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Suki awoke to no one behind her. Sure, there was Zuko in front, but there was a distinct lack of pressure on her back. Usually when someone was missing from the bed it was Zuko, his nightmares giving him nausea. The fact that Sokka was missing on its own wasn’t a reason to worry though.
Slowly extracting herself, Suki made her way over to the window. But she wasn’t greeted by the sight of the full moon as she expected. A wave of panic washed over her. If Yue wasn’t at her peak, why was Sokka out in the middle of the night?
She debated waking up Zuko. His insight was often helpful when she became trapped in a spiral of thoughts, but he had had a rough day with his regular visit to Azula, so Suki decided that it wasn’t worth his sleep.
Grabbing a coat, Suki crept out of their room and made her way towards the courtyard. Mentally, she was running through all the reasons that Sokka could’ve gotten up. There were toilets in their room, the anniversary of Sozin’s comet and the eclipse invasion were months away, Yue’s death was three weeks ago and his mother’s was half a year ago.
The courtyard was silent, no wind was blowing and the lack of moon made for almost blackness. Yet a faint glimmer of light was on the roof. Suki regretted ever teaching Sokka how to climb, honestly. He already had the skills from living surrounded by ice, so it had seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pulling herself up, Suki settled beside Sokka. He was holding a jar filled with fireflies, bathing his face in a soft glow. His eyes were swimming with tears and the grip on the jar seemed as if it was going to shatter it at any point. She wrapped her hands around his, gently prying them off and set the jar aside.
Suki was content to just let them sit in silence for as long as it took. Sokka was unpredictable, he wanted to talk about his mother whenever it got close to her passing, but locked himself in his office and rewrote plans near the anniversary of the Black Sun. She had nothing to go off here, no events were triggering in her memory.
Just before dawn, as the sun’s glow was beginning to appear on the horizon, Sokka sighed. He brought his knees up, turned his head to Suki and rested his cheek. She could still see the tear tracks, but now with the extra light, she noticed that he had brought his sword.
“Is there going to be an attack?” Suki queried. It wouldn’t be the first time, all of them were high profile targets and assassins were a part of their life now.
Sokka shook his head minutely. It was then that she realised that the handle was pointed away from him and the blade was unsheathed. For all that he could be reckless, Sokka never messed around with safety and weapons.
“Sokka, what’s going on?” Her heart rate sped up.There was no way that this could be good or that he was okay.
The tears started to run down Sokka’s cheeks again but he was silent. Suki gathered him up in her arms only to notice the fresh, bleeding lines previously hidden on his biceps. She looked at him, no questions, only concern in her eyes.
“Please, let me take you back to our room, I won’t make you go to the medic, just let me clean them up and bandage them.” With a shaky nod, Sokka let Suki lead him back down to the ground and into their room.
In the bathroom, Suki sponged clean Sokka’s wounds. She made sure to be as methodical as possible, leaving the conversation clear for Sokka to talk. It was as she was wrapping the last bandage that he began to speak.
“It’s been 10 years since Dad left to go fight in the war. He left me, not allowing me to come, saying I was the last line of protection for my sister and the tribe.” Sokka stared at Suki, his eyes surprisingly clear of tears. “It was in the most literal sense. There was no one else trained to fight, no one who could help hold off the Fire Nation if they decided that they wanted to try and wipe us out completely.
“Dad told me it was imperative that Katara stays alive, that she was the future of the tribe. I was to put my life before her, no matter what. If we had low food, she got part of my rations, if anyone invaded, I was to let myself die before they got knowledge of her being a bender.
“Katara was never told of what Dad asked of me. She still doesn’t know, maybe that’s why she thought I didn’t miss Mum, or that I just wanted to play soldier. I couldn’t put that on her, she was too young. Gran-Gran just thought I wanted to be like Dad. I only ever told the moon, hoping that Tui would look over the last waterbender to our knowledge.”
Suki felt her own eyes begin to water. Before she could speak, comfort Sokka, he spoke again, this time, his voice choked up with emotion.
“To this day, I still think I shouldn’t be here. She was always in too much danger; there should’ve been an exchange to keep her safe. I’d hoped the further away from the promise and danger we got, the better I would feel, but it gets worse every year.”
Sokka collapsed into a heap on the floor, sobs wracking his body, the emotion of the ordeal taking over again. The door creaked open and Zuko came in, the confusion and worry evident on his face. All Suki could do is motion for him to help her move Sokka.
Eventually, Sokka fell back asleep, leaving Suki and Zuko to talk about what had happened. After relaying all that she had been told, they spent time figuring out a solution for Sokka.
By the time he awoke, the two had already written and sent off a message to Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe, asking him to explain himself.
What Sokka doesn’t know, can’t hurt him more. They will tell him once they get an appropriate response.