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Shinji ponders saying yes to Yamamoto's proposal. Almost faster than he can keep up with, Shinji imagines going back to Soul Society, back to being called Captain, can see exactly how the next few centuries are going to go.
And then he says no. Shinji doesn't want to leave the human world, he definitely doesn't want to leave humans, even when it hurts, seeing them grow up, grow old. But then that's also what has made every moment so precious, their ephemerality.
There's also the fact that when Shinji asks about what will be done about Ichigo, Yamamoto's answer is "nothing. We will cut all contact with him and let him live his human life away from us."
It's supposed to be kind, Shinji imagines. But it just sounds like the most cruel thing he's ever heard. Ichigo has fought with them, for them and now he's simply supposed to go back to his life? Finish highschool, go to university, get married and have kids like the past few months meant nothing?
The only thing worse than losing his powers must be everyone acting like he never had them in the first place. Shinji will be honestly surprised if Ichigo doesn't start to lose his mind, unsure on what's real and what isn't.
So Shinji stays. And so does everyone else. He knows that if he'd gone back to Soul Society, so would most of them but he respects them too much to try and change their minds.
A few days later and Shinji goes back to highschool. Ichigo's eyes widen when he sees him and Shinji gives him a smug look, just because he can.
It's not until the end of the day, when Shinji is slowly walking home that Ichigo approaches him.
"Why are you here?" Before, Ichigo's voice would have come out like he was looking for a fight, Shinji is sure. But now he just sounds tired. Looks it too, dark bags under his eyes.
Shinji raises an eyebrow, "education is important, Ichigo-chan."
Ichigo grimaces, a light appearing in his eyes, "don't call me that."
Shinji makes a little humming sound, not accepting nor refusing.
"And don't give me that. What the hell do you care about education?"
Shinji raises an eyebrow, "what do you think we've done for the past one hundred years?"
Ichigo frowns, "what?"
Shinji rolls his eyes. Humans, so self-centered. "I've finished highschool five times. I have four degrees, two masters and one PhD. I've set foot in every country and I've definitely done more things than you can imagine."
Ichigo still has his eyes widened, like Shinji is telling him something... Not just new, but that's changing his view of the world. It makes Shinji snort.
"It's why I stayed. Because I don't want to give that up."
"Highschool?" Ichigo asks, frowning and not believing. Shinji laughs, freely.
"Life," he simply answers and Ichigo blinks.
Shinji's sure that he's hearing something similar inside his brain, just as he's sure that whoever told him "you still have a lot to live" and "you're still going to have a good life" meant well, just as he knows that Ichigo probably clenched his fists hard enough to bleed from his palms as his nails pressed into them from the way he found it all patronising.
But Shinji isn't being patronising. He likes life in this world. And he's aware that he has a choice when Ichigo's was ripped from him, but he hopes that what he says still has some meaning to him.
He's getting ready to leave when Ichigo speaks again, "so you... How many languages do you speak?"
Shinji blinks, then he smiles. He walks closer to Ichigo, does half a turn so they're turned the same away and puts his arm across his, stars marching him off the school grounds.
"Well, I first learnt French, because never let it be said I don't like a challenge."
.
Somehow, Shinji and Ichigo become friends. Real friends, not just two people coming together for something bigger.
Ichigo is genuinely interested in Shinji's - and the others' - life in the past one hundred years and Shinji enjoys telling him about it. Living in Brazil for a while, then Finland. His PhD took place in Antarctica, which Ichigo can't believe until Shinji shows him pictures. He'd spent most of the sixties and seventies absolutely obsessed with that country.
Ichigo never asks him why they all came back to Karakura and Shinji is thankful, though he doesn't know if it's because Ichigo genuinely doesn't think to ask or if he already imagines the answer and would rather not know it for sure.
Because yes, they did come back for Ichigo. Ichigo and Aizen and the whole freaking mess of it.
Shinji doesn't think too hard on how he's still staying because of Ichigo; he could have stayed in the human world and gone to a different place, after all.
It's another thing Ichigo doesn't ask him about. But this one, Shinji is pretty sure, he's afraid that if he brings it up, he'll somehow make it a reality, Shinji leaving.
He almost wants Ichigo to ask him just so he can tell him it's not happening. But Ichigo isn't ready to hear that and Shinji accepts that.
.
The years pass. They both graduate highschool and while Ichigo moves to Kyoto to study medicine, Shinji goes traveling across Europe. He enjoys telling people he's taking a gap year while he figures out what to do next. Definitely enjoys hearing everyone's ideas, takes up a thirty-year old's offer to work in her bar and moves to Amesterdam for four months, tries to once again learn Dutch and mostly fails, again.
Eventually, he goes back to Tokyo, still doesn't go to college, definitely not back to highschool, instead stars doing some freelance translation.
And, somehow, his friendship with Ichigo doesn't die. They barely talk about Soul Society but it doesn't feel like Ichigo is hiding from it, even though Shinji knows he misses his friends (he knows it was Yamamoto's decision but he still thinks he's going to fight each one of them when he sees them again). Instead, Ichigo tells him about college, about studying harder than he ever did, meeting new people, how strange it is, the way their lives are so different from his, and yet how everyone tries to make him feel welcome.
He still asks Shinji about his life in the past one hundred years and Shinji tells him stories. And one time he opens one of the drawers in his desk at his house in Karakura and finds all the postcards he sent from Europe there.
.
It's summer and Ichigo has been back for a week. They're both hanging out in his bedroom, Shinji sitting on his desk chair, new manga volume open on top of the desk, and Ichigo is laying in bed, reading an old French novel that Shinji found translated and gave him when he first arrived.
"Hey, Shinji," Ichigo's voice breaks through their silence. Shinji makes a little grunting sound, to show he's paying attention but Ichigo doesn't say anything else, so he finally raises his head, turns sightly to Ichigo, one hand on top of the manga, so he doesn't lose his place.
Ichigo licks his lips, clearly nervous about something. Shinji doesn't worry, though. Ichigo has a lot of tells on how he's feeling and this is simple nervousness, not anything life or death related.
Ichigo opens his mouth, closes it. Takes a deep breath. Shinji is becoming kind of amused; maybe he got a girl pregnant.
"Are you in love with me?" Ichigo's question breaks through his musings. Shinji blinks. Well, he didn't see that coming. Finally, he takes his hand off the manga and turns fully to Ichigo.
"Yes," Shinji replies simply. Ichigo's eyes widen immediately and Shinji bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. It's just really fun to catch Ichigo off guard, and not all that hard.
"You..." Ichigo starts, then stops. He gets up, walks towards Shinji, turns around before he's touching distance, goes back to the bed, drops down onto it, sitting with his legs wide open, hands extended between. Shinji can see he's pressing his right thumb against his left palm. He doesn't worry; until he's making fists and pressing his nails against the skin, it's fine. "How long?"
Shinji blinks, though he doesn't know why he's surprised by the question. It seems like a fair one to ask when an old friend declares his love. Though Shinji didn't exactly declare it, Ichigo just asked, and he didn't see any reason to lie.
"A while," he replies and it's not like Shinji is trying to keep it hidden, he just honestly can't remember when he first realized he was in love with Ichigo. It certainly wasn't from the start; the brat really annoyed him when they first met. But it's been a good few years.
Ichigo swallows, "how long's a while? Since last year? When I went to college? Highschool!?" The last question comes out in a different tone, which makes Shinji raise one eyebrow. Ichigo has gone on dates with men, so that can't be his issue. Is it that it's Shinji?
"Maybe last year of highschool. You were a prick before," Shinji tells him calmly. Ichigo's face immediately goes red from anger and this time Shinji doesn't do anything to stop a smile - half amused, half smug - from breaking on his face.
"It's not like you were much better, you asshole!" That does make Shinji laugh, which somehow stops Ichigo. He doesn't say anything right away and neither does Shinji. It's not that there isn't some nervousness running through his veins, but mostly he's just... Curious. To see what happens next. "I don't understand," Ichigo starts and he sounds quiet. Maybe a bit hurt, which does make Shinji's eyes open, just a bit. "Why did you never say anything?"
Shinji exhales slowly. This is another question that makes sense to be asked. "You were a kid when we first met," he raises a hand when Ichigo opens his mouth, ready to tell him in no uncertain words what he thinks of that and he does close it, letting Shinji continue. "Not a child, but you were a kid. I know, you'd already gone through things most people don't go through their whole lives. But you were young. And I... Wasn't."
Ichigo's jaw is clenched, an expression that Shinji knows well. He knows the other person is talking sense but absolutely refuses to show it.
"That was years ago," Ichigo finally says, pauses, but Shinji just nods. It's not like he's saying anything new. Ichigo is staring at him seriously, like Shinji is a puzzle he can't quite figure out. It's not a look that Shinji's been on the receiving end for a while but again, it doesn't make him nervous. He makes sure to keep his expression open. "I've dated people. And I've had sex." Shinji nods; he doesn't know the details, they're not that type of friends, but he's not surprised. "Doesn't that make you jealous?"
Shinji tilts his head to the side, genuinely surprised by the question and honestly unsure how to answer. Did he feel jealous when in the last year of highschool Ichigo finally accepted a girl's confession and they dated until they moved to different cities to go to college? Or the times he mentioned going on dates while there? Maybe a bit, but not that much.
Shinji doesn't know how to say that in a way Ichigo will understand. For all of his Shinigami experiences, he's still not one of them. He's still not hundreds of years old.
"I wanted you to experience life as a normal human," Shinji finally settles on. It's not quite what he wants to say - not everything, at least - but he doesn't know how to put into words what he's thinking in a way that Ichigo will understand. Ichigo's jaw still clenches again, this time in simple anger, but it doesn't take him long to relax it again. He sighs.
"I don't get it. You could have been my first in... Everything."
Shinji's eyes widen, he stops breathing for a second, has to force it to restart, can feel his heart beat in his chest. "What are you trying to say?" His voice comes out in a waver, in a way he hates, in a way that hasn't happened in centuries.
"I think you know," Ichigo says, sending him a look. But he still speaks the words: "I love you too."
Shinji's eyes are still wide. He finally realizes why he was so calm during the whole conversation, like he was more of a spectator than a participant. He never thought it would lead to anything more than "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same."
This isn't... He didn't expect this.
Ichigo gets up, this time doesn't stop until he's in front of him. He lowers himself until he's crouching, then he takes a hold of one of Shinji's hands, loosely, easily to escape. Shinji keeps it there.
"Do you still see me as a child?" Ichigo's eyes are glinting and the question could definitely come out flirty or jokingly, but he says it seriously.
"No," Shinji says, because he truly doesn't. Ichigo still will never understand his life fully, but isn't that one of the reasons Shinji loves him for?
Ichigo smiles, the skin by his eyes crinkling and Shinji's breath is caught. Suddenly he feels like a complete idiot, that he didn't do the whole conversation in a different way, in a way that made clear to Ichigo that he loved him and wanted to be with him, if that was something he was interested in. And somehow, it is.
"Good," Ichigo says and he gets up, pulls Shinji by the hand until he's standing too. He puts his free hand on Shinji's chin, then leans forward to kiss him on the cheek. Moves to the other one, then his nose, finally his forehead.
Shinji simply stands there. He feels... He doesn't know, in a way that feels kind of familiar, but like when you catch a glimpse of something you haven't in years.
He thinks of Ichigo's words, of how he could have been his first in everything. And he does feel slightly jealous for whoever got to see his first stumbling attempts at romance (because Ichigo can be many things, but smooth isn't one of them), to maybe even whoever taught him this. But Shinji still doesn't regret his choice; Ichigo needed to grow away from him. And they still made it here.
"I don't mind not being your first love," Shinji says, smiles, raises a hand until it's leaning against the back of Ichigo's neck. "Because I'm going to be your last," and then he kisses him.
It feels like home.