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“Doesn’t he remind you of…” Joongki trails off, wiggling one finger in Derek’s direction, the gesture hidden behind his hunched chest. “I mean.”
Gwangsoo glances around and sighs.
“I know what you mean,” he mutters. He taps his pen against his desk. “He has the same temperament.”
“And the same…” Joongki says, his mouth twisting. “When he talks to victims. And perps. That feeling.”
A few desks away, Derek watches them from the corner of his eye. He’s not stupid. He can tell they’re talking about him. Not for the first time, he wishes he had Director Kang’s supernatural hearing.
It’s not the first time he’s felt like this - like there’s a ghost hanging over the Golden Time Team. A spectre. Someone he can’t see, but whose presence he feels like a gentle pressure on his shoulders.
--
Derek finds himself falling for the Center Director.
It’s slow at first - he considers them strangers, and then thinks of her as a means to an end, and then admits that they are partners, for better or for worse. Kwonjoo’s reputation as the partner-killer precedes her, but Derek is nothing if not self-assured. He’s different - he must be unlike all the partners she’s had before.
But the whispering and the mysterious ghost that shadows the Golden Time Team seed doubt into his mind. Who does he remind them of? What had happened in the three serial killer cases Kwonjoo had handled before this? Why do Kwonjoo’s kind and open eyes shutter when he brings up her old partners, as though someone’s drawn blackout curtains over them?
He’s curious. He’s curious, almost to an irrational extent. Not knowing makes him uneasy, so when Joongki leaves his computer unlocked as he leaves the station for the night, Derek uses his access to the Korean police database to find more information.
The computer screen glows blue-white in the darkness, throwing his features into sharp relief. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong, he tells himself - the entire Team probably knows the contents of his background check already. He clicks on the file labelled Kang Kwonjoo, telling himself he won’t read more than necessary, and skims directly to the part about her previous partners.
Director Kang has had three partners to date. Moo Jinhyuk, Jang Kyunghak, and Do Kangwoo. Of the three, two are dead and one is on indefinite leave. He frowns and unconsciously leans forward, closer to the computer screen.
He checks the backgrounds of the people in the Golden Time Team’s dispatch group - it seems like Joongki, Gwangsoo, and Jang Kyunghak had all worked in the same station as the original Team at the time of its founding, along with Moo Jinhyuk and Shim Daeshik. Knowing that, it’s probably either Moo Jinhyuk or Jang Kyunghak that he reminds them of. Between them, Moo Jinhyuk had been Director Kang’s original partner, and Jang Kyunghak had only been her partner for a short while, so the identity of the mysterious ghost is probably Moo Jinhyuk.
But…
Shim Daeshik, who had taken leave from the force after Moo Jinhyuk’s time, doesn’t seem to react to him the same way as the rest of the Team does. He regards him with the hesitancy of a stranger, instead of giving him complex looks.
Derek clicks on Do Kangwoo’s file.
The man who stares out of the photo at him is very different from Derek. His jaw is square where Derek’s is slanted, and he’s scruffy where Derek is mostly clean-shaven. His eyes are sharp and his hair is untidy where Derek’s are piercing and well-groomed.
His file has him marked as deceased. Recently, on top of that, during the Team’s last stationing in Poongsan. Odds are high that he’s the cause of Director Kang’s panic disorder.
Derek looks into his eyes. The identity of the spectre. Do Kangwoo.
--
He reads Kangwoo’s file extensively. From what he can tell, the man had been quick-tempered and deceitful - both his background and the circumstances of his death are shrouded in shadow. He runs into more classified markers and redacted reports than he can count with Joongki’s level of clearance.
He had even held a gun to Director Kang’s head and held her hostage. He frowns. Where on Earth are the supposed similarities between him and Derek? To Derek, Kangwoo seems like little more than an ill-trained animal.
But the look in Director Kang’s eyes…
He indirectly broaches the topic the next day, over lunch. Joongki and Gwangsoo seem surprised that he, for once, had accepted their invitation to one of the local restaurants.
“How long have you been the lead of the Golden Time dispatch team?” Derek asks, trying to disguise the intensity behind his question with a veneer of honest curiosity. “You and the 112 center team seem to work together well.”
Joongki trades a quick glance with Gwangsoo and shrugs.
“Not long.” He says. “I was originally just one of the members. Some things happened, and I took over a few weeks before we left Poongsan.”
Derek knows this already from reading their dossiers. He tries not to betray the fact in his expression.
“That’s interesting.” He says, feigning indifference. “Has Director Kang always been the lead on the 112 side?
“Of course.” Joongki says, puffing out his chest. “Our Golden Time Team couldn’t function without our Director.”
Derek chuckles.
“It seems like the entire team is part of Director Kang’s fanclub,” he says, trying to keep a genial mood to get more information. He’s not prepared for the sudden silence that falls over the table.
He looks at them. Joongki and Gwangsoo are staring at him.
“Is something wrong?” He asks, feeling rather put on the spot.
Gwangsoo shakes his head.
“Nothing.” He says. “There was someone else who said the exact same thing.”
Joongki’s foot taps against the cement. His shoes are a little beat up from all the running-around, but he hasn’t mentioned anything about buying a new pair.
“Oh,” Derek says, catching the tail of the lizard - he needs to make sure it doesn’t pop off. “Someone else on the team?”
Joongki shakes his head. The mood is decidedly quiet. Derek knows that socially, this would be the time to stop probing, but he can’t help himself.
“The former Dispatch team leader.” He says.
Do Kangwoo.
“I’m sorry to bring it up,” Derek says, even though he’s not.
“It’s alright.” Gwangsoo says, waving a hand. “Just don’t mention him around Director Kang.”
“Was he her old partner?” Derek presses. In the back of his mind, he’s aware that he’s coming off a little strong, more like an interrogation instead of a meal between coworkers, but the lure of information is too strong to resist.
A complicated look passes over Joongki’s face. Most of the things he thinks or says are simple and straightforward, to the point - the expression doesn’t suit him.
“She cared for him more than anyone else on the team.” Gwangsoo says, with such a strange voice that Derek thinks it’s probably time to stop pushing. “And she felt more responsibility than anyone over his death.”
--
Derek can’t lie to himself. His interest in the Center Director is more than professional, and his jealousy even moreso. He can see all too well how other men would fall for Director Kang in the same way he has, with her strong mind and her gentle voice and, more than anything, her genuine desire to save people.
“Good work today,” Director Kang says, smiling at him. In the beginning he had disliked her smile because it had felt like she was making light of his struggles. Now he understands it for what it is - an attempt to put him at ease. She treats a damaged team member much like she treats a code zero victim.
“You too.” Derek replies. He wants to ask her about her previous partners, but since his single guilty outburst, weeks ago, he’s felt too awkward to bring it up, either to apologize or to ask more.
He wonders which parts of him remind her of Do Kangwoo. His height? His face, or his voice? His background?
Director Kang is watching him. Her scrutiny is a dangerous thing because she picks up on more than a normal person should.
“Is something the matter?” She asks, a slight crease between her brows, concern lighting like a swallow on the plum cupid’s bow of her upper lip. She must think it’s case-related.
Derek shakes his head.
“Nothing.” He says, bringing himself out of his thoughts.
--
He doesn’t have much cause to go into the call center’s room. He’s seen it before - every officer has - but the details of the space aren’t that important to him. Except it’s important to Director Kang, so Derek suddenly finds himself curious.
He wanders in one day around lunch. More than half the seats are empty. Director Kang isn’t there. He hates the awkward hesitancy of his own footsteps.
The few call center officers who are still there look at him oddly, but don’t comment on his presence. They don’t ask him if he needs help either. He makes his way to what he recognizes as the Director’s desk - a curved and busy affair, offering a full view of every inch of the room. Its surface is littered with buttons and dashboards of all sizes and types, but still feels surprisingly organized.
Her desk is comfortable yet impersonal. Looking at the items - pens, files, a stray clipboard, her abandoned headset - there are no hints of Kang Kwonjoo the person, only Director Kang.
Except-
He glances at the corner of the desk. There are six small photos in frames, clustered together.
One: a younger Kwonjoo, wearing her uniform. She doesn’t have nearly as many medals and ribbons pinned onto her chest. She’s in the photo along with an older man, also in uniform. From his age and their closeness, it wouldn’t be surprising if he were her father.
Two: Joongki, Gwangsoo, Daeshik, and two men Derek recognize as Moo Jinhyuk and Jang Kyunghak. Kwonjoo and Jinhyuk look close - he has her arm slung around her shoulder, comfortable in her personal space, pressed against her slender frame. Derek almost doesn’t recognize Kwonjoo. Her hair is shoulder-length. It makes her look more mature.
Three: Joongki, Gwangsoo, and Kyunghak. Her hair is cut short. Where she and the rest of the team, notably Kyunghak, had remained distant in the second photo, they seem friendly now. Her shoulder bumps easily with Kyunghak’s.
Four: Joongki, Gwangsoo, and Do Kangwoo. Her smile is wide and genuine. She’s not leaning towards Kangwoo - the opposite, in fact, with her back pressed against Gwangsoo’s shoulder - but their bodies are turned towards each other. Do Kangwoo looks different when he smiles. His hair is longer than it had been in the photo in the police database, and it falls over his forehead in a way that almost makes him seem approachable.
The other two are photos of two different call center teams - between them, he recognizes Park Eunsoo, who seems to have been Director Kang’s right hand woman since the beginning of the Team.
“Detective, what are you doing here?” Director Kang’s voice comes from behind him. He turns around. Her tone isn’t accusatory, only surprised.
Derek tries to recall the excuse he’d formulated before coming up here. It doesn’t come. There are people around. He doesn’t think there’s a good way to ask, ‘are you still hung up on your dead old partner?’ The spectre of Do Kangwoo seems to be standing at her shoulder. He opens his mouth.
--
“What’s eating you?” The bartender asks. It’s dark both outside and in, the low lights of the bar barely doing anything to illuminate the space. Derek sighs and sets his glass down.
“Is it that obvious?” He says.
The bartender shrugs.
“Usually when someone comes into the bar looking like you, either they’ve had a breakup or someone’s died.” He says. “You’re not wearing funeral clothes, so…”
Derek laughs for lack of a better response.
“Not even a breakup.” He says, swirling his drink in his glass. “Didn’t even get that far.”
The bartender looks at him sympathetically.
“Sorry about that.” He says, his hands moving, wiping down a glass as though by muscle memory. His gentle and open demeanor is an unobtrusive invitation to talk more - to unburden himself, if he wants to. It reminds Derek of Director Kang. The thought makes him take another bitter sip of his drink.
“It’s a weird situation.” He says. “She’s a coworker, and her old… partner… just died.”
“Oh.” The bartender says. “That’s rough.”
Derek sighs.
“Yeah.” He says.
Away from the Golden Time Team, he doesn’t feel the pressure of Do Kangwoo’s ghost. It’s relieving, but that means he can’t feel Kwonjoo’s presence, either. His parents are dead and his sister is dead. He feels lonely. Kwonjoo has helped him through the grief, but she can’t give him her heart just for his sake. The heart that already belongs to someone else.
“I think I’ll just take the check.” Derek says, after a moment, feeling a sliver of annoyance at how pathetic he feels. The bartender smiles kindly at him. He thinks of another kind smile, and of returning to his temporary accommodations and having to explain to his teammates why he’s been drinking by himself again. “Thanks for listening.”