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They had grown up together. Wilhelm and Felice both attended the same primary school with other children of nobility. Even then she knew Wilhelm was different.
He played with the other children, but more often than not, they would find him in spot all alone. In a nook in class looking at a picture book, outside under a tree examining the small creatures around him, and once in a football goal picking dandelions to put in a pile.
He didn’t really have friends but he was invited to everybody’s birthday party.
He didn’t really speak during lessons but he had the highest marks.
It was almost like Wilhelm was trying his hardest to blend in with the background. And he did for most people, but Felice had always been too observant for her own good.
She remembers the first time she noticed the young prince was different.
Felice wore bandaids every once in a while when she fell, or just wanted to look tough in front of her friends. But Wilhelm seemed to always have them on his thumbs.
Sometimes Felice would see him go to bring his thumb up to his mouth only to quickly pull it away once he felt the bandaid against his lips.
Other than the bandaids, there was never a hair out of place on his head. Which was another thing.
Wilhelm’s head was always shaved. This was a very rare occurrence for young royalty. Erik, Wilhelm’s older brother, had long locks perfectly styled to frame his face.
There were times, few and far between, where Wilhelm would have a couple inches of hair. It was then that Felice would see him pulling on it. He would grasp at it during tests and things like that.
One time when they gave presentations in front of the class, Wilhelm pulled on his hair the entire time. The teacher sent him home with a note, and Felice remembers him being more bald than ever the next day.
Sometimes Felice thought that that must be why he was so cold all the time, because he had no hair. She knew he must be freezing because he was always rubbing at his chest, always pulling his sleeves up over his hands.
But when they got older, Felice didn’t contemplate the young prince’s behavior anymore, because they went their separate ways.
Then one afternoon, at the beginning of her first year at Hillerska, it was announced that Wilhelm would be joining them.
Felice was so excited. Of course she followed him on Instagram and Twitter, but it was different to having him be there with her. They had been tentative friends in primary after all, and she was hoping maybe they could be more now that they were older.
But Wilhelm didn’t seem to be doing very well.
He still kept to himself, still rubbed at his chest. Felice caught him biting at his fingers more than once, and a memory resurfaced of a young Wille rubbing a bandaid covered thumb across his lips.
And then Wilhelm seemed to get even worse.
Erik died and August was a fucking asshole who wouldn’t leave him alone. The cherry on top however, was that Felice kissed him. She had it in her head that he liked her and was so embarrassed when he rejected her. She didn’t realize that he had been upset too at the time, and then she felt even worse about it.
If it hadn’t been for the non-res boy, Felice is pretty sure Wilhelm would have ran away by now.
Simon was his name.
He was always near by Wilhelm. He seemed to be the only boy interested in being a friend for the sake of being a friend. The pair of them always looked content in each other’s company.
That was who Felice was about to call off Wilhelm’s phone, because she was pretty sure he was having a mental fucking breakdown.
“Wilhelm? Wilhelm you need to tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt? Should I go get Ma-” Felice started.
“No.” he choked out. “Please no, I don’t- No,” he stated in between gasping breaths.
Felice didn’t know if she could trust him. It was late at night and he had clearly snuck out like she had.
She went under the alcove to smoke because it was easy to hide in, and it seemed Wilhelm had the same idea.
He was curled in on himself, breathing deeply, hands curled in his hair in an iron grip.
And Felice didn’t know what to do. She had always suspected a part of the prince was being quietly hidden away. It was breaking her heart to see that it had been this broken boy’s emotions that were bottled so tightly that they were now combusting out of him.
And she didn’t know how to help this boy, he was different to the little Wilhelm in primary who must have soothed himself. Now everything was so much bigger that he couldn’t do it on his own. Felice couldn’t help him but she knew someone who could.
“Wilhelm, where’s your phone I need to call someone,” she said going to reach into his pockets.
He flinched away from her shaking his head.
“No, do- don’t call them, I don’t wa- want them here,” he was gasping.
Felice didn’t know who ‘they’ were, but she needed his phone because this situation would only keep worsening.
“I’m not calling them Wilhelm I’m calling Simon, give me your phone, I don’t have his number,” she tried to keep the desperation out of her voice.
With shaking hands Wilhelm reached inside his jacket pocket and held out his phone.
Felice swiped, no password which she’d yell at him about later, and found Simon’s contact.
“Wille?” questioned a voice heavy with sleep.
“It’s Felice, something’s wrong with Wilhelm, I don’t- I’m not sure what’s happening, but he’s not breathing and he wont’t let me get anyone,” she was rambling now.
There was quick shuffling on the other end, a door opened and closed.
“Where are you?” Simon demanded.
“The alcove, under the bridge at school. I don’t know what to do Simon.”
“I’m on my way, I can’t stay on the phone while I bike so just keep talking to him okay, I’ll be there soon.” and the line went dead.
Felice looked over at her childhood friend. He was holding himself around his middle with one arm, the other around his face. He was weeping, and would probably be sobbing if he didn’t sound so exhausted.
“Simon is on his way,” Felice spoke with no response.
“I’m so sorry. I wish so much that I could be more helpful to you. I wish that I had been more helpful when we were younger too.”
Wilhelm grew quieter.
“I’m so sorry I kissed you. I’m so sorry Erik is gone. And I know you don’t like August and I wish I could keep him away from you, and Sara, and everyone really. I wish I could be more helpful I really do.”
Wilhelm was shaking his head.
“S’not you fault,” he whispered.
Felice shook her head now.
“Even so, I want to be there for you, and all I can do is call Simon to tag in,” she explained.
“He’s the only thing that helps,” Wilhelm said, and uncovered his face.
A quiet moment passed between them. Then Wilhelm spoke.
“Everyone just, they want something all the time,” he started, eyes watering. “And.... and I can’t give it to them, and they’re all so mad at me,” he was working himself up again.
“No one is mad at you, I promise,” Felice tried.
“They are though, they are. I can’t be Erik, I can’t be king. I wasn’t, I’m the spare, I can’t help them. She’s wrong being a prince is a punishment, not a privilege.”
He was pulling at his hair again, he breathing getting more ragged.
“And I’m such a bad person because- because I don’t want to help them, I don’t want” he took a hand from his hair and hit his forehead repeatedly as if he could knock his thoughts out of his head.
Felice gasped as she heard someone running up to them.
“Wille!” a voice called.
“Over here!” Felice replied.
Simon looked at her, worry in his eyes, maybe at her presence, or just the general state of the other boy on the ground.
“Wille it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m going to take your hands okay?” Simon soothed.
He gently extracted Wilhelm’s hands from his hair and held them in his own.
“I can’t breathe,” Wilhelm said as the back of his head hit the brick wall behind him.
“We’ll do it together okay,” Simon said, as he placed one of Wilhelm’s hands on his chest and the other to Wilhelm’s own.
“See, feel our heartbeats? Your’s is just going too fast. Now breathe in deep with me for 7 right?” and Simon began breathing in.
“Now out for 11 remember?” Simon coached as if this was something the pair had done before.
Wilhelm was trying desperately to copy but still unable to calm down.
“Okay come here,” Simon said while shifting Wilhelm around. He put the prince in between his legs and drew him into his chest.
“In for 7 out for 11,” Simon said with his hand over Wilhelm’s chest, thumb rubbing against it in a soothing pattern.
Felice watched as Wilhelm tucked his face into Simon’s neck. He rested his ear where Simon’s heart would be. Almost as if he had done it a million times before.
“There you go Wille, deep breaths,” Simon said into the side of the other boy’s head.
The moment felt intimate. Felice was starting to understand why Wilhelm had said Simon was the only thing that helped.
After a couple minutes, Wilhelm’s breathing was back to normal, and his eyes were open as he stared at nothing.
“Come on,” Simon said as he maneuvered the boy slumped against him. “Sit up Wille, come on.”
Wilhelm, now no longer curled in on himself, made eye contact with Felice.
He lowered his eyes immediately.
“I’m sorry,” he said so quietly Felice thought maybe she imagined it.
“No.” said Simon, and left no room for debate.
Wilhelm shook his head.
“I didn’t mean for, for this to become a whole thing,” he spoke, head still low.
“Wille,” Simon started.
“Wilhelm no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you any further, I just wanted to help you. You have nothing to be sorry for,” Felice cut Simon off.
Wilhelm shrugged. Simon picked his head up and brushed his hair out of his face.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he spoke and put their foreheads together.
Wilhelm’s hand curled into a fist in Simon’s sweatshirt. His eyes darted quickly to Felice.
And Felice smiled knowingly, nodding in agreement. She hoped she conveyed that she had caught on too, and that he didn’t have to apologize for that either.
And Wilhelm held her gaze for a minute.
Then he darted quickly to peck Simon on the lips before tucking his head into the other’s shoulder.
“Well,” Felice started with a smile on her face.
“I must be going to bed now. Wilhelm, let me know if you feel better in the morning, and if you need anything you know where to find me,” then she turned to Simon.
“Take care of our boy,” she joked, but her tone was serious.
Simon raised his eyebrows as if indicating that he was currently doing that as they spoke.
“Thank you Felice, really,” Wilhelm breathed out.
Felice nodded, and then looked at Simon who nodded to her.
“Have a good night,” she called as she stood up and walked off.
She knew Wilhelm was in good hands. For once she wasn’t contemplating the mystery that was her classmate from childhood. He made perfect sense to her in that moment.
“You’re so beautiful,” she heard one of the boys whisper as she walked off. And she knew that someone was finally caring for the little boy from the corner of the classroom.