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The thing was, that Thor was unquestionably intelligent, he had to be. Odin didn’t suffer fools, and for all his sunny disposition and quick smiles, Thor Odinson was no fool. He was, however, definitely a moron.
“You brought me flowers,” said Loki, flatly.
“Yes! They match your eyes.”
And for the brief moment before they froze, the carnations did indeed look like Loki’s red eyes. But the winds of Jötunheimr were too much for them, and they had frozen even as Thor held them out to him grinning.
“Thor my kingdom exists in an ever-lasting winter. Well,” he paused. “At least in most places. Why in the Nine Realms would you bring me flowers?”
“They were pretty and reminded me of you.”
Loki muttered under his breath and gave Thor a kiss. It was an extraordinarily useless gift, but it was the thought that counted and Loki did so love to be thought about. (Especially when it was Thor, and his stupid grin and his warm hands and his bearded face. Well. Loki had a long list of things he liked about Thor; he was allowed to be a little idiotic around him.)
**
“Your humans are afraid of me, darling.”
Thor looked at him with a look of such pure confusion that Loki wanted to bite him. On his lovely shoulders. Maybe the side of his neck.
He waved his arm for show and switched to his Aesir form, which felt much better in the balmy New York weather.
“They found the blue a little concerning, I’m afraid,” he said, lightly. “I fit right into their terrible alien stereotypes.”
“But your skin is lovely! Anyone would be a fool to say otherwise.”
“There is also the slight problem of causing unbearable frost bite when someone touches me.”
The humans looked even more concerned, if that were possible, and Thor subtly shifted to hide Loki from their questioning gaze.
“Of course,” said Thor. “It would be a mistake to see you as anything less than threatening, given your skill. But my friends will not harm you, lest they want to invite the wrath of Asgard and Jötunheimr on their planet.”
“And your mother.”
“And my mother,” agreed Thor, solemnly.
He turned to the still silent humans and offered them a disarming grin.
“Come friends, I must introduce Loki to the delicacies your world offers!”
(Loki does have a private, whispered conversation with the Man of Iron and the Captain and assures them that should he want it, their planet would be his in a few of their mortal years. But he would play nice, for Thor’s sake and his sake alone, so it would be best for them to keep him happy.
The Man of Iron called him meaner than a Beverly Hills housewife. Loki took one look at the Captain and decided that at least in this, he was not suffering in ignorance alone.)
**
But perhaps the biggest result of Thor’s irritating (endearing) absent-mindedness, was the fact that he had forgotten to tell the rest of Asgard about courting Loki. It wasn’t malicious or deliberate, just a simple mistake.
So, when Loki arrived at Thor’s coronation, resplendent in his furs and jewelry, the Warriors Three had him surrounded in a matter of seconds.
“State your purpose, Jötun.”
Loki raised one condescending eyebrow.
“I don’t see why I need to.”
He froze them in place, along with what looked like the rest of Asgard, before leisurely walking towards the throne. Frigga looked at him fondly and kissed his cheek when he approached her, and Odin gave him an exasperated smile.
“Must you freeze my people?”
“It isn’t my fault that they’re all so simple, All-father,” said Loki, breezily. “If they had shown a shred of common sense, none of this would have been needed.”
He placed a hand on Thor’s cheek and smiled. His beloved looked so lovely, dressed in a magnificent red cloak and hair braided beautifully. No doubt his appearance was Frigga’s doing.
“Hello darling, did you forget to tell them about me?”
Loki’s spell had kept the people frozen but not silent. When Thor leaned in to kiss him, whispers of confusion and anger broke out immediately.
“Let them go, Loki.”
He did as Thor said and then smiled smugly as he was pulled sideways into a strong embrace.
“People of Asgard,” Thor said, commanding and a little embarrassed. “May I introduce to you Loki-Prince of Jötunheimr, my beloved and betrothed.”
The confused whispers dispersed into a stunned silence. They had come for a coronation and received a declaration of an engagement as well.
Finally, after a few moments of awkward silence, the Lady Sif spoke up.
“Thor, how long has this been going on?”
Thor gave her a sheepish smile.
“Eight centuries, give or take a few years.”
“You’ve been seeing someone for eight hundred years and you never thought once to tell your closest friends?”
“I get easily distracted!” Thor protested.
“If it helps,” interrupted Loki. “I wasn’t aware that Thor was courting me until the great lump kissed me. I just thought all Aesir were this friendly. Then he got distraught because apparently, he had told his parents that he was going to marry me, but had forgotten to ever ask me.”
The room burst into laughter at their silly prince, who had grown up in front of their eyes, and was now their king. Their king who was thoroughly enthralled by this Jotun who was powerful and charming in his own right.
Odin shook his head and raised his hand for silence.
“It seems that my son has given us two occasions to celebrate. Let us feast!”
The people cheered and Thor picked Loki up in a bridal carry. He grinned down at Loki.
“Shall we, my love?”
Loki rolled his eyes, fond and more in love than ever.
“If we must.”