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DICK: Couldn’t have said it better than that. It sure is a good one. After all, there are only two Miyas on the court today. And, as the saying goes, the fewer Miyas the better.
BOB: That’s right Dick, there are only two Miyas on the court today.
DICK: Those Miyas are, of course, Miya Kiyoomi, wing spiker for the MSBY Black Jackals, and Miya Atsumu, the starting setter for the MSBY Black Jackals. Don’t know about you, Bob, but that is more than enough Miyas for me. Today we are truly blessed.
BOB: Careful there Dick or you’ll summon more Miyas. Please, I’m not ready for a repeat of the game-we-don’t-speak-of. I’ve seen enough for a lifetime.
DICK: Bob, it’s not like I can just manifest more Miyas or replace the EJP Raijins in place of the Tachibana Red Falcons.
BOB: Please—stop. I’m not a suspicious man but, when it comes to the Miya clan, nothing is off limits. Crazier things have happened, Dick. that’s all I’m saying.
DICK: I know you get anxious over these things but I need you to relax. Whatever happens here today, Miyas or otherwise, we’ll see it through together. Just like we always have.
BOB: You say that now but we both know the havoc wrought by Miyas is incalculable even by the greatest mathematician to ever live.
DICK: Whatever you say, Bob, whatever you say. Regardless, we’re in this together. Together—or not at all.
BOB: Alrighty folks, well that’s enough of that I think. Let’s get ready for today’s game. As is always the case these days in the men’s V. league Division 1, players from both teams tonight have histories that date back far longer than their professional careers.
DICK: Tell me more, Bob.
BOB: Well, it’s well known now that Miya Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu are married.
DICK: Right, of course.
BOB: While there are no Miyas on the opposing side of the court today, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a connection. As we’ve come to learn, we’re hard-pressed to find anyone in this sport who isn’t associated with the Miyas in some capacity.
DICK: So, who do we have today?
BOB: I’m glad you asked, Dick. Aran Ojiro has known Miya Atsumu since before entering middle school if I’m not mistaken.
DICK: Wow, talk about history. All those years with the Miyas, how do you think he’s holding up?
BOB: Anyone who has been around the Miyas that long has no doubt become part Miya.
DICK: What are you saying, Bob?
BOB: I’m saying that perhaps we ought to be a bit more worried than I thought.
DICK: Aran Ojiro is known as a pretty level-headed guy. Are you sure you aren’t overthinking this?
BOB: You can never overthink where the Miyas are concerned.
DICK: I suppose I can’t argue with you there. At the very least we can rest easy knowing that neither Miya Rintarou nor the owner of Onigiri Miya, Miya Osamu, are on the court nor are they selling onigiri on the sidelines.
BOB: I am begging the universe for mercy and that you didn’t just jinx us. Now, I am respectfully begging you to please shut up.
DICK: Respectfully, eh? You weren't begging so respectful las—
BOB: AND alright, that's enough of that. Let’s go to courtside.
BOB: Well Dick, today’s game sure has had me on the edge of my seat. What about you?
DICK: It's a nail-biter, that's for sure. We’re heading into the third set now and really it’s anyone’s game.
BOB: And it's Miya with the serve—
DICK: And it's received effortlessly. Miya is a formidable opponent but the Red Falcons are able to more than hold their own as we've witnessed here tonight.
BOB: And the ball is over the—
BOB: —Hold on now. Are you seeing what I’m seeing?
DICK: Unless we’re in a very convincing dream, then yes, I can only assume that I’m seeing what you’re seeing.
BOB: Folks, you’re not going to believe this but a toddler appears to have darted onto the court mid-game.
DICK: You know Bob, I've got to say, you're remarkably calm about this....have you forgotten that there are 12 grown men out there hurtling a ball through the air at speeds of 70mph or more!
BOB: ...well, shit.
DICK: REFS CAN WE GET THE REFS—
BOB: And there's the whistle.
DICK: Oh thank god.
DICK: Folks, nobody panic, the refs have stopped the game. And, yes, there is a toddler loose on the court. And running at impressive speeds I might add.
BOB: The volleyball game might be paused but it sure does look like a new game is getting started down there.
DICK: Whoever this mystery toddler is, they are moving with surprising agility.
BOB: Dick, do we have any idea who’s baby just interrupted tonight's game between the Tachibana Red Falcons and the MSBY Black Jackals?
DICK: Not a clue, Bob.
BOB: While there's no doubt that everyone on the court is in shock right now, Miya Atsumu and Miya Kiyoomi appear to be bearing the brunt of it.
DICK: Miya Kiyoomi might as well have seen a ghost with how the blood has drained from his face and Miya Atsumu looks like he might be sick in the middle of the court. You don't suppose...?
BOB: Dick, that is a possibility I am not willing to entertain right now. There are two Miyas on the court right now and two Miyas only.
DICK: Whatever you say, Bob, whatever you say.
BOB: What do you say we head courtside to see just what is going on down there?
DICK: An excellent plan, Bob, an excellent plan.
DICK: Now Bob, I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like your worst fears might be coming true.
BOB: I refuse to see, Dick. I refuse to see.
DICK: Refusing to see will not change the fact that this mystery toddler is wearing a MSBY jersey with a familiar name printed across the back.
BOB: Can we get a visual on this toddler, please. A closeup, if you will.
DICK: I think we may have three Miyas on the court.
BOB: Just because 'MIYA' is printed on the jersey doesn't mean anything. She could be a fan. Her parents could be a fan.
DICK: Now I know as well as you that you’re full of shit right now but instead of saying that I’m going to go with, alright Bob, whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day.
DICK: There goes Miya Atsumu, finally unfrozen and chasing after the mystery toddler but it's super ineffective.
BOB: This toddler sure does know how to zip around these professional athletes like she's taking candy from a baby.
MIYA ATSUMU: Wait!!!
TODDLER: NO
DICK: She dives between Miya Atsumu's feet—oooh—Miya trips and he falls! But fear not, the toddler is already off.
BOB: That's right, Dick. She's back up and off again, yelling, uh, something—let's take a closer look.
TODDLER: OJI OJI OJI OJI OJI OJI OJI
DICK: It appears this mystery toddler is familiar with the Red Falcon’s spiker, Aran Ojiro. At least, that is who I assume 'Oji' is meant to refer to.
BOB: It certainly does seem like that, doesn’t it.
MIYA KIYOOMI: GET UP!
BOB: Miya Kiyoomi has just hauled Miya Atsumu off the floor.
MIYA KIYOOMI: HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET OUT HERE?
MIYA ATSUMU: OMI! Language!
MIYA KIYOOMI: We don't have time for this. Where the fuck is your brother?
BOB: Did he say—
DICK: I'm afraid so.
BOB: —brother?
DICK: How are you feeling with this new information, Bob? You’re looking a little pale.
BOB: I'm going to be honest with you, Dick. I am not doing well—not doing well at all.
DICK: And why's that?
BOB: Dick...we have 3 Miyas on the court and at least one more...somewhere in this building.
DICK: That’s...ominous. Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?
BOB: Don't you think you're being a little too calm?
DICK: I gotta hand it to you there.
DICK: Bob, you know what you ought to do?
BOB: What? Please, enlighten me.
DICK: Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. I'll handle the announcing. You—I don't know—focus on breathing or something. Deep breaths. That's what they say, right?
BOB: You're terrible at this.
DICK: Well, it's a good thing I'm a damn good volleyball announcer then. I'll be manning this ship until your heart rate returns to normal.
DICK: Miya Atsumu and Miya Kiyoomi are still chasing the toddler and others have joined in the fray. But despite the surplus of professional athletes, not one of them seems capable of catching this toddler.
DICK: Folks, I still can't quite believe this, but we really do have a rogue Miya on the court.
BOB: If by rogue Miya you mean the TODDLER that is weaving around these professional ATHLETES like it’s a CAKEWALK then yes, we have a rogue Miya on the volleyball court today.
DICK: Bob, you need to calm down. I said I'd handle it.
DICK: Sorry about that folks. Anyway, as I was saying.
DICK: The Miyas are in pursuit but each time Miya Kiyoomi or Miya Atsumu gets close to this toddler, she expertly wriggles out of their grasp. You can tell she really has this down to a science.
MIYA KIYOOMI: Aiko!
DICK: Oh, what's this? The toddler, Miya Aiko, has come to an abrupt stop. She and Miya Kiyoomi appear to be locked in a good old-fashioned Texas showdown. Who will win is anyone’s guess.
MIYA KIYOOMI: Aiko.
DICK: Miya Aiko pretends not to hear him! What a move!
MIYA KIYOOMI: Aiko, I know you can hear me
DICK: She’s shaking her head, confirming that she can indeed hear Miya Kiyoomi but is refusing to admit she can hear him.
BOB: Now that’s a power move.
DICK: Indeed, Bob, as I’m sure you know, toddlers are some of the most powerful beings in the entire world.
BOB: I know, why do you think I’m so scared right now?
DICK: You sound like you could use a vacation, Bob.
BOB: That I could, Dick, that I could.
MIYA KIYOOMI: Aiko. Come on, stop running. Let’s—
MIYA AIKO: NO!
DICK: There she goes! Quick as a whip.
MIYA ATSUMU: Come on, Omi. That's all you got? That was pathetic.
MIYA KIYOOMI: As if you could do any better.
MIYA ATSUMU: Watch and learn.
MIYA ATSUMU: Aiko!
DICK: She stops but somehow I can’t imagine this is going to go down any better than it did for Miya Kiyoomi.
MIYA ATSUMU: Do ya want some candy? If ya stop running around, I'll get ya all the candy ya want.
MIYA AIKO: ...
DICK: It's anyone's game here, Bob. Who will win? And what's this? Miya Aiko is rifling through her pockets and she's—She's—Oh my god, folks, you aren't going to believe it—MIYA AIKO ALREADY HAS CANDY. THE BRIBE HAS FAILED.
MIYA KIYOOMI: Well that was anti-climatic.
DICK: What a plot twist! What will she do now?
DICK: Aiko dodges Miya Atsumu. Oh! And there goes Miya Kiyoomi in another failed attempt to grab the child.
MYSTERY CHILD: Oto-chan! Oto-chan! Oto-chan!
BOB: Oh my god.
BOB: Dick, tell me I’m dreaming.
DICK: I wish I could, Bob, but alas...you’re not going to believe this folks. That’s right, we have ANOTHER CHILD ON THE COURT. THAT’S RIGHT. ANOTHER. THIS ONE IS ALSO IN A MIYA JERSEY. THINGS AREN’T LOOKING GOOD for our dearest pal Bob. I think his worst nightmare has just come to fruition.
MIYA ATSUMU: Kazuya!
BOB: So it’s true.
DICK: Indeed, we have not one but two rogue Miyas down there for a total of four Miyas on the court.
MIYA KIYOOMI: Where the fuck is your brother!
MIYA ATSUMU: Hell if I know! For all I know the twins have him tied up in a storage closet somewhere. It’s what Samu and I would have done when we were kids.
MIYA KIYOOMI: I don’t know what I expected. Where the fuck is Rintarou then?
MIYA ATSUMU: If we're lucky he's looking for Osamu.
MIYA KIYOOMI: You don't sound very confident.
MIYA ATSUMU: WELL
BOB: Did I hear that right?
DICK: So Miya Atsumu and Miya Kiyoomi have twins. Wow. Never thought I’d see the day.
BOB: I’m. uH. I.
DICK: Exactly what I was thinking, Bob. You took the words right out of my mouth. Do you want to try that again?
BOB: I’m. Well. Couldn’t have said it better myself, Miya Kiyoomi. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
MIYA KIYOOMI: Don’t just stand there! Both of our kids are running rampant in the middle of a game!
MIYA ATSUMU: Have you met our children? When have we ever been able to stop them from doing something once they set their minds on it?
MIYA KIYOOMI: They’re toddlers.
MIYA ATSUMU: I fail to see your point. They’re toddlers on a mission.
MIYA KIYOOMI: I— you’re right.
DICK: Well folks, it’s certainly been an interesting afternoon, to say the least. Not only have we learned that Miya Atsumu and Miya Sakusa have twins, but they have also invaded the game. You can’t make this stuff up, huh, Bob?
BOB: No, you sure can’t. I can’t believe that this isn’t a fever dream.
DICK: For those at home, it’s been 10 minutes now and not a single Miya nor their uncle, Aran Ojiro, has been able to wrangle in the rogue children.
BOB: I can’t believe this isn’t a fever dream.
DICK: Believe it, Bob. Somehow, this is indeed real life. Kazuya, the second Miya child is heading right for Miya Atsumu!
BOB: Thank god maybe this will finally be the end of this CHAOS.
DICK: Come on, Bob, now where is the fun in that?
MIYA ATSUMU: Kazuya!
DICK: Miya Atsumu drops to his knees and holds open his arms!
BOB: But Miya Kazuya flies right past him, OH AND THERE GOES MIYA AIKO TO JOIN HIM. But where oh where could they be heading!?
MIYA KAZUYA: OTO-CHAN! OTO-CHAN! OTO-CHAN!
DICK: Both Miya children have expertly dodged both Miya Atsumu and Miya Kiyoomi.
BOB: And they’re heading right for—
DICK: Right for Ojiro Aran!
MIYA KAZUYA AND MIYA AIKO: OJI OJI OJI OJI
OJIRO ARAN: KIDDOS!
DICK: Kazuya and Aiko have collided right with Ojiro Aran!! Oh my god, they're all on the floor. Ojiro Aran is down!
BOB: Oh my god they're strangling him.
DICK: That is a hug, Bob. Just a hug. Nothing to be alarmed about.
BOB: How can you be sure?
DICK: You're going to have to trust me on this one, Bob. Talk about a family reunion, eh? We learned a hell of a lot about the Miyas today.
BOB: I'm getting too old for this. My fragile heart can't take it.
DICK: Always a run of sunshine, aren't you? But you don't have to worry, Bob, not if I'm here.
BOB: That was... surprisingly comforting.
DICK: Good, now grab my hand, let's go courtside to meet those Mini-Miyas.