Chapter Text
7:05 A.M.
His alarm blares through his room and his hand immediately reaches out to his nightstand to turn it off. As he does that his hands comes in contact with a card. He squints his eyes and makes out a bright blue card that reads “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” in yellow bold letters. He closes his eyes and suppresses a sigh as he sinks his head back into his pillow. He'd almost managed to forget that today is his birthday. Almost. Of course, he never could. Not since he was eight years old his birthday became a dreaded day, one he wishes he could avoid, or escape from.
He lies in bed and thinks about a kid with blonde hair and blue eyes. Who kept him company and liked him. Sam Evans had been his best friend all through third grade. Anytime Puck and Rachel decided to pick on him, Sam Evans would be there to stand up for him. Sam Evans would do anything for Blaine Anderson. But Blaine Anderson was gone, all that remained now was a shell occupied by Devon Anderson.
He'll never forget the way he felt his world crumble when Puck told him that Sam had died. That the person who'd made him smile and feel safe again after his parents had passed away was also gone. He'd been the new kid at Lima Elementary, having had to move there after his parents died so Cooper and him could live with their aunt, their new guardian. His memory is foggy on the details of how he and Sam became friends, but when they did they were inseparable. It was almost like they were meant to find each other and be there for one another. Blaine was a smart kid and he would always help Sam with his homework. Sam was taller and braver, standing up for the both of them when Puck and Rachel would make fun of them.
But when Blaine turned eight everything changed. He wonders if Sam knew that was the last time they'd see each other. That day Sam apologized he hadn't gotten him a gift, but Blaine told him it didn't matter and shared the cupcake Cooper had bought him since he had an afternoon shift at work. Cooper was always busy with school or work. When Blaine got home and took out his books from his bag he found a small envelope slipped in between. The messy writing in front told him immediately it was from Sam. Inside was a letter and a plastic ring you'd get from a quarter machine. The ring was small with a blue fake diamond stone. Blue was his favorite color. The letter was short, it read “To Blaine. I love you. From Sam.” Sam had drawn two stick figures holding hands. One of them had messy curly hair and the other yellow short hair. He smiled for the rest of the night even when Cooper got home and tucked him into bed.
Blaine couldn't wait to go to school the next day and tell Sam that he loved him, too. But Sam never showed up. Or the next day or the days that followed. Puck and Rachel's bullying got worse without Sam there. Finally, Blaine couldn't take it and asked his teacher about Sam.
“Oh, dear, he's moved away,” Mrs. Jones had said before asking him to continue on with his school work.
Blaine couldn't understand why Sam had left without saying goodbye. Sam loved him. People who loved each other didn't leave without saying goodbye. Maybe Sam didn't love him after all, why would he? He was chubby, had an embarrassing lisp, and his hair was always a mess. Puck and Rachel were quick to pick on his insecurities and use them to make fun of him until he would cry. Even so, Sam still could have called or written him. It's why when Puck informed him that Sam had died as much as he didn't want to believe him it did explain why he hadn't heard anything from him.
When it finally sank in that Sam was gone he fainted. When he woke up he cried and cried until Cooper had to pick him up from school. Puck had claimed that everyone knew about Sam so when he asked Cooper and he just said, “I'm sorry,” Sam's death became more real to him. That night he held a private funeral for Sam in his mind. He put Sam's memory to rest and along with it Blaine followed. Blaine was nothing without Sam and if he wanted to survive he had to become someone else.
From then on he asked Cooper to call him Devon. He took care of himself in the way Cooper was too busy to do. Whenever he was home alone and he began to think about Sam he'd sing. Singing helped get rid of his lisp. He asked Cooper to sign him up for gymnastics at the community center and quickly lost most of his weight. For a short period he cut his hair short, but remembered how much his mother loved his curls. His mother knew how to comb them so they wouldn't look unkempt. But Cooper was too busy finishing school, working, and dating to do that for him so he began to gel his hair.
When he finished elementary school, Cooper introduced him to Santana Lopez. The two had been dating for the past two years and we're taking the next step in their relationship: moving in together. Santana was three years older than Cooper and her job was in Columbus so they'd be moving to Westerville. Moving to a new place where no one knew who he was or had been worked to his advantage. As Devon he became the person he had always wanted to be as Blaine.
At home Cooper never questioned him about his name change and instead seemed to approve of the new person he was. Santana never tried to be his mom, not even when she and Cooper married, which Devon appreciated. Santana was great for Cooper, always keeping him in check and being the authority he'd lacked while growing up. The pair were suitable guardians for him as he grew older.
While he felt secure in his new skin as Devon there was just one thing that kept holding him back. It had taken him years to come to the conclusion, but he couldn't hide it anymore. Not to Cooper, Santana or himself. Devon (Blaine) was gay. When he finally came out and Cooper and Santana didn't shun him he finally felt free. He liked to think that if Sam Evans was alive he would accept him. He'd loved him as a kid after all, even if Sam had just meant it as best friends.
Being gay at his middle school however brought out the bullies again back to his life. Fortunately, Devon had come out closer to the end of eighth grade so he didn't have to deal with them for long. Cooper hated to see him close in on himself again though so Santana came to his rescue when she suggested he enroll at Dalton, a new progressive high school in Westerville with a no-bullying policy set in place.
It's at Dalton where Devon makes friends and actually manages to fit in. He makes friends with Tina Cohen-Chang when they get partnered up in Math class. During Gym he's approached by Kitty Wilde to join the cheerleading team. He declines even though he knows it'd be a good way to stay in shape. He appreciates the gesture and invites Kitty to sit with him at lunch whenever she wants. Kitty and Tina sometimes clash, but Blaine is there to establish peace between the two. Nick Duval and Jeff Sterling are best friends that practically grew up together and Devon likes them as they remind him of what he and Sam could perhaps have been. They begin to hang out with him at lunch time since they share most classes and they always manage to make him laugh. The five of them become good friends with one another eventually.
Then came Sebastian Smythe, his now boyfriend. Sebastian transferred to Dalton at the beginning of their sophomore year. Devon wasn't sure at the time if he was ready for a boyfriend, but Kitty pushed him to accept when Sebastian finally asked him out. Devon decided it wouldn't hurt to go on one date especially since he was attracted Sebastian after all. Shortly before Winter Break, the two become official. Soon enough Sebastian becomes a big part of Devon's life. He shares everything about his life with Sebastian except for his first name and Sam. One day he'll have to tell Sebastian his name, but he doesn't want his image of Devon, the perfect boyfriend, friend, brother, to vanish. Blaine was flawed, but Devon isn't.
“Devon!” Cooper calls from down the hall.
Devon opens his eyes again and looks at the card. He opens it and inside there are birthday wishes signed “Love, Cooper and Santana”. He stands up and hides the card inside his bottom desk drawer where there are other birthday cards. He knows Cooper means well, Santana, too, but they don't know how stressful birthdays are for him since Sam. His birthday reminded him of loss, just like on his parents death anniversary. How hard it is for him to continue being Devon when Blaine wants to come back and take hold of his new life. Devon couldn't let that happen though. He'd gone through most of his high school years without anyone knowing of Blaine.
“It's just one day,” he says to his reflection in the mirror when he's done getting ready. “Just one day and then things can go back to normal.”
In the kitchen Cooper and Santana sing to him “Happy Birthday” as he drinks his morning coffee. This was the only time he didn't have to fake a smile as he genuinely enjoyed their singing.
“Oh, and this is for you,” Cooper says as he slides over a long key with a BMW logo on it.
“What? Thank you!” Devon took it and glances at the two before standing up and hugging them both. “Oh, I wish I could drive it to school, but Sebastian is picking me up today. Cooper you should have told me!”
“You'll have plenty of time to drive it later,” Santana smiles. “Plus, we figured you'd forgive us for the surprise.”
Cooper nods. They know how guarded Devon is and how he doesn't appreciate surprises.
“It's a 2005 model, but it's in really good condition,” Cooper adds before there's a knock at the door.
“Sebastian is here,” Devon says as he picks up his satchel and waves goodbye.
When Devon opens the door he finds Sebastian standing on the porch with his hands behind his back.
“Happy birthday, killer,” Sebastian greets him before giving him a quick kiss. Although he's not fond of the nickname, Sebastian insists on calling him that. It was shortly after Devon mentioned how he didn't want to attend the high school in his district where most of his classmates from middle school would also be attending. “Broke too many hearts to stay?” Sebastian joked before giving him a kiss during lunch.
Sebastian takes his hand and walks him toward his Tesla model car he got when he turned sixteen, which is currently on the street instead of parked in front of his place. As Sebastian opens the door for him he glances at the white car parked in front of Devon's place. “Someone took my spot.”
Devon takes out the car key from his pocket and shows it to Sebastian when he gets inside the car. “It's my new car, Cooper and Santana got it for me.”
Sebastian smiles widely before he leans in again to kiss him. “I got you something, too,” Sebastian adds as he leans into the backseat and brings forward a red gift bag.
Devon already knows inside are the new collection of bow ties from Brooks Brothers, but still feigns surprise as he opens the bag and looks inside. “Bow ties? I love them!”
Sebastian laughs as he begins to drive. “Of course you do, you picked them out last weekend and told me that's what you wanted as a birthday gift.”
“I really liked them,” Devon shrugs as he places the bag in the back seat again. He's grateful once again that Sebastian is an understanding boyfriend and doesn't make a big deal over the fact that he doesn't enjoy surprises. Surprises throw him off balance and he doesn't enjoy feeling like he's not in control of a situation.
“Dev? Did you hear what I just said about the play?”
Devon nods and remembers vaguely Sebastian saying he can't give him a ride back home. “Tina is giving me a ride back, don't worry.”
Sebastian stares at him for a little longer, but nods. However, when they pull up to school and he parks, he asks Devon if he's okay. Devon smiles and assures him he is.
Inside, they meet with the rest of the gang where they all give him hugs and birthday cards, per his request. He smiles and says thank you every time someone wishes him a happy birthday. Since it's his birthday Sebastian walks him to all of his classes. Whenever he catches a sophomore or Hunter Clarington checking out Sebastian and then glance at him with distaste he's reminded that he's lucky that Sebastian picked him. Or better yet picked Devon. Sebastian never would have picked Blaine, the fat lonely kid, to be his boyfriend. Only Sam Evans picked Blaine.
By lunch his face is starting to get sore from all the fake smiling he has had to do. The only downside to being Devon was how many people know and like him at Dalton.
When Kitty asks him if Cooper and Santana got him anything, he nods. “They surprised me with a car.”
“That's great!” Tina and Kitty exclaim.
Sebastian shakes his head. “Devon doesn't like surprises.”
Just then Nick and Jeff stand up. “Is that so? Ouch. Well, we still have one for you,” Jeff says with a smile before the two of them start singing “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” from The Sound of Music.
People begin to clap and cheer them on, while Devon watches mortified for a couple of seconds. Eventually he laughs and covers his face, the proper reaction he knows is acceptable. Although, what he really wants is to run home, hide in his room, and wait for the day to be over.
“Guys,” Devon whines when they are done although he smiles at the two, who are currently bowing to the crowd.
“Sebastian said it was okay,” Jeff quickly informs in defense, as they sit down to finish their lunch.
“Seb?” Devon looks at him. “You know how I feel about surprises.”
“Come on, it was fun,” Sebastian shrugs.
Kitty rolls her eyes before pinching Nick and Jeff. “Next time you pull something like that without some kind of warning you won't be able to walk for a week.”
Devon sends her a quiet thank you when they make eye contact. Tina brings up the upcoming play and the tense quiet moment passes. Devon looks down at his lunch and can't bring himself to finish it. He knows Cooper and Santana are going to take him out for dinner and he'll be expected to have dessert. He had spent so long losing weight and then maintaining a reasonable weight. Even if it was his birthday he couldn't over indulge himself and gain it back by eating too much.
“Dev,” Kitty got his attention since he'd gone quiet after Tina and Sebastian began to talk. “Let's go to Trig early, I need to ask Mr. Harrison something.”
Devon nods and follows her. At the end of the day, Kitty is the one to give Devon a ride home since Sebastian invited Tina to join him at the play reading committee.
The drive isn't long especially since Kitty drives fast. At one point Kitty glances at him, as he sat with his satchel and red gift bag, for longer than usual during a red light. “You really didn't seem like yourself today, Dev.”
“Who did I seem like, then?” Dev asks with a half smile trying to make a joke out of it.
Kitty shrugs as she begins to drive again. “No one that I know.”
Devon's smile vanishes, but Kitty doesn't even notice as she begins to complain over one the cheer moves she was having trouble with. Before she drives away once she got to his place she suggests he give his new car a spin. “Driving always helps me clear my mind,” she adds before she waves goodbye and drives away.
Devon went inside to drop off his stuff and took out the car key he'd had in his pocket all day. He followed all the steps Cooper had taught him when he first learned to drive and pulled out of his parking space. He thought about going to Kitty's, then later picking up Tina, Jeff, Nick, and Sebastian, all of them could go hang out somewhere for his birthday. They'd stay up late and then Devon could make that his new birthday memory instead of the one that haunted him.
He's two blocks away from home when he stops at a red light and watches a tall young man crossing the street in front of him. He has his sweater hood on and facing away from his car so he can't see his face, but Devon can't look away. There's something about the way he carries himself that makes Devon want to look at his face. Without thinking twice his right hands presses the middle of the steering wheel to honk. To get the boy's attention. But no sound comes from the horn which must be broken. His heart is beating fast now and he takes a deep breath as he realizes how crazy that had been.
Relief floods into him as his cell phone rings. He knows he probably shouldn't answer given that he's driving, but the street is lonely except for him and the young man that is now on the sidewalk.
He sees Sebastian's name flashing on his phone screen and answers.
“I have great news!” Sebastian says excitedly.
“What is it?”
“Well, remember I told you I was going to submit my play for consideration? Artie, the student director, loved it and we're going to put it on! They're actually going to put on my play!”
“Congratulations! I'm so proud of you,” Devon says with a wide smile as he looks over to the boy that is almost halfway down the block.
“And I signed you up to be the stage manager,” Sebastian adds.
“Me?” Devon asks as he watches the boy turn left and disappear from sight. “I-”
“Come on, Dev, it'll be fun. Given that we're going to soon be busy with college applications it'll be a nice excuse to spend more time together.”
Devon stays quiet. Even though Sebastian makes a good point this is the second time in one day that Sebastian makes a decision for him.
“Okay,” Devon sighs as he sees a car approaching from behind. “I have to go, Cooper and Santana are taking me out for dinner.”
“Alright, call me after?”
“Sure.”
Devon hangs up and turns left to where the boy had walked, hoping to maybe run into him, but he doesn't. He returns home a few minutes before Cooper arrives. He changes quickly, having had his outfit picked already since the weekend.
Cooper and Santana take him to his favorite Italian restaurant. When Cooper asks how his day was he tells him about Jeff and Nick serenading him during lunch. The story pleases Cooper which should make Devon happy because he knows that deep down Cooper just wants him to be happy and okay. Cooper has done his best the last nine years to raise him as best as he could. He'll always be grateful to him because Cooper had to grow up and give up his young adult years to raise him. He knows Cooper didn't have to, he could have gone away to college when he turned eighteen, but instead Cooper did everything necessary he could to get legal guardianship of him.
When they're done eating Santana pulls out an envelope and hands it to him. Devon looks at them confused before she motions to open it. Inside are four $50 bills. “They're from Mama and Papa Lopez, they wish you a happy birthday, Dev,” she says with a soft smile.
“Thank you,” Devon says once again accepting how lucky he is that Cooper found Santana. That she never treats him like a burden. How her family accepts him and Cooper as part of their own.
“Why don't you buy yourself some nice clothes? You wear the Dalton uniform way too much and there's no reason for you to hide your body, specially now that you're in shape.”
“Cooper,” Devon says with a roll of his eyes while Santana shakes her head at Cooper.
“Just a suggestion that I'm sure Sebastian would appreciate. Anyway, maybe you should save the money for gas.”
While Cooper pays for the bill and waits for his change, Santana catches him staring out the window.
“Looking for someone?” she asks as she stands up from her seat.
Devon shakes his head and offers to help her put on her coat before they step outside. In the backseat of Cooper's car he sighs with relief as he realizes this day is almost over. That in just a few hours this day will be done and he won't have to think about it for another year.
As Cooper pulls up into their driveway he notices a white envelope sticking out from their mailbox. Cooper and Santana are deep in conversation that they don't notice it. It's probably a note from Sebastian, Tina, or even Nick, his brain concludes. Deep down he knows it's not because they would never do this. They call, email, or text him, but never leave notes for him. It's why he doesn't say anything as he follows Cooper and Santana inside.
A normal person would have been excited to find a note waiting for them. Not Devon, surprises stress him out and make him become paranoid about his past. Specially if they come on his birthday. He heads to his room as his mind begins to wonder who the envelope is for and from who. He wonders if maybe Rachel or Puck or one his middle school bullies has found him. And they want to make sure that he hasn't forgotten that they know the real him.
As panic begins to build up inside him he does the only thing that he knows will make him calm down, if at least for a second.
“Did you just get back?” Sebastian's voice greets him.
Devon nods before he sighs, “Yeah, um, I can't talk for long, I have some homework to finish before I go to sleep.”
“Okay.” Sebastian goes quiet before he speaks again, “Dev...”
“Yes?”
Sebastian goes quiet again which doesn't help ease Devon's nerves at all. “Did you have a good birthday?”
It's Devon's turn to stay quiet. “Yeah,” he says even though he knows it's not true and probably won't be once he knows what's inside that envelope outside in his mailbox. “Pick me up tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
Sebastian hangs up and Devon stares at his phone before he calls Tina. He needs to preoccupy himself in the meantime. Until he can calmly go retrieve the envelope.
They make small talk for a few minutes before Tina suggest they go out for a drive. Devon declines using homework as an excuse to not leave his house.
“It's your birthday, come on!” Tina insists.
“It's also kind of late,” Devon points out as he opens his closet to pick out a sweater. He has to get that envelope.
“Oh, right, I forgot I was talking to Mr. Predictable from Ohio,” Tina jokes.
Devon rolls his eyes. “I can be spontaneous and fun, okay?”
“Well, I hope I get to meet this Devon one day,” Tina jokes. “Then again that really wouldn't be you, would it?”
“Funny,” Devon mutters, “Kitty said I wasn't myself today.”
“Did she? Well, you were a little off today.”
Devon closes his eyes. How off was he today that his friends noticed? Then again didn't that say something about them? About how much they cared?
“I just- birthdays aren't my thing,” Devon says lamely.
“Why? I love birthdays! People give you gifts and you can do whatever you want,” Tina sighs happily. “Which is why I will never understand why you insist we only get you birthday cards. They're lame. We were all gonna pitch in to get you something.”
“A surprise?” Devon asks.
Tina stays quiet. “Okay, yes, but you would have loved it.”
“It's just that this one time-”
“Jeff is calling, hold on.”
Devon is thankful for the interruption, he almost told Tina about Sam. How he'd had his heart broken. And when he'd lost Sam he also lost himself.
A minute later Tina returns. “Jeff wanted me to help him with Math, but I told him I'd call him later. Anyway, you were saying?”
Devon shakes his head. “It's nothing, birthdays involve a lot of attention and I'm just glad it's over.”
“Right, cause being the center of attention is a bad thing,” Tina says sarcastically. When Devon doesn't say anything she sighs. “Okay, since we're not going out, I guess I'll let you get your beauty rest. See you tomorrow.”
Devon hangs up and walks out of his room quietly. He makes his way into the kitchen and stands there for a moment looking at Santana and Cooper in the living room. Santana's head is on Cooper's shoulder and he has his arm around her. They're both paying attention to the television when their program goes to commercials and Santana turns to face Cooper and kisses him on the lips. Devon feels like he is spying on a private moment and quickly makes his way to the front door and steps outside. Even in his sweater he can feel the cold seeping into his bones. Without thinking twice he reaches out for the letter and puts it in his pocket before heading inside and practically running to his room.
Blaine Anderson reads the front of the envelope. Not Devon or Dev, but Blaine. The envelope was thin and lumpy. He stares at his name for a bit longer because he can't imagine Puck or Rachel going through all this trouble to just torment him.
As he reaches for it to finally open it, his heart starts racing. His mind plays like a detective movie at the end where all the clues are revealed. And suddenly the truth stands out to him. Despite all the other bits that had derailed him for the last few years he finally comes to the only conclusion he can: Sam Evans was not dead. Or actually there had never been any proof that he was.
Puck and Rachel would say anything to make him feel miserable. He had an older brother who had simply hugged him and said, “I'm sorry,” before telling him to move on.
As he opens the envelope he realizes that he'd only truly believed Sam was dead because he'd never gotten in touch with him after he was gone. Deep down he knows Sam would have done whatever he could to contact him, but he hadn't. His low self-esteem had made him believe Sam hadn't cared for him. That's why he didn't bother trying to contact him.
Until now, he think as he feels tears threatening to fall any moment as he looks down at the birthday card in front of him. It's blue in entirety with bold black letters that read “Happy Birthday!” When he opens the card he finds a note from a dead person to another.
With the card in his hand he runs out of his room and the front door down to the end of the sidewalk, desperately searching for him. Where was he? As he passes a streetlight he chokes back a sob. He doesn't know yet if its of happiness or sadness. All he could think now was that he was out there, somewhere in Westerville.
When he returns home, Cooper calls out if everything is okay.
“I'm fine,” he says before returning to his room.
But he isn't fine. How could he be? He spends a long time looking at the card and it's words. The tears that had been threatening to spill earlier are nowhere now even though he wants to cry. Each time he tries to cry he just feels out of breath. He walks over to his window and opens the curtains. As he looks out he wonders if Sam will be able to recognize the person he left behind. See the real him under his new look.
The words in the card don't seem real even though they were written with pen.
Happy Birthday Blaine :)
There's a house drawn underneath and next to it is taped a cheap ring with a blue rock.
I'm back.
Love, Sam Evans.