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Stell said something really corny some days ago. He said that Love is like a roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs. Sometimes you’d find yourself regretting your life choices, but along the way or even if it ends, you’d realize that it was actually fun. Or it was at least cathartic.
But guess what? I have always hated roller coasters or any of those rides. I even hate the ones that look like whirling giant teacups. Oh God, the thought of it already makes me shudder.
“Why are you here then, Josh?” someone with a familiar deep raspy voice said from behind him.
“Did you just read my mind?” Josh asked while quickly turning around. The one who spoke to him was this tanned-looking guy clothed in a completely black outfit. He looked a bit out of place. It was too hot to be dressed like that. Moreover, no one in the right mind would wear an all-leather ensemble in an amusement park; he even had a trenchcoat on.
“You’re sitting here alone on this bench after everyone just ran off to catch that flying dinosaur ride. Your face shows nothing but dread too. It’s the one you had when I asked if you wanted to go to Amazing Kingdom with me last year. I don’t have to read your mind. I can read everything on your face.”
Josh flinched a bit. The guy walked to his side. You could tell that he was thinking of sitting down but decided not to. Josh pulled on the hems of his white shirt unconsciously, a habit of his whenever he felt nervous. “I’m sorry Ken. I really don’t like rides,” he muttered, “but it’s not because I’m afraid, ok? They make me dizzy, that’s all.”
“Is that also why you wouldn’t go to the movies with me last month?” Ken said under his breath.
Josh pretended he didn’t hear it and just looked at his sneakers.
“Why did you agree to this if you’re just going to sit here? You can’t even see the others from where we are right now.”
“It’s fine. This is what the majority voted for. I’m just glad I could spend time with everyone before they start getting busy with job hunting and living their own lives. Besides, there are also other days and activities I could enjoy,” Josh explained. There was an awkward pause then he finally looked at Ken again, and continued, “eh why then are you here? You should be out there having fun with the others.”
“I wanted to have fun with you,” Ken replied bluntly, making the other’s face turn red.
“Uhh… I mean why are you on this trip when you haven’t graduated yet. Next year ka pa diba? Sana sumama na rin pala si Justin.” Josh asked with a rehearsed chuckle.
“Same answer. I want to have fun with you. If you won’t ever go out with me on a date, then I’d at least want to spend time with you as a friend, I guess. Before you become too busy with job hunting and living your own life,” the younger one responded rather morosely. “You really won’t go on a date with me?”
Josh wanted to turn him down right away, but the pained expression on Ken’s face made him swallow his words back. Splinters of guilt and regret had started poking his chest. He knew deep down why he was feeling that way, but he just wouldn’t admit it to himself, more so to the friend who just confessed to him. Admitting these things is never easy after all.
“Are you just going to sit here the whole day? Sayang tatlong libo niyo!” Still panting, a guy named Paulo, scolded them. The two didn’t notice that the rest of their group had already gotten back from the dinosaur ride. Paulo added, “The Super Intergalactic Roller Coaster Ride will start in 10 minutes. We better line up now so that we can catch it.”
“Not a fan of those, Pau.” Josh tried his hardest to sound chipper. “You, guys, go on ahead. I’ll check out the performances and eat from every snack stand I see. Do you know that there’s one that sells turkey legs?!”
“Ang corny mo naman, Josh Cullen! One ride lang, sige na! O takot ka ba?” Stell teased.
“Hindi nga ako natatakot. Nahihilo ako,” Josh corrected him while massaging his temples.
“Tsk. Just admit that you’re scared. It’s fine though. We won’t force you,” Stell pretended to retreat. “Ikaw, Ken? Do you also get ‘dizzy’ easily? This is now a challenge. Are you up for it?”
“Only if Josh is also up for it. I won’t ever leave him behind,” Ken replied coolly. He looked at the person he likes with a calm smile.
Stell and Pau glanced at each other knowingly.
“Yaaan!” Stell yelled. “Yan ang gusto ko sa’yo, eh. Atapang atao! ‘Di tulad ng iba diyan. Kaya ko manok ito eh!”
Ken kept his eyes on Josh and kept smiling too. The red on Josh’s face started spreading to his ears. He pursed his lips, suppressing both a protest and a smile. Some minutes later and by some miracle, he was buckling himself in the ride’s seat.
Ken, who was sitting beside him asked, “Are you sure you can go through this?”
“I’m not, but uhhhh you-you won’t be able to have fun if I d-don’t come along,” Josh stuttered.
“You really don’t have to do this, Josh. I’ve ridden the roller coaster alone before. I’ll be fine.”
Josh just shook his head. His seatmate smiled from ear to ear.
The roller coaster ride had begun. Josh’s heart started thumping as if it wanted to burst out of his chest. The wings fluttering in his stomach since a while ago have moved up to his throat. When the roller coaster car they were in was nearing the highest point of the ride, Ken turned to him and asked, “Are you still okay?”
“Y-- I guess.” Josh sighed.
“Thanks for doing this with me. Remember, I’m just here.”
Josh nodded. He had already broken into cold sweat, but knowing that Ken was with him and that their friends were behind them lent a bit of comfort.
The train started tipping forward for the dive. Josh grabbed the safety bars holding them in place the moment they had begun to speed up. At the beginning of the first descent, fear hit him as hard as the wind slapping his face. When the train was about to run the loop, Josh felt like the weight of the world was pressing against his body. When his world started to turn upside down, he could feel his blood surging to his head, confusing him for a second. Then he heard Ken laugh. It was a funny laugh. Actually, it was more of a cackle, something uniquely his. It’s the laugh Josh could identify in a boisterous cafeteria, the kind that he could hear even if he makes the unfunniest jokes, the one that he thought he’d never hear again after graduation.
Suddenly, the wind stopped its lashing. As they went through another dive, it had begun to feel cool and soothing against his skin. His heart was still beating wildly in his ribcage, but it only hurt him enough to make him feel alive.
Josh saw Ken raise his hands above his head, so he closed his eyes and did the same. He felt the swooshing air brush against his fingers. Was that all air?
This is exciting! This hurts. This feels nice. Is it over? I’m still scared, but…
He kept his arms up until the ride slowed down to a stop. He opened his eyes. Everyone was already trying to get off. Josh clumsily unbuckled the remaining safety belt around his waist.
Just when he was also about to get up, Ken held out his hand. Josh hesitated for a second, but soon, he was feeling his companion’s hand holding his, and it, too, was trembling.