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Miya Atsumu was used to being in second place. All throughout school, Osamu was favoured. Favoured by the teachers for being more diligent with his studies. Preferred by his teammates for being more relaxed and approachable. Preferred by girls Atsumu had liked for being (seemingly) sweeter, Osamu didn't even like girls!
By high school he had formed a numb acceptance to being the less-liked twin, he knew he wasn't as book smart so he didn't pretend to be, he didn't go out of his way to make his teammates like him, but they liked him anyway which he was thankful for, and hell he was too busy with volleyball to spare a glance at a guy or girl, nevermind the fangirls. And for that first year of high school, it was peaceful, no distractions just volleyball and his friends. However, being a pubescent teenage boy, he did eventually develop a crush during his second year on his captain, Kita Shinsuke. He never told Osamu out of fear somebody above decided to play a (not funny) prank on him. He kept it to himself, showing his affection quietly, in hopes that by some miracle, Kita would like him too.
He wanted to tell Kita before he graduated, but during the last practice before his All-Japan Youth Training Camp, Kita and Aran announced that they had started dating. He was happy for Kita and one of his oldest friends, congratulating them along with everyone else, but the ache he felt was hard to ignore. Second place, once again. But he was Miya Atsumu, he recovered. He always did.
In their third year, he had been passed the role as captain by Kita, which was a little bittersweet. They had a good year, didn't get as far as he wanted, but they got their revenge on Karasuno, and placed fourth nationally. That rush of being captain and having the number one on his jersey over his brother was a high he rode all year. Finally, picked over Osamu. It was possibly one of his favourite years of volleyball.
But that all came crashing down when Osamu told him he was retiring volleyball after graduating in favour of starting his own restaurant. Osamu had mentioned doing this briefly but it was always "after volleyball," never did he let on that that meant after high school. But now here he was, his twin, the one who he used to talk about playing volleyball with until they both physically couldn't, was picking food over volleyball. Food over him. Second place. To a filled triangle of rice.
The one person who he thought would always pick him, was leaving him in the dust.
What a waste of blood and sweat.
Professional volleyball was refreshing, no weak links, everyone wanting to play with their whole heart as they had made it their job. No one going to ditch him to make onigiri.
Yes he was still bitter.
He had joined MSBY straight out of high school, opting to go to college when his professional career ended. When he joined, he was greeted with the familiar face of Bokuto Koutaro, the outside hitter from Fukurodani, formerly a top 5 ace in Japan at the high school level. Atsumu was excited to work with him, he intrigued him in high school. He relished in being the best setter in V. League for a year, proud he kept the "best setter" title from high school to professional volleyball. That was, until the current reigning "best high school setter" graduated, Kageyama Tobio. Atsumu knew there'd be competition once Kageyama inevitably joined V. League. And that guy had only gotten better since Atsumu graduated. Atsumu tuned into the live stream of Kageyama's debut game and smiled to himself. Time to pick up the training pace because if there was one thing Atsumu never settled to be second best in, it was volleyball. He could accept it, but never settle, he'd do anything in his power to change it.
It had been about 4 years since he had joined when he was reintroduced to another familiar face. Well, half a face. Atsumu had not seen the tryouts for the scouted players since he had a wedding to attend. So, he did not have the fortune of seeing the pool of players trying to get through the last step in joining he Black Jackals. Once he had gotten the chance to see who the Black Jackals officially selected, he was both surprised and not to see Sakusa Kiyoomi, who was at the tail-end of his final season of college volleyball, being the only new member on the roster for the Jackals' next season.
He remembered Sakusa. How could he not? He was the ace of Itachiyama, one of the three best in the country. The spin he could put on a spike was something out of a fantasy book, he was an extremely well-rounded player, logical on the court, competitive, dedicated, and most of all...
...incredibly standoffish. God did Atsumu remember trying to get Sakusa to warm up to him. He always considered himself as someone up for a challenge but trying to have a conversation with him was harder than climbing Mt. Everest. Twice. The only times he heard Sakusa say anything was to insult him. Looks like he was going to have to talk to Atsumu now, they were teammates. This was going to be quite the rookie.
Atsumu did a number of things following the introduction of the new player, not much out of the ordinary as long as you ignore the dozens of searches for University of Tokyo volleyball game highlights from 2014 to 2017 and the subsequent pages of notes on one particular player. He spent a good portion of free time analyzing every spike tossed, the amount of times each type of set resulted in a hit and from that, the amount of times it resulted in a point.
By the time the National College Volleyball Championships rolled around, Atsumu had watched every video he could find, all that was left to do was watch it live. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a sense of pride when Sakusa was named the MVP and the broadcasters mentioned him moving on from collegiate ball to join MSBY.
He must've been some sort of masochist. They worked perfectly on the court but as soon as they were off, he could barely get a word out of Sakusa. Unless it was an insult. It took two weeks before he had a conversation with Sakusa, still in the gym.
"O~mi Omi"
"What, Miya?"
"Where ya headed after practice?"
"To my apartment."
"What a coincidence! So am I! What direction is it in?"
"We live in the same building, Miya."
"Right you are, Omi-kun! Wanna walk together?"
"No," he stated as he left the locker room, somehow already showered.
Atsumu stood for a second, a little confused as to how Sakusa had taken a complete shower before he had even entered the locker room. He frowned. Sakusa had said what, 10 words to him? Maybe a little more?? Oh well, progress is progress he figured.
And he did progress, slowly (very slowly) but surely he spoke more and more to Sakusa. Never learning too much about him, but having conversations, bantering with him, cracking a few jokes. It was nice, Sakusa was funnier than he let on. Or maybe he wasn't intentionally funny. Nonetheless, he had a quick wit, a sharp tongue, and a deadpan delivery.
Atsumu was unaware that those banters with Sakusa became the highlight of his day, he began subconsciously was looking forward to it every day. Sakusa was the first to challenge him on his bullshit since his Inarizaki days and it proved to him that the approximate year and then some it had taken Atsumu to get to an amicable place with the outside hitter was not going unrewarded.
He didn't know when he began to notice the smaller details, like how Sakusa's eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled genuinely, as well as the dimple he got in only his left cheek. Or the crack in the forehead he got when he furrowed his eyebrows at a comment Atsumu made. Or how he tapped his two pointer fingers together to stay focused during a timeout in a game, and how he always tied his left shoe first.
He also didn't know when he began picking up his habits. He didn't adopt a mask but he could confidently say he never bought hand sanitizer before Sakusa joining his team. He was from the country, he'd never used it in his life. And since when did he give handles a quick clean with a disinfectant wipe in public places??
What Atsumu did know, however, was the more obvious fact that Sakusa looked like he was hand carved out of marble by the ancient Greeks. Sakusa was always attractive but all their times meeting, Atsumu was too distracted by something in order to really notice. First year Nationals, he was distracted by well, being at Nationals for the first time. Second year All-Japan Youth Camp, too hurt over Kita and Aran. But now, there were no distractions, and he was able to fully soak it in. And god did he soak it in, Atsumu was gifted the great pleasure of being Sakusa's unofficially-official seat buddy on the bus, meaning he had fortune of seeing the soft moonlight reflecting on Sakusa's face on the rides to the hotel after games, and the warm glow of sunrise illuminating him on the bus rides home. It was almost cruel how good he looked all the time, even slick with sweat during the hardest of games.
Atsumu may not have known how the crush started, or the extent of its development but he knew how it was going to end. It felt undeniably like his crush on Kita all the way back in high school, possibly even bigger. But he had years of experience with juvenile crushes under his belt at this point, it was going to end like all the other crushes he decided to entertain, Sakusa picking someone better over him. He had to stomp it away soon, before he got hurt, but he didn't know how he was going to. He had been trying to get Sakusa's attention for over a year, hell Hinata had joined the team since he started his effort, he couldn't just ice him out. Not only would it be rude and weird, it's also completely out of character for him. But it was the only way he knew how to lose feelings, distance himself. So for now, he decided to just shove it deep down and hide it.
He was Miya Atsumu, he'd figure something out eventually. He just wasn't in much of a rush.
The brisk air of November had settled. They were about 2 days out from their most anticipated game of their season thus far, MSBY versus the Schweiden Adlers. And Atsumu had yet to figure out what to do. The irony of being distracted from figuring out how to get over someone by the person you want to get over. There wasn't going to be a practice the next day so it was up to the boys to stay game-ready.
Atsumu was on the couch in the lounge the Black Jackals' apartment complex provided. He often spent his evenings in there reading, looking at his phone, talking to teammates, anything. He just liked being out of his room after dinner. He had been trying to come with ways to distance himself from Sakusa without being harsh, he thought long and hard but his pondering came out fruitless by the time the clock read 10:30pm. He figured it was time to retreat to his apartment for the night.
He walked through the hallway, waving at Barnes when they passed by each other, unlocked his door, and went in. He hopped in the shower for a quick rinse of hot water. He walked over to his closet and grabbed pajama pants, threw them on, and plopped into bed. He snuggled into his blankets and dozed off.
And had the worst dream he'd had in ages. He didn't even know what triggered it.
He began his dream at a wedding, he was standing in the position of best man, he looked to who the groom on the altar was and it was Osamu. Looking around he saw so many familiar faces, all of his Inarizaki teammates, family members. The prominent color in decoration was white and they used muted lilac accents. It looked great. He stood there as the music began, turning his attention to the path dream-Osamu's partner was going to walk down, and out came Suna Rintaro. Atsumu smiled, this was nice. Even though it was a dream he was enjoying himself.
And then he blinked in his dream, and suddenly it was Sakusa, not Suna. He was still walking to the altar but Atsumu was still standing in the best man's place, Osamu still a groom.
No
No
No
The ambiance of the dream darkened, everything was going in slow motion. Every step Sakusa stepped towards Osamu felt like a slow dagger in the heart. Each smile in the crowd made him feel ill, every happy tear from the guests was a tear of heartbreak from him.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't stand there. But he couldn't move, nor could he wake up. He was stuck there, watching his brother and his Omi exchange vows.
Woah, woah, woah. His Omi? Where did that come from?? He knew he had a crush on the guy but he knew Sakusa wasn't his. Especially not in this damned dream.
He was pulled out of his little internal monologue when he heard Sakusa say "I do."
And he was pulled out the dream (more like nightmare) after he heard the "you may now kiss the groom."
He woke up in a cold sweat, sprawled on his bed. Blankets long gone, thrown to the side as evidence of his restless sleep. He felt a tear escape his eye and fall down the side of his face. He sat up, still catching his breath, and panned his room. He spotted a sweatshirt and threw it over his torso, slid his feet into a pair of slides, and ran out the door, pajama pants and all. No clear plan of where he was going, just to where it felt right.
'It could have been me,' he thought while jogging up the stairs of the apartment. 'That should have been me.'
He opened the door to the roof, slightly out of breath. and stepped out, inhaling the brisk nighttime air. He always came here when he needed fresh air and a place to relax, it was always so peaceful, it offered a great view of the city, and was almost always unoccupied.
"Miya?" he heard a voice to his right.
"Sakusa-san," he breathed out. He could see Sakusa's apprehension from the honorifics.
"Woah, why so formal?"
Atsumu was frozen, not sure if Sakusa was the last person he wanted to see or the only one. Having so much to say but so little. The only thing in his brain without a conflicting thought was how pretty Sakusa looked. The way he glowed in the moon's light made him look simply ethereal. Somehow he looked even prettier awake in the moonlight than he did while sleeping in it.
He had always thought that volleyball was the only thing where second place wasn't enough for him. The one thing he'd never settle for second place, the one thing he'd always strive to be the best, the first choice. But right there, in that moment. He knew, he just knew, there were two things on that list now. He'd either win Sakusa over or die trying, he couldn't settle for best man, he was going to be the groom. The thought of it being any different pained him.
"Miya?" Sakusa slowly approached him, concern on his face. Atsumu then realized how long he had been staring. "Are you okay?"
He wanted to step forward and hug him but he knew how uncomfortable Sakusa would be, and he would never willingly do that to him. He resigned to biting the inside of his cheek, fiddling with his fingers a bit as he struggled to make eye contact with the man in front of him.
"I, uh, had a bad dream," he said sheepishly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sakusa asked gently. "Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm better now that I'm with ya," he gave a small smile. "And not really, it just, uhm, made me realize something."
"And what was that?"
"I'll tell ya later," Atsumu promised. "What're ya doing out here, Omi?"
Atsumu sat down and leaned against the railing, looking out at the stars.
"Ah, I got all riled up from a phone call with my cousin so I wasn't able to go to bed,"
"Oh, what was the call 'bout?"
"Nothing in particular, he was just uh," Sakusa coughed. "Ragging on me about someone."
"Ouu~ Omi's got a crush?" Atsumu teased.
"Uh, something like that, sure."
"Sounds like we got somethin' in common."
"I'm surprised you're not pressing me about who it is," Sakusa decided to ignore Atsumu's mention of their apparent commonality, opting to instead focus on the lack of interrogation.
"Ah, well, I know ya like yer privacy."
"How do you know that?" Sakusa looked at him. He knew it was true but still. Atsumu met his gaze, amused.
"C'mon Omi, ya can tell just by lookin' at'cha," Atsumu laughed. "I've known ya for years and I still barely know anything about ya. That, and the fact that ya mentioned it a couple months back."
"I did say that, didn't I?" Sakusa asked rhetorically. "I'm surprised you remembered that."
"I remember everything about my spikers, setter's job," Atsumu waved it off like his elephant memory wasn't anything special.
"But how private I am has nothing to do with my spiking?"
"Actually it kinda does, ya like them nice high sets, similar to how Ushijima-san likes 'em. They're reserved and safe, just like yerself. Nothin' too loud or unpredictable like a quick set," Atsumu explained. "'f course, you'll have yer spontaneous moments where ya call for a quick, just like ya have yer moments where ya share a detail about yerself."
"How do you get all that from my spiking?" Sakusa asked, astonished. "You read me like a book. Are you able to do that with every spiker?"
"Pretty much, I can usually tell why a spiker likes that set but in terms of a personality analysis," Atsumu trailed off. "You're one of very few."
"Who are the few?" Sakusa asked quietly, genuinely intrigued.
"'Samu of course, Aran since we've been playing together since we were kids, and~ Hinata?" Atsumu had to think a little bit about the last one. "His ideal set just makes so much sense to his personality it'd be harder to not see why he likes 'em quick."
"So what made me part of the lucky 4?"
"I guess ya just interest me, Omi."
"Is that so?" Sakusa hummed, satisfied with the answer. "So, you ready to talk about why you're out here?"
"Right, the dream."
"Yeah, what happened in it?"
"Well, the actual theme of it wasn't scary it was just, uh, a little too realistic for comfort."
"What do you mean?"
"It just amplified an insecurity and hit me where it hurt."
"You are being incredibly vague, Miya."
"Well it's hard to be specific about a dream that made you wake up in a cold sweat and tears when you're talking to the subject of said dream."
Atsumu did not know what unearthly being possessed him that night, but he knew one did because he did not think there was a single cell in his body that would let him say what he just did. He clamped his hand over his mouth, the flush of embarrassment creeping onto his ears.
"What?" Sakusa choked out, eyes as wide as Atsumu's.
"I know ya heard me, Kiyoomi," Atsumu looked right at the ground.
"You're right, I'm just confused? What was the dream about that it included me?"
"...A wedding," Atsumu glanced to his side, even in the pale moonlight he could see the blush beginning to dust Sakusa's face.
"Um.. whose wedding?"
"...One between you and 'Samu," Atsumu looked at the concrete and frowned.
"I fear I'm still lost."
"I was second choice, again. You had chosen Osamu over me. Just like everyone else," he muttered.
Atsumu looked at Sakusa again, he could practically see all his vague hints falling into place in Sakusa's mind.
"Me picking Osamu over you was 'hitting you where it hurt?'"
"Yeah."
The silence felt heavy, at least it did for Atsumu. When he looked over at Sakusa after what felt like hours even though it had been mere seconds. He was surprised to see him with a fond smile and soft eyes. Clearly this silence wasn't as pressing as he thought.
"What makes you think I'd ever pick Osamu over you?"
"My little pea brain telling me I'll never be first choice for anyone?" Atsumu shrugged, not really sure how to respond and trying to bring a little humor into the situation. Much to his delight, it seemed to work as Sakusa began to laugh.
"Well," Sakusa started when he finished chuckling. "Don't let it speak on my behalf, because you're my first choice."
Atsumu damn near short-circuited. Holy shit, did Sakusa like him too?
"Does that mean what I think it means?"
"Well that depends, what do you think it means?" Sakusa asked with a smirk. He knew what he was doing, Atsumu was sure of it, but he couldn't tell if it was a challenge or an invitation.
Against possibly his better judgement, Atsumu leaned in and kissed him, hoping to whoever above that it was at least a mix of both.
And based off how Sakusa was kissing him back? He'd say it was.