened." Doyoung says as he pulls away, flashing a smile at Jaehyun. He straightens the crease in Jaehyun's forehead before dragging him inside the cabin, his arrangement for this evening long forgotten.

Jaehyun tells him about waking up as they sit down on the edge of his bed. Jaemin was there, and so was Chaeyeon, both of them weeping as soon as they realized that Jaehyun woke up— actually awake instead of waking up in an alternate reality— that he's with them once more. Seohyun was there too, alongside Dr. Oh who recommended Jaehyun to rest completely as he undergoes various tests, preventing him from logging in. 

"I'm really sorry about that. I wanted to get back to you as soon as I can"

Doyoung smiles reassuringly. "It's fine, I understand."

"It's why I logged in late today too. I'm only allowed here for eight hours now." 

The weight in his chest settles further. Doyoung bites his lip. "Well, that's okay. there's still a lot of things we can do in eight hours." That's four hours less than they used to have, he mentally counts. It'll probably mean they'd have to take the highway less often, waste less time on the road. They can make do with that, anywhere is good as long as they're together.

Jaehyun sighs. "And... if things go well. I'm going to be pulled out from San Cielo."

Doyoung doesn't find words leaving his lips as he feels getting knocked out of air— whatever it is that is keeping him existing. The wings of life that Doyoung had always longed for, Jaehyun still has. And he's telling Doyoung that he can fly away right now and leave Doyoung here, caged still.

Doyoung clutches his chest, trying to decipher what it is that he's supposed to feel.

He doesn't know.

There's a soft touch at his hand. "Doyoung?"

When Doyoung looks up, there's the frown on Jaehyun's face that won't go away no matter how many times he soothes it, his eyebrows furrowed together. The edges of his lips are slightly curved down in disappointment. His eyes speak nothing but solemn.

Is this how the ones gifted with the wings of life are supposed to look like?

In the mirror of Jaehyun's eyes, Doyoung sees himself wearing the exact same expression.

"I could stay." Jaehyun suddenly mumbles. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to visit from time to time— they've been limiting the influx of tourists to prevent the case with San Junipero, so there's no guarantee that I can go back until I'm old or dying again." Jaehyun looks him in the eye. "But I could stay, I'd stay for you. If I ask Seohyun I'm sure she'll—"

"Jaehyun no!" Doyoung finds himself yelling. "Can you hear yourself right now?"

Jaehyun's lips fall open, tension hanging at his jaw. 

"Didn't you say that Jaemin is bigger than any reason you have to stay?"

"But... it's you." Jaehyun looks restless, fiddling with his fingers. "Doyoung, it's you."

"I'm just—" Doyoung waves his hand obnoxiously in the air. "I'm just someone you met on your way to the afterlife, only for you to realize it's not time to go just yet. We've only known each other for weeks, Jaehyun. I couldn't possibly mean that much to you."

The words sting Doyoung more than he can see it does to Jaehyun. He feels like a piece of cloth being ripped apart, torn into tiny pieces by his own pretty fingers. None of what he said is false— he and Jaehyun barely know each other— they've met for a good three weeks or so, and yet, why does it feel like they're letting go of something much bigger than a short-lived escapade? 

"But you do," Jaehyun's eyes are cast down. "Doyoung, you do. You mean so much to me."

"I don't." Doyoung insists. "When you wake up, everything out there waiting for you will be much more important than I could ever be. I'm just—"

There's a pile of feelings flocking on his chest as he looks at Jaehyun. For one, he feels at a loss. He couldn't remember how San Cielo used to be before he saw Jaehyun on the highway. There is also a tinge of sadness, of longing— Jaehyun hasn't left yet and Doyoung already misses him— and then, beneath all those layers there's relief.

Doyoung is relieved that Jaehyun is still alive.

He doesn't know how he's supposed to feel for himself. Deep inside, he knows that Jaehyun is the one keeping him here, and losing him means Doyoung would have to fight to keep himself from floating around once more. And yet it doesn't matter, what matters the most is that Jaehyun gets to fly again, to be with Jaemin again, and even if it means Doyoung will lose his anchor to this world, it's a price worthy to be paid. 

Jaehyun deserves his wings.

Doyoung wouldn't be the one to cut them off.

"I'm just as good as a dream, Jaehyun." He says with a hint of finality, like he's already decided how he should feel about this all. What hits his chest raw and ugly doesn't matter, it's the way he processes it and throws it to Jaehyun that does. 

Jaehyun shouldn't think of staying anymore.

"Let's just, enjoy the rest of this dream of yours." Doyoung says, "It's the most we can do. If you tell me you'll stay, I'll be the one who leaves." 

Jaehyun gapes at him, eyes wide. "You shouldn't throw your life away because of me."

"You shouldn't throw your life away because of me." Doyoung retorts. "Think of Jaemin. When everything else is blurry, think of your son."

That seems to do the trick. Jaehyun looks down on the floor and sighs. "I'm sorry I must have lost my mind. You're right I'm just—" He brings a hand to his forehead, fingers on his temples. 

"God, I really am the worst father, aren't I? How could I even think of leaving Jaemin?" 

He looks even smaller in Doyoung's eyes right now, hunched at the corner of his bed. Doyoung shifts closer, allowing himself to soothe Jaehyun's back, the fabric of his cloth smooth against his fingers. It tickles his skin, still. 

 "Hey," he whispers, "We both knew it'll end up like this anyway, didn't we? I was long dead, and you had people you didn't want to leave behind. We knew, and we gave in anyway."

Doyoung’s lips betray his heart. "What we shared— it's not like it's all that. It's just something that was meant to be enjoyed as long as it lasts. We still have a few more days, don't we?"

The disagreement in Jaehyun’s face doesn’t make it past his lips as if he has chosen not to put it out in the air. Doyoung has a vague idea of what it could be— in his heart, he knew, but unsaid words are unsaid for valid reasons.

Jaehyun nods his head slowly, then firmly, before he leans forward and chases Doyoung’s lips with his. 

The skies were grey and dull the day Taeyong left.

It isn’t like it doesn’t rain in San Cielo. True to its pledge of a realistic virtual space, they have employed seasons and climates into the interface. Rain falls in San Cielo as much as it does outside, but Doyoung remembers that particular day because no matter how dark the sky was, the rain didn’t fall. As if sympathizing with Doyoung who stood frozen as Taeyong walked to the gate, the rain didn’t fall.

Doyoung remembers it clearly: against the dull and lifeless horizon, Taeyong’s smile was bright.

The weather today in San Cielo is a lot like that. The skies have been grey since this morning, but the rain has yet to pour down. Doyoung stares at the band on his wrist, remembering his promise to Taeyong.

I'll wait. I'll make sure I won't regret having to let you leave without me.

Doyoung had said, to which Taeyong had responded with a gentle smile.

Then, Doyoung. Shouldn't the first step be to face it head-on?

Doyoung had nodded then, knowing exactly what Taeyong meant. It isn't something he did just to put Taeyong at rest. Back then, he did mean it.

And yet, half a decade later, Doyoung is still running away.

Doyoung knew the rational thing to do would be to retrieve his memories, to know who exactly it is that he's waiting for. But he feared what his memories could be, how painful they were that he chose to erase them. Living in blissful ignorance, Doyoung had thought, should be a lot closer to the idea of heaven. Half a decade later, he realizes he’s got it all wrong.

It wasn’t until Jaehyun offered to be his courage that he felt brave to finally know.

He closes his eyes, the image of an hourglass burning at the back of his eyelids.

"And there he is!" a loud voice suddenly resonates through the empty road in front of the town hall, where Doyoung is sitting quietly inside his parked truck.

Donghyuck appears from out of nowhere, resting his elbows against the door of Doyoung's truck. "What a promise-breaker you are, hyung. After swearing to help me and Mark yesterday, you didn't show up. I'm a little hurt." He says, voice laced with obvious playfulness and yet Doyoung can't help but feel bad. He just keeps on breaking promises.

"I'm sorry." He says, unable to hide the dull tone of his voice. He wants to say that he didn't mean it, but the truth is, he did. Once he learned about Jaehyun possibly leaving, he willingly threw away whatever arrangements he already had. Every second he will spend away with Jaehyun just seems like a waste.

"Hey, I was just kidding." Donghyuck seems to have noticed something off, alarm written on his face. "Don't be too sorry. Mark and I are almost done, there's nothing much to prepare anyway."

He finally climbs the truck, taking the passenger's seat. "What happened?"

Doyoung sighs, looking at Donghyuck.

He tells Donghyuck everything that happened yesterday, from Jaehyun showing up at his doorstep bearing the news of him finally waking up and the possibility of him being pulled out of San Cielo, to the conversation that happened after that. Donghyuck listens intently, eyes never leaving Doyoung.

"Do you mean it?" He asks. "Are you really willing to let him go?"

Doyoung swallows a lump in his throat, nodding. "I mean it."

Donghyuck doesn't speak. looking at Doyoung like he’s looking for something else, something left unsaid and Doyoung hates it because there is nothing else to see. He already laid it all out to him.

Doyoung stares back.

Donghyuck sighs, resting his head against his seat. "You know it's okay to feel ugly things right? Sadness, jealousy... selfishness." He glances at Doyoung and sees the frown on his face. "What I'm saying is, don't run away from this one, too."

"Are you suggesting I ask him to stay? To cruelly take him away from his son?"

"I'm saying, face what you really feel, then fight it." Donghyuck shifts in his seat, looking him in the eye. They stay like that for a moment before he shuffles and jumps off Doyoung's truck.

"I have an errand to run.” Donghyuck says as he pats dust off his pants. “Mark is at the main hall, hyung. Maybe you should help him with the dance he's preparing. I already told him a thousand times that he's good but he thinks I'm just being kind. Ha! As if I'm even kind. He doesn't know I'll ruin heaven for him soon." He says as he starts to walk backwards, waving nonchalantly at Doyoung. By the time Doyoung hops off his truck, Donghyuck already has his back turned, walking away.

Doyoung sighs.

He thinks of Donghyuck's words as he walks to the main hall. It irks him to his nonexistent bones how he knows where Donghyuck is getting at. It irks him even more because he knows what he wanted to say is indeed true.

At the back of his mind, Doyoung knows that Jaehyun is the one keeping him here, his anchor. Losing him means Doyoung would have to fight to keep himself from floating around once more, and Doyoung is afraid because what if he doesn't manage? Like the Doyoung who confidently promised Taeyong that day he left, but was devoured by his weaknesses and ran even farther away the very next day. Doyoung is afraid it'll happen again.

He hates himself for betraying the confidence he had when he answered Seohyun’s question the other day. Hypocrite, he thinks, especially since the only thought that runs in his head since yesterday is:

What if I ask him to stay?

"What if I ask Jaehyun to stay?" He hears someone hush whisper.

For a moment, Doyoung feared his inner thoughts were being exposed. He halts in alarm, looking around, searching for the owner of that voice, until his eyes land on Mr. Kim hidden in a corner, back facing Doyoung.

In front of him, Seohyun is standing, a grimace on her face.

There is tension in the air as the two stand rigidly at one corner. Doyoung hides behind the nearest wall. 

"You need time to think, Mr. Kim. You're too emotional right now."

"No, Seohyun, hear me out. " Mr. Kim insists, "I know Jaehyun would want to stay, he's been waiting to be with Doyoung for so long. I’m certain, that if I just ask him— if someone would just ask him—"

"San Cielo's vision is to provide a life for the dead, not to ask the living to die." Contrary to the soft and soothing voice of Seohyun, the tone she uses right now is firm, unwavering. 

Doyoung doesn’t see the expression that Mr. Kim is wearing right now, he figures it isn’t so good when the old man laughs dryly. “Ah, and here I thought you were a friend. I almost forgot you’re an employee of this goddamn heaven.” He shakes his head.

“You’re just afraid aren’t you? You’re afraid because you know that given the option to, Jaehyun would choose to stay. He would choose Doyoung. And if that happens, it will be on the news’ headline the very next day. What happened to San Junipero will happen again. People will want San Cielo closed for offering death so easily.”

Seohyun purses her lips, her eyes burning.“You’re being cruel, Mr. Kim.”

“Cruel? How so?" Mr. Kim argues, voice clearly agitated. "Have you seen Doyoung, Seohyun? Have you seen the way life seemingly came back to him as soon as he met Jaehyun? Is it cruel that I don't want that to be taken away from him? Is it cruel to want to grant them the happiness that I once took away?"

“And Doyoung— Seohyun, Doyoung has been waiting since the day he stepped foot here. I thought Taeyong would at least suffice but even he left. And even if he didn’t, it wouldn’t be enough. The day his memories would haunt would still have come. Doyoung had been waiting for Jaehyun for a decade, Seohyun. Isn’t it even crueler for him? Would you really still say that I’m the one being cruel?”

Doyoung feels dizzy as he processes everything he has heard. In his head, the puzzle pieces are already put together. Some pieces are still missing, but Doyoung could already guess what the whole picture might be. In his chest though, everything is jumbled, ripping him apart. His ears ring, every argument Mr. Kim and Seohyun exchange is lost in him as he feels his knees go weak.

Was it Jaehyun? Has it always really been Jaehyun?

Doyoung remembers the time he met Jaehyun on the highway, his eyes instantly landing at his lilac hair and his dreamy eyes and the dimples on his cheeks. Doyoung had always been drawn to him. Like having the laws of physics which shouldn’t have been in this cloud space, Doyoung feels a gravitational pull, towards Jaehyun—  towards San Cielo when he’s with Jaehyun.

Somehow, it’s all starting to make sense—

Doyoung is brought back from his trance when he hears Seohyun yell.“Because he has a son, Mr. Kim!"

Doyoung looks back up, gathering his last pieces of courage to listen in again.  It’s the first time he saw Seohyun raise his voice. "And you shouldn't make him a bad father, like you were."

“How could you talk about the fall of San Junipero so easily when it’s about your other son as well?”

That seems to make Mr. Kim stop. He stays still, frozen in his place, before he looks down to his feet. All the fight in him seemed to have left. Seohyun is heaving, but her eyes are a lot calmer now. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Kim I—” She puts a hand on her mouth. “I shouldn’t have brought Gongmyung into this—” 

She turns her head to the side, and then she catches a glint of vibrant blue.

“Doyoung?”

Seohyun’s eyes are wide as they meet Doyoung’s, her jaw dropping as she takes a step back. From the corner of his eyes, Doyoung can see Mr. Kim turning his head, slowly, as if he dreaded to do so.  Doyoung doesn’t know what kind of expression it is that he’s wearing as he looks at the two of them, his gaze shifting from one to another.

“Doyoung—“

Like with everything else that he is afraid to face, Doyoung runs.

There is a place already in his head as he runs towards his truck, climbing in while blocking out everything else around him. In the distance, voices can be heard, his name thrown out into the air, but he chooses not to care.

Doyoung starts his engine, ready to hit the road, and if he spots a head of lilac at the side of the road, he just steps harder on the pedal.

Doyoung drives, restless, on a long and empty road.

His grip firm against the wheel, his eyes fixed straight ahead.

He zooms into the highway, and when he reaches the gate, he finally does what he should have long done.

The first thing that Doyoung remembers is spotting a man at the side of the road.

He was standing there, white shirt and lilac hair impossible to miss against the vast browns and greens of the landscape. His arms were extending on the road, his thumbs up. Doyoung took it as a signal to pull up, slowing down to the side of the road until he came to a halt.

The man ran to the passenger side. Doyoung pulled his windows down.

Up-close, Doyoung realized that he’s pretty.

“Hey, thanks for pulling up.” The man said, “Three cars already passed me by and they didn’t even bat an eye. You see, my car—“ He pointed to the black car parked at the side of the road, hood wide open. “Kind of ran out of battery, and it really chose a bad place. I mean, in the middle of an expressway, really.” He laughed dryly.

Doyoung understood. “I’m going to Seoul.”

The man pursed his lips. “I’m going to Seoul too.” He ducked his head to be able to look closer to Doyoung. “I already phoned someone to tow my car but I really need to get to Seoul as soon as I can. If you don’t mind, please, I’ll even pay—“

“Hop on.” Doyoung shrugged his shoulders.

The man looked at him with wide eyes, before he ran back to his car to gather his things, then ran back to Doyoung’s car and hopped into the passenger side.  Doyoung stepped on the pedal as the man buckled his seatbelt on.

 “You know you didn’t strike me as someone easy. I thought I’d have a hard time convincing you to let me hitchhike.”

“Your car had San Junipero’s badge.” Doyoung explained, looking at him from the corner of his eyes.  “Abandoning a co-worker on the highway would be foolish of me. What if you’re one of the directors’ son?”

“Oh,” The man nodded slowly. “Sorry to disappoint you but I’m just a lowly tech engineer. Please don’t throw me out.” He joked and Doyoung laughed, before he extended his hand to Doyoung. “I’m Jung Jaehyun.”

Doyoung didn’t accept it, his hands firm on the steering wheel, but he offered Jaehyun a small smile. “Doyoung. Kim Doyoung,”

Jaehyun gasped. “ You are one of the directors’ son.”

And they had laughed then, and Doyoung remembers the rest of the ride to be one that he couldn’t forget even as he dropped Jaehyun off, something that lingered like a dream in his head— that he’d keep searching for Jaehyun in the hallways of San Junipero’s headquarters. And then—

Then Doyoung remembers falling in love.

Every stolen glance, every subtle smile, every text exchanged, cafeteria dates, late night drives, every fleeting kiss they shared in narrow fire exits. All the scenery they’ve seen together. The promises they made. The hand they held so many times while they dream of heaven and forever.

“If you’d ask me what I want heaven to look like, I think San Junipero is the embodiment of it already.” 

“Really? I think there’d be some more I’d want to add.”

“Like?”

“A community. A community so tight and connected. A kinder culture. Then birds, fishes— animals. Oh, and a highway. A long and wide highway, so we could go on our usual drives.”

Doyoung remembers the dark blue walls of the humble home they got together for some semblance of freedom, how they moved the furniture around their tiny living room and danced. For the first time in his life, Doyoung wanted something that wasn’t shoved right into his face— he wanted Jaehyun. And when his father expressed distaste of their relationship, Doyoung learned to be bold, dyeing his hair a bright shade of blue in complement with Jaehyun’s lilac, a move that screams to his father’s face: I don’t care.

He’d leave his world if he had to, if it means he gets to be with Jaehyun

Jaehyun was hired by a start-up company with the same vision as San Junipero, where he dreamed of a heaven for the two of them to come home to someday. Doyoung sang at the pubs and the bars, sometimes on the street. He never in his life knew that he’d love to sing— until he’s doing it for a living. It’s nowhere near the lifestyle that he previously had in his father’s grip, but he loves it.

They were managing, they were able to make it work.

Until the fall of San Junipero.

Gongmyung had been Doyoung’s constant, his brother who he looked up to, respected, and shared the weight of being a greedy man’s son with. Before there was anyone else in Doyoung’s life, there was Gongmyung— his only companion in their lonely world. 

But there’s only so much weight that he could carry, even more so as he tried to lessen the weight on Doyoung’s shoulders for his younger brother to be able to be with Jaehyun. He wanted Doyoung to be with the love of his life. He wanted Doyoung to be happy. Doyoung accepted the fruits of his sacrifice not knowing how much it had been hurting him. 

Before Doyoung knew it, Gongmyung had already escaped into San Junipero, where neither their father nor Doyoung could reach him.

It shouldn’t have been possible. Gongmyung didn’t fit the parameters— he was young and healthy— but as the son of one of its biggest stakeholders, he was able to slip in easily.

The very next day, the people were on the streets, asking for San Junipero’s end for sheltering a life it wasn’t supposed to shelter.

Doyoung was forced to lead the development of San Rico, overtaking Gongmyung’s place. As the only remaining son of the director, the weight on Doyoung’s shoulder became even heavier, the frustration of his father over Gongmyung’s decision all thrown his way. Soon enough, his father meddled with his relationship with Jaehyun, and soon enough Doyoung decided to let go.

Doyoung barely remembers the decade he spent without Jaehyun because the next thing that he remembers is his death.

Lying on the warm, wooden floor of his office with papers scattered around the floor and his head hammering in pain, Doyoung stared at the city lights beyond the giant glass walls of the headquarters as he felt his lungs squeezing in his chest, consciousness slowly sliding away from his grasp. He had cried for help and yet no one had come to save him—not the cleaning lady who should’ve stayed at this ungodly hour, not his secretary who swore to stay with him through countless sleepless nights, not his father who made him work day and night for a heaven he wouldn’t even dream of going to.

You must atone for what Gongmyung did— that good for nothing. San Rico can’t fall like San Junipero did.

Doyoung, you must give your life to make sure San Rico doesn’t fall.

He had dialed a number as his last resort, a number he had imprinted at the back of his head. The line rang about five times, and by the time it stopped, Doyoung barely had his eyes open.

“Doyoung? Are you alright?”

“Doyoung?”

He doesn’t hear the words that manage to escape his own lips. The last thing he heard in his lifetime was the sweet, low voice he so loved, calling out for him.

“Doyoung!”

As he had promised, Doyoung did end up giving his life for San Rico. 

“Doyoung?” 

Doyoung has his palms pressed to his face as he sits at the edge of the cliff when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He knows too well the voice that called his name just now, with his memories retrieved or not, but he’s too afraid to face him, even after waiting for him for so long.

“Doyoung.” The hands are on his wrists now. “Look at me, will you?”

Doyoung doesn’t, taking deep breaths with his hands still blocking his face. Jaehyun patiently waits.

There are tears at the side of his eyes when Doyoung finally moves his arms to face Jaehyun. Jaehyun wipes it away with his thumb, a crease in his forehead. Doyoung still refuses to look at Jaehyun, looking down to the cliff instead, watching the way the sea slams against the foot of the mountain with all its strength, efforts futile as the mountain stands still, unbothered. 

Jaehyun keeps a hand around his wrist and patiently waits.

When the sea calms down, so does Doyoung. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wasn’t sure you wanted to know.” Jaehyun answers promptly, like he’s been ready for this all along. “You told me that you erased your memories because they hurt you, they burdened you. At first, I was hurt because my memories of you are something I treasured no matter what happened, and yet you chose to forget those—”

Doyoung looks at Jaehyun now. He looks in pain and Doyoung hates himself because all he could think of is how he didn’t want that look in Jaehyun, that he’d hug him and let all this go easily if that would mean he could not look as broken as he does right now.

“Still I wanted to respect your choice. So I didn’t tell you.”

“But after that time we kissed, I changed my mind. I was going to tell you, Doyoung. I was going to but then I woke up and I lost the courage again. I didn’t want to shake you up and then leave. I thought you wouldn’t want to remember me if it’s going to be like that.”

“You know I would never want to forget you, right?” Doyoung asks, Jaehyun looks down to his feet.

“I wasn’t sure, to be honest. When I looked back I was sure you hated me. I got impatient and married Chaeyeon. I knew how much it hurt you. I couldn’t wait for you and I thought you hated me for that.”

Jaehyun sighs, “but I figured when I saw you and Mr. Kim talking at the townhall.”

Doyoung ignores the weight in his chest at the mention of the man. It’s something he’ll face later on. “I was the one who told you to live your life, Jaehyun. I knew it would take forever to get away from his grasp and I didn’t want you to live your life stuck where I left you.”

It did hurt seeing Jaehyun walk down the aisle with someone who was not Doyoung, build a family that was not with Doyoung. But Chaeyeon was warm and kind and he loved Jaehyun completely even though a piece of his heart still belonged to Doyoung. And Jaemin— he was as tiny as a pea when Doyoung first met him— but he was already the center of Jaehyun’s universe. Doyoung thought Jaehyun deserved the family that he built, the family that Doyoung couldn’t give to him. 

He never hated Jaehyun for that.

“You didn’t want me to get stuck, but how come you did?” Jaehyun's voice is almost a whisper. “How come you’ve waited for me for all those years?”

Doyoung suddenly remembers the words he uttered with his last breath. That night, in his office, when the exhaustion and the loneliness worked together to finally take him away, he coaxed out his last words with the last of his life: 

Meet me. In San Cielo. I’ll wait.

“Because I promised.” Doyoung smiles. “You’ve said it yourself, I’m a man of my words.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but chuckle. “And such a stubborn man, Kim Doyoung.”

The weight in his chest dissipates slowly with each laugh that Jaehyun elicits. Doyoung watches him, the scrunch in his nose, the wrinkles in eyes, and the way his canine shows as he laughs. He thinks that he could conquer the pain of his memories if Jaehyun gets to be with him now.

Even just for a while.

Doyoung removes Jaehyun’s hand on his wrist to entangle his fingers around his. “Hey, tell me about the life you’ve lived without me.”

They talk— lying down at the edge of the cliff with their feet hanging in the air— about their lives, their past, everything. About the time they toured the world together when they were young and in love. About the plant that Jaehyun grew when he named sophora when he was grieving for Doyoung. About Jaemin’s milestones in life. About Doyoung’s adventures with Taeyong,

About all the what could have beens. What could have been if we actually managed to escape to Connecticut like we planned to? If we married and built a family there with our plants and maybe two dogs. Would your previous neighbors still be there? Do you think they will like me? What could have been if we adopted a child?  Do you think God, or whoever there is, would still have given Jaemin to us?

Do you think we would have lived happily?

Doyoung's head is lying against Jaehyun’s chest as they talk throughout the night, with Jaehyun’s hands wrapped around his torso. Doyoung remembers so many moments like this, so much Jaehyun in his memories. Jaehyun reaches for his hand and tucks it in between their stomachs, and Doyoung feels warmer, better.

Braver.

"We would have been splendid." Jaehyun answers. "We would have lived everyday like it's the time of our lives."

Jaehyun peers down at him. "I would have been content with whatever we would have, as long as I have you."

Doyoung stares into Jaehyun's eyes, feeling tears brimming at the side of his eyes. Jaehyun swipes it with his thumb, and Doyoung snuggles closer, chasing more of Jaehyun's warmth.

When midnight strikes, Jaehyun leaves Doyoung with a chaste kiss and newfound courage to face the tomorrow that will come.

Cowardice, it seems, is something that Doyoung got from his father.

Doyoung visits the town hall after two days of digging a hole in his bed. Even if he told Jaehyun that he'd face Mr. Kim as soon as he came back to the town, Doyoung had stayed at his home avoiding everyone instead. Jaehyun gave him enough courage, that's true, but Doyoung felt he deserved the time to process his emotions, to extinguish the flame that is burning in his throat.

It didn't help that Jaehyun hasn't come back since.

Doyoung is scared, but Jaehyun promised, and Doyoung believes.

When he finally musters up the strength to face the man he hates the most, what welcomes him is a circle of residents crowding at the town hall. Taeyeon is there, with other tourists. Kyungsoo is standing at one corner quietly observing, and Seohyun is nowhere to be found.

Joohyun passes by, a bundle of Irises in hand.

Doyoung stares at the bright blue petals in her hands and remembers the day he erased his memories. Joohyun was here the day Mr. Kim arrived, she was already here even on the day that Doyoung arrived. She was one of those who stayed the longest. She was there, when Doyoung screamed his lungs out at the town hall, helping Taeyong in calming Doyoung down after Doyoung found out that the one person he wanted to get away from in his life followed him to the afterlife.

Joohyun stops right in front of him.

"Mr. Kim has decided to pass through, Doyoung." Doyoung doesn't ask, but she answers. "The residents and tourists are bidding him goodbye."

Doyoung scoffs, the fire in his throat coming back alive. Joohyun looks at him with furrowed eyebrows.

He hasn't even had enough time to swallow it down when Mr. Kim appears right in front of him with the kindest smile on his face— the smile that Doyoung hates the most.

"Good morning, Doyoung. I know you've heard the news." He looks at Joohyun briefly, who gives him a little bow before shoving the irises in her hand to him. Mr. Kim accepts with a smile, then Joohyun walks away, but not before flashing a small smile towards Doyoung.

Doyoung ignores it and looks at Mr. Kim instead. He wears a simple white suit and simple white hat, with nothing but a bunch of flowers in hand for him to take to after of the afterlife. Doyoung couldn't help but scoff.

All that greediness in his lifetime, and he’s taking nothing but a bunch of flowers with him.

Doyoung can see the frown on Mr. Kim's face. It makes him feel a little bit satisfied.

"I've decided to pass through." Mr. Kim says. "Would you do me one last favor and take me to the gate?" 

Doyoung clenches his fist. It took him so much to find the courage to face his old man, but now, Mr. Kim is the one running away— a coward 'till the end of his afterlife.

Maybe this is for the better, Doyoung thinks. He isn't forgiving anyway. 

Doyoung nods, walking back to where he parked his truck. Mr. Kim follows.

Mr. Kim wasn't always a bad father.

Doyoung remembers a time when he loved his father. When he shared a happy family with him, his mother, and his brother Gongmyung. Like any typical family, they loved and they fought, but they loved, more than anything else. In their humble home in the quiet place of Gyeonggi-do, with their small garden and one dog, they loved each other like a family would. To Doyoung, that was enough. 

It isn't until his mom's illness that the wheels of their life turned in a different direction. Suddenly, his father was obsessed with developing a cloud server of the afterlife. Paradise for her was his father's promise. There, she could not think of the pain anymore and live peacefully. Suddenly, their lives revolved around San Junipero, his father's promise a string tied to his and Gongmyung's wrists.

She didn't hold long enough to see the beta release of San Junipero, and even with the power of this breakthrough, data once lost is data lost forever. 

After that, Doyoung didn't know his father anymore.

He knew the director of the company who tormented him and Gongmyung from when they were still teens; who dictated their lives, what to dedicate their life into and who to live for; who pushed his own son into escaping to the afterlife; who pushed Jaehyun, his only happiness, away from Doyoung, like he hadn't suffered enough; who caused Doyoung's own demise, and ultimately took his life.

The fire in his throat flares and Doyoung feels like his whole body is burning. This is why he chose to erase his memories, even if it meant he'd forget Jaehyun.

He couldn’t live his afterlife with Mr. Kim while knowing all of this.

The skies are bright and vibrant when they arrive at the gate. As if sympathizing with the fire in his chest, the sun burns bright against his skin as they stop at the top of the mountain, free from the shadows of the forest. Doyoung gets off his car and goes straight to the cliff, leaving Mr. Kim in his truck. Doyoung hears his footsteps close behind.

Doyoung stops at the edge of the cliff and sees the waves down below, gentle and at peace with the mountain today. Doyoung smells the warm breeze blowing through his hair, the sun hot against his skin.

It seems such a good day to enjoy San Cielo, but instead of that, Doyoung is here to watch Mr. Kim leave.

When Doyoung looks back, he sees Mr. Kim looking at the bright red gate standing right in front of him.

“Jaehyun did really great. San Cielo is so beautiful.” Mr. Kim stays staring at the gate, a few steps away from Doyoung. “It’s so much better than San Rico could ever be because he made this for you. He made this just like how I did with San Junipero, Doyoung. San Junipero was for your mother, now San Cielo is for you.”

Doyoung clenches his fist and closes his eyes. He doesn’t say a word.

“Jaehyun is really good. He was really good for you and I was afraid that he would be enough, that you would leave me because he became everything to you.” Mr. Kim turns, looking at Doyoung. “I was devastated with what happened with Gongmyung and I wanted to keep you with me in any way that I can. I blamed Jaehyun for you leaving but— but I knew. I knew everything was my fault.”

“When I told you at the townhall that I wish you’d be happy, I mean it. Doyoung, I hope you find the happiness that I took away from you. Please live. Please be happy.”

What welcomes Doyoung when he opens his eyes is the sight of a tear-stained Mr. Kim. The lines in his forehead are even deeper with his frown, and there’s sadness in his face that Doyoung doesn’t feel too delighted to see. He knows he shouldn’t be affected when it comes to this old man but it’s the face that Doyoung hates to see the people of San Cielo wearing.

Regret. 

So much regret.

“I am so sorry, Doyoung.” Mr. Kim’s voice cracks. “I'am so sorry, son.”

What Doyoung knows before he walked into the town hall this morning to face Mr. Kim is that he can not easily forgive. Everything that happened— everything that he chose to forget— still pains him even in his death. For his own peace, he wants to forgive, but the burning in his chest won’t allow him to do that. 

“You’re selfish till the very end.” Doyoung grits his teeth. “Why couldn’t you have left me in peace without you? Why must you come and chase me for forgiveness? For your own peace? Must you really take mine to have yours?”

“No, no. You don’t have to.” There’s tears in his eyes now. Mr. Kim closes his eyes and keeps his head down. “That’s why I’m leaving. I was a fool to have thought I even deserved to ask for forgiveness. You’re right. I am selfish. I couldn’t follow Gongmyung but I could still follow you— and I did that, I didn’t think of what you’d feel, I didn’t think—”

“Then why did it take you so long to leave?” Doyoung yells. “You should have left when I lost my memories. Why are you leaving now without even atoning to anything you have done?”

In his head, Doyoung knows that Mr. Kim leaving will be for the best. He won’t be there to remind Doyoung of the pain he had to go through anymore— Doyoung could move on without looking back. 

But in his stubborn dead heart, he actually wants to try. Forgiveness won’t come easily, he knows, but he has an eternity to work on it.

Isn’t that one of the gifts of San Cielo? 

“You ruin everything and then you leave without ever making it up to me?”

Mr. Kim looks up to him with wide eyes.

The breeze that blows by is cool this time. Doyoung feels the air from his hair even to his lashes. Clouds are starting to come by, hiding the sun behind them, only letting some of its rays pass through. 

Mr. Kim walks up to him in small, slow steps.

Two steps away, he falls into his knees, his palms on his face as he cries in loud, ugly sobs. Doyoung stands still and focuses on stopping the tears that are threatening to spill out from his eyes.

“I can’t say that I’d forgive you.” Doyoung lifts up his head, looking ahead. “But you owe it to me to try to make me to.”

Mr. Kim nods repeatedly, unable to say a word, before he hugs Doyoung in his knees.

Doyoung stays still, hands curled into fists.

He lets him be.

Doyoung opens his eyes to the view of the morning sea from his window, the sun illuminating his front porch. He blinks his eyes a few times, adjusting to the sudden brightness as he sits up from his bed to look around his cabin.

No one is here but him.

Doyoung imagines a morning where he’d wake up and Jaehyun would be right next to him with his head snuggled at Doyoung’s chest. Doyoung would kiss him on the nose to wake him up, and Jaehyun would keep his eyes close, but the dimples on his cheeks would tell Doyoung that he’s already up. Doyoung would pretend to give up and leave, and Jaehyun would pull him back to lay down again, hugging him.

Doyoung imagines an afterlife where he doesn’t have to wait, uncertain of how long he’ll have to, because Jaehyun won’t leave anymore. He wonders, how long will it take for them to decide to pass through? Doyoung knows that it still would have come to an end— eternity is more than enough— but at least, they can leave at their own time, their own pace, once they’ve fulfilled everything that they couldn’t do in their lifetime. 

These thoughts form a smile on his lips. Doyoung lies back down, closes his eyes, and allows himself to dream a good dream. 

There’s a weight around his waist when Doyoung opens his eyes again.

Doyoung feels an arm resting on top of his body, a familiar warmth close to him. When he turns to the side, Jaehyun is there with his chin on his palms and his elbows propped on the bed, smiling down at Doyoung. 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

A smile makes its way to his lips. “Hey,”

Jaehyun smiles back. “Hey.”

They share a giggle. Doyoung closes his eyes and Jaehyun leans in, leaving a peck at his forehead. When Doyoung opens his eyes, Jaehyun leans in again to give him a peck on the nose, then on the lips.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Jaehyun hugs him closer, burying his face on his neck. Doyoung feels a tug in his chest with their bodies pressed together.

“I’ve missed you too.”

It’s been four days that Jaehyun hasn’t logged on. The interval of his coming back is so much longer now. Doyoung knows that the end is about to come. 

Doyoung pulls away from the hug to be able to look at Jaehyun in the eyes, to his thick eyebrows, to his lashes, to the dimples on his cheeks, before they finally land on his pretty lilac hair. Doyoung raises a hand and runs his fingers through his locks, before he dives down for a kiss, lips pressing hard on Jaehyun.

Jaehyun responds, gentle and warm. A hand at Doyoung’s waist as Doyoung hovers over him on the bed. Another hand holds Doyoung’s shoulder as support.

“You look,” Doyoung says in between kisses, “like an angel.”

Jaehyun smiles smugly into the kiss. “I know.” 

Doyoung couldn’t help but hit Jaehyun in the shoulder, giggling as he does. Jaehyun only pulls him closer, gliding his tongue against Doyoung’s, one hand feeling Doyoung’s waist and back.

Jaehyun kisses slowly and softly, taking his sweet time exploring Doyoung.  It isn’t like last time when everything was hurried and impatient and desperate. Today is lazy, gentle kisses— Jaehyun moves like they have all the time in the world. 

Doyoung feels warm at his torso as Jaehyun slips a hand down his pants. He slowly pulls away from the kiss, burying his face on Jaehyun’s neck instead. His skin is starting to feel hot as Jaehyun’s fingers wrap around his cock, his knees going weak. The inside of his chest is in shambles and making him unable to think straight. God, how does Jaehyun make him feel so human with just a few touches?

Jaehyun’s strokes are slow and lazy as he peppers kisses to Doyoung’s shoulder and neck. Doyoung’s knees actually give up this time, his body falling on top of Jaehyun. Jaehyun chuckles, switching them around, his hand still on Doyoung’s length. He hovers over Doyoung and leaves a peck at Doyoung’s shoulders. Doyoung reaches out to cup his cheeks.

Doyoung knows this is ridiculous considering how they’ve already escalated to this point, but he feels the need to ask, “Make love to me?”

Jaehyun chuckles, momentarily stopping. “It’s not like my hand’s already at your cock. But okay, oldie, let’s make love.” He mocks, Doyoung chuckles.

As Jaehyun removed his and Doyoung’s clothes, Doyoung remembers Mr. Kim’s question a few days ago at the town hall, before Doyoung retrieved his memories. Mr. Kim had asked Doyoung if he was happy, and Doyoung, not knowing if he is even capable of it, couldn’t answer. The data of the dead aren’t meant to be happy, that’s what he believed.

But as Jaehyun leans in and kisses him again, that’s exactly what he feels in his chest— happy.

Doyoung thinks, even an existence like his deserves that.

“Remember when we went to Japan and visited that Shinto temple at Ibaraki?” 

“Hmm.” Doyoung hums, pulling his blanket closer to his chest. It’s warm under his sheets with Jaehyun— skin against skin, limbs entangled together.

The sun has set now. Doyoung’s windows are wide open as the night breeze passes through. 

“Of course, I remember. That was our last trip ever, because when we came back my father fired you and I ran away from home.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun laughs, pulling Doyoung closer in his arms. “I hope you didn’t retrieve your memories just to keep the bad ones?” 

Doyoung shakes his head with a chuckle. He can’t believe he gets to joke about this now. “No, I remember it because it was the start of an era for us. I dyed my hair blue and we lived together in our humble home in Gangneung.”

“I’m glad.” Jaehyun ruffles his hair. “Anyway, you didn’t want to go to the shrines because of the ghost stories we’ve heard, but I somehow convinced you to visit at least one. When we went to that temple at Ibaraki, you saw that Torii at the edge of the cliff and you were just so mesmerized. You stood there with your eyes in wonder and told me that it was so majestic, that it must be how the gate to heaven would look like.”

Doyoung furrows his brows playfully. “So that’s why San Cielo’s gate is designed like that?” 

Jaehyun pecks his nose. “Doie, everything here was made for you.”

“Then why must the gate be so far away? When you and your company decided to have everything one click away, why must we drive miles away just to leave?” His eyebrows furrow. “I remembered it wasn’t there until a few months after I became a resident.”

“Yeah, we added it as an update just because of you. Because I don’t want you and your impulsive ass to leave just like that.” Jaehyun chuckles. “If you want to leave, I want you to think about it.” 

Doyoung doesn’t deny the accusation. He knows it’s true. “If that was your goal then it did work. I mean, I’m still here.” He shrugs. He can’t count how many times he wanted to leave San Cielo, but the long ride to the gate made him think about it further.

“I guess it was of use too, yesterday, when I took Mr. Kim to the gate.”  

Jaehyun looks down at him with his eyebrows furrowed, a question in his eyes. Doyoung sighs. He wants to just enjoy the moment, but there are things he must face before the day ends.

He takes a deep breath before telling Jaehyun about yesterday's event. 

Jaehyun frowns. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to face that with you.”

Doyoung shakes his head. “No, it’s alright. I actually think that I had to face that on my own.”

“I’m proud of you.” Jaehyun smiles. “You’re so brave.”

“Thank you.” Doyoung smiles back, “But actually... I wasn’t sure if I did the right thing. I’m afraid that even after I made him stay, I’ll realize that I still can’t forgive him. That eternity will pass with the anger in my heart growing even bigger. I can’t help but wonder if I should have just let him go.” 

Jaehyun runs his fingers through Doyoung’s hair. “You don’t owe him forgiveness, Doyoung. It’s not your responsibility to forgive him. The fact that you wanted to try is already something Mr. Kim should be grateful for. If you couldn’t give it after all, Mr. Kim can only accept that.”

Doyoung looks at Jaehyun in the eyes. “Thank you.” He then frowns. “How about you, though?”

“What about me?”

“It’s not like I’m the only one he wronged in his life. He wronged you too. Have you forgiven him?”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrow. He pulls Doyoung closer and rests his chin on the top of his head.

He tells Doyoung of the time that Mr. Kim begged him for forgiveness when he was still alive. A year after Doyoung’s death, Jaehyun found Mr. Kim at his front porch, his knees on the dusty wet ground. Jaehyun was still grieving then, but he politely accepted the uninvited guest. 

“I was just like you. I told him that I couldn’t guarantee that I could forgive him. He told me that it was okay and that I could take my time.” Jaehyun looks into the distance. “I wasn’t able to fully forgive him because soon enough, he followed you here.”

Jaehyun pulls him even closer, not an inch of space between them. “But right now, it doesn’t even matter to me anymore. It doesn’t matter because we’re here now.” He looks down at Doyoung, and pecks him once again on the lips.

Doyoung smiles into the kiss. He swallows the words that are threatening to spill from his lips. He'll save that for later. For now, he enjoys this.

The night deepens as the two of them talk about everything and nothing at all, chests pressed closer and closer, limbs entangled with each other. Doyoung thinks that he can go on forever like this— could spend every second of his eternity with Jaehyun and never run out of things to say.

When it’s almost time for Jaehyun to go, the two of them dress up and sit on Doyoung’s porch, where there’s a wider view of the night sea and the sound of the waves splashing on the shore is even more prominent.  

Doyoung rests his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, their hands interlocked. 

Jaehyun fiddles with Doyoung’s fingers. 

 “Hey,” He starts, rubbing the back of Doyoung’s hand. “I have something to tell you.”

Doyoung can feel Jaehyun’s stiffening in his position. He can sense the hesitation and fear in his voice. Doyoung knows what is about to come— both of them do. 

Doyoung squeezes Jaehyun’s hand. He pulls away to be able to look him in the eyes.

Jaehyun bites his lip, before he takes a deep breath. 

“I don’t know if I could come back again.”

“I’ve tried all ways I can to be able to come back today. I begged Seohyun to help me. I’d do it repeatedly if I have to, but I don’t think they’d let me in another time unless I fit the requirements again. My body is doing too well these days.” His face flinches as if he’s in pain. “And I think that’s great. I’m recovering and Jaemin is happy again.  He always talks to me even if I can barely reply. He tells me everything about his day. He’s smiling a lot, Doyoung. I feel like his smile alone heals me.”

There’s a few seconds of silence as Jaehyun looks down on the ground, as if he had lost the courage to face Doyoung. The sound of the waves fills their ears. Doyoung gently cups Jaehyun’s face to make him look at him again.

“I think that’s great, too.” He smiles. “I’m happy for you and for Jaemin.” He says, and he truly, deeply, truly means it. 

The truth is, Doyoung knows that the end will be the day that Jaehyun comes back. He trusted Jaehyun enough to not leave him hanging and come back for a last goodbye— and Jaehyun did. Doyoung is already grateful for that.

There’s a crease on Jaehyun’s forehead. Doyoung smoothens it with a thumb,  “It’s just that.. I don’t know If I can ever be with you again.”

“You can.” Doyoung assures, “You’re not immortal, Jung Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile at that, though his eyebrows are still furrowed. Doyoung laughs at the skeptical look on his face.

“What I’m saying is, I’ll be right here. I won’t leave until you come back again.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen. 

“Live your life until what’s meant for you to live. And when your candle runs out, come home to me.”

“You’re saying that you’ll wait for me again?” Jaehyun’s lips fall open. “You’d do that?”

“I’ve waited for you for a decade already. What’s one or two more?” Doyoung chuckles, pinching Jaehyun’s nose. “As long as you don’t die in a remote area where no one can find you during one of your mountain hikes, you’d be able to come back to me. So don’t be too reckless, alright?”

Jaehyun laughs heartily, before he pulls Doyoung into a hug, sighing. “I love you, Doyoung,”

Doyoung hugs him back, arms wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist. “I love you too.”

Jaehyun pulls away, only to lean forward again to leave a kiss on Doyoung’s lips. “‘Until we meet again?”

Doyoung smiles, before he dives in for another kiss.

“‘Until we meet again.”

When midnight strikes, Doyoung gathers his courage for another long journey of waiting.

[Epilogue]

Doyoung has been on the road for some time now.

His hands are on the wheel, his knuckles stiff from his minimal movements for a great stretch of time. The road he’s travelled stretches far, small houses beginning to appear in the horizon. Doyoung mentally curses Donghyuck for making him drive back to the downtown.

It takes a few minutes for him to get to the town hall. When he arrives, there’s an old man standing at the side of the road waiting for him, holding a box in his hands. Doyoung greets him with a pout.

The old man laughs. “Sorry, Doyoung. We were so sure Donghyuck brought this with him last night.” He raises a box of decorations in his hands, Doyoung reaches out to help him load it into his truck.

“I don’t know why Donghyuck thought of going all the way here just to do this and then forget to bring it with him.”

“Forgive the young boy, he just wants this old man to have something to do.” He laughs.” It’s been a lot less busy here since you’ve both moved to the north coast so I asked him If I could help out for his next bonfire event.”

Doyoung secures the box to the back of his truck, before he looks at the old man with a frown.

“Do you feel lonely here, appa? I knew you should have moved with us there. You’re too stubborn.” Doyoung whines, making Mr. Kim laugh. 

“I’m not lonely. I like guiding the tourists here.” He assures. “It’s just that sometimes, I miss you here. It’s not as crowded here as it was before.”

Doyoung sits back on the driver's seat, fixing his hands on the wheel and his feet on the pedal. “Don’t worry, we’re thinking of bringing back the bonfire events here soon. We don’t get as many tourist participants when we do it all the way north.”

“Then I would be glad.” Mr. Kim says, waving. “Go back now, I’m sure someone’s waiting for you.” Doyoung shakes his head at that, before he waves back. He steps on the pedal and hits the road once more

The sun has almost set by the time Doyoung makes it to the highway. The sky is painted with a beautiful mixture of pink and lilac, stars hanging like little decorations. Doyoung hums a song as the twilight wind hits his skin. The pretty lilac sky reminds him of someone just as pretty.

Doyoung drives, carefree, on a long and empty road.

Tapping his fingers against the wheel, humming his little love song.

When his eyes land at the side of the road, there’s a man with a white shirt and lilac hair standing there, hands raised and thumbs up.

Doyoung feels a tug in his chest as he catches the familiar face. He swerves to the side. his knuckles feeling cold, and slows down. 

When he pulls up at the side of the road, the man with lilac hair and dreamy bright eyes smiles at him, his dimples appearing.

“I’m home.” Jaehyun greets.

Doyoung smiles, feeling tears brimming at the side of his eyes.

His long journey of waiting has finally come to an end.

End.