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Chandler walked into the living room and paused to watch Monica sitting on the couch, reading a book. The babies were asleep for now and it seemed like the only quiet moment they'd get before they went to bed.
"Hey, Mon, can we talk?" he asked, sitting down on the other end of the sofa.
She looked up from the book, her eyes wide. "Can we talk? This can't be good." She paused, thoughtfully closing her book, and then looked up at him, suddenly exasperated. "What did you break?"
"I didn't break anything!" Chandler replied. "I want to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for a while. And I think you should know about it. Because we're married and this is what married people do. They talk about stuff."
"Okay, honey, what do you want to talk about?" She set her book on the coffee table and turned to face him.
Chandler took a deep breath. He'd been rehearsing this speech in his mind for weeks, but now that the moment was upon him, all the words disappeared. He could feel the sweat building up under his arms as he tried not to panic.
Monica reached over and took his hand. She was starting to look concerned, but still open and sympathetic. He knew she was picking up how difficult this was for him. "Chandler, whatever it is, you can tell me."
He opened his mouth, trying to remember the first lines. Monica, I love you, was how it started. That was definitely how it was supposed to start. However, instead of saying those words, he blurted, "I'm bisexual! I'm a bisexual man! I like... bi sexes!"
Monica stared at him, her eyes going wide and blank. She pulled her hands away and got to her feet as she paced around the table. "Oh, god," she said, wringing her hands. "You're leaving me, aren't you? You're leaving me for a man. Oh my god, my mother said this would happen!"
Chandler scrambled off the sofa and placed his hands on Monica's shoulders and looked her right in the eye. "I'm not leaving you. I don't want to leave you for anyone -- when, exactly did your mother say this?"
Monica waved a hand in his face like it was no big deal. "Oh, I think she was confused about the nature of your relationship with Joey." Her jaw dropped. "Did you sleep with Joey?"
"No! I didn't sleep with--" Chandler nearly shuddered at the thought. Joey was his buddy, and sure they had a few probably-too-long bro hugs, but that was just them. Very straight Joey loved those hugs more than Chandler ever did. "I didn't sleep with anyone," he continued, forcing his voice to be calm and even. "I wouldn't know what to do with a man if he were presented to me naked and tied to the headboard. Well, I could probably figure it out, but--"
"Missing the point!" Monica snapped.
"Right, right." He gently maneuvered her back to the sofa and he took a deep breath as they sat down once again. "Monica--"
"Do you want to sleep with men? Is that what this is about? Do you want have threesomes? Or an open relationship? Because we are not doing an open relationship. And if you want a threesome, I'm picking the guys. Those are the rules."
Chandler blinked. He wondered if she'd actually thought this through, just in case. It would be like her to have a contingency plan for this. "I... Mon, I don't want to sleep with anyone except you. You are the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life. There don't need to be rules because the rules haven't changed."
"If nothing's changing, then why are you telling me?" Monica asked, her eyebrows raising suspiciously.
"Because. Because I wanted to tell you," Chandler replied. "Because this isn't a new thing for me. It's always been there, but this is the first time I've felt like I could tell anyone. I made up all these excuses for why felt this way. I thought it might be my dad rubbing off on me, and that scared me even more. That it was so out of my control that it came from someone else. You know how I felt about my father, and that's why I dwelled on every embarrassing thing he did for all those years. And I thought, 'that could be me dressed up as Ginger Rogers lip-syncing to Cher's greatest hits'. So I blamed everything on my parents, that they screwed me up completely and that's why I... why I was attracted to men."
"Chandler, you're not screwed up," she said. "You know that everyone we know would be okay with this, right?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I've been the butt of every gay joke for the last dozen years."
Monica tilted her head to the side. "Well, you kinda walked into a lot of them."
"And now you know why!"
She laughed and touched his cheek with her hand. "Why are you telling me this now?"
Chandler smiled, his shoulders relaxing for the first time. "I wanted you to know that I'm not scared anymore. It wasn't my dad or my parents. It was me. It was all me, and I can admit it to myself and to anyone who asks. I can be secure in my sexuality because I know I'm with you. And being with you makes me braver. Better."
"Awww!" Monica leaned forward and kissed him. "I love it when you say stuff like that!"
He grinned. "I love saying stuff that makes you kiss me."
She laughed and adjusted herself on the sofa so she could lean against him. She was quiet for a moment as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I guess this explains why you thought Robin was better than Bond girls."
"Oh, this explains a lot of things," Chandler agreed, pulling her close.
"And that guy you kissed in the bar in college? The feminine one?"
He nodded. "Yup, I knew he was a guy the whole time. I just really hoped no one else would know."
"I'm sorry that I laughed at you for that," Monica said.
Chandler shrugged, jostling her a little. "You didn't know. Even if you had somehow magically known, I would have denied it anyway."
They were quiet for a few minutes, and Chandler wasn't even sure if Monica was till awake, her breathing even against his chest, until she spoke again.
"So, are you sure you don't want to have threesomes?" she asked. "I know could pick out some really great guys for us."
Chandler smiled to himself and squeezed her shoulders. "I know you could, but I'm sure. But if I change my mind, you'll be the first to know. In fact, you'll be the only one to know."
"Fair enough," Monica replied. "Are you sure you're bi? Or are you actually gay and I'm your one exception you forsook all the men for? I mean, we both know I'm really that good. But I don't want everyone to think I'm your beard, because I know all that sex we've had was real."
"You're damn right the sex was real. I gave it everything I had," he replied right away, but he considered her question carefully. "Which one do you think would make you feel better?" he asked finally.
She snuggled against him and grinned. "I haven't decided."
"Well, when you do, let me know," Chandler replied with a fond smile. "Then I'll let you know."