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“Congratulations on your wedding,”
“Congratulations,”
“May you be together forever,”
Sighing, I tried to ignore all the words of the people around me, focusing myself towards the place where I was heading now. Sometimes I think about how I ended up here, even though I still have a lot to do but my heart and body disobey the orders my brain is giving me.
Again I sighed when I stopped for a moment staring at the scene in front of me that felt very warm and happy. People smiled happily to congratulate the couple. The two of them smiled widely as if to tell they were the happiest people here. The woman who wears a beautiful dress, showing that she is the queen today, takes the arm of the man, who is now her husband, smiling widely while talking to the invited guests, I don't know about what I myself am sick of seeing. Hearing him make a sound and even breathe makes me want to shut that mouth forever in the most heinous way, which no one else can think of.
Trying to calm my anger that suddenly flared up, I turned my gaze to the husband, who is now standing upright holding his wife talking to the guest while letting out a small smile, believe me, I know that smile is just a formality even I'm sure he doesn't want to smile at all and want to go from there. Trust me, I know him more than anyone and I'm also sure no one there is aware of him, not his wife, not his parents, not his co-workers who are there with him now.
I clenched my hands until my nails scratched and even stuck in my palms, seeing that scene made me feel angry, sad, disappointed that I desperately held back since coming here, ah not from the start I knew it was bubbling up in my whole body and even soul until it was possible in my subconscious. It makes me want to curse, stab even cut her body into pieces. How she dare to take my lover, part and half of my life, how dare she sees and touches what doesn't belong to her, carve dirty traces of herself let alone dare to kiss him, yes even though it's part of the blessing of this damn marriage but still I don't want to but don't want to accept it.
Shaking slowly, I took a few breaths again until the emotions I had felt a little bit subsided, yes, just a little bit. 'It can't be like this. We have decided, I have given up, this is also for the good of all of us so I can't be like this..'. Then, those were the only words I repeated from the moment I heard the news.
Sick? Yes. Upset? Certainly. Angry? Disappointed? Don’t know. Hey, I'm also self-aware from the start of this relationship I- no we did know something like this could and could potentially happen, sooner or later.
But what can we do, it's too late to change. Now I ask you back when you are in the euphoria of love, can you think of anything else? While he and I are guiding love together can we think of anything else that will take away the pleasure? Of course not right? Regret always comes at the end. Good sentence for our current situation. But we are not sorry, we are upset and angry, why should we? When other people can take their paths of happiness without being hindered by anyone, why must we experience so many obstacles?
Unfair.
3rd POV
Again, the brown-haired man shook his head trying to get rid of the thoughts that were always spinning in his head lately. It's annoying, he admits, but he can't get rid of it. It occurred to him that if he died maybe he would not feel this suffering. But again he was awakened by his surroundings. The life he had lived so far, with his two younger siblings, with his comrades, even though he didn't want to admit it was with that person either, it felt like he would be a coward if he left them all just 'because of this'.
Indeed he felt pain, suffering, but he realized that he was not the only one who felt it. There was him who felt it too, and his two younger siblings, as well as his other comrades, would surely feel the same if he disappeared for good. Therefore, he pushed aside his stupid thoughts and steeled himself to keep moving forward without looking back.
Unknown to the brown man, those dark blue eyes stared at him in silence. The owner of the eyes now really wanted to run away from the crowd of people whom he had long labeled as his 'enemies of life', approached the young man, hugged him, whispered how much he missed him, how he was so lonely and tormented without him, even if he needed to take him away and lock him up so that he could only be with him, without anyone being able to disturb them, just the two of them, forever.
Possessive? Yes. Crazy? He doesn't need to be reminded again, without even saying he already knows and is aware. Tell him everything, but if that allows him to get back together with a part of his life and life then he is willing. Let the world hate me, if with that I can be with him I will accept. Clichè? Tell that to yourself when you've been drunk and blinded by love.
Slightly widening his eyes, he saw those emerald eyes staring directly at him. Eyes, which from the first time he saw it, he immediately named that emerald eyes as his favorite ones and none could replace them. The eyes that always looked at him with warm and full of love and affection. The eyes that would only stare at him, should have been like that, but what happened now? Those eyes were now like his, full of disappointment, anger, regret. Those eyes were no longer having the warm glow they used to be, their light was now dimmed, replaced by a completely dark emptiness and emptiness, just like he was now.
The two Netra faced each other in silence. Throwing each other a series of words that they can no longer say openly. All the feelings and emotions that they had kept so tight that they deceived everyone who saw it, now came out and swelled up even more. They wanted to run to meet each other, regardless of everyone there. But that means the masks and walls they put up will crumble, and everything they sacrificed will be of no use.
By throwing away the feelings and emotions, the brown-haired man walked closer to his partner and several people who were now also looking at his arrival. Maintaining his mask with a more cold formality smile, straightening his body, giving off an air of nobility warning those around him not to disturb him and bow before him, the brunette stepped in almost not making a sound at all.
“Good afternoon everyone,” he said in an even tone, which again only one person noticed.
“Ah Lord Moriarty good afternoon. Come on, let's enjoy the party.”
“Sure and congratulations on the marriage Director Holmes,”
“Hm, thanks for the words Colonel,”
“Hahaha you guys look stiff, isn't Lord Moriarty your co-worker Mycroft? Don't be so stiff, Lord Moriarty too,” said the woman, the bride in a cheerful tone.
“You're right they're both stiff hahaha,”
“Right now we're not working so relax a little bit you two,”
The two people who were spoken of could only let out their signature small smiles. If only they all knew that the two people who were the object of the conversation were holding back from pulling out the guns and knives that were hiding sweetly under their coats, to shoot, stab until everyone here was bathed in their blood. Yes, if only they knew, it's a shame these people are never sensitive to the circumstances around them, even from objects that are very close to them at this time.
In the mind of the brunette, Albert, he cursed the woman who dared to call her 'man' by his name. Only he can call him like that! And what's with that yearning tone? Again only him, only Albert James Moriarty could pronounce his name like that!
Mycroft Holmes? Don't ask. He, who had been with the leeches all this time, was already hot and wanted to get rid of them quickly, without the need for additional words like earlier. He was fed up with this mask game.
But what do they both want to do? Everything was arranged neatly without any blemish, without anyone knowing, even the bride was with the people around here. What they know is only an excuse made so as not to 'hurt' both parties, he said. Wanting to get angry and let go of all the emotions that are in these people doesn't feel right either. They don't know the truth. This is what makes both Albert and Mycroft not rush to send them to the afterlife although it must be admitted that neither of them would want to do it, neither now nor later.
Clearing his throat slowly trying to attract the attention of those around him who were still engrossed in their world, and as if his attempt was successful, Albert let out another 'smile', saying,
“It's a shame I can't linger here, I still have a lot of work to do. Congratulations again on the wedding, sorry I couldn't be with you any longer.”
“Ahh, that's a pity, but there are many things I want to discuss with you Lord Moriarty,” said the woman.
“Lord Moriarty you seem to have been working a lot lately, how about taking a short break, taking a few days off maybe?” suggested one of the men there.
“Thanks for the suggestion but if I take a day off won't my work pile up even more?” said Albert with a very forced laugh.
“If you're feeling tired it's okay to take a day off,” Mycroft finally said.
There was silence for a while before Albert replied, “Interesting offer director, but as I said, I can't take a day off, maybe later.”
“Okay if that's your choice,”
There was a moment of silence, the two men were just silent, letting other people there feel a slightly tense awkward atmosphere. Sensing that this would never end, Albert immediately said in a calm tone, “then I'll excuse myself now. Enjoy the party.”
“Ehh Lord Moriarty is about to leave?”
“Too bad when the party is just about to start,”
'In fact, I didn't even want to come here if I can’ wanted Albert to say so but of course, he held back, and instead, he said, “again I'm sorry, but I still have a business to attend to. If so, how about next time I replace it with an invitation to drink tea in the rose garden of the Moriarty mansion?”
“Interesting offer Lord Moriarty. We will be happy to wait for it.”
“Thank you, then I'll excuse myself,” he said as he stepped away from where he was standing.
As the brown mane left, Mycroft just stared at him in silence. He wanted to chase after but what a power, he could only stand still staring at the disappearance of the brunette. But it seems the Goddess of Fortune still loves him.
“Mycroft how about you escort Lord Moriarty?” said the woman.
Slightly surprised by his wife's request, Mycroft who had been silent for a while finally let out a small smile, nodded slowly as he let go of his grip on her.
“Okay I won't be long,” he said as he walked after the figure that was starting to disappear from his sight.
Back to the emerald eyes man who is now walking blankly past the other guests who are still busy chatting with one another. His heart is hot. His mind cursed why he acted like a brave man, came to them even to the point of conversing even though in his heart and soul he was screaming in pain, wanting to tear everything there.
So deep in thought, Albert did not realize that he had arrived in front of his horse carriage. Sighing trying to regain his composure, Albert slowly climbed into the carriage until he felt a hand restrain his movement. Without even saying Albert knew whose hand was holding him. How could he forget the touch of his 'ex' man? A touch he would now miss so much. A touch that was not his now. A touch that will never return to him again.
Unable to stand all the emotions that he had been holding back, Albert subconsciously threw the hand that was holding his wrist, making the perpetrator who held his hand slightly widen his eyes, surprised by the treatment he got from the man in front of him.
Mycroft understood why Albert was acting like that, more than he should be understood. He understood what he was doing what surprised him was Albert who didn't stab him directly, maybe even injured himself using a small knife that he always carried with him everywhere. Not that he wanted Albert to do it, but thinking back on what he had done to him it didn't seem like too much of a thing to do.
Taking a deep breath, Mycroft slowly retreated slightly away from the carriage in front of him, looking at Albert who still didn't want to turn around to look at him. Bracing himself, Mycroft admitted that this was the first time he had found it extremely difficult to control the situation. Usually, he is the one who will control and control the situation and circumstances around him, but not this time. He had mixed feelings, to be honest, Mycroft would rather act impudently now and then take a lot of risks later than to hold back like this. Really not like him at all.
On the other hand, Albert was still trying to control himself so as not to be consumed by his momentary emotions. His heart screamed to pull the man who was standing a little further behind him, hugged him tightly, doing all the things they used to do. But what said, his brain and common sense stopped all plans from his heart. Trying to regain control of himself, Albert got down from his carriage before turning to face the man with his cold gaze and speaking in an even tone.
“What do you need, Director?” he said while pressing the word 'director' trying to emphasize that their relationship is now only limited to 'director' and 'colonel'.
Sighing, which was how many times Mycroft had done it today, he again dared to look at Albert who still kept his cold gaze. “Al- Colonel can we talk for a moment?”
“There's nothing to talk about. I'll excuse myself, director.”
“Please just listen to me this time Albert,” he said not caring that anyone else heard him. Fuck the others. All he wanted to do was talk to Albert, say all the things that made his mind tangled until he felt the wrinkles under his eyes would increase.
Frozen to hear his name being spoken by the man, whom he really missed calling his name again and again but now he realized that now that man was no longer his, Albert just bit his lip and finally nodded slowly in agreement to the man's request.
Smiling slightly, Mycroft said, “Thank you. Um, what do you think we change places?”
Seeing Albert who just nodded without saying a word made Mycroft take a deep breath for the who knows how many times already, turning around to show the way, “let's go.”
Albert could only follow in silence, his thoughts racing wildly. He wanted to run away from Mycroft as far as he could, but his heart couldn't deny that he also wanted to run to Mycroft pulling him to run with him so that no one could find them. And without realizing it they had arrived at their destination, a small hill that was right behind the party building.
Silence fell upon them. They want to speak but their tongues feel numb until all the words that were going to come out passionately are now swallowed back and don't dare to come out at all.
Clenching his fists tightly, Mycroft thought to himself, 'You idiot Mycroft Holmes. Don't be a coward and speak.' But before Mycroft could speak the man in front of him had cut in first.
“Stop,”
“What?”
Staring at Mycroft sharply Albert didn't even realize he was raising his voice, “I said stop. Don't you know how hard it is for you to keep me from cursing and hitting you? Stop. Don't haunt me, don't make me more tormented by all this!”
Widening his eyes at the sight of Albert speaking like that, completely out of line with his habit of calm at all times, Mycroft's guilt only grew. He was about to say but again his words were cut off by Albert first, but this time in a tone that made Mycroft feel even more guilty.
“Please,” was the only word that could come out of Albert's mouth now. He wanted to say a lot of things, spilling everything he had been hiding all this time. He wanted to be angry, to scream, no matter who would hear it. To hell with the trouble he, and maybe Mycroft, will get to later. All Albert wanted was freedom from the chains that bound his heart now.
Mycroft admitted that never once during his time with Albert had he heard such a tone. A tone that contains a lot of meaning and speech, unfortunately, all cannot be said. However, even so, Mycroft could understand his point, more than anyone else, for he was the same. Just as angry, just as sad, just as tormented.
If Mycroft wanted to, no, that's not right, if Mycroft was selfish and chose to follow his heart then right now he had taken Albert away, to a faraway place where no one knew of their whereabouts. If necessary, Mycroft would tie him up with strong chains to the man in front of him so he wouldn't run away, which again Mycroft doubted if he would just run away.
Trying to calm himself down, Mycroft looked at the man who was still in his temper and ventured to hold his hands together. Even though he got resistance, it felt like it was useless, not because of anything but the energy expended was only limited to waving his hands weakly.
“Albert I know you're angry and disappointed in me, I know more than anyone but please just this once listen to me, please,” Only this time Mycroft let out a voice as fragile as it begged the figure in front of him. It was inconceivable that a Mycroft Holmes, the Government himself, would plead like that. Just for the figure in front of him, he would do anything, even if he was asked to die right now he would do it. Death sounded so beautiful to him, more so than his present life.
Albert took several deep breaths, hoping to calm himself down, again and again. When he felt he had regained his composure, Albert turned to stare intently at the beads emitting various kinds of emotions that were exactly like him. Albert knew it wasn't Mycroft's fault to end up like this, but for once, he wanted to be selfish, wanted to be a child, blamed the world for not getting what he wanted.
“I'm tired Mycroft,” he said quietly, lowering his head hoping the man who was silent as if to give a signal he would listen without interrupting, didn't see his expression now.
“Sometimes I think if the sin I have committed is too big and unforgivable that even a tiny bit of happiness doesn't want to come to me. Heaven cast me out, therefore I deserve nothing but the punishment of my sin. And hell rejected me because what I did was even more evil and vile than any demon that was there. I don't ask for much, don't even want to ask for anything. If anything, it's just a request to let this despicable person return to the place he calls his home. Only that. Is that even too much to ask for? Tell me Mycroft, is such a thing unbecoming of me?”
He took out all that he had kept all this time, and Mycroft heard it clearly, very clearly. The pained tone blended perfectly with the eyes that began to release the clear liquid that the owner had been desperately holding back.
With every curse word he knows and the punishment he will receive but of course he wouldn't care, Mycroft grabbed the figure's arm tightly, bringing him into his warm embrace. Hug him tightly, not wanting to let go of anything for a second. he took in the scent of his former man he had longed for. The scent and warmth of the body that he used to feel every day was now gone, he couldn't tell, it wasn't his anymore.
Contrary to what he thought, Albert didn't rebel at all. Instead, he hugged her back tightly, not wanting to let go either. Even Mycroft could now hear muffled cries, making him want to get the salty liquid out of his eyes too. But Mycroft couldn't, no he couldn't look weak now someone had to strengthen this man of his, and only he could do it. He can't cry. Mycroft had to hold it for him. Right?
But why did his eyes betray him?
“Albert I know, I feel it too. We both suffer. It's not fair. Why should we suffer when other people are happy, you think?” he said softly as he gently stroked the back that looked very fragile now.
“But even so I don't want you to be like this. I want you to remain the Albert I knew, to be who you were when you were 'my Albert'. A man who is always calm at every second always uses his cool head in solving problems, ah, don't forget his timeless drinking habit. Be yourself so we can win a small part of this battle of destiny,” he continued.
Just this time let Albert shed all the words he couldn't speak in the form of tears. Let Mycroft collapse his ego to embrace that fragile body in his trembling embrace. Let them, just this once, experience their world one last time.
Now, all that's left are ruins filled with ripples of deep sorrow and pain. Those who only want to be selfish for their little happiness get this misfortune instead. Anger and resentment build up in their deepest recesses. However, what can they do? Fate has laid out its path. Fate has toyed their way. Angels and demons are now allies and laugh at them now, abandon them and torment them. No one cared because from the start they were alone, only having each other to support each other. Now they are instead forced to leave a part of his soul. I don't know what karma was given to them.
What they can do now is stand on their own two feet, alone, without any support. Looking forward without looking back. Assuming all that has passed is just a small part of this drama-filled life. Now that the main cast had descended from the main stage onto their stage with no audience bothering them anymore, at least that was what they hoped for.
“We part here. You will go and so will I. Forget it if it hurts you then with that I'll leave in peace.”
“This is a time for farewell, maybe even an eternal farewell. But remember that only this body can be mastered, only this body is separated. For verily these hearts and souls have lived and have never left their homes.”
“Goodbye, my dark horse,”
“Goodbye, my rose,”
“Let's meet again someday, somewhere, because we are one and nothing can separate us.”