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“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, you swollen, ignorant, overgrown law enforcement cosplayer! Do you even need to pass high school to get a badge these days, because I’m not sure you could even pass a cholesterol test…”
“You’ve got quite the mouth on you, don’t you, pretty boy? You have no idea how satisfying this is…” The police officer gave a hard shove into Sebastian’s back, forcing him through the open door of the cell, before slamming it shut behind him and locking the door, a smug expression on his face.
Sebastian staggered forward, barely catching himself in time to keep from slamming into the cot on the far wall. He spun around angrily, venom in his icy, green eyes. “What about my phone call? Oh, you are so getting sued. I have rights!”
The police officer shrugged his shoulders. “Phone lines are down. Bummer for you.”
“Oh, you’re a real piece of work. What’s your badge number again?”
“Well, enjoy your stay!” The police officer spun around on his heel and started back down the hallway, muttering under his breath as he went, “…asshole…”
Sebastian reached through the bars, happily displaying his fluency in the delicate language of nonverbal gestures. It was only then that he noticed the sound coming from farther down the hallway, from the cell nearest the door - someone humming (Johnny Cash?) softly under their breath. He didn’t remember seeing anyone on his way in, but then, he had been rather preoccupied uttering every profanity he knew in both English and French on the way.
The police officer paused only briefly at the heavy security door separating the cells from the rest of the police station to snicker a little. “Oh yeah, enjoy your company.” He gestured lazily towards the cell from where the sound was emanating, cackling once more. Sebastian couldn’t see the occupant of the cell in question, as they were separated by a rather solid wall of dirty grey cinder blocks.
From his spot near the front of his cell, he could see down the hallway and watched as a tan hand reached out from the cell that the police officer had just gestured towards. “Caaaarrrrrrrllllooooosss… Caaarrrlos, where you goin’?”
Another snicker from the police officer (Carlos, apparently?) as he pressed in his security code and waited for the door to open. The occupant of the other cell reached both hands through the bars, making grabby hands towards the officer and started singing:
Jailbreak, let me out of here
Jailbreak, sixteen years ah
Jailbreak, had more than I can take
Jailbreak, yeah
“That’s a good one, kid. Go on, sleep it off. I’ll check on you in a little bit,” Carlos gave a small smile as the door buzzed and he was quickly gone.
“Carlos? Carlos, don’t leave me all alone… Carlos? Huh, he left. He really left. Well, how ‘bout that?” The other man slumped against the bars of his cell.
Looked like he was in for a long night with the world’s drunkest man.
***
Considering there was no way in hell he was going to actually sit on that cot, let alone sleep on it, Sebastian found himself leaning against one of the cold cinder block walls, trying desperately to get comfortable. The man in the cell next door had started in on his prison themed repertoire once more and Sebastian had the sinking feeling he would not be getting any sleep.
Clang clang, go the jail guitar doors
Bang bang, go the boots on the floor
Cry cry, for your lonely mother's son
Clang clang, go the jail guitar doors
Sebastian let out a deep sigh and pounded his head back against the wall, wincing slightly at the contact. Alright, so this guy had a nice voice (amazing, really), but there was no way he could keep going all night, right? He just wanted to get some sleep before dealing with whatever repercussions would face him in the morning.
The singing had stopped, only to be replaced by a noise that sounded like tap dancing?
“Shuffle, ball change and HA!” Is he jumping on the cot now? The sound of shuffling footsteps and jumping grew increasingly more erratic until… silence. Blessed silence. Maybe Drunky McDrunkerson finally passed out…
Sebastian chanced a sneak through the bars and down the hallway. He was expecting to see nothing. What he saw instead was the furthest from nothing he could have possibly envisioned. Halfway up the bars of the cell in question, hooked over the steel horizontal bar, were a pair of legs - gloriously muscled calves and loafer clad feet to be exact - and it finally clicked in Sebastian’s brain that this man was now hanging upside down in his jail cell and seriously, he’s singing again?
I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh
What hijacked my world that night
To a place in the past
We've been cast out of? oh oh oh oh
Now we're back in the fight
We're back on the train
Oh, back on the chain gang
“I actually really love this song,” Sebastian found himself saying out loud.
The legs quickly disappeared from view and he heard the man scramble to right himself. “Oh, I forgot there was someone else in here. Uh… hi, cell mate.”
Sebastian snorted. “Hi, cell mate.”
“So, what are you in for? That’s what we’re supposed to ask each other, right? I mean, I know that snitches get stitches and I think I’m supposed to beat up a guy on my first night, but I’m not exactly up on my prison etiquette. Wait - am I supposed to beat you up?”
“This isn’t Sing Sing, killer. I think you’ll survive your harrowing night in the drunk tank...”
“Oh, right. Right, sure.”
“Aggravated assault.”
“Huh?”
“You asked what I’m in here for. Officially - aggravated assault. Unofficially - shitty friends and the world’s smartest mouth.”
“Whoa, that sounds like quite a story. I like stories. Tell me?”
Sebastian shifted slightly to wake his left leg, which was rapidly falling asleep. “My buddy, Hunter, invited me out to this great new club. New place on the Upper East Side - all the rage - long lines every night and a VIP list a mile long. Well, we got on the VIP list somehow through a friend of his friend and we get into the VIP lounge. Anyway, we were only there a few minutes when this guy, Derek, waltzes into the lounge and starts ranting and raving that we don’t belong there.”
“Why would he have a problem with you being there?”
“We have a bit of history. Our fathers know each other and we run in the same social circles. He’s always had a problem with me… doesn’t agree with my lifestyle…”
“Your lifestyle?”
“I’m gay.”
“Oh. So what happened?”
“Anyway, he starts getting in my face, screaming that the club shouldn’t have ever let someone like me in there. I may have said some things back. Then his buddies started in too and I looked around and my friends had all run off. I was pretty much cornered at this point and they were not backing down…”
“What did you do?”
“Broke my beer bottle and pointed it at Derek’s throat.”
“Oh, wow. That was quick thinking. Your friends just abandoned you?”
“Yeah, well. They’re not great friends, really.”
“So why are you here and not Derek?”
“Well turns out one of his buddies is an off-duty cop. Before I knew what was happening, he had me cuffed and I was getting hauled out of the club and down here.”
“Oh, that’s… that’s not ok. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Eh, it happens.”
“But it shouldn’t.”
“Well, I probably shouldn’t have run my mouth so much. Especially at the cop. Not my smartest move.”
“Well, yeah. But we can’t just let those kinds of comments go all the time. People need to understand that words matter, you know? One, two… Just the other day, some guy in Central Park… five, six… saw me and my boyfriend holding hands and called us… nine, ten… some not so nice names… and it was all I could do not to… fourteen, fifteen… punch him right in his smug little mouth…eighteen, nineteen, twenty…”
Sebastian craned his neck, attempting to see through the bars, to no avail. “Are you… doing jumping jacks?”
“Huh? Oh… yeah.” Sebastian could hear the man huffing a little in his exertion. This guy was like the energizer bunny of drunkards. Wait, did he just say boyfriend? Huh.
Just then, the security door buzzed and Carlos came strolling back in with a metal tray in his hand. “Hey kid, Bradley in booking told me you were hungry, so I brought you a little something to snack on.” He smiled warmly at the occupant of the first cell. On the tray was a sandwich, an apple and a bottle of water.
Sebastian eyed the tray, even as his stomach rumbled. He leaned forward and thrust his hand through the bars of his cell. “If you’re handing out food, I could use a bite to eat back here.”
Carlos turned his attention to Sebastian then and his face fell into a deep scowl. “What do you think this is? The Ritz?” Then he turned his attention back to his favored inmate, sliding the tray gently through the open slot by the door. “Enjoy, kiddo.” With one last dirty look thrown Sebastian’s way, Carlos punched in the security code and left the two men alone once more. Sebastian’s empty stomach churned in discomfort.
“Guess I shouldn’t have called him a cosplayer,” Sebastian mused.
A loud moan echoed off the concrete walls. Sebastian’s thoughts may have wandered a bit… “Ohmygaaaaawwwwwddd, this is the BEST sandwich I’ve ever had.”
Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh. “Enjoying yourself, killer?”
“You have no idea…” Another loud moan. Good lord…
Sebastian’s stomach growled again. Then, from the other side of the concrete wall, a hand slipped through the bars, holding half a sandwich and waving it in front of Sebastian’s cell.
“Here, try it. It’s a-mazing!” The hand wiggled the sandwich back and forth teasingly.
Sebastian reached out tentatively. “You sure?” The hand wiggled again. He reached out and grabbed the offered sandwich, which he noted was nothing more than a simple PB&J. His hand grazed the other man’s hand briefly - it was warm and soft and the contact sent a cool tingle up Sebastian’s spine. “Thanks.”
“You should probably apologize to Carlos. He was just doing his job, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He heard his cell mate take a long gulp of water and then the bottle was in front of his cell. “Want some?”
Sebastian took the offered water, once again feeling a slight thrill at the touch of their hands. “Thanks. You don’t have to share.”
“I want to. And you’re welcome.”
Sebastian took a long swig of water, trying not to think about the fact that their lips had now both touched this bottle, despite the smile creeping onto his face. Instead he decided to break the silence with his own offering:
Number forty-seven said to number three:
"You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see.
I sure would be delighted with your company,
Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me."
“Oh!” His neighbor exclaimed in delight. “How could I forget that one? Classic!” Then he joined in and they sang the chorus together, his cell mate harmonizing effortlessly with Sebastian.
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock.
The other man laughed at the end of their impromptu duet. “You have a really nice voice, you know?”
“Not as good as yours, killer.”
They chewed companionably in silence for a few minutes, before Sebastian decided to circle back to the question plaguing the back of his subconscious. “So, boyfriend huh?”
The man in the other cell snorted. It was adorable, really. “Not after tonight.”
“Sounds like quite the story. I like stories, too…”
The man laughed, a deep rumbling laugh from his belly. “He’s an aspiring actor. Wants to be on Broadway. There was an open casting call the other day for one of the leads in a new show. I went with him for moral support and he thought it would be a good idea to audition with this duet, which is one of the main songs for this character. And, well, he asked me to sing the other part, since I’d been helping him practice and I know it so well and I was there to support him and…”
“Holy shit, they cast you, didn’t they?”
“Got the call today. Er, well, yesterday now, I guess. I wonder what time it is…”
“And your boyfriend didn’t take it so well?”
The man sighed. “He gets jealous sometimes. Says things just get handed to me. Which, okay, this one totally did. But, I practiced that song too. It’s not like he did any more work than I did, really.”
“Well, from what I heard tonight, you definitely sound like you belong on a stage. You have an amazing voice.”
“And then he said… Oh - thank you! That’s so nice of you to say,” the man gushed. Sebastian wondered when the last time was that someone paid this man a compliment. “Well, he said some pretty awful things and I just wanted to celebrate, you know?”
“Totally understandable. You just got cast as a lead in a Broadway show - that deserves more than a little celebration. Congratulations, by the way.”
“Right? Thank you! That’s what I said… Anyway, he told me to go be selfish then and that was just kind of the last straw for me. I mean things hadn’t been going great between us for awhile now, but I thought he could at least pretend to be happy for me for one night, you know?”
“Sounds like you just dropped some serious dead weight. So, tell me… how did you end up in the slammer?”
“I maaaayyyyy have had a little too much to drink tonight…”
Sebastian snorted. “No kidding?”
“I maaaayyyyy have been singing a little too loudly…”
“Uh huh.”
“I maaaayyyyy have climbed up the streetlights in Times Square…”
Sebastian was openly laughing now.
“And caused a bit of a traffic jam…”
Sebastian’s sides hurt from laughing so hard, which his drunken neighbor soon joined in on. After a few moments of shared mirth, Sebastian finally composed himself. “That’s much better than my story.”
The security door buzzed again. “Hey kid, time to make your phone call.” Carlos pulled out a large keyring and unlocked the other man’s cell. Sebastian tried hard to catch a glimpse of his mystery neighbor, but only caught a glimpse of those well defined calves and what he thought was a head of dark curls as the man disappeared through the door with the balding officer.
“What about my phone call?” Sebastian shouted into the empty hallway. “Hello?”
A few minutes later, the door buzzed and, this time, Sebastian had a perfect vantage point to see his prison confidante and future Broadway star get escorted back to his cell. Carlos half dragged, half pushed the man through the security door and towards the first batch of cells. When he spun the man around, Sebastian inhaled sharply. The man wore a black Metallica t-shirt with dirty cutoff jean shorts. His burly arms were covered in ink, as were his neck and legs. He was bald, with a dark mustache and what looked to be an old jagged knife wound scar running down the left side of his face. What kind of Broadway show was this guy cast in?
The man caught Sebastian looking at him and grinned, displaying a smile fit for a hockey player. With a gravelly voice, not at all reminiscent of his dreamy singing neighbor, he growled, “Hey there, hot stuff. Want some of this?” The man grabbed at his crotch and thrust it lewdly in Sebastian’s direction, before Carlos manhandled him into the cell on the opposite wall. Okay, new inmate… This was definitely not his sloppy drunken dreamboat from next door.
“Get in there, John.” Carlos locked the door behind the new occupant. “I don’t want any trouble out of you tonight, you hear?” The officer gave John a warning look, before turning around to leave.
“Excuse me,” Sebastian called out. “Can I make my phone call now?”
Carlos turned his attention to Sebastian once more and smirked. “Darnedest thing… phone line just went down again. Sorry…”
When the security door opened this time, Sebastian could hear loud singing from the outer office as a familiar voice belted out the lyrics to “I fought the law.” It sounded like half of the police station had joined in, too. He could hear several whoops of laughter and clapping from the other side of the door.
Then, the door closed and he was left alone with John and whatever that unpleasant aroma was that seemed to have traveled in with his new cell mate.
“Hey handsome, why don’t you make yourself useful and strip down for me? It’s time for me to take care of little Johnny here,” the man made a move to grab himself again.
Sebastian shuffled away from the bars of his cell and out of John’s line of sight, but not before throwing a nasty glare in his direction. “Don’t even think about whipping that disease ridden cock out, you fucking disgusting pervert.”
Sebastian leaned his head back against the cold concrete, allowing his eyes to close, and tried to pretend that the sounds coming from down the hall were simply the sounds of his new inmate falling asleep - loudly, with lots of grunting and heavy breathing.
Sebastian was startled awake some time later by the sound of a jail cell slamming shut and his new and obnoxious neighbor growling low. “Bring me some fresh meat, Carlos? Oh, this one’s real pretty. I thought that other one was nice, but damn…”
Carlos turned to John with a pointed finger. “Behave yourself, John. I already warned you once.” Then, he was gone once more through the security door, leaving Sebastian alone with John, the pervert, and his mystery neighbor with the dreamy voice.
A series of catcalls came from John’s cell and Sebastian could see the man shuffle off his cot and over towards the bars of his cell, practically hanging out of them. “Hey there, beautiful. Want some of this?” He started thrusting his hips aggressively against the bars and licked his lips lasciviously.
“What? No. Ew, stop that.”
John didn’t seem to be the type of man to take a hint, though. He continued his grinding against the bars of the cage. “Oh, stop playing hard to get, beautiful. I know you want some of this.” At this, he starting unbuttoning the front of his pants. “When I get out of here, I’m gonna have me some fun with you… Why don’t we get started now? You just strip down for me, beautiful, and let old John show you what a real man can do for you, huh?”
Sebastian heard his neighbor choke even as he said quietly, “Please stop.”
“So polite. I like that. You’re going to be begging me please soon enough.” He reached into his pants and Sebastian heard a whimper coming from next door.
“Hey sicko!” Sebastian slammed his fist against the bars of his cell. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stuff that crab infested mushroom tip back in it’s sweaty hellhole and shut the fuck up for the rest of your miserable stay in here or so help me god, your mother will be crying herself to sleep tonight. And that’s if she’s not already weeping over the absolute waste of space she managed to bring into this world.”
John stopped his actions to glare at Sebastian. “And what are you going to do from over there, you little shit?”
“Well, see that’s the thing. It’s what I’m going to do to you after I get out of here that you should worry about. See, I’ve got what you call connections. The kind that make a miserable existence like yours look like a life of luxury compared to what it could look like after I’m done with you. I. Will. End. You. You miserable little sack of feces.” Sebastian squared himself up to his full height, glowering at the leering man, who finally scoffed in response and went to go sit back down on his cot, muttering expletives under his breath.
After a few tense moments, Sebastian heard a soft voice say, “Thank you.”
The cell block got quieter after that. His neighbor had gone silent after the charged confrontation with John. Sebastian missed the singing and the conversation, but at least John had opted to keep his mouth shut and his pants on and, for that, Sebastian was truly grateful.
Another hour or so came and went before the security door buzzed open again. This time, Carlos was ushering an extremely handsome blond man through while calling out, “Anderson! You’ve been sprung!”
“SAMMY!” Carlos unlocked the bars of his neighbor’s cell and Sebastian could see the occupant jump into the arms of the blond man.
“Oof, B! Easy…” The blond man seemed to have his arms full and Sebastian was once again disappointed not to get a clear look at his cell mate. “Come on, let’s get you home. You smell like you drank a distillery, dude.” The blond man shuffled his friend (boyfriend?) out of the cell block ahead of him. “Why didn’t Kurt come get you?”
“We broke up,” his neighbor said nonchalantly.
“Fucking finally, dude! It’s about time…” the blond man sighed in relief, even as his friend (definitely friend) chuckled softly on his way out the door.
Sebastian found himself alone once more, unless you counted the unique charms of John, the pervert, as decent company (which Sebastian most definitely did not).
Sebastian must have drifted off again, because the next thing he knew, Carlos was unlocking his cell door. “Well, Smythe… It’s your lucky day. Come with me.”
Sebastian rubbed at his eyes furiously. Huh? He scrambled quickly to his feet before Carlos could change his mind and all but leapt out the door, rubbing his thighs vigorously in an attempt to restart the circulation in his legs.
“Listen, I’m sorry about what I said to you earlier,” Sebastian said to Carlos on their way down the hall.
Carlos just shrugged. “I’ve heard worse,” he admitted as he punched in the security code and the two men waited to be buzzed out.
Sebastian shot John one last lingering glare on his way out, which earned him a fond farewell gesture.
Out in the station, the bustle of the day had begun in earnest and Sebastian wondered briefly at the time before Carlos pointed toward a wall of chairs and told him to sit and wait while they processed his paperwork. Officers and clerks hurried about the space, while even more civilians milled around the large waiting area at the front of the station.
Sebastian scrubbed at his hair and face, all too aware of how badly he needed a shower. He recognized Bradley, the man at the booking desk, who had fingerprinted him late last night. A woman at the reception desk was talking with a very attractive man, who was talking and laughing back with her in earnest. Sebastian allowed himself to stare for a minute. He was tired, not blind, after all. The man had dark curls and a strong jawline atop a set of deliciously broad shoulders. The receptionist said something then, which caused the man to laugh and smile broadly. The man’s entire face seemed to glow and Sebastian felt his mouth go dry at the sight.
Sensing someone watching him, the man turned his attention, locked eyes with Sebastian’s, and smiled. Okay, be cool, Sebastian - Pretend like you didn’t just get out of the slammer…
The man said something to the receptionist then and gestured towards Sebastian. Did he know this guy? What was this all about?
“Smythe, you’re free to go.” Carlos called from behind the counter, passing some papers over to the receptionist. Wait - what?
“Excuse me?” Sebastian was lost. He thought he was about to be paraded over to the courthouse for a bail hearing or maybe get officially charged, not released? He shuffled over to the receptionist and closer to the gorgeous man, who was grinning from ear to ear, his golden eyes sparkling.
Carlos snorted from behind the counter. “Seems you’ve got a guardian angel, Smythe.” He gestured towards the dark haired man.
“I don’t understand. Did you post bail?” He asked the man in question, searching those twinkling eyes, getting a little lost in them frankly. The man just smiled and laughed, and - oh, that voice. “You’re my cell mate?”
“I had a little talk with Carlos and Bradley. Turns out, you weren’t actually charged with anything. They just thought you needed a night in the slammer…”
“I told you, you’ve got quite the mouth on you, Smythe.” Carlos interjected, huffing indignantly.
His beautiful neighbor winked at him conspiratorially. “I convinced them that you weren’t so bad.”
Carlos seemed to reluctantly agree with his cell mate’s assessment. “Kid said you got John to leave him alone. That took some guts.” Carlos stamped one of the papers in front of him and handed it over to Sebastian. “Just do us all a favor and watch who you run your mouth off to next time, alright?”
Sebastian was, for once in his life, speechless. He took the proffered paper and stared at it for a moment, opening and shutting his mouth several times.
His cell mate seemed to find this amusing. “Well, thanks again. I’d say we should do it again some time, but I think… maybe not…” The man smiled once more and held out his hand towards Sebastian to shake.
“Uh, you’re more than welcome. And thank you for getting me out of there.” He shook the offered hand and felt a familiar spark run up his spine. He didn’t want to let go. “Um, I’m Sebastian, by the way.”
“Blaine.”
“You know, that was probably one of the weirdest dates I’ve ever had,” Sebastian said as the two men wound their way towards the exit. Blaine waved goodbye to the officers and receptionist, who all waved back earnestly.
Blaine paused in the doorway of the station as he processed what Sebastian had just said. “Date?”
“Well, the cuisine was terrible and I don’t usually sleep with someone on the first date, but it was far from the worst one I’ve ever had…”
There was that laugh again. “It was certainly… memorable…”
“How about next time I take you somewhere a little nicer, killer?”
“Next time, huh?” Blaine’s eyes twinkled. “I’d like that.”