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Fear

Summary:

A little angst between the Beatles

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

When Ringo woke up, he was alone in the giant bed. The birds chirped happy melodies and the cold fall sun tickled his nose. While wondering where his lovers are, he stood up and went quietly into the kitchen. Then he witnessed a rare moment. John held George and Paul by their waists near to him. The golden sunlight painted beautiful patterns on the tiled ground. John kissed the top of Georges head. His bowl of cornflakes still untouched, while Paul took another bite of his sandwich. So did George. John looked a bit tired but still happy, then he saw Ringo. He smiled at Ringo.
"Good morning Rings!"
"Morning..."
Ringo rubbed his eyes and yawned.
"Still tired?" John asked.
Ringo thought for a second. No, he wasn't really tired, more sleepy.
"No?" He comes near to his lovers. He strokes gently their heads. Then he sees another bowl of cereals, till now without milk since Ringo loves his cereals crunchy. John reaches for the milk and fills up Ringo's bowl.
"Sit down, will you?"
Ringo nodded and sat down. "Ta, John", he said and kissed him shortly on his lips. George and Paul looked envious at him, so he gave them a kiss too.

After breakfast they all got suited. John moaned "Why must we wear those suits? They're uncomfortable!" Paul looked irritated at him. George ate another sandwich. When Ringo was about to leave the room John asked "Where are you going to?" "I need to use the loo" With those words he left. John looked anxiously at the door. Paul watched with sorrow. What had happened to John? Even George looked up with a questioning look in the eyes. Paul fixed John's tie. "Come on guys, we have to be on time or Brian will have our heads!" They all got up and went out. John looked back "Lads! We have to wait for Ringo!" Paul smiled and petted his head. "Sure, but we'll wait inside the car!" He took George and John by their Hands and inserted them into the car. They hardly sat down, Ringo came to them. They held each other's hands and enjoyed the rest. Especially John. He laid his head on Ringo's shoulder but didn't close his eyes.

They arrived on point. The set was pretty, and they got free food. "Boys slow down! I'd prefer if you all eat after the shooting and then not too much." Brian told them. George looked disapprovingly at him. Paul kissed George's cheek shortly. Ringo hugged them both from behind and kissed their necks while John shot a caring glance at them.
"Come on! You all need a make up!" The three boys let slowly go of each other and followed Brian and John. The four Beatles sat down in the chairs before of a big mirror. Then a few people came in and started to brush their hair and put a bit makeup on their faces, so no-one could see the lack of sleep.

While photographing them the photographer shot helpless glances to Brian, because the boys joked and made silly faces. "I think they need a break, don't you?" The boys nodded. "Okay. In a half hour we'll go on..." John felt a bit uneasy. He needed to use the loo, but he didn't want to leave his boyfriends alone, so he sat down and tried to focus on a desert while the others glanced worriedly at his unusual behaviour. John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "John?" "Hmm?" "What's up?" "Nothing you should get worried about" "Are you sure?" "Mh-hm..." "'kay. Will you join us at the buffet? Geo and Rings are hungry." John thought for a second, he wasn't very hungry, but he doesn't want to be left alone either. "When is George not hungry? But yeah, I'll come with you." He stood up and saw some stars dancing on the edge of his field of vision. Not again this fucking low blood pressure! he thought. Bit more salt would help... He shook his head and followed Paul. George ate like a pig and Ringo watched in amusement while taking a bite of his pie. Paul joined in and licked on Ringo's mouth corner because some pie stuck there. Ringo grinned and kissed Paul. John warned "Lads, be aware of the strangers." They split up and ate a bit of everything. "John try this one! I never ate something so delicious!" "'m not hungry..." Paul's head shot up and he looked unbelievingly at John. John tiptoed with legs pressed together and a hand on his crotch. "Go and use the loo mate, before it's too late!" "That rhymed!" John bit his lip and Ringo took him by the hand and led him to the restrooms. "Would you please wait for me?" He asked insecure. Ringo nodded and smiled.

When they got back Eppy glanced irritated at George. "'sup?" "He ruined his last suit!" Brian almost bellowed. John carefully took Paul's hand. "He can wear one of mine" "Sure! It won't look like he is in a potato bag!" Brian answered sarcastically. Ringo mumbled "Isn't it John's job to be sarcastic?" George grinned. Paul tried to calm Eppy down "He has another suit in the trunk..." "Really?" Paul nodded. "And you didn't think about telling me earlier?" "I forgot..." "It's okay... I'll go and get it. Harrison! You'll change when I'm back and for the rest of you no eating 'till we're done!" "Sure Eppy!" They all grinned when Brian was gone.

After another hour of posing and being pretty the boys were on their way back home. While sitting in the car they held each other's hands and kissed their neighbours softly on the lips. Paul's one hand got up to Ringo's neck and the other got to George's crotch. John leaned over to George and kissed him in a claiming way. Georges right hand got in John's hair and pulled him nearer while his left stroked Paul's upper body demandingly. "You all are mine!" Ringo stated. The other three nodded in agreement "And you are ours!"
"Lads. Stop making each other horny! We got a show tonight and there is not enough time for your games." "Really Eppy?" He nodded. The Beatles moaned disapprovingly but eventually they let go of each other.

During the show Paul's trained eyes witnessed another uncommon behaviour. John looked every now and then back at his band mates in an unfamiliar, anxious way. Paul knows his boys and that was not normal. But he carried on. George noticed Paul's worried glances at John, and he was convinced that there was something wrong. John was pale. He certainly just caught a cold. Paul could almost feel John's relief when the last song was over. They went backstage and cuddled their boyfriends.

In the car John sat in the middle and hugged his lovers like a mother hen and watched them cautious while they rested their heads on his shoulders with the eyes closed. He petted Paul's head softly which laid on Ringo's torso since he sat at the window. After a half hour they were back at their house. John gently woke them up by stroking their heads and calling their names. "Come on... We've got to go into bed..."

They were all snuggled up in bed. Shortly after laying their heads down, Paul, George and Ringo slept while John still watched them. Brian peeked in. "Hey. 's everything okay?" "Yeah... Fine..." "Sure?" "Yes!" He shot back in irritation. "Fine. See you tomorrow and don't stay awake for too long. Good night." The last awake Beatle nodded. "Nighty night Eppy" Brian left silently. But John couldn't find any rest. What if they leave me? I don't want to lose any of them... A silent tear ran down his cheek. I love them... My boys... He kissed George's forehead softly. He couldn't bear it if he lost any of them. The moon shone in with it's white light. And John looked as pale as a ghost.

After a restless night for John he was an annoying git. While the others ate breakfast he tried eating at least a bite of George's sandwich. "Johnny... You've got to eat!" George said and tried feeding him. He nodded. "I know but I'm not hungry at all..." "Come on... At least a few bites... Or we'll call a doctor!" He knew very well that John hates doctors since Ringo told them everything about his difficult childhood. John opened his mouth up and George fed him slowly. "You're doing a great job... Just another bite... Come on..." Paul gently stroked John's head while he ate. Afterwards they all went in the living room and cuddled.

Later he threw it all up. "Oh boy..." Paul got him a cloth and cleaned his mouth up while George cleaned the floor and their big blanket up. "We should really get a doc for him due to his refusal of eating anything." Ringo claimed. "Okay..." John looked anxiously at them. "Please don't... I'm fine..." "Yer not!" Paul barked. "I didn't see you eating for two days!" "Guys! Calm down... I'll call Eppy and ask him if he knows what to do..." Then they got John a tea. "Ta"

Eppy checked his forehead. "No fever..." "As I said. I'm fine!" "Yer obviously not!" He turned to the much wiser Beatles. "Maybe we should call a doc... But let him rest till tomorrow... Maybe he's in a better state then..." They all agreed, and Brian left his band on their own. George left the living room for a second and Paul followed him. Ringo sat down next to John and gently stroked his head. "There's something cooking... He usually eats even if he's sick..." "So, I'm not the only one?" "Hm?" "I'm worried too. Did you see his anxious looks when we were on stage?" "Yeah..." Then they heard a loud sob from behind the door. They shot questioning looks at each other and ran into the living room. They saw John curled up in Ringo's arms sobbing. What?! "Hey... What's up?" "He cried for you two... I don't know what went into him..." "Hey... Johnny we're here..." George mumbled as he took him in his arms. "You are safe..." John nodded and then dozed off. "Tell me I'm not alone noticing his behaviour!" Ringo said. "Yer not. We did too." "What's going on inside his head?" "I don't know, but I've got a feeling..." "A feeling you can't hide?" "Sod off!" They giggled. "We try to convince him to speak with us... If he refuses, we'll test it by leaving him alone." "That's kind of cruel, don't you think?" "Sure, but if he is stubborn as always, what else options do we have?" "We could call a doctor..." "'kay, if he doesn't quit being strange tomorrow, we'll call one..." "Fine..." They snuggled up at the couch and got another nap.

The next day John ate his bowl of cereal at least halfway through. They looked afraid at him but said nothing. "What?" The rhythm guitarist snapped. "You're acting strange lately and we're wondering why..." Paul said calmly. "I'm not!" The rest of the band sent helpless glances at each other. "John..." "Nothing John!" "Quit being pissed!" "Or?" "Or we'll leave you on your own!" John went in a possibly record-breaking time pale. "Okay..." "See? This is what I mean! You would usually be really pissed by now!" "But I'm not..." He mumbled under his breath, then he stood up and left the living room. Paul looked clueless to George and Ringo. "We should follow him before something terrible happens!" But as they went outside, John couldn't be seen. Just as if the ground opened and gulped him. "We won't find him... He knows every place here and even I don't have a clue where he could have gone." Paul admitted. A few hours there was a knocking on the door. "Maybe it's him!" Ringo went hopefully to the door and opened. "Hey lads!" Eppy said. "How are you doing?" They agreed silently on keeping John as a topic off display. "We're fine!" "Uhm... I left my receipt here..." "Oh... Come in then?" Brian nodded and came in. "You want a tea or something too?" Ringo asked and got anxious looks from his mates. If he stays longer, he might find out earlier than needed! "Yes sure!" "Is peppermint fine?" "Yes thank you, it's freezing outside." Paul went and made tea for all. George shot a worrying glance outside. He hasn't even his coat on... He is certainly freezing... "Geo? Is everything okay?" He looked up at Brian "Sure Eppy" "Okay. Lads, what are you hiding from me?" Ringo was about to spill the tea, but George interrupted. "I have a terrible headache and maybe I'm going to be ill..." "Oh no! Geo!" Brian switched his mode to Brian-the-Beatles-dad. Paul brought the tea in. "I'm going to make you a hottie!" With these words he left them and got into the kitchen. "What did you say to him?" Paul snapped. "That I might catch a cold..." "He won't leave until you're better y' know?" George nodded regretfully. "Okay. For now, just play along and act as if you're ill. We'll keep him occupied till John is back." Paul hardly stopped speaking, then Brian came in and handed George the hottie over. "Ta Eppy" Brian went on and got him a few blankets. "Do you need a painkiller as well or are you fine?" "I'm fine..." "Lads? Where is John?" They all seemed to freeze in their movements. "Probably on the loo..." "This long?" "Yeah..." "Maybe he got ill or something. I should check on him!" Brian went to the door. George imitated a bad coughing. "Eppy... I need the painkillers..." "Okay..." Brian got him the pills and a glass of water.

John was shivering due to the cold. If i at least wore a pullover! But no! I got out and didn't even spend a thought on my coat. He knew he had to return. But his pride told him not to. So, he went to a club. The warm, humid air took for a second his breath. He went to the bar. He ordered a vodka. They said they would leave me alone... Alone... As you ever were... Ever will be... He drank another sip. His throat burned due to the high alcohol percentage. Your family left you... And when Paul told you, he wouldn't leave you, he lied... He didn't even realize how dizzy his vision got.

Paul was deeply worried. Brian found out that John isn't home. "We should check every pub... He is surely freezing." And hopefully he didn't drink enough to get too hot and went outside. They put some warm coats on and went outside. I'll search for him at his favourite pub... They split up, while Brian checked his home and the pub's furthest away Ringo went for the most popular ones.

When Paul stepped inside, he could see a lonely glass standing at the bar. The bar stool in front of it unoccupied. Hopefully the bartender knows him... "Excuse me..." "What's up, son?" "Have you seen my mate? He has Auburn hair. Is a little bit shorter than I am. Light brown eyes?" "I think so. He went to the restrooms a few minutes ago..." "Thank you sir!" Paul went for the restrooms too. What if he isn't there? He has to be! Oh please John... Come back... He pushed the door open. "John?" Only one stall was locked. "Hm?" Oh Johnny... "Come out please...!" The bassist heard someone vomiting. "JOHN!" He shouted and went to the stall. "John love... Open the door!"

All he knew was he is cold, misses his boyfriends and their bed. His throat was hurting. The acid burned in it. He shivered as he leaned on the wall. Oh Paul... Please find me and take me home... To you... To our boys... He heard that the door was opening. Paul found me! "John?" Paul called him! But all he could do before another cramp was a humming. "Come out please...!" Oh Paul... I'd love to... But I can't stand up... His vision got once again blurry. He could barely hold himself up when he threw once again up. "JOHN!" Someone shouted. The sound of the voice strangely familiar and not at the same time. "John love... Open the door!" He unlocked the door with his last energy before collapsing over the loo.

Paul heard a clicking noise. He made it! The door is unlocked! But when he got in, he saw his Johnny lying halfway on the loo. He spoke to John. "Hey... Love... Wake up..." He gently stroked his head and sat him down on the wall. "You're here..." "Of course I am... I love you..." "You said you'll leave me alone!" "I didn't mean it!" John opened his eyes just to wrinkle them up. "It's too bright..." He murmured. Paul got him some water from the sink. "Drink... It'll help you..." John took small sips. "Here you go... Atta boy." Paul petted his head. "Do you think you can get up?" John nodded even though he didn't know if he was ready to stand up and walk home. He'll find out soon enough. Paul grabbed him by the waist and laid one arm around his neck and led him gently outside. John started shivering violently. Paul gave him his coat. "Come on... Just a few more steps and we're home..."

George called Brian "Paul found him! Get Rings and come!" They soon arrived. George tucked John into the bed and got him his still warm hottie. "Please..." Don't leave me! "Give me another blanket..." John spoke hoarse. "Sure!" George gave him another thick blanket and a warm tea. Paul scolded John for being so thoughtless. "We'd never leave you alone! You could have died!" John let Paul rant over him. He didn't notice that Brian and Ringo called a doctor. He was hot and his usually slightly blurry vision got way worse. He drunk his tea without complaining. "Listen, we called a doc to check you. If you go nasty it's fine, as long as you obey his orders, okay?" John nodded obedient. For a few moments it was completely quiet. Then John sneezed and Paul shot up in shock. "Nice John" Ringo said. "I sneezed! Oh, am I not allowed to sneeze?" "Sure, you a-" The bell ringed. "The doctor!" Brian went to the door and let the doc in. "Where is my patient?" "Here!" John looked up in slight fear. Ringo petted his back. The doctor proceeded his examination. "You don't sleep well, do you?" "I do!" Paul interfered "He doesn't. Quit lying or I'll have your head!" "Does he get anxious without a proper reason?" The doctor talked to Paul since John would go on lying. Paul nodded. "Are there some situations, where it gets too bad?" "Not really, but he... I don't know... He acts strange..." "For now, I could give you Diazepam to loosen his anxiety and Hydroxyzine for his sleeping problems. When he gets anxious again one of the Diazepam and one and a half Hydroxyzine for sleeping. You should give it to him about two hours before sleeping." "Alright! Thank you." The doctor nodded and left them alone. "Atta boy!" Paul cooed. "You did a great job." Brian threw a glance at the clock. "I'll leave you now... Call me if you need anything!" "Thank you!" Brian left. "What would we do without Eppy?" "Die!" A relaxed laughter went over the boys. "I'll get us something to eat!" George stated. "Great!" After eating in bed Ringo reminded the rest of John's medication. "I'll get you some water!" "Ta Paul..." Ringo gave John the one and a half pills. I'll pretend swallowing and then they don't bother about me anymore. He pretended swallowing the pills, but he left them in his mouth while swallowing the water. "Good boy... Now open up and prove that you obeyed!" John tried hiding the small pills under his tongue as he opened his mouth. "Tongue up!" He did as Paul wished. "John! Swallow those damn pills!" The bassist insisted on that so John could only do as ordered. "Guys... I don't want to lose you! I'm scared that you'll leave me..." "Oh Johnny..." The others sighted and cuddled him in their centre. "No one around you will love you today and throw it all away." George tried to convince him that they won't leave. "Geo is right. We all love you!" Ringo assured John. "Oh my... I love you all..." "Just promise us one thing, John" Paul said stern. "Hm?" "The next time you get anxious, you'll tell us before leaving an utter mess! We were all worried sick!"

They cuddled and kissed each other and made sure everyone gets all their loving.

Notes:

If you find any typos or something please tell me. And please tell me if you liked this story :)
This was my first fanfic so please don't get mad at me ':D