Work Text:
i'm really proud of this piece! plesse don't flame (spellcheck troll, i'm looking at u!) also, my friend did manage to contribute something of minor atristic quality to this masterpiece, so I suppose I should give her the tiny sliver of credit she's theoretically due, because I'm so gracious and all. and she totally didn't help me write this a/n
anyway, pls don't kudos. i will update after i get twenty comments, so work hard~
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Bishie Britannicus, Pokémon Masster
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Bishie britannicus was the world's best and handsomest pokmemon master. evrywhere he went, people would faint and drool over his smoldering eyes and hypntoic voice. he also wore a sexy long coat and had hot hair he was so sexy he had his own solar system, with stars always gravitating him.
becaus he had already beaten red forty thousand times, he gotten bored and thus now rode the universe with his trusty starter and occassssional lover, Raindow Aplleshy , a shiny pink rapidash. (A/N: she is the only shiny pink rapidash in the world beause the power of friendship awokened her inner pinkness and that has never happpened before)
"Dash and poppycock!" Bishie exclaimed while sipping his tea and eating scones. "I must find new lands to conquer in the name of Britannia."
"Matte, oniisama!" Applespy squealed [to my beta: would neighed be better?] "hidoi desu!"
"Bolderdash!" Bishie rebutted haughtily whislt adjusting his monocle. "we are but a farthing away from the LEGENDARY ISLAND that is rumoured to host all the legendary pokemon in the world. we simply must add it to the empire. God save the queen!"
"nee, koibito," Applesy purred, "toire wa doko desuka? kawaii!"
Then suddenly! Just as the reflection of the LEGENDARY ISLAND reflected in the pools of Bishie's patriotic orbs, a fiery dagger flew right at him and destroued his monocle!! but it was a english monocle (godsavethequeen) so it immediately selfrepaired due to its innate superiority.
"bloody hell!" Bishie gasped stoically and nursed his bollocks. he swerved towards the LEGENDARY ISLAND
circling the shores of LEGENDARY ISLAND he spotted his adversary: a legendary pokemon that was so special it was in none of the legends. it was half panda, half walrus, and half horse, and in each of its tenteacles it held a sword.
"ah, zere you are mon ami!" it hissed as soon as he spotted Bishie and his magnificent aura of Britishness.
"Aplppesky, we have faced our enemy, and it is the Enemy. Blimey!"
"Kakkoii desu!"
"Hon hon hon!" the legendary twirled its mustache and waved a baguette in the air. A theatre backdrop depicting the Eiffel Tower suddenly fell behind it as the Marseillaise played.
"Crikey! This looks like a job for Crumpetman!"
"Yatta!" Appelsyrup prevaricated.
"The french shall never have the LEGENDARY ISLAND," Bishie declared as he began an elaborate transformation sequence. As his snazzy suit was stripped from him, teacups appeared to cover his gen***ls in the name of propriety. an even snazzier suit, emblazoned with the union jack, wrapped around him, he got a giant pink rubber mace and finally he was crowned.
"Hail Britannia!" He screamed, posing laocoonically. Fearsome energy of pure Britishness began pulsing at the end of his wandmace "this is for the hundred years war actually lasting one hundred and gogurt years! Jolly Good!"
But then, a sodding malarkey happened. the dastardly frenchpoke, its memory rekindled of medieval fearsome battles instead of american 20th century stereotypes, did not surrender, but isntead hurled a lance at Bishie! and it hit! and it killed him!
"Blast!" Bishie wailed as he collapsed (but with style: even wehn dying he was really hot."i have been foiled again. but upon my word, Britannia shall rise again, and claim the LEGENDARY ISLAND as her own. Lord flashheart will avenge me, strewth."
"Scarebleu!" the legendary frenchie remarked
"Iyaaaa!" skyApple keened. "oniisama, yameteee!"
"Good show," Bishie gritted through his teeth, a graceful and noble even in defeat. "may god save the Queen."
and so he went to the big club in the sky, where he was macked on constantly because he was so hot and talented and so very british
That night, a new solar system was born.