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Steve returned the stones to their timelines. It wasn’t difficult to do, not nearly as difficult as rounding them up had been.
Returning the Time Stone was simple. Bruce had told him where to go and he already expected the woman who stood to greet him just as she didn’t seem the least bit surprised to see him.
“Welcome, Captain. Does your presence bring good tidings for your task?”
Steve couldn’t muster even the smallest smile for her. “Thank you for allowing us to borrow it for a while.”
She smiled, “Under a minute, actually. You are quite punctual. Give my thanks to Bruce.”
Steve extended his hand, the Time Stone hovering between his thumb and index fingers. With a hand movement he had seen Strange use, the necklace hanging around her neck opened and the Stone gracefully floated between them towards her. She closed it with another hand flourish.
Nodding in satisfaction he turned on his heel to leave the rooftop when she called out to him.
“The sacrifice was too great to bear, then, I’d wager?”
Steve stood with his back to her, head hanging, and continued walking without answering.
Even the Soul Stone, which he saved for last, was simple to return.
He had arrived to a barren wasteland. No one appeared to guide him as Clint had described Johann Schmidt had for him and Natasha. Deserted. How on-brand, he thought, for the Soul Stone to reside where it was completely Soulless. As he looked down at the stone in his palm, glowing dimly in the darkness, he felt grief hit attempt to overwhelm him all over again. Steeling himself, he pushed forward and walked the path in front of him.
Arriving at the top of the mountain he passed through the double pillars and stood in the middle of the deserted fortress. Still, no one came. Feeling reckless he approached the edge, shuffling his feet ever closer until he could peer down to the abyss below.
Nothing.
It was too dark to see and the wind whipped around him as the toes of his boots hung just over the stone edge of the landing. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to see through the thick layers of swirling mist below if anything. Proof? Maybe if she was there he could bury her, she deserved that. But as he stood precariously at the edge and the mist began to clear he caught a fleeting glimpse of the bottom.
Again, nothing.
No body. No blood. Nothing.
He couldn’t be sure how long he stood on the precipice just staring as the mist swirled and covered his sight. It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours. Time didn’t mean much to him these days, especially not here. His throat felt tight but he cleared it and chose his words carelessly, letting emotion guide him.
“Thank you, Nat. I don’t… I could never put into words everything I feel, but you never seemed to need words anyway. I’m sure that you already know this, but I wanted to say here, in this godforsaken place, that what you did, saved us. It saved everyone. You always wanted to wipe the red out of your ledger,”
He smiled ruefully.
“You did it, kid. I hope that wherever you are, you know that. You did it.”
He lifted his hand, where the stone floated harmlessly. Mockingly innocent, as if two of the best people in the world didn’t have to die for him to be holding it here.
We don’t trade lives, he had said.
But we did.
And don’t ask him if it was worth it. Here, in the loneliness of Vormir, where Natasha had willingly traded herself to give them their chance, only for them to turn around and lose Tony in the ultimate sacrifice, this is where Steve hit his knees. Kneeling next to the edge of the chasm he let tears fall for hours.
He remembered Tony, coming back from space frail and hurting but still full of fire, so much so that he hadn’t backed down, getting in his face and calling him a liar. He was right. Steve had said they would do it together and when the time came he had been a world away. When Natasha had thrown herself from this spot they hadn’t been together. All the words they said and the choices they made all seemed so petty now, under the circumstances. Nothing compared to Thanos.
And nothing would stop Steve from believing with wholehearted conviction that it was his fault. First, his actions led to the Mad Titan and played a part in murdering half of the universe, then he reversed it and ended up only finding himself responsible for the deaths of two of the people he loved most. He all but murdered his family.
While in Wakanda all those years ago after the ‘Civil War’ Steve had picked up his voracious reading habit he had back before the serum, a lifetime ago. It helped him forget and helped him cope with losing almost everything he had. He read to Bucky in cryo all the time.
Now, sitting on the cold stone, a quote from one of those books replayed in his mind with persistent clarity.
And I pray one prayer — I repeat it till my tongue stiffens — May you not rest, as long as I am living! You said I killed you — haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe — I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always — take any form — drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!
“Haunt me,” Steve pled, “Haunt me, Tony. Just…don’t leave me. Please. Come back to me”, Steve whispered. A desperate plea that he knew he had no business making to the surrounding gloom.