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When Tulio first began getting along with Miguel, he didn’t think things could get any better than having a best friend to work with. Someone who understood him and who he understood. He remembered, very early on, one night when he had been awake alone unable to sleep.
That day had been particularly rough, Miguel had gotten jostled by some street thieves and they had lost everything they’d had gambling once again because Tulio hadn’t been allowed to use his special die. But it had been fun, they’d run from so many different people. They’d looked at each other breathless and laughed.
That night, he’d stared at the stars and prayed (in his own sort of way) to whatever almighty being was above that what he was experiencing with Miguel would never end. That he’d have a best friend for the rest of his life, because having someone to share everything with felt better than all the riches he could ever hope to gain.
Even if riches were still his main concern.
He found himself making similar silent pleas almost everyday now.
The pair knew that they couldn’t bring whatever it was they shared into the light of day, it was too risky. During the day they settled for longing stares, fingers brushing as they walked side by side. Enjoying each other’s company but never getting too close, because they knew they couldn’t control themselves.
At night, they didn’t have to be so careful. They waited until Spain was fast asleep and would spend hours together, under the light of the moon. Sometimes it was kissing like that first night, but other times it was soft touches, holding each other, things they couldn’t do when the sun finally rose.
If anyone were to find them like that, they would be in huge trouble. But that was the one ace they both had up their sleeves. Nobody ever looked for them, nobody really wanted them. Even the guards who arrested them didn’t care enough unless they appeared right in front of them, ripe for the taking. They were far too busy to search for them. So there was really no real risk of being caught.
Tulio had no family, no friends left. Miguel was all he had. As far as he knew, Miguel had nothing left either. Although sometimes, the blond would speak fondly of his mother or a sibling, he wasn’t sure if the reminiscing was in past or present tense, longing for what he had or longing for what was out there that he could never have again.
During the day, they were Tulio and Miguel, conmen extraordinaire, adventurers (as Miguel liked to call them) and all around wild rambunctious men. At night, they were soft lovers who spent a lot of time doting on one another.
Living a double life was exhausting at times, but it was the way things had to be.
Until Miguel saw that map, that blasted map. Miguel had taken one look at it and fallen in love, he needed it and Tulio was a sucker for anything the other wanted even if he thought it was stupid. So he’d gambled and won it, something that so rarely ever happened these days.
Miguel talked, as they ran, about far off lands. El Dorado. A city, where maybe, just maybe they could get enough gold to go somewhere more accepting for people like them or, even better, make Spain the accepting place they wished it was.
It was fairytales and magic, but Tulio desperately craved not only the gold but a chance to be somewhere he wouldn’t be stoned to death for holding his lover’s hand. Although their initial trip had been an accident, when they arrived on the island where the map depicted, Tulio followed the blond. Trying to trust his judgement as much as possible.
And, of course, they actually did end up accidentally stumbling on the fated golden city.
It was in El Dorado that Tulio first learned to accept himself.
Leaning against the temple opening, he stared out at the city as it slumbered. They hadn’t decided their plan yet for leaving the city, part of him knew they couldn’t stay but he also didn’t know what to do even with all the gold once they left.
Chel had long since vacated the temple, leaving the men to their own devices for the night. He didn’t actually know where she slept. Maybe he should ask her the next time he sees her.
“Tulio, stop worrying, amor (love), we’re going to be fine,” Miguel called from behind him, causing the raven haired man to whip around. That was too loud, he couldn’t call him that so loud. Sure, back in Spain they were ignored but here… they were Gods. They couldn’t spend their nights the same way they had back there, or they’d definitely be flogged.
What surprised Tulio though was that when he shuddered at the idea of being flogged, it wasn’t because he was seeing himself. He was seeing Miguel.
“No. Not until we’re out of here. You can’t say things like that here, Miguel.” He responded flatly, trying to lay down the boundaries here and now. The blond rolled his eyes, standing up from where he’d been lounging.
“Ellos no hablan español (They don’t speak Spanish),” he walked over to Tulio, grabbing onto his shoulders and guiding him away from the entrance to the temple, “y esto no es España (and this is not Spain).”
Tulio let himself be guided toward their sleeping arrangements, even though he could technically argue with the blond he had no real strength. All of it would go away as soon as he gave him that look anyway, so there was no point. His mind was still screaming this was a terrible idea though.
“¿Puedes tocarme esa canción? (Can you play that song for me?)” Tulio asked softly as he laid down, Miguel picked up the makeshift lute he’d made earlier on in the day. His original had been lost on the journey here, when they got back to Spain, Tulio owed him a new one.
They both knew what song he was talking about, the one Miguel had played that first night, it was something he asked to be played a lot. The green eyed male strummed lightly on the instrument, and all the anxiety left Tulio for a few moments. He could pretend that they were still back in Spain, this was just another night of adventure and laughs for them.
Miguel stopped playing to brush a strand of the other’s hair out of his face.
“You need to cut this,” he would always jokingly tease whenever they had moments like this. He didn’t use the prod tonight though, there was something else on his mind. His hand lingered and just as he was about to open his mouth to speak, a voice cleared it’s throat.
The two men jumped apart, scrambling to get as much distance between each other as possible. Chel was there, her eyes gleaming slightly.
“I did not know you two…” She pointed between the two, smirking as if she had just seen something really funny.
Tulio huffed, trying to keep his last shred of dignity. “Do you need something or did you just come into the temple to spy on a private moment?”
Chel giggled. Normally, Tulio found her endearing, interesting even. Now he was just scared of what she would do with the new information she now possessed. She could be more cunning than he and Miguel combined, he was certain.
“Relax, you two, I just forgot something back here. I didn’t know you two were like… a thing though, that’s funny,” she walked past them, digging through a pile of gold and picking something up, “really though, were you purposely hiding it?”
Tulio felt his face hot with shame. She was mocking them now, why couldn’t she just get it over with and tell them what their punishment was. Why did she have to make this a game? Was everything a game to her?
Oblivious to Tulio’s spiraling thoughts, Miguel explained why the two of them had been dancing around each other. He explained the penalty for being in a homosexual relationship back in Spain and how they were just trying to protect themselves. Chel wrinkled her nose.
“Spain sounds horrible when you explain it like that, why would you ever want to return there? That can’t be the only place beyond those borders,” she pointed over her shoulder to the city’s walls. She was right but Tulio wasn’t holding out much hope they’d be much more accepting.
Chel and Miguel began an engaging conversation about their relationship, El Dorado, places beyond El Dorado. But the taller of the bunch couldn’t hear them, it felt like they were on two opposite sides of a waterfall, water rushing in his ears.
He abandoned them to walk outside and get some fresh air, looking up at the stars. The same ones he’d prayed to every night back in Spain. How could life have changed so much in the short timespan since they’d left and still feel like decades? Even his years on the streets hadn’t felt this long.
“If you hate me so much, why did you make me” He mumbled angrily, pulling slightly at the mane of hair on top of his head.
“Nadie te odia (Nobody hates you),” Miguel walked up beside him, placing a gentle hand on his back. Chel was no longer there, whether she had gone back to wherever or was staying in the temple, he wasn’t sure though. And he didn’t care. He could barely see, his eyes were starting to get teary. He was frustrated.
He pointed to the sky, angrily. “He does!”
Miguel pushed his arm down, turning him to face him. He searched his face, smiling sadly. Tulio was surprised to see him so sad and stoic.
“No, te odias a ti mismo (No, you hate yourself). But you blame him so you don’t have to face that, Tulio.”
It made perfect sense of course. Some unknown entity didn’t hate him, the universe wasn’t working against him. It had placed Miguel right in his lap, brought him to the city of gold, given him everything he had ever wanted and he still couldn’t appreciate it.
He fell to his knees, he didn’t know what else there was to say. But Miguel did.
“You’ve grown up this way, you were taught this way, Tulio. We both were, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it define you… El Dorado is a chance for a new start for us, not only are they more accepting here, but we can make them more accepting. We’re the Gods, Tulio. We don’t answer to anybody,” he waved his hand out gesturing to the city.
“And when we leave here?” Tulio hated that he sounded broken, tired. When had he become the very thing he swore he’d never be?
“No lo haremos (We won’t).”
He wasn’t surprised but saying it loud made it so final. They weren’t returning to Spain or any of those other places Chel wanted to go see, they were staying right here. Chel would have to explore them without them.
“Come on, let’s get you to sleep, you look worse than you did in that prison cell,” Miguel helped him to his feet.
Chel, who had been listening to the whole conversation from nearby, perked up. “Prison cell?”
The men exchanged looks, a weak smile forming on Tulio’s face and a matching grin on Miguel’s.
“So there I was facing 15 guards-”
“It was 1, Miguel. The story gets more outlandish every time you tell it, let me tell it.”
Tulio wasn’t all the way cured of the worries and anxieties of yesterday, but maybe with a little more El Dorado, he would be.