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Izuku Midoriya had been moving for a long time. A long time. He hadn’t eaten in hours, hadn’t slept in days. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled.
He’d known, of course, when he’d chosen to leave UA, that he was in for a tough time. At least, he’d thought he’d known. Everything he’d gone through over the past year was nothing like anything he could ever have prepared for. And yet it was everything he could have hoped for.
His classmates back at the school were safe. His mom could live a normal, if worried, life. His teachers and his friends were all able to go about their days safely, knowing that as long as Izuku was out there, drawing the enemy’s attention towards himself and himself alone, they were all safe.
Just knowing that one small fact made it all worth it in Izuku’s books.
But… he was tired.
He was tired of the fighting, of the pain. He was tired of the paranoia and the anxiety, of the fact that he could never have a moment’s rest from being on edge. He was tired of always looking over his shoulder. He was tired of the hatred.
He’d grown so much in the last year. He was both taller and broader, with scarred skin and hair that desperately needed a trim. He both looked and felt like a battle-hardened warrior. And in many ways he was. But in so many more ways, he wasn’t.
He’d grown so much on the outside that he kept forgetting that really, he was just a kid.
A kid forced to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. A kid who’d had to sacrifice almost everything for the sake of the people he cared about. A kid who was trying to do the job that an entire society had failed at.
But a kid nonetheless.
He was so tired that he almost didn’t realise it was his own birthday. It was only when he received an automatic ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ message from his subscription to the Hero’s Weekly magazine that he remembered.
He was eighteen today. Why on earth did he feel so much older?
It was dark by the time he finally got a chance to stop and rest. The villains of the day had been vicious and Izuku found himself struggling to stay awake as he came to land on a roof in a quiet neighbourhood of Musutafu. His entire body ached and his hero costume, which was now getting significantly too small for him, felt grimy against his scarred skin.
With an exhausted sigh, he flopped to the ground, lying back against the concrete roof to stare up at the starry sky. There were no clouds and the air was warm and pleasant and peaceful. Izuku felt himself relax where he lay, finally for the first time in weeks allowing himself a moment's peace to look up at the night sky.
Without warning, a memory arose from the depths of his mind. It was of a night very similar to this one, a night that had occurred barely two weeks before the world seemed to crash and burn. It was of you. And it made his heart ache.
You had dragged him up to your balcony in the UA dorms, babbling on about some meteor shower that was supposed to be happening. He hadn’t really listened to much you’d been saying, too engrossed in the way your smile had flashed in the darkness and your eyes had danced.
He regretted not listening now - he wished he could remember some of those last happy words you’d ever said to him.
You’d forced him to lie with you on the balcony floor, and stare up at the stars. It had been a clear night, just like this one, only it was colder. So cold in fact that you’d snuggled up to his side barely fifteen minutes in.
He remembered panicking at the feeling of your body so close, and your warm breath against his shoulder. He remembered wondering if he should confess his feelings for you right then and there. He remembered thinking that it would be the worst thing in the world if you told him you didn’t like him back.
He wanted to go back and punch himself right in the gut for being such a coward.
Thinking about you now hurt in a way he wasn’t used to. He’d endured countless injuries, many of which most people couldn’t even imagine, and yet this throbbing pain in his heart was somehow so different and so much worse. He hadn’t seen you since the day he left the hospital, hadn’t spoken to you since before he fought Shigaraki. He didn’t even know if you were okay after the fight against the League of Villains. He’d forced himself to disappear, leaving only a letter and a half-hearted explanation in his place.
He’d thought about that moment every single day since then. The moment when he stepped out of the hospital, knowing his life had just changed forever, knowing there was no going back. Knowing he might very well die before he got the chance to see his friends again.
He still knew this. He stepped into every battle knowing full well it might be his last and yet… and yet it was all worth it if it meant you got to keep that goofy smile, and Kacchan got to keep his temper, and Todoroki got to keep his blunt nature, and Iida got to keep those passionate hand gestures. It was all worth it if it meant the people he cared about got to live.
He couldn’t deny that it hurt though.
He could see UA from where he lay now. It was illuminated like a beacon, standing proud up on the crest of the hill. Even now, he recognised the familiar buildings - he remembered each hallway, each corner, each classroom as if he had been there just yesterday. And he missed it. God, he missed it.
He missed you even more.
You were up there now, probably lying in your bed, just as he was lying against the concrete roof. He wondered if your dorm room had changed at all since he’d been gone. He wondered if you still coloured your binders the same way. He wondered if your hero costume looked the same.
He wondered if you ever wondered about him.
These were dangerous thoughts, and he knew this. But he couldn’t hold them back. Not while you were barely a mile away from him, the closest you’d been since the day he left.
His legs moved before he had the chance to think, and he was up and moving. The familiar power of One For All flooded his body as he leapt through the air in fluid movements he’d almost unconsciously copied from his childhood rival all those months ago. It was practically second nature to him now - using his quirk, his borrowed power, and it felt odd to think back to a time before he’d been able to feel the flow of the most powerful quirk on earth through his veins.
It took barely two minutes for him to reach the forest bordering UA. He wished it had taken longer - he needed more time to force himself to turn around, to walk away, to convince himself what he was doing wasn’t a good idea.
He hoped that sneaking onto campus would be a hassle for him. He hoped he’d run into as many obstacles as possible. He hoped the security barrier would activate and he’d be forced to flee into the forest to avoid being caught by the teachers.
Unfortunately for him, he had no such luck. Maybe it was because his old student ID still sat untouched in his pocket, or maybe it was sheer dumb luck - either way, he slipped inside the school grounds without seeing hide nor hair of the UA barrier and was off in the direction of the dorm buildings before really having a chance to think.
He didn’t need to wrack his brains to know which balcony was yours. The knowledge came to him naturally, almost like an instinct, and with no trouble at all he had alighted outside your balcony door. His feet made no sound as he landed, although he wished they had. He thought that maybe if you suddenly stuck your head out the window, it would give him enough incentive to take off.
Izuku didn’t even know what he was doing here.
But suddenly he became hyper-aware of the fact that there was a chance you were not even a metre away from him, just on the other side of the glass window. And he realised he didn’t care.
Your curtains were drawn across the window and there was no light inside your room. Izuku doubted you were awake. However that didn’t stop him from creeping forward to rest his forehead against the cool glass.
All his senses strained for a reason he didn’t quite understand - he didn’t know what he was hoping to find. It would be a disaster if you saw him, and even worse if someone else did. And yet, he couldn’t stop himself from hoping, from praying, to have some kind of interaction with you, even if it was as small as hearing you shift in your sleep.
It was creepy - he was well aware. But he was also desperate, starving for the comfort you used to give him.
He remained where he was for five minutes, eyes closed and breathing slow. But then, as his watch flashed 23:00, he stood up straight again.
He wasn’t supposed to be here. And the longer he remained, the more he realised how stupid he was for coming.
He was already perched on the balcony railing, poised to make his escape, when he heard it.
The click of the lock. The slight squeak as the door slid open. And then a voice that sent a shock sparking through every nerve ending in his body.
“Izuku?”
You sounded groggy, enough to confirm that you had just woken up. And yet, there was an alertness to your tone that told Izuku he’d been too slow.
He didn’t want to turn around, didn’t want to see your face after over a year of being away. At least, that’s what he told himself, over and over in his head.
In reality, every fibre of his being was straining in your direction. His fingers twitched, muscles spasming, and he hurriedly clenched his hands into fists in an attempt to stop them reaching out to you.
There was the tapping of light footsteps and then Izuku felt his entire body bristle. He could feel you standing right behind him, so close he could smell the faint scent of your shampoo. It was familiar and dreadful at the same time, and suddenly he felt more terrified than he ever had before in his entire life.
You were there. You were right there, for the first time in so long. And he didn’t know what to do about it.
And then your hand was at his back and your fingers were tugging at the dirty, bloodstained fabric of his hero costume. And all he wanted to do was to dive into your arms and never fucking leave.
“Izuku.” Your voice was a lot more steady than it had been at first. He remembered it, remembered the millions of ways you used to say his name. And yet, hearing it again now, there was something foreign in your intonation. Like your accent was slightly different to the way he heard it in his memories.
He remembered suddenly, that he’d once read that the first thing one tends to forget about a person was their voice. He realised now just how true that was.
For a moment he was tempted to leap from the balcony, to make his escape despite the fact that you’d seen him. But then, as if you’d read his mind, he felt your grip on his clothing tighten. And he realised that if he left now, he might just be the shittiest person to ever exist.
He still didn’t look round though, too scared to see how much your face had changed in the time he’d been gone.
“Izuku.” You said his name for a third time, and he was startled to realise that your voice was suddenly trembling. Were you crying? He hoped you weren’t. Because if you were crying, then he would cry, and he really didn’t want to do that right now.
“Is it really you?”
He was so terrified as he opened his mouth to answer that words evaded him for a second and all he could do was choke on the night air. Finally, he managed to breathe, “It’s me.”
You sighed then and it was such a soft sound that sent a dagger plunging right through his heart. It was a sound he recognised. It was the same sound as that you would make when he hugged you after a long day. Or as you’d tuck your nose into his shoulder as you snuggled against him. Or as he rested his chin atop your head as he pulled your back into his chest.
Your ‘happy sigh’ he’d used to call it. Although he didn’t think you were so happy now.
He was moving before he knew it, slipping back down to stand on the balcony as he pulled his hood back and turned to look at you for the first time since he’d snuck out of the hospital over sixteen months ago.
Your hair was longer than he remembered. And you seemed shorter. Or rather, he’d just grown. He stared down at you with an almost awed expression on his face, and suddenly found that he couldn’t think.
He must have forgotten how pretty you were.
You were staring back with a similar look on your face, only your eyes remained apprehensive. As if you were wary of him. As if you were waiting for him to up and leave again.
A pang shot through Izuku’s chest and pulled him out of his stupor. He blinked in surprise and took a half a step back, suddenly realising he’d been staring at you in silence for way longer than what could be considered normal. However, before he could apologise, or start rambling or even say anything, you were grabbing at the front of his clothes and pulling him back towards you with a terrified look in your eyes.
Izuku grunted in surprise. “Whoa, I-”
Before he could finish whatever he was about to say - he really didn’t know - you had dragged him backwards and into the darkness of your bedroom. “Shut the door,” you breathed. “Before someone sees you.”
Izuku did so without thinking and plunged the both of you into silence.
Almost unconsciously, Izuku’s gaze roved around the familiar space as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He couldn't deny his curiosity - how had your room changed in the months he’d been gone? He remembered the day everyone moved into the dorms as if it was yesterday. You had been especially excited - You were getting a new bedroom after all, you had explained when he asked why you were so hyped. It was another chance to express yourself outside of your own home, another place to stamp with your identity. “And if you want to change that identity, this is the perfect chance to do it.”
After hearing you say that, seeing your bedroom had been oddly intimate, like you were allowing him to view a piece of yourself. And he’d suddenly understood what you had meant by ‘your identity’ - the room felt like you.
Even now, as he stared around at the darkened space, he could still feel it. Only, it seemed to have been dulled slightly. It was still your room, but he suddenly felt like a stranger to it.
He noticed then that all the little details and pieces of decor he’d helped you put up, like the poster of your favourite pro-hero, and the cute collages of photos, were gone. He also noticed that the framed picture of himself and you, taken on Christmas day by a giggling Uraraka, was also missing. Something inside him sank a little.
You had been staring at him the entire time he observed your bedroom, an odd look twisting your features. Something seemed to be building behind your eyes, something that reached its peak when he finally met your gaze again. Without warning, you placed your hands on his shoulders and shoved. Hard.
Izuku stumbled back a few steps, his eyes widening in surprise. “Wha-?”
He didn’t have time to finish his question before you cut him off with a hiss.
“What the fuck, Izuku?”
Izuku winced. Hearing you curse, and directly at him, no less, stung. Not that he didn’t deserve it. In all honesty, he was surprised you hadn’t just slapped him.
He hung his head, unable to answer you. He honestly didn’t know what the fuck either.
You stared at him stoically for a second, your chest heaving. You looked torn between wanting to cry, scream or laugh. It was a slightly terrifying combination of emotions and it set Izuku on edge. But it also made him happy.
It had been far too long since he saw any kind of emotion from you, and despite the fact that he was most lightly going to bear the brunt of whatever you chose to unleash, he couldn’t help but feel glad.
To his surprise however, you didn’t burst. Instead, your legs seemed to give out and you sank heavily to sit on your bed. Your head hung low and he noticed for the first time that your hands were shaking.
“What are you doing here?”
Your voice was so quiet, so tired, compared to your earlier anger that it almost scared him. Without thinking, he sank to his knees before you, so he was looking up at you from your bedroom floor. Instinctively, he’s fingers reaching out for you, but he drew them back at the last second. He didn’t know what you’d do if he touched you.
There was a long silence during which Izuku struggled with the answer to your question. He wanted to tell you the truth, tell you that he had absolutely no clue why he’d appeared at your window in the middle of the night, tell you he should probably just leave and it would be better if you completely forgot that he was here in the first place.
But by some instinct that snapped deep in his gut, he knew that in telling you the truth, he’d hurt you. Because he could see it in your eyes - you desperately needed for there to be a reason why he came. Something, anything.
You needed for there to be something you had that he deemed important enough to abandon his mission for, even if it was only for a night.
And if he was being honest, there was something. But he couldn’t say it out loud.
Eventually he managed to mumble out, “It’s my birthday.” It wasn’t what you were hoping for. But it was something nonetheless.
You sighed softly. “I know.”
“You do?” He wasn't exactly sure why it surprised him so much. After all, you’d known his birthday back when he was still a student at UA. It didn’t make sense for you to have forgotten it already.
“Everyone knows,” you said softly. “Everyone in the class. No one said it out loud but… we were all thinking about it today. It was awful.” You inhaled, and there was a slight tremor in your breath. “We were all wondering whether you’d even remembered.”
“I almost didn’t.” Izuku admitted. “I only realised just now.”
“And so you decided to come here?”
Izuku shrugged. “I guess.” His jaw clenched. “I was in the area, and I could see UA up on the hill. My feet moved before I could even think about it.”
You let out a short chuckle. “That sounds familiar.”
Izuku couldn’t suppress the small smile. “Yeah, I guess that happens a lot, huh.”
Silence fell again, and Izuku suddenly had the distinct feeling that you were staring at him. He kept his head low, however, refusing to take his eyes off the crease in your duvet. The idea of looking you in the eye suddenly seemed horrifying again.
“So,” you were the first to speak. “What have you been doing?”
When Izuku looked up, you scratched the back of your neck slightly awkwardly.
“I mean,” you continued. “I’ve heard bits and pieces. Some mysterious vigilante dressed in green who jumps into almost every fight and seems to have multiple quirks. But… the teachers seem to be trying to keep us from finding out too much. They probably think it’ll hurt less if we don’t know exactly how much danger you’re putting yourself in.”
Izuku winced. The reminder that despite the fact he’d up and left over a year ao, all of his classmates still worried and cared for him was like a bucket of ice water to the face. He suddenly felt very ashamed.
“I’ve just been trying to help as much as I can,” he told you quietly. “It’s partially my fault hero society is in such a mess right now, since I couldn’t beat Shigaraki in our last fight. I’m just trying to make things a little more bearable for the rest of the heroes.”
“But that’s not why you left.”
Izuku exhaled sharply. “No, that’s not why I left.”
For a second he almost thought you’d reached for him. He could feel your hand ghosting over his hair, his shoulder. But then it settled back on the bed by your leg.
“You know, I didn’t want to read your letter.”
Izuku looked up at you then, his eyes wide. “What?”
“By the time I woke up in hospital, you were gone and everyone else had already read their letters.” Your voice was wistful as you spoke, your gaze fixed on something over and behind Izuku’s head. “Kirishima was the one who told me you left. At first I didn’t believe him. Or at least, I didn’t believe that you were gone for good. But then he told me how you explained it all in a letter, and that you’d probably left me one as well. When I finally got back to the dorms, I found it sitting on my bedroom floor. But I didn’t open it.”
You looked down at him then, and for the first time that night, Izuku found himself sharing a long moment of unbroken eye contact with you. Your eyes looked different, he realised now as he stared at them - the same shape, size and colour, but they were sad. Far sadder than he’d ever seen them before.
“I still haven’t read it,” you finally admitted. “I heard about the details from the others, like why All For One is after you, and how you got your power. But I could never bring myself to open the stupid thing.” You sighed heavily. “It sounds stupid but I feel like if I open it… the last little piece of you I have left will escape then I’ll just be left with nothing.”
Izuku’s breath hitched. There were tears glistening in your eyes, he noticed suddenly, and he wished then that he could take you in his arms and hide you away from the world.
In some twisted way, he was glad about your confession. He’d regretted a lot of things since leaving that hospital, however the biggest one had to be what he’d written in your letter. Or rather, what he hadn’t written.
Maybe he’d get a chance to tell you now before you read the damn thing and went on with your life, thinking he didn’t care.
He pushed the thought away. He couldn’t tell you now. It wouldn’t be fair on you, considering he’d have to leave so soon after.
“It’s nothing special,” he found himself croaking. “You know everything in it already, anyway.”
“I figured,” you mumbled back, breaking your eye contact with him to stare down at your hands. “Still I… I don’t know if I’m ever going to read it.”
There was silence again, only this time it was tense, suspenseful. As if it was anticipating something, building towards something, waiting.
Izuku wasn’t exactly sure of what, but it made him uneasy. More and more he was getting the feeling that he'd been here too long. The paranoia was beginning to creep it’s way back into his mind, the knowledge that Shaigraki and his followers knew how to track him and could burst in at any minute, hurting you and all his old classmates in the process. He was on the brink of saying this out loud, of telling you that he needed to leave when the tension finally snapped. You pushed yourself off the bed and slithered to join him on the floor before he even had time to jump back. And then before he knew what was happening your arms were around his shoulders and your nose was buried in the crook of his neck.
Your familiar smell was almost overwhelming as he sat frozen in place, arms hanging limp at his sides. However, he couldn’t help but revel in it. Every single one of his senses was going into overdrive and yet he felt calm. More calm than he’d been in a while.
Gently, he raised his arms to cradle your back, his grip firm and absolute in his resolve not to let you go. It was an embrace unlike any that the pair of you had shared in the past - during your year together at UA, he’d hugged you many times, but they'd always been casual, gentle, friendly.
There was something far deeper in the hug you shared now, something Izuku couldn’t quite pinpoint. But it made his entire being feel warm and fuzzy. He buried his nose a little deeper into your hair.
“Fuck,” you whsipered and Izuku was startled to hear your voice was trembling. “I missed you, Izu.”
He said nothing, just held you even tighter.
“I told myself I wasn’t going to be a bitch about things. You’ve got a good reason for leaving, and I trust you to look after yourself. And I know the pros are helping you. But fuck, it’s hard not being able to help you myself, or even see you.”
You suddenly laughed against the skin of his neck, a feeling that sent a shiver down Izuku’s spine. “Do you know how different you look, Izuku?”
Izuku gulped. He was suddenly feeling warm, as the realisation that you were so close to his neck sent butterflies through his stomach. “Um, no?” he answered with uncertainty, not sure if what you were implying was a good thing or a bad thing.
You chuckled again. “You’re so tall now. You were shorter than me when we first met.” You pulled away slightly to look up at his face and Izuku suddenly felt so much bigger than you. “And your hair,” you continued, “It’s so long now. You look older, Izu.”
He gave a weak laugh. “Well, I am older.”
You didn’t return the sentiment, instead just watching him with sad eyes. “You look tired.”
Izuku was quiet. He didn’t want to think about the fact that you were right. Instead, he found himself watching you, taking in all the little differences you had fostered over his time away. Eventually, he said, “You look tired too.”
Your expression seemed to deepen, the exhaustion that was evident in the droop of your eyes and the downwards tilt of your lips suddenly seeping into every corner of your face. It suddenly hit Izuku that a year had passed for you too. It was an odd thought, the idea that your life had continued without him in it. He’d wondered many times about the implications of it, however he now realised that it had never quite sunk in - you’d spent an entire year wondering about him just as he had about you, and likely gone through hell and back because of it. He suddenly hated himself just a little bit more.
“I am tired,” you mumbled in answer to his earlier statement. “So tired. I just want this all to be over.” Your face was closer to his now, close enough, in fact, that he could feel your soft exhales against his lips. “I want you to come home.”
Come home. Those two words made Izuku’s heart clench painfully. He wanted to, so so badly. He wanted to go back to class, to be around his classmates again, to live in the dorms and get excited for advanced hero training in the afternoons. He wanted to eat lunch with you and Iida and Uraraka and Todoroki, he wanted to attend Mr Aizawa’s lectures again, he wanted to spend time with All Might and Kacchan, talking about One For All, he wanted to help Shinso train and become stronger.
He realised now he’d never gotten to finish his hero notes on all of his classmates.
“Izuku,” you whispered, staring up at him with pleading eyes. “Please… stay.”
Yes! His heart screamed at your soft words. Yes! Yes! A million times yes!
But he couldn’t. His head told him so and he knew it was right.
You seemed to see it in his eyes too, before he could even speak the words. You withdrew slightly, your eyes low and sad.
“I’m sorry,” Izuku mumbled. He could feel his heart breaking as he spoke. “I… I want to. But I can’t.”
You let out a weak, bitter laugh. “I know. Nothing’s going to change your mind on this?”
You phrased it almost like a question, despite obviously knowing the answer. Izuku replied anyway. “Nothing.”
“What if…” you sniffed, not looking at him. “What if I told you… what if I told you I loved you?”
Izuku had always thought that the first time he heard someone say those words to him, he’d be shocked. Oddly enough however, as you stared up at him now, all your emotions vulnerable and unprotected and handed to him on a silver platter, he felt nothing but pain.
He had wished so hard that this moment would come. But now that it was here, he wanted nothing more than for you to take it right back.
You loved him. You’d said it plain and simple. But he wished you didn’t, because he was the one person you couldn’t have.
He didn’t know how to say any of this out loud though. Even so, once again you seemed to understand without needing him to speak. There were tears in the corners of your eyes, as you turned away, a bitter smile on your lips.
“God, I’m stupid.” You were talking more to yourself than him.
Izuku wanted to tell you that you weren’t. Wanted to tell you to stop saying that crap, that it wasn’t stupid to love him because he wanted you too, and he loved you back with every fucking fibre of his being.
But he also knew that you were right. In most aspects of life, you weren’t stupid. But in this one, you probably were. Because why him?
Why him? Why him? Why fucking him?
He hated that it had to be this way, and he could see that you did just as much. There was a kind of pain in your eyes that he recognised so explicitly he almost felt sick. He knew that feeling, he knew it so well. And the fact that you seemed to know it too hurt him.
“You don’t need to say anything,” you whispered, turning away from him then. He felt the loss of your warmth against him more than he would have liked to. “I understand.”
You thought he was rejecting your feelings, Izuku realised with a jolt. You thought he was saying he didn’t love you back.
He did. He did so much.
A desperate panic took over him as you slipped from his arms and then he did the only thing he could think of. He pulled you back towards him by the fabric of your t-shirt and kissed you.
It was warm and wet, and it was, Izuku suddenly remembered, his first ever real kiss. It was funny, he thought, as your supple body seemed to mould against his, how familiar your lips seemed. He’d always expected his first kiss to be some big, monumental moment, and he was surprised to find that it really wasn’t that. Instead, it was comfortable and gentle.
You sighed against him, one hand snaking into his hair. It felt like you were melting under his touch, seeping into him as your lips parted and your tongue flicked out to probe his. Izuku swallowed back a moan as you tugged at his curls, while his own hands slipped down your body to curl around your thighs and pull you straight onto this lap.
‘I should stop this’, he thought as one of your hands slid down his chest.
‘I shouldn’t be doing this,' he thought as his teeth sank into the softness of your bottom lip, drawing a gasp from your throat.
‘I should leave before this goes too far,' he thought as he felt your hips roll as you arched into his touch.
With a heavy sigh, he pulled away from you and dropped his forehead to rest against your collar bone. You were trembling in his arms, your hands coming up to clutch at his shoulders. Through some deep instinct he knew you were crying and so he hugged you even tighter.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered to him, your voice barely audible even in the complete silence of the room. “I’m probably making this difficult for you.”
It was his turn to laugh bitterly. “I made this difficult for me the second I chose to come here,” he told you softly. “Don’t worry about it.”
You pulled back to look into his eyes. “You’re going to leave soon, aren’t you?”
He didn’t want to. But he nodded anyway. “I’ve been here too long as it is. And you should be getting some sleep. You have school tomorrow.”
You frowned at him. “You of all people should not be talking to me about missing school.”
Izuku shrugged. “Touché.” Then he rose to his feet, helping you along with him.
There was a long pause during which both of you just stood, staring at each other. Then, without warning, you wrapped your arms around him again. Izuku stumbled back slightly in surprise, however he didn’t push you away. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his nose into your hair.
After a minute of standing with him like that, you whispered, “Izu?”
He hummed against you softly, not wanting to move and shatter the moment.
“Will you stay with me?”
There was a long pause, after which you quickly added, “Not forever. I mean, just for now. Just for tonight.”
Izuku opened his eyes and looked down at you. The right thing to do would be to say no, and he was painfully aware of this. But it had been so long since he’d been selfish, so long since he’d done something because he wanted to. And the temptation now was far too great.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” he eventually decided.
You didn't even seem disappointed with the answer, and he could tell that you understood he was way out of line already. Standing on your toes, you left a soft kiss on his cheek before whispering, “Thank you,” into his ear.
A shiver ran down Izuku’s spine and he hugged you tighter against him. Something was telling him that the second this moment broke, the countdown would start for his departure, and he didn’t want to think about the idea of going another year without seeing you.
Without letting go of him, you tugged him over to your bed. He didn’t get under the covers, but he sat down with his back against the wall and allowed you to crawl over to lie down with your head in his lap.
You tugged a blanket over your body before stilling against him, letting your head flop back so you could stare up into his dark, forest green eyes. Izuku couldn’t resist raising a hand to gently stroke your hair, pushing any loose strands back away from your face.
After a moment of silence, he spoke. “You know, the longer I’m with you, the more it’s going to hurt when I leave.”
“I know,” you replied softly.
“So why did you ask me to stay?”
You stared up at him, unblinking. Under the blanket, your free hand found his. “Because I want to pretend that you never left. Just for tonight.”
“Pretend?” He already knew what you were saying but he wanted to hear it from your own mouth.
You nodded with a soft sigh, your eyes already drooping. The late hour seemed to be finally catching up to you and Izuku was both horrified and glad to see that you were starting to fall back asleep. “I want to pretend that you’ve been here this whole time. That you’ll be here when I wake up, and that you’ll still be here tomorrow night to put me to sleep again.” You gave him a soft look. “Will you pretend with me, Izuku?”
Izuku stared down at you with a heavy heart. Then he leaned forward to press the lightest of kisses to your forehead. “Of course.”
And he did. He imagined a world where All For One wasn’t chasing him, where he’d been able to stay and complete his second year at UA. He imagined spending time with you as normal teenagers would, confessing to you in a normal way, getting to have a normal relationship. He imagined a perfect future with you.
It was a beautiful dream, but it was fleeting. It seemed to dance above his head, close enough to admire but just out of reach so that he couldn’t grab it. It evaded his hold in a way that seemed to both mock and pity him and he suddenly thought of a butterfly.
“Izuku,” you sighed out and he looked down at you again. Your eyes were closed, your face turned to nuzzle into his abdomen, and your breathing was steady. You were on the edge of sleep, he could tell. And because of that, he hung onto your next words so desperately it was almost suffocating. He knew they’d be the last he heard from you in a long time.
“Will you write me another letter?” you whispered. “One I can read without losing you? It doesn’t need to be long or fancy, I just need…” you sighed softly, your voice becoming quiet as your words seemed to blur together in sleep. “I just need a little piece of you.”
“Of course I will,” he whispered to you, squeezing your fingers that were tangled with his ever so slightly.
You smiled sleepily. “Thank you,” you murmured. Nuzzling closer to him, you inhaled deeply, seemingly trying to memorise his scent.
“Oh, and happy birthday, Izuku.”
He realised it now - you were his butterfly. Beautiful, wonderful and impossible to keep within his grasp. It made him want to scream.
He stayed far longer than he’d intended to once you finally fell asleep, engrossed in watching how beautifully peaceful you looked in your slumber. It was only when his watch beeped, indicating that it was midnight, that he forced himself to move.
With the gentlest of hands, he adjusted your position so your head was resting on your pillow, before turning towards your desk. It didn’t take long to find a spare piece of paper and a pen, however he spent a fair amount of time sweating over what exactly to write to you.
Eventually, he settled on the truth, and nothing more. After signing his name, he was about to turn away and make his exit back through your balcony window. However something stopped him.
There was a weight in one of the large pockets sewn into the thigh of his pants. He knew what object he was feeling, and it surprised him that he’d suddenly become so hyper aware of it. In all honesty, he’d never expected that he’d let the thing be seen by anyone else.
However as he pulled it from the confines of his pocket and set it down on the desk, it felt right. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he added a quick ‘PS’ to the end of the letter before turning to cast one final glance in your direction.
‘I love you’, he thought before heading towards the balcony door. There was no need for him to say it out loud.
. . .
Izuku was gone when you awoke the next morning.
You'd known all along that he would be, but it still sent a pang through your chest to wake up without the warmth of his body that you'd gone to sleep with.
It scared you even more how his presence was gone so completely from your room, as if it was never there to begin with.
Rising to your feet, you began to sleepily get dressed for the school day ahead. It was only when you went to gather your books from your desk that you were snapped from your autopilot.
Resting atop the rest of the mess that was strewn over your workspace was a folded piece of paper and a notebook.
You blinked at them for a few seconds, confused, since they definitely hadn't been there yesterday afternoon. But then the memory of your last words to Izuku came clanging back into your mind.
"Will you write me another letter?"
You stared down at the piece of paper, suddenly nervous. Part of you had been trying to pass off Izuku's visit as a dream - not believing it had actually happened gave you some reprieve from your aching heart.
But now there was irrefutable proof that he had been here, lying innocently on your desk. And despite the fact that you had been the one to ask him for it, you were hesitant to pick it up.
For a moment, you hesitated. But then your mind flicked back to the first letter he'd sent you, that now sat buried at the bottom of your desk drawer, and you decided you couldn't bitch out of opening this one.
You picked up the letter.
It felt weighty in your hand, like it was made up of far more than just paper, and you felt a lump growing in your throat.
You didn't know if you would ever see Izuku again. So you figured you might as well read his last words to you.
With trembling fingers, you unfolded the piece of paper, and were met with the sight of Izuku's familiar untidy handwriting. His words spanned almost the entire piece of paper and you realised with a funny sense of pride that it was far longer than any of the letters he'd written your other classmates.
You took a deep shaky breath, swallowed hard and began to read.
Hey you
You probably weren't expecting some long-winded confession when you asked me to write this. And hopefully, I'm not going to give you that. But I do want to use this as an opportunity to say everything that I haven't been able to yet, since I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to.
I think I made my feelings for you pretty clear tonight, but just in case, I wanted to say it plain and clear at least once - I love you.
I won't say I always have, since I don't think that's true. In fact, I'm pretty sure it started right after the USJ incident in our first year, when you came to see me in hospital. I think you thought I was asleep because you rambled on about how worried you were when I got hurt and how you would kill me if I died. I don't think I ever told you, but I really appreciated that. Coming from middle school, where I had no friends and people only took notice of me when I was being yelled at or punched by Kacchan, it was really nice to hear that someone outside of my family cared about me.
I know I definitely had a crush on you during the sports festival. I couldn't help but watch you the entire time, through all of the challenges. Not in a creepy way, I promise! I was admiring you. I've never told you, but seeing the way you move puts me in awe, even now, when I get to glance glimpses of you from your work study on TV - there's something about you, about the way you use your quirk and your training that just makes everyone stop and stare.
I remember when you hugged me after the cavalry battle, I turned about as red as Kirishima's hair. I was so awkward back then. Although, I guess I still am, considering I'm confessing all of this in a letter and not to your face.
I honestly don't know what I'd do if I had to say any of this to you in person though. Even coming here, to your room tonight, was difficult. Having you in front of me just makes everything way too real. And it reminds me that I can't have you forever, no matter how much I wish I could.
I know you love me, and that is why writing this is so incredibly difficult. And I know you don't need me to say it but I'm going to say it anyway, because I want you to listen to me. I'm not the right person for you.
And it hurts me to say that because I wish I could be. I really wish I could. But you deserve someone who's going to be there, who's going to make you happy every single day, and who you don't have to constantly worry about. You deserve someone who can make you their whole world.
Maybe in another life, I'm that person. But in this one, I can't be.
I think I'll always love you. But I won't ask you to wait for me because, in all honesty, you could end up waiting your entire life. And I don't want you to throw away that kind of time for me.
What I will ask is that you don't forget me. Even if one day in the future, I'm just a single fond memory to you, that you can look back on. It'd just be nice to know that if I do end up dying out there, there's at least one person who could carry me with them.
You won’t understand the full meaning of this but… you're my butterfly, Y/N. And I promise that I'll never forget you, no matter what happens to me.
Never forget how much you mean to me.
Yours forever,
Izuku
Ps. I left you something I was busy with back during my time at UA. It's yours now, could you keep it updated for me?
You flipped the letter over; wishing that there was something extra written on the back. You were greeted with nothing more than blank paper and your heart sank.
You'd done it. You’d read his letter and knew every thought he'd let spill onto the lined page.
And while it hurt to know that the last words he'd have for you had been let loose, allowed to escape from the page on which they were written and fly off into the atmosphere, you felt comforted.
You had a piece of him with you now. Something you could hold onto and read whenever you felt lonely.
With shaky hands, you folded the letter back up and tucked it away in your pocket. Then you turned your attention to the notebook.
It was an old school exercise book, with dog-eared pages and ink stains all across the cover. There were words written across the front in what you recognised as Izuku's handwriting.
Hero Analysis for the future: No.14
Flicking it open, your eyes widened. On the very first page was an incredibly detailed drawing of you, adorned in your hero costume and set in the stance you took right before activating your quirk.
Down the side of the page ran lengths of hastily scribbled notes, detailing everything from your fighting style to the inner working of your quirk. Some things were even highlighted, obviously being points that Izuku had noted as important.
As you continued to flip through the book, tears began to well in your eyes. The pages were filled with notes on not only your classmates, but the members of class B, the teachers and even some of the students from other courses, like Mei Hatsume, and Hitoshi Shinso - who at the time had yet to transfer unto the hero course.
"Oh Izuku," you breathed, as something deep in your chest shattered. You had a fleeting suspicion that was your heart.
Giving you the notebook was a small gesture, something that wouldn't mean a whole lot to most people. But to you it meant everything because you knew what the stupid notebook symbolised. And you knew that if Izuku was choosing to pass it on to you, it meant he didn't need it anymore.
Clutching the thing to your chest, you felt the first sob escape you.
He's never coming back.
You hadn't cried since the day he left the first time, hadn’t allowed yourself to. But now it was all you could do to curl into a ball on your bedroom floor, clinging to the old notebook like a lifeline. The tears fell thick and fast down your cheeks, turning your skin blotchy and your eyes puffy but you didn't try to stifle them.
It felt good to cry after so long feeling nothing.
If you were Izuku's butterfly, then he was yours.
Only now, he was gone, dancing way up high above your head where you could never hope to reach him.
For a moment you felt like you were staring up at him, desperately wishing for him to come back down. But then there seemed to be a gust of wind and he was rushed away from you so quickly you barely saw him go.
And before you knew it he had disappeared completely. Into a place that was unknown to you, and into which you knew you could never follow.