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“G’day mate!”
Chan’s eyes twitched; it wasn’t as serious but he had to warn the younger. “That is not how you greet the boss, Jisung.” The boss he was talking about was him. Nonetheless, both of them had the chance to joke around despite Chan being several ranks higher than him. He built this agency complete from scratch, and this was enough for Jisung to look up at him.
“What case should I handle this week?” Jisung wasn’t a rookie detective considering all of the cases he had taken ever since he started. He wasn’t a rookie nor was he a veteran. He was just… an average. Compared to Lee Know—man, he still didn’t know what his real name was. The man stuck to whatever code name was given to him.
Chan believed it was necessary to provide everybody some code name to protect their own real identities as much as possible. He did give them a choice, however, whether to be given one name or
Jisung’s name wasn’t as complex. All he took was his last name Han and went with it.
“Before I do assign you into something, I’ll have to inform you first.” Jisung was confused. What was it that thing he needed to know before Chan tells him his job?
That train of thought was cut too short, though, when he heard him reply. “You’ll be working with Hyunjin.” Jisung’s ears perked up and wondered if what he heard was true, not this Hyunjin guy to work with him. He could barely stand him; how could he even work with him?
Right. What made him bicker against him so much?
“It won’t be as heavy as last time, I promise you,” Oh, dear. Jisung was reminded of the mess that happened with his last case, he managed to solve the case of a witch who attempted to curse someone under the presence of a red moon. He wasn’t alone, though, he was assigned with Kim Seungmin, another agent under Chan’s agency. Overall, he’d say Seungmin was very chill. They managed to become closer after the case was solved, actually.
This agency… well, it wasn’t the usual agency anyway. Chan managed to gather seven other people to form the group. Every once in a while, they solve cases that include supernatural beings meddling with other people’s business. Sometimes, there are less stressful jobs like data and item retrieval, like diaries and such due to some of the client’s requests and demands.
That’s most likely the case after Chan mentioned how it wouldn’t be heavier like last time.
“You’re going to retrieve a diary worth a thousand years ago.” Alright, that was a normal task to do but Jisung hasn’t done this before. He was curious as to why Chan assigned him with this job, in addition to Hyunjin tagging along?
His mind got a hold of one question he was so curious about and so out of curiosity, he asked, “Who requested, perhaps?” It was normal for Chan to reveal at least the client’s name or some identity recognizable by the agents themselves. However, when Chan got silent when he was asked.
Rather, he didn’t want to disclose who it was.
“It’s really not that important, trust me, plus they didn’t want to reveal themselves.” For someone who has been with Chan for years, Jisung was thinking that something was up. Maybe, it was something he didn’t want Jisung to know. Was it for the better? Most likely because he wouldn’t be like this if it wasn’t.
Would it be better if Jisung didn’t know?
He doesn’t know, maybe it’s just for the best.
“Okay,” Jisung nodded. “I understand.” He didn’t if he was going to be honest, at least to some degree.
“When am I meeting up with Hyunjin?” Oh, he despised hearing and speaking that name out loud. He didn’t know either how or why he hated him in the first place. Was it wrong impressions, some attitude Hyunjin projected, or he’s just easy not to like?
It must be the latter, Jisung did remember him acting so high and mighty against him. The two of them will endlessly brag about each other’s past achievements until one gets pissed. Quite frankly, they were actually funny to the other members of the agency, plus it was already a normal sight to see the two of them fight in the middle of the day. It’s already a routine for the rest of them, excluding Jisung and Hyunjin, of course.
“Any time, actually. The client didn’t provide us with any deadline. Do the task as you wish.” Chan left him with a smile after a new client was ushered by Jeongin. Jisung watched the other entertain the new client who was in need of service. As for him, he’ll have to contact Hyunjin as quickly as possible to finish this. The earlier they do, the better for the two of them. The two of them should start practicing the act of professionalism when both of their presences meet.
-
Jisung woke up in cold sweat.
That’s the third time this week.
He dreamt of someone. They were dancing around, enjoying the sun and the clear sky. Everything was perfect like they were going on a picnic. It was exactly the perfect safe haven he envisioned. Jisung wished he stayed longer despite the nonexistent time that existed within the place of his dreams. It wasn’t faultless; however, he couldn’t identify whoever he was dancing with. He was like a shadow cast as a figure able to move and touch like a real human being.
The body proportions do say otherwise, though. There’s nobody else that tall and body so well-constructed, dancing like a ballerina. It’s possible for the person to have danced so well before, plus the graceful movements made him recognize who this person was.
It was Hwang Hyunjin.
Coincidence? Jisung thought it isn’t.
When he was about to ask him something, he vanished into thin air and Jisung woke up breathing heavily as if a weight has been recently pulled out of his chest. He felt a lump in his throat and he found it difficult to breathe for a while. It’s not like what they said, it was a half-fulfilled dream half-nightmare to him.
There was another emotion that stirred inside him and it was something that overpowered the other sentiment and wave of nostalgia he felt earlier. Jisung was experiencing the feeling of aching for someone’s love and missing the person dearly so much his heart was crying to the feeling.
Disheveled and confused, sadness filled his heart. He wanted to come back to the dream and ask whoever that person was of something he thinks is the best question he could ask right now.
“Have we met before?” Ironic, if you do think about it. They first met after Chan introduced him to the team. That was exactly the first formal meeting, but have they met before? It was all because of that longing feeling. He couldn’t explain whatever phenomenon happened to him because he knew it wasn’t something normal for one to feel this way. Isn’t it? Hyunjin was his “supposed” enemy. It wouldn’t simply make sense for Jisung to start dreaming about him, moreover dancing with him in the meadows.
-
There was honestly no absolute basis for why Jisung hated Hyunjin in the first place. All he remembered was him already hating Hyunjin, which wasn’t really good if it was taken out of context. If it wasn’t the first meeting, then what was it? What made it all wrong?
Would it be normal to think if this was ever intentional?
“The diaries dated from who-knows-when is nothing but someone so miserable trying to find a way how to revive their soulmate.” Hyunjin flipped the pages over and over, one after the other. The building where the journal remained quietly stay intact despite looking extremely damaged from outside. It was a miracle if Jisung would consider it.
Hyunjin hasn’t given him the item for inspection, so he simply wondered what was written in the journal.
“Hey,” Hyunjin called. “Do you want to read or touch the journal?” Jisung’s power mainly focused on finding out about a certain something’s past, clairvoyance, in its exact words. It’s up to him whether he’d prefer to block everything that comes since every item has a history in them, he learned the way to prevent every information he’ll receive. It’s like turning a switch on and off.
Does he want to? Jisung has never been this doubtful when solving cases. Whatever was happening to him the past few days must be connected to this.
“Pass it up,” Despite the butterflies occupying his stomach, Jisung finally managed to answer him. Hyunjin nodded once, handing over the said journal.
Here we go. Jisung thought, the journal pulling him into an almost new world of frozen memories.
-
Year 1926.
It was blurry, there was no face but he could pretty much recognize the structure that it was people. Nothing happened as much but it felt as if these two people just met.
Year 1927.
Jisung noticed one of the people who were from the entry before has started writing in journals. It was similar to this diary, so the person writing this moment must be the owner of this diary. He’s talking about how it was easy to fall in love with this other person, Jisung didn’t know who it was but he felt whatever was experienced by that one writing in the diary: love and hope.
Year 1930.
This is where Jisung got shocked the most. The two fell in love and their names appeared, Jisung and Hyunjin. It was Jisung’s name again, similar to when he did a case with Seungmin and their names appeared in the memory. Jisung didn’t know whether to believe this or it was all how his mind influenced the memory; after all, the figures were unclear and the placement of people he knew probably made his mind think it would make his job easier.
During the same year, the Jisung from the diary died. Hyunjin, the owner of the diary, was left devasted and confused. He became relentless to find out why.
Year 1932.
The present Jisung was able to notice that this was the year when Hyunjin discovered that the diary was cursed, as much as he planned to burn it, he couldn’t. He wanted to preserve the memory of his past lover and his as well in a notebook. Whoever found the diary, well, he wished that person to preserve whatever was left, too.
Year 1935.
Only three years after the curse of the diary was found, Hyunjin passed away. There was a crevice from the present Jisung’s heart that ached, as if he was truly the Jisung talked about in the diary entry.
There are next entries, but it seems that it was written by somebody else. Did someone pamper with the diary? Jisung couldn’t help but think, after all, it was possible. He pondered quietly for a while before proceeding to continue.
The writing was very familiar to him, would it be the other Jisung’s writing?
Year 1945. (1962)
Ten years later, the Hyunjin and Jisung—both from the diary, reincarnated. It seems that this Jisung continued writing diary entries of how he was and how he wished to meet Hyunjin again. He mentioned that he reincarnated back in 1945 yet has only started writing again when the year of 1962 started. That was the year he found the diary, too. It seemed that he remembered his past life because he told this to the diary. He clarified that it was his first objective to find after he turned 17 years old.
Year 1966.
The Jisung from the diary retold the story that he met Hyunjin once again, yet the other didn’t seem to remember him as much as the Jisung—the one from the diary, did so. A year later, it seems that he held the diary intact, unaware of the curse that comes with it.
Year 1980.
It was too late when the Jisung from the diary read Hyunjin’s final diary entry before he started his. It was found that the diary was cursed. When the Jisung from the entry of 1930 confessed to Hyunjin, he died a few days after confessing. Similar to the Hyunjin from 1980, he died after confessing. His body faded away without any hint of pain and he disappeared without a trace, as this Jisung explained. Five years after the tragic death of Hyunjin, Jisung passed away. This was where the diary ends.
The closer it went to the present year, the clearer the figures went. It really was the two of them, despite the diary aging for over 50 years. Was this their past lives? Jisung pondered heavily once again. It doesn’t seem a coincidence anymore, yet then again, he doesn’t remember anything written.
“Hyunjin?” It was the first time after who knows how long it was ever since he used his power.
He looked over and asked, “What did you find?” Jisung was about to become brutally honest here. Hyunjin either has a recollection of his past like the previous lives from the diary or it’s a whole reset for the two of them. Nonetheless, the curse could continue. The diary is well alive, anyway. There aren’t any other instructions as to how they needed to break the curse.
Is it the idea of not falling in love until one dies?
Is it burning the whole diary as a whole?
Jisung doesn’t know but he’d love to, in order to free them from this endless cycle of love and death if it really was them. The situation may look different, it may be something from the past, but it was them. It looked too perfectly real not look like them. He could be unlocking something from his past life if it was the case.
“You.” It was a simple yet quick answer. It was them, actually. It was their relationship that went through several lives. It was hauntingly tragic yet interesting as something that fate played around with. Two of them always fell in love no matter how much the two of them reincarnated. “It was us, it’s like our past lives. The people described were us, Hyunjin.”
“Did you find it fascinating?” Jisung snapped a look. What exactly did he mean by that? Did Hyunjin know something? Was Jisung’s intuition formerly all correct this time?
The other boy stepped closer to Jisung. Hyunjin’s gaze turned a little softer than how Jisung usually saw the other. They would bicker most of the time the two ends up fighting for the smallest things. “Would you believe me if I tell you that I’ve written these journal entries years back?” Jisung shouldn’t be surprised because he saw what was inside the diary, but he still was. It was much more different when Hyunjin confirmed all of it by himself. It was a little moment of realization for Jisung.
“And yet here you are, healthy and alive? You’re not immortal, are you?” Jisung doubted, did he really simply relieve the parts of his past life?
“No, just a lucky soul who managed to remember my past reincarnation.” He held such a sad smile. He should know about the curse of the journal, then. He carried so much pain up to this point, yet Jisung wondered how he managed to pull off such stunt of making him hate him. It was a little more obvious now that everything Hyunjin did was something aligned to a plan of his.
“Did you really mean any of what you said before?”
Jisung felt Hyunjin’s gaze with the slightest change. “Which?”
“Whatever you told me when we argue?” Hyunjin turned quiet, staying still. Jisung felt down despite knowing nothing, but isn’t silence a form of indirectly saying yes? Jisung’s been staring into the void for what feels like an hour. He's not sure how long it actually is but he can see his own breath clouding in the freezing air of the sky and everything is blurry, even his thoughts are scattered.
It wasn’t December but he was able to feel the coldness from the memories he was able to reveal. It’s like defrosting something so large, a fraction of their memory.
“No, they don’t,” Hyunjin answered quietly. “It’s quite the opposite, actually. I just didn’t want the history to repeat itself.” The breeze runs past the door left open and Jisung found the seconds stretching into something longer. Jisung didn’t want to pressure Hyunjin over what to answer but he wished the other to hear words that will answer the growing questions inside his mind.
“Is that why you’re carrying all of that pain alone?”
Hyunjin stifled a smile. “Yeah, I was able to do well until I got to see you again.” Jisung felt that. Whatever emotion Hyunjin held during the moment, Jisung was sure he felt it. It’s like longing and pain, mixed together, to create a much more powerful emotion. Jisung couldn’t label or name the feeling; he couldn’t describe them in words either.
It’s been so long since they’ve first seen each other. Does that mean Hyunjin’s been going through the pain already prior to their first meeting? He should be since he mentioned that he indeed remembered his past life earlier.
“Do you want to know why I kept provoking you?”
At questions like these, Jisung doesn’t get flustered. Unfortunately, his luck ran out. He couldn’t answer Hyunjin’s question. He should know, right?
Wrong, he didn’t. “…”
Hyunjin laughed. It wasn’t the usual, that’s for sure. Jisung was suddenly hit with the roaring waves of nostalgia after hearing his melodic laugh. “If one falls in love or outwardly confessed, one of us will die. Our existence will fade. Remember the movie where Thanos planned to snap half of Earth—or whatever planet that was, into massive extinction? It’s just like that.” It sounded so easy to say it this way, probably because the analogy felt perfectly fitting when compared to the story from the diary.
“I like you, Jisung. A lot, but we can’t.” No, Hyunjin can’t say this, can he? He just mentioned that when either one of them receives the confession, one will perish. If the situation is based on Hyunjin’s explanation, then they’re not looking in a good shape right now.
That’s exactly what happened. Hyunjin face started to crumble yet he looked as if he was experiencing no pain.
How—“What is… happening? Why is your face crumbling?” Hyunjin smiled, and Jisung sees that Hyunjin was indeed in pain. He’s just great at trying to conceal it.
Jisung learned to like Hyunjin. He found him funny, and a little annoying at times—but he wasn’t so bad. He was fun, too, and even though Jisung didn’t really know much about him before, he could tell that there was something about the boy that drew him in. He knew it was because of his eyes; they weren’t as big or as bright as Changbin’s or Seungmin’s, but he also had a look in them that made Jisung feel calm like everything would be fine if only he was looking.
“I confessed to you, Jisung. In the next lifetime, you’ll remember me… and I won’t remember you.” No, that does not answer why Hyunjin’s face is starting to crumble right now in front of him. According to the diary, the person who received such confession will be the only person to vanish. As much as he knew, the opposite never happened. Much to Jisung’s dismay, Hyunjin continued his words. “It’s like a complete opposite of what we are right now.”
Jisung couldn’t believe it, rather, he didn’t want to. If they were to follow the pattern, Jisung should’ve been the one who confessed and Hyunjin should be the person to suffer. “No, this can’t be happening.” It really shouldn’t, that’s going to be the case if there was ever a basis to all of these or if Jisung was trying to be logical at best.
Jisung wanted to believe this despite being an obvious lie.
“Our existence is bound to disappear after one receives a confession. I’ve accepted my fate, you know.” Jisung couldn’t believe what he just heard. Hyunjin isn’t the type who backs off very easily, he’s the one who reminds them of their places. He’s a very tough nut to crack and to see him surrender over one thing was something Jisung isn’t what he expects Hyunjin to do.
“No, Hyunjin, I have to do something! I don’t want you to die like this!” Jisung’s voice cracked yet he didn’t care. He wanted to save Hyunjin no matter what; he wanted to test fate as a whole because he didn’t like tragic endings.
“Jisung,” Hyunjin cooed the other. The both of them knew it would always work, and despite doing this when they playfully argue, it had a much more romantic meaning this time. “There’s no use going against fate. We’re all powerless when it comes to this.”
Jisung clenched his hands. He felt so, so powerless. “Hyun—”
“Trust me. I’ve tried this before to you and yet… nothing.” That was such a strong feat for Hyunjin. He tried to defy whatever fate had for them but he ultimately lost because the force was much stronger. Has anyone ever gone against destiny’s trajectory? That’s the question that keeps going through his head in the moments where he’s at an absolute standstill. Is there a way out? His mind is reeling and he feels like every word brings new pain along with it.
It all feels surreal. Maybe, destiny's surreal in its highest form.
Is it really impossible to stop something from happening when it already has?
“Third time’s a charm, I guess?” The more Hyunjin spoke, the quicker his crumbling face happened. Jisung’s lying if he told everyone that whatever pain he was experiencing wasn’t slowly eating him up.
“Jisung, promise me that before you die, you’ll burn the journal. Let’s use our last shot to this and curse at fate.” Hyunjin had said it in a solemn voice. Jisung didn’t even know what was entirely going on. As he spoke, his body moved by itself; his feet dragging him close to Jisung and pulling him in a tight embrace. The sound of the waves hitting the shore seemed like an echo from long miles away; a sound in the dark and empty space. It's like the ocean was pulling Hyunjin's life away and the spark in his eyes was slowly disappearing.
Jisung gently pushed Hyunjin away and held his face for the last time. It was hopeless and he couldn’t keep his mind off that idea. There wasn’t any other force stronger than destiny itself. It was the ultimate power that changes someone’s trajectory in life. It’s so powerful when used in ways as petty as love: for one's soulmate had always been their first choice, and they would be their last. They would make you happy, they would make you feel wanted. When the time comes and they have to go, you are hit with how cruel destiny and fate was.
“Do you think I’ll see you again?” Jisung didn’t doubt destiny—shouldn’t, rather, but he felt asking Hyunjin about this. The diary doesn’t indicate if there have been past versions of them, but if he was to plot this timeline, it would be their third life. If this life is counted, then theoretically, the two of them still have many chances.
Hyunjin sadly smiled. “You’ll have to count your days, too.” Hyunjin’s downfall meant Jisung’s, too. Ironic, it’s like Romeo and Juliet similar in a sense but not as a whole.
“We will,” the other assured Jisung. “We’re soulmates, anyway.”
This is it, as much as Jisung mourned for his heart.
“I love you, okay? I love you as a friend, a colleague, as my soulmate. I am beyond happy to meet you and confess, again. I’ll see you…” Hyunjin’s voice started to fade away before the last remaining piece of him fades away. Jisung watched him crumble, helplessly carrying Hyunjin’s body that slowly splits apart. “In our next lives.”
Hyunjin finished his words and no other essence of himself as a person was left. His clothes remained motionless on the floor. It’s like a pile of laundry, plus his notebook, bag, and other accessories he brought for this investigation were left untouched.
This was their final goodbye. They’ve come this far together because they both knew there won’t be another time in this life. This is the last time either of them will see each other alive, at least in an almost different setting due to Hyunjin’s interference against the cycle.
Love passes all lifetimes. It’s a gift of the universe, and it is not for you to question its existence or its meaning. Love is an endless procession, each one passing through your life with a different emotion depending on who they are and how you feel about them. Jisung described the emotion rather too late now when everything was about to disappear.
This is the end; no matter how hard Jisung wished he could’ve done something beforehand to change the course of how fate led Hyunjin and Jisung to fall apart once more, repeating the cycle of the curse itself.