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Dear Sirius Black,
I'm never going to send you this letter. What's the point? You know how I feel.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
But I love you so much that I would never do anything that even had the slightest chance of hurting you. Apparently, that's not a trait I share with you. So, fuck you.
You hurt me. Why? Because you wanted to prove a point? Not everything can always be about you. You'll probably never understand that, being a member of the Black family. No, scrap that, it's because you're a complete and utter dickhead. You've probably never had to think about anything apart from how you're going to piss your mum off. I'm sick of it. If you had just thought about what you did for more than a fleeting moment, you might be able to comprehend the fact that you're not the only person in the world with feelings. I have them too. I had feelings for you. And you took advantage of that.
I feel so violated that I don't know whether I'll ever be the same. I never even wanted you to find out about me, and you are one of the few people I've ever had the privilege to love. You were so accepting of me. You held me in your arms while I cried. That was the first time someone besides my parents had ever told me they loved me.
And I love you so much. Sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me the same way. Was it all a lie? All of it? The kisses, the secret dates, the staying-up-lates. All of it? God, I hope it wasn't. I know that if you loved me half as much as I loved you, it was worth it. All of this pain and heartbreak and despair I'm feeling right now? It would have been worth it.
But I'll never know if it was. Because I don't know if I'll ever speak to you again. I don't know if you deserve it. And what hurts the most is I don't know if I want to. Because fucking hell, Sirius, you do not do that! You do not tell someone you'll always love them, and then five hours later destroy their entire life. And for once I'm not even being dramatic. You're just a dick. And I hate you.
I'll always love what we had.
Yours sincerely,
Remus John Lupin