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It was blurry. The other, was blurry. She was deposited by the river, both of them. A familiar scene in a movie, where the protagonist and the lover are by a body of water, hands on top of each other. They would be talking, telling jokes and laugh on about stupid things they’ve done in the past or a lighthearted joke from a series they’ve watched together on rainy days.
They are happy. She is happy.
“So, Minju, tell me more about you.” The blurry one said. It was probably clear in her mind back then, but right now— it’s just a blend of bright colours.
“I don’t know, you pretty much know me by now.”
She could picture it, them being on countless of dates and this being an addition to that count that she couldn’t keep up with anymore. It was futile asking this question, but when it comes up as a topic, Minju has always striked this answer back. You pretty much know me by now .
“Know what? I barely know anything about you.” The blurry one had a confused tone.
It’s simple, actually.
“You know more about me than you realise.”
That’s such a bad answer to say. How could anyone know anyone more than they’ve realised? To Minju, that’s so happens to be the case. You know more about me than you realise. So think harder, think a little harder. Maybe you’ll finally realise.
-
“Minju! Minju! Fucking wake up! We’re gonna be late for class.”
A force was shaking her arms, multiple taps to her head she gained consciousness of her surroundings. The first thing she saw was the bookshelves, she was in the library. The second thing she saw was her personal alarm clock, her friend coming to fetch her out for class.
“One more minute..” She tried to resist the gravity of both her falling head meeting her forearm and her eyelids ready to shut close again.
“Ugh. Alright. I’m leaving you here, have fun walking to class alone!”
Her friend flipped her hair and walked away while making some whimpering sounds. Minju when she realised, got up from her seat, swiftly grabbed up her bag and followed the fuming one out the door.
“Yuri, wait! I’m coming!”
Minju raced after Yuri who’s foot had already stepped out the library and into the hallways. People looked at her, watched her. They stare at her like predators and whispers, whispers everywhere she could almost hear them merch into each other and become one audible sentence.
Minju, that’s her. The one with the guy last night.
“Hey, don’t think too much of it alright?”
Yuri turned to her side after that. It was a whisper intentionally loud enough for Minju to hear. Yuri was even further and if it was in her earshot, Minju definitely would have their wrathful words. ANd she was worried for her friend, Minju isn’t great when it comes to things like this, she tends to overthink a lot.
“I know, Yuri. Thanks.”
Yuri is a nice friend. A very nice person in general. She cares for Minju, a little too much sometimes but Minju knows it’s all good intentions.
“See you after class, oh, if you don’t have a date with him of course.” Yuri chuckled, poking her fingers to the side of Minju’s torso and continued on with her usual teasing.
“Hey! You know well I’m single!” Minju lied.
A blunt punch to Yuri’s shoulders. The punch wasn’t trying to hurt Yuri, but the foam cushioning of her backpack on her shoulders made it an even lighter punch. Teases from a close friend, that’s fine. Minju knows that Yuri just wanted her to cheer up a bit. She knows that Yuri isn’t really a big fan of gloomy moods.
Minju walked into her class, it was half empty since the bell hasn’t rang. She doesn’t look up to meet anyone’s eye contact. Nobody cares, really. The most popular girl in the year is walking down the aisle to her seat, that’s Minju, if it wasn’t clear enough.
She’s pretty. She’s very pretty. That buzzes several reactions, she could remember how she walked into this place for the first time in her second year of highschool. How she introduced herself to the class fists clenched on her jeans with an innocent smile. How naive of her then.. How she still couldn’t read faces.
She’s loved. By many. And hated. By many. She likes to look on the bright side, the side where people would say good morning to her while she walks past the front gates or say good afternoon during lunch break hours. She likes it, greeting people and complimenting on their little details like how that’s a nice sweater, is it new? And they’ll be surprised by how she knew. It’s those things she does that makes her popular. She’s so nice and naive it’s almost adorable.
Then there was class, academic work. She’s smart, witty. She doesn't raise her hands to answer questions, just blurting them half-whispering so the megaphone of the class (the loud kid) shouts it out for the whole world to know how knowledgeable they are. And of course they don’t give Minju credit. Sometimes a smile afterwards, but never an act of gratitude.
“Wanna go hang out?”
Now finding herself shoving all her books back inside the locker since class had ended, she was struck by her group of friends. Most people passing by could immediately tell that they were classed as the popular girls. Style, hair, make-up. Clothes perfectly thought through and no doubt that all of them were extremely attractive. If you are in this school, chances are, one of these girls is definitely your crush. But chances are low, of course. No one could get close to them in that way, apart from one, she’s currently struggling to keep up.
“Afterwards, I have a meeting.” Minju said, flashing a wink, walking backwards into the stream of people still facing her friends.
“Don’t go off topic!” One of them screamed out from behind.
“We’ll be at the front.” Yuri said, waving to her while she waved back.
It’s Minju. She’s been elected for being part of the representative this year along with him . A guy. Not important. In Minju’s head that’s all he is. A colleague of the same school happens to be the equivalent of the popular boy, the jock. Plays rugby, sometimes baseball. A tall, good-looking boy with nice hair who spends his afternoon sitting by the bleachers of the fields for some odd reason.
“Hey. I came to talk about the speech.” Minju striked her greeting which immediately cut to the chase. She doesn’t do small talks, those are for important people.
“Oh, right. Uhh.. I have it on my laptop. Don’t have it now obviously,” he chuckled. Arms thrown in the air and stared into Minju’s eyes for a moment.
He looked like he was mesmerised. Then his jaws dropped slightly, licking his dry lips, a question follows that: “Would you mind sending me your email? So I could send it to you?”
“Yeah sure.” Minju nodded, a soft smile appeared on her face.
And when they both have their phones our of their pockets, the wind gently reminds Minju of the cheerleading team nearby. A gentle reminder into her ears that look at them, aren’t they cute together?
It’s a positive comment this time, probably from the ones that haven’t heard the news yet. News, not exactly. If it was really news then the headlines would probably be something around.. she doesn’t even know. She doesn’t know how much they know. She only knows that they’re talking about it. It has to be. Right?
“Oh and about last night..”
Last night. It’s something that’s keeping her so active today. Those blurry images again.
“Don’t worry about it. Sorry, you know?” His tone was hesitant, his smile trying its best to be genuine.
“Sorry on your side too, I’ve caught you up in this mess..”
People don't like her much already. Since she had stepped into this school she has had a mixed reputation. Most people know her as the popular girl who does all the social activities and is very nice and friendly and everyone can talk to her. But some people, people that oppose her existence, make up these rumors about her, all the time.
“No, no. It’s understandable.”
An advantage to him. He wants the news to spread, far and wide and maybe upstairs to the seniors as well. His intent was easy, and Minju is more than smart enough to be able to guess it. So she could admit her guilt and date me.
“That’s no need. I’ll see you up at the gym next week, I’ve got something else to do now.”
Minju waved, the warm afternoon sunshine highlighted her brunette hair. She flashes a quick smile as he smiles back with a face that looks like he just got on ecstasy. She made sure she got out of people’s sight, and shoved her phone back into her pockets mercilessly, the smile disappeared completely, the facade had been broken.
Best boy. Not really. To Minju, he’s a prick, a pain on her shoulders. They don’t know the whole story. None of them does. No video tape of blurry shadows or anything. Just them who knows, and just Minju who truthfully could tell how the story actually went.
-
“Darling, we know you’re stressed. But calm down a bit, please.”
Stressed . That’s not really the word to use. Minju is annoyed, irritated, stubborn and just wants to start shouting that scene that’s been running inside her mind every time she heard someone else mention what happened last night.
“Thanks for your worry guys, but I’m fine, really.”
While she was gone they probably talked about it. How to cheer Minju up by bringing her to her favorite pancake house and let her order her favorite item on the menu with extra whipped cream. They knew how to make Minju happy, these two closest to her.
“I hope you are. And you can tell us you know, are you really dating him? ”
Minju can trust them, if they really are dating. They’re not though, that’s the biggest flaw of their interpretation. Her friends are nice at heart, she’s never gotten warning of either of them having a past reputation of being a back-stabber or anything, they’re just two normal people.
“No. Absolutely not. I’m not interested in him..”
It’s considered the truth. Minju doesn't hold any interest in him. But other people do, lots of people are interested in them. Being together. Even her close friends or his close friends could see their chemicals, their sparkling eyes and their widest smiles when they’re together. Bullshit.
“If you say so?”
They don’t have a convinced face. Blinking at each other blankly using telepathic powers to try and communicate with one another. It’s not what they thought the outcome would be. Minju is smart, rememeber that? She knows that these frends of hers wants the news to be true. That they’re dating. So everyone could be happy.
“I.. think I’m gonna head home now. Got a project due tomorrow.” Miuju’s fingers wrapped around the handle of her bag, she faces the exit of the place, ready to leave.
“Minju, if you’re not ready yet, it’s okay.” Her friend tries to comfort her.
“We’re here to support you no matter what, alright? See you tomorrow then.” Yuri said, her eyes are telling Minju that her sentence is genuine.
“Thanks guys, see you tomorrow.” Minju waved back at them, her eyes signaling an invisible hug she has no energy to give right now.
Minju picked up her bag, swung it across her shoulders and left her favorite pancake house. She never finishes her meals apart from this item menu from this place. But here her friends are, blinking at each other again with a curious yet worried face of why, Minju had not finished her arguably most favorite thing in the world. The extra whipped cream left untuched— the blueberries sumerged into the sinking warm lagoon made from ice cream.
-
It was blurry. Her mind was blurry. She couldn’t get rid of voices in her ears, the same scene flashes in her mind and each time the shadows blended together started to get clearer and clearer. Right now as she deposited herself by the river, alone. She thought to herself: What am I doing?
Yeah, what is she doing? Letting the news flow all over the place buzzing like flies on some flowers on a hot day and let the sunlight fade and all would go away. But eventually the sun will shine again, and the flies continues on to buzz and buzz until she does something. Like buying repelent to these pests. Once and for all.
Minju figured out her plan. She was focusing, eyes merged into the deep water and so was her thought. She thought that if she creates her own buzz of news. Something crazy, out of her mind. She doesn’t want to be in this position anymore. No more bugs in her ears to annoy her anymore.
And that moment she decided, to get up from the river side and continued her stroll. Back onto the school campus.
It was getting late, so fewer people were present and to be honest with you Minju had never been to her own school this late in the evening before. She walked up the steps, walked all the way up to the third floor which was the highest, here lies the senior corridor.
It can’t be a guy, that’s too.. exposing. She figured if she wants to do this, she would have to go the extra mile and make it the most obscurd thing ever. One mind she is doing this for the shits and giggles, and her other mind, just wants to be free.
Minju spots one locker lid flapping in the air, she could only see the bottom half of this person and she could already tell it was a girl just by this. Her pastel blue jeans and stylish street shoes. Minju can’t even see the other, but she likes her already.
“Truth or dare.” Minju asked through the metal flap.
“Uhh.. Dare?” The other side answered, persumebally a senior. Her voice was in the higher tones, calm, refreshing. Like someone who would speak in cartoons or something similar.
“I dare you to date me, for as long as you possibly can.”
Minju’s absolutely brilliant idea. Fake dating.
“Excuse me?!”
The locker shut with a loud bang, now face to face with Minju was a stranger to her, mouth gaping wide and a questioning look on her face. What the fuck is this bitch on about?
Even though her face was scrunched up in confusion, this senior right in front of Minju is quite charming. First of all it’s a girl. One slightly shorter than Minju’s height, her face is small, complimenting her bright eyes and spaepened features. She had her hair down, locks of jet black sat on one side of her shoulders while the rest fell leisurely down the back of her grey jumper.
“You heard me, date me for as long as you-“ Minju was about to ramble on about her reasons for why she needed this dare to happen. But instead she got interrupted.
“Wait, wait, wait a millisecond of a minute. What the fuck?!” This senior is the embodiment of the phrase confused as a chicken.
“Okay, I understand that you might not accept this dare but listen here.” Minju made a convincing face, hands clasped together like those salesmen trying to sell off a car or insurance.
“I’m not opposing,” the senior chuckled and shook her head. “I’m just in.. shock.. See, now. What’s your name?”
“Kim Minju, second year.” She introduced herself, right hand welcoming a handshake. The senior took it, her free placed gently on her chest in relief.
“I was just making sure it’s really you,” she had a soft smile on her face.
There is no way that a student in this school doesn’t know who Kim Minju is. You walk through the main halls, there’s her name on the board and next to that would be lists of all the awards and good things she’s done. On top of that she’s insanely pretty. Anybody would have a crush on her.
“Kim Chaewon, third year. Nice to meet you.”
Kim Chaewon. A pretty name for a pretty girl. Minju thought. Bless the angels, bless her luck for making this moment happen. Bless Kim Chaewon then, because this girl, this girl is the real angel here. Minju scanned this senior from head to toe. Every inch of her just screams perfection. And she wonders inside, how is she still single? Because clearly, clearly God has a favorite.
-
“We have to make it believable.” Minju stated. It has to be convincing enough that these two had been going out for months at least. Now is one of those times, they’ve arranged a meeting at the side of the school buildings afterschool to talk about this in more detail.
“How? We’ve only been at it for a day?”
Minju explained her situation to Chaewon a while ago. She understood why Minju did that fully. If it was her in that situation she’d probably do something similar, but this girl Minju, she takes things to the extreme. And who would have guessed, Chaewon likes the extreme category of things.
“I mean.. technically we can make it more than that..” Chaewon smiled, her eyes intent-filled with something Minju can’t exactly pinpoint. But it’s dangerously alluring.
“If you’d let me? It’s entirely up to you how many months we’ve been dating or whatever.” Chaewon added.
Chaewon is now invested in this topic. She received a dare yesterday that she has to be dating this gorgeous girl, but it turns out that it’s way more complicated than just that. But if her job is to be dating, she had to at least pretend to like this scheme Minju had going on. Or is she?
“What?” Minju was confused. She doesn’t understand what Chaewon was rambling on about.
“Do you not know how fake dating goes?”
Chaewon couldn’t believe what she just heard. This was Minju’s idea and she has absolutely no clue how this is going to turn out. It’s like thinking of cooking a gourmet meal, picking out all the ingredients and just trying to put it together blind.
“Uhh.. not really.” Minju chuckled dryly, one hand scratching away the back of neck trying to brush this away.
She did it out of spite to herself, her mind was taken over by malice for those few minutes that her legs tread its way on its own up those stairs and she swears it wasn’t her who just asked a truth or dare question to a gorgeous senior who stood out in the open on the quiet corridor like that. But as they say, it is what it is now.
“Since this is a dare, we don’t need to make an agreement. I can break the dare whenever I want, correct?”
Minju nodded along, her face filled with uncertainty. She didn’t want that to be the case. She wants Chaewon to keep pretending until all the news about her disappears from other people’s mouths. Her eyes shifted to the fractured concrete underneath her feet, she’s thinking of something.
“We’ll have to set rules.”
“I agree.” Chaewon nodded along, this is a part of the deal, if they are going to pull this off they’ll need to set boundaries for this to be successful. It has to be convincing.
“There’s an extent of where this is going. I respect you. So tell me how far can we go?”
Minju was serious about those phrases of her’s. She respected Chaewon since she agreed to the dare and even the conditions she was in. She appreciates her help enough, she won’t push her luck any further than this.
“As far as you’re comfortable. I don’t mind, well, look at you.”
Chaewon could stare into Minju’s eyes forever. Not like she already hasn’t been. Oh, forget to tell you one thing, Chaewon has always had a crush on Minju. Yesterday when Minju came up to her, and spoke the first word, Chaewon was shaking inside her shoes and all the strands of hair on her arms stood to attention. She was beyond shock of which kind of dare she received from Minju. And it has been on her mind from that moment onwards: Does God hate me? What kind of prank is this?
-
The sun sunk past the horizon a long time ago. The air was cold, skimming Minju’s burning hot skin that’s being pressed against the soft mattress. It felt like feathers, Chaewon. Her kisses, slow throbbing kisses on Minju’s neck. The talk behind the school was the boring part, now finding boundaries, they’ve realized that they are open to pretty much everything. So here they are, after agreeing to three rules in total, on Chaewon’s bed back at her house.
Rule number one : No falling in love.
It’s the first night, and guess who has already broken this rule since this little game hasn’t even started. Chaewon knew this well. She shouldn’t be loving this, she shouldn’t be loving Minju’s scent on her sheets, her snow white skin like butterscotch and the faint shampoo scent every time she rustles in those locks of brunette hair. What lascivious thoughts she’s having right now. Chaewon is in love with Minju, every inch of her.
She couldn’t stop, even if someone of higher power told her to, she wouldn't stop. It’s been too long, it’s been months since Chaewon would sit by the bench in front of school watching Minju walk past her everyday being completely oblivious of her presence. Ironically, right now is the complete opposite of that. Minju’s presence is engulfing her, burying her alive in a trap she can’t escape. Something that she will not be able to mend afterwards. Chaewon is in love with Minju, head over heels in love with her.
Rule number two : Make it believable.
Minju couldn't believe what she had gotten herself into. When she had set out ground rules she thought that it would just be the parts that they would be exposed to the public where there is eyewitness on them. Not now, not now that the two are alone and there is no one in this house apart from the two of them. She shouldn’t be feeling this, it’s unbelievable, how Chaewon is touching her right now. It doesn’t even feel real to Minju.
It’s good practice, she’ll probably have to do this somewhere at school or at a party pretty soon, might as well get used to it. Chaewon is like a mirage. She is real right? Chaewon will be the one who helps pull the other half of this act together, to pull a facade, to put on a show for everybody to see that Minju here isn’t associated with that pain on Minju’s neck. All that stuff they’re talking about, it isn’t real at all.
Rule number three : Don’t get attached.
Both of them are tangling into each other, out of breath lying on the humid duvet. Chaewon doesn’t let Minju’s hands go. Minju doesn’t let Chaewon’s hands go. Lying side by side staring at the white ceiling it feels like they’ve been doing this for most of their lives. They thought that the rules were easy, this is too easy for such a horridly hard task. And here they are, breaking all the rules together in one night, where nobody even knows that they are dating.
Minju is reflecting on herself, sweat gathering behind her neck letting it damp up the pillow underneath her. She hopes that Chaewom doesn’t make her end of the dare come true. She hopes that there wasn’t a second from now on of her thought that she would break the dare first. She wants to get out of this misery, and it seems like only Chaewon has the key to her cage.
Chaewon prays to herself, sweat gathering on her palm as she tries to keep calm. She wants to be selfish, she wants this rumour to spread far and wide and for Minju to never stop pretending that she loves her back. Trapping Minju inside this cycle forever, until she is satisfied with everything that she wants. But it’s love, it’s an infinite pit of darkness with no end. She wants to get out of this misery, and it seems like only Minju has the map to her maze.
-
“I’m dating someone..” Minju confessed.
She kept quiet throughout this meeting with Yuri, it was her who arranged it. It took her a few deep breaths and a few misleading thoughts to get her here, in a stylish cafè serving colourful drinks.
“Wait, for real?! Finally?” Yuri, who was sipping on her drink, almost choked on the sugary liquid. It was sudden news, she was wondering why Minju had called her out suddenly on a Saturday evening. Now everything has just gotten so much clearer.
“What do you mean finally?” Minju quirks a brow, jaws drop slightly out of disappointment to Yuri’s peculiar reaction to the story.
Yuri could tell, and it is true. She thought that Minju was dating a specific someone. It's him of course. It's got to be. Minju had never been close to anyone else apart from her friend group. It's obvious who's it is. But judging from Minju’s reaction, it might not be. Well, better play it nice, don't we?
“I mean.. thanks for telling me, Minju. It’s not a big deal, not for me, but for you.” Yuri had a reassuring face, she reached across the table and cupped Minju's palm into her’s.
“It’s.. you know it’s not him I’m dating.”
Yuri was slightly more intrigued. She would have guessed this was one of the many expected outcomes. But she kept that to herself, not wanting to break the tension and listened on.
“I’m dating a senior.”
“Descriptions please. Tell me his likes, dislikes, have you gone on dates, then where? What—”
Yuri’s train of questions got cut short.
“The thing is, Yuri. She’s a girl.” Minju raised her voice with an exhausted expression. One boulder off her chest, a few more to go.
“Oh.”
Yuri paused her pyramid of thoughts, her imagination shifted. She used to think that her friend here would be going out on dates and sitting by the park benches with this boy handing her his hoodie because it’s getting cold. It’s not what she had in mind.
Now stuck here was her friend, Yuri imagined something unimaginable. She had thought all along that they were such a match made in heaven or something like that but no. Minju is dating a girl. A senior to top it off. There was so many questions, too many Yuri might pull out her notebooks and start and interview of some sort.
“How long.”
“A while. Few months.”
“And you never told me!” Yuri whined, her fists banging on the table softly, afraid to hurt the wood.
Minju shook her head a little, letting a few chuckles escape her, then she confessed. “You’re the first to know though, Yuri.”
Getting on Yuri’s bright side, seeing her smile grew wider and wider like that also makes Minju happy. What a nice girl isn’t she? Jo Yuri.
“Minju..I’m.. so glad.” Yuri had a genuine smile on her face, a soft one. Her eyes glitter to the idea of her best friend finally receiving the love life she had always deserved.
“I know you’ll be.” Minju smiled back. If she doesn’t tell Yuri first there is a chance that she might be frustrated for the fact that she wasn’t the first one to know. Mimju is taking the safe route.
“You have to show me her picture!” Yuri protested jokingly. Fingers flicking back and forth demanding Minju’s phone screen to see a picture of this mysterious girl her friend is dating.
“Actually Yuri.. I do have a date with her after our’s. I’ll introduce you.”
Minju could not explain how happy Yuri looks right now. She laughed a little at Yuri's reaction, afterwards they talked a bit more about Minju’s date. She’s a great liar, and Yuri is a very gullible girl. Time passes quickly when you’re having fun, eventually the time arrived when Minju had to introduce Yuri to Chaewon.
They tread across the mall, walking a little longer they’ve found themselves standing in front of the cinema, where Chaewon was waiting in one of the corners.
“Hey.” Minju approaches Chaewon who was looking at her phone, she didn’t think anything much so she just looked up with the same expression she was having when she was still looking at funny videos on the small screen, a soft smile, adorable.
“Hey there.” Chaewon waved, she made eye contact with Minju first, it screamed what the fuck is your frined doing with you here?! look. She then peered behind Minju’s shoulders to another girl, Minju had shown a picture of Yuri to Chaewon before, so she already knows a few things about this “ overly nice girl who is very genuine. ”
“Chaewon, this is Yuri, my bestest friend. And Yuri, this is Chaewon, my date.”
“Nice to meet you!” Yuri bursted from behind Minju’s protection and grabbed onto Chaeown’s free hand shaking it excitedly. She realised a second later that she shouldn't be, turning around to Minju who just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.
“Nice to meet you too.” Chaewon answered. She acted friendly, and almost went into an interrogation session with Yuri when she showered the suspect who was dating her friend with multiple questions at once. It was in a polite tone of course but there was no way that Chaewon could comprehend any of those questions in time, so she just glanced at Minju for some help.
Minju on the other side nodded in response to Chaewon’s signal and made her way into the conversation. “Woah, woah. Yuri, please calm down. We have to catch the movie timings, you can question her all you want later in the week alright?”
“Yeah, alright.. Bye then, see you guys later!” Yuri felt a little gloomy, she wanted to inspect Chaewon more obviously, she needs to know how reliable this senior is and how she’s going to treat Minju right. She just wanted Minju to be safe. She’s a nice girl, Yuri, so she didn’t really show that gloomy side of her much, she still wants her friend to enjoy the date no matter.
“See you later, Yuri.” Minju hugged her friend one last time before they exchanged waves.
“Alright, let’s get going.” Minju turned back around, gazing up to meet Chaewon’s confused expression while her arms wrapped around her slim arms. Chaewon flinched a little, but it was too subtle of a movement for Minju to notice.
“I thought this was a practice round, what was that about?!”
“Sorry, she’s really into this and I just had to..” Minju dryly laughed, her fingers pressed against the ignited blue screen scrolling through the movie timings.
“Next time tell me beforehand, please.” Chaewon shook her head, she almost had a mini heart attack back then.
The air is dry. It reeks of old fabric seats and the place is strangely quiet. Sitting in front of the colony of seats was a massive screen, most people would definitely be focusing on the action presented on the wide window but apparently not Chaewon. She had just discovered just now, that Minju wears glasses. All these past months that Chaewon has been staring at Minju over and over again but never once did she ever see her wear glasses. She wishes that this theatre isn’t dark for just a moment, but at the same she wishes that the lights won’t be any brighter just for her to stare a little longer.
On the other hand with Minju, who is facing straight at the screen, but her eyesight is shifted to the side, staring back at Chaewon who is visibly scanning her face. She doesn’t know how to react, she feels bad enough for dragging Chaewon into her own problems, if she just keeps still until Chaewon turns away, everything would be alright.
-
“Don’t panic if you can’t remember them all. You’re still human, you’re allowed to forget.” Minju reminds Chaewon before they step inside the cafeteria.
“Got it.” Chaewon nodded in confirmation. They are on their way to meet Yuri and do this exaggerated questionnaire with Minju’s best friend who is probably more eager to know about their relationship than they themselves.
Spotting Yuri isn’t difficult, she’s nice and pretty and should be sitting in the more populated area of the cafeteria, the back tables. Both of them saw that two seats were left vacant, seems like Yuri has kindly reserved them a seat.
“Good afternoon.” Yuri greeted. She had both her hands clasped together and placed neatly in front of her. She had been waiting for this moment since she had got informed that Minju is dating someone.
“What’s with the formality?” Minju is suspicious of Yuri’s scheme.
In reality Minju was slightly anxious. She wanted this to be over quickly, but knowing Yuri for the years that they’ve spent together this wouldn’t end in such a hurry. She just hopes that Chaewon remembered most of what they’ve briefed together last night.
“Not for you? For Chaewon, duh.” One spiteful gaze at Minju, then suddenly shifting to a friendly smile when looking at Chaewon.
“Good afternoon then, Yuri.” She’s playful today, Chaewon.
Yuri nodded in acknowledgement, and started onto her long awaited quiz for Chaewon. “Alright, let’s start easy. What’s Minju's favorite colour?”
My favourite colour will always be baby pink. But my favorite person will always be you .
The second was made up by Chaewon. There is no way that Minju would say something like that to her, unless they are in public and have to make an impression. “It’s baby pink.” Chaewon answered with an unfazed tone, she knew she was going to ace this test.
“That’s a basic question, let’s do.. What’s Minju's favorite pancake menu?”
Remember that I love pancakes with my whole heart. Toppings would be vanilla ice cream, blueberries and extra whipping cream. Also remember that I love you.
If Minju in this story is known for her blurry images, then Chaewon in this story would be known for her blurry fantasies. “It’s the vanilla blueberry one.” She answered without hesitant. But her heart, though– it’s screaming hesitation left and right.
It might seem weird to some people if they find out, but when it comes to Minju’s interests, really anyone could know. Chaewon follows her on social media, and guess what pops up on the feed every time Minju visits her favorite pancake house. She didn’t need that briefing, even if one of the questions that wasn’t what they briefed came up, Chaewon is sure that she could probably answer it.
“Why are you questioning Chaewon anyways? Told you we’ve been dating for a while now.” Minju’s confidence is currently through the roof right now.
“Why not? What’s the harm with a bit of fun?” Yuri shrugged, she pouted along with it.
“Yeah, I enjoyed it?” Chaewon followed Yuri and turned to Minju, head tilted to the side. She looks like a puppy, cute.
“Ugh, Chaewon, you really have to side with her here?”
Chaewon giggled and shook her head in a taunting manner. This is an act anyways, there is no way Minju can be mad over such stupidly small things. But she had a motive for doing this, filling up Minju’s small tank of anger results in a fascinated expression from her. At least from Chaewon’s perspective, seeing Minju with puffed up cheeks and a fist held up in the air might just be the cutest thing in the world right now.
Is that her? The one who went with that guy that night. It’s them again. People wanting attention. Minju doesn’t understand why one of their intent was for her to hear very loud and clear that they are obviously talking about her, the constant whisper, the eye-contact, the pointing. They’re mocking her, they’re beginning to piss her off.
There’s blurry images inside Minju’s mind, activated from hearing those ridiculous rumors. She has a headache, the same sequence of action runs through her head. But this is the golden chance, in the middle of the cafeteria where the teachers are nowhere to be found and tens of pairs of eyes are staring at her, laughing at her right now. All she could do was to lean into the oblivious Chaewon laughing off to Yuri’s joke, and just deliver a delicate kiss.
The plastic fork dropped into the paper container, Yuri’s palm was wide open asking for an explanation of why they both just kissed right in the middle of a busy room. “Really? Right in front of my pasta? Oh, for goodness sake..”
“Sorry that you had to see that, Yuri. Just our thing that we do to make up for fights.”
Compromising. Something Chaewon had learned to be very good at from her experience with the past week. She turned her head towards Minju who seemed to be sweating from the sudden action she just took by herself without giving Chaewon a single signal of what was to happen. To Minju, Chaewon’s pupils are screaming don’t ever fucking do that again. In which Minju responded with a soft squeeze on their already clasping hands, telling Chaewon to just endure this with her for a little longer.
“Alright. I’m getting outta here before anything else happens. See you in class, I’ll be around if you need.” Yuri excused herself out of there. She’s a good friend that's why, doesn’t pry on people's business but at the same time gets herself into tough positions often. How do you think a nice girl like this made her way to the top?
“Was it those people pissing you off?” Chaewon leaned a little closer to Minju’s earshot and whispered. Her tone seems slightly mad.
“Yeah.. sorry for that.” Minju dryly laughed. She didn’t know what had gotten into her either at that moment, but judging from the look of that surprised group that was talking about her earlier, it’s having a positive effect.
“That’s fine. But please give me some kind of signal beforehand, I was startled.”
She’s more cross about the fact that Minju suddenly pulled her shirt collar in like that more than those people who keep bothering Minju it seems.
“Also.. tell me what they’re whispering about.” Chaewon’s worried tone, it’s rare, that means it’s a serious matter.
-
“I can't remember much.” Minju started to tell her story.
It’s now after school, the weather is cloudy. The sunlight still permeates its way through the opaque curtains as it's gentle rays bounce off the duvet that currently Chaewon and Minju are both laying on. They are at Chaewon's house again, talking to each other while the only audible sound is the wind rattling the branches outside.
Chaewon didn't say a word, she wanted all the time for Minju to piece together what she could remember. Interrupting at this point would only result in a bad ending, also she didn't know what to respond to each sentence Minju says anyways, might as well keep the questions for last.
“There was a house party last weekend, and I decided to be stupid for just that once. I put down the cup in my hands and walked out to the river nearby. It was dark out and I couldn't remember much because it was so blurry. The other— was blurry. There was someone else already there and I didn't realize how close I sat next to them. Sounds like a cliché movie scene right? But that's exactly what happened. We started talking, and.. yeah.. it was like shadows blurring into each other and I- I can’t..”
Can’t bear to remember that scene anymore.
Minju held her head steady in her palm, her eyebrows scrunched up and she became nervous.
“Hey, it's alright. I understand now.” Chaewon sat up straight, legs crossed together facing Minju. She carefully lifts up her head, and smiled so gently and so reassuring that Minju almost believed that it is alright.
“Oh, Chaewon I just-” It's silly, Minju knows. She thinks that the key to this mess she's gotten into was Chaewon. Whatever that’ve gotten into her on that evening when she stepped up those stairs to the senior corridor, she'd like to thank that a million times.
Minju thinks that pulling in the same pair of lips that showed her those gentle smiles in and praying that it will magically wipe off all the mistakes she made for her whole life. It's silly, Minju knows. But she does it anyway, trying her best for Chaewon’s touch to at least soothe her, make her feel a little better and maybe make her forget about that moment for these few minutes.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I really thought loving you was going to free me.”
Loving. A foerign subject to Minju. Even right now that she is faced with Chaewon, she still is unsure of what this whole situation meant. She thinks that by doing this, people will slowly start to back out of her business and move onto the next topic. So she can finally be free from the constraint that is called the people’s topic. She hates being talked about, laughed at every time she walks through the corridor, getting called names and endless rumors made about her. She wants to be free.
“But you are free. And I’m also free, Minju. Literally. I’ll be delighted to fill this job out. You don't have to tell me what exactly happened. I trust you.”
I trust you with all my heart. Chaewon is.. not the brightest person when it comes to the subject of Minju. She fell for Minju completely since long ago, completely infatuated by the way she looks alone. And this was even before Minju even knew Chaewon existed. This is the happiest moment of her life, with her whole heart she is in love with Minju, even though she knows with her heart too, that Minju doesn’t love her back at all.
“Thanks, Chaewon. Thanks for everything.” Minju was lucky that fate picked Chaewon for her, and as a reward Minju pulls Chaewon into her embrace.
Thanks for saying yes to my dare. Thanks for staying here by my side. Thanks for being such an amazing fake girlfriend.
-
It was blurry. The river is quieter than how Minju has remembered. She’s deposited by the river, staring into the running water which brushes against the wind above it makes her feel peaceful. Someone is next to her, keeping quiet, nurturing her with the tip of their fingers onto Minju’s hands. She has someone to keep her company.
“You know I’d love to know more about you.” One of them spoke up, her gaze shifted from the body of water, and into the other’s warming eyes.
“What else do you have to know, you pretty much know everything about me.” The one who claims to have warming eyes chuckled, it was the truth. It has been a month since this scheme of theirs have been going on. And it was more than succesful.
“Actually that’s not true, I barely know you .”
“You know more about me than you realise, Minju.”
Think harder, Minju, think a little harder pass that thin ice separating the illusion and the reality. Think a little harder and then you’ll realise so many more things about me that you didn’t even know were there. Like the fact that I love you.
“What do I know exactly?” Minju couldn't think of what the answer might’ve been. She knows Chaewon well by now, her likes, dislikes, daily routine, everything someone could possibly know about another person.
“I love you.” Chaewon whispers, just loud enough for the wind to carry her words and hopefully it will reach Minju’s heart.
“That’s obvious, silly. Love you too.”
And it was at this moment Minju realised how that sentence rolled smoothly off the tip of her tongue even more like butter. For the first week, saying I love you and such had been hard for Minju, because she doesn’t truly mean what she said. But right now it’s different. There’s this small shock of electricity dancing underneath her skin and she is unsure herself whether that it’s just excitement and nervousness as always, or was it that Minju truly loves Chaewon for all this time? Don’t be silly, of course not. Minju doesn’t mean what she said, all of it.
“Actually Chaewon.. I’ve got something to tell you.” Her tone was more serious this time. Her smile faded away with those words and her hands once placed underneath Chaewon’s now sat on her lap clasped together tight, she’s nervous.
“Yeah, sure.”
Chaewon filtered out all the other thoughts in her head that she had earlier and turned towards Minju. She didn’t think that it’ll be much of a serious talk, so she leaned back on her arms leisurely, a soft, reassuring smile still lingering on her face.
It’s been a good ride. All of this adventure that they’ve been through for all this time and all the smiles that Chaewon had given her it’s been so much fun for Minju. But for her, right now she is free. No one talks about her around the hallways anymore, they’ve stopped pointing at her and whispers and make fun of her. All that is gone. They’ve moved onto the next target to whoever that unlucky person is. She’s free, it’s time for her to move on.
“Thank you. Chaewon. Thank you for.. everything. Thank you for playing along with me, thank you for agreeing to do such things against your will and–“
“Wait, wait. You think I did all of this because of that dare?” Chaewon’s face has are you fucking serious right now expression written all over her face. Her brows pointing in towards each other and her mouth is gaping wide in shock. She wasn’t expecting that at all.
Minju looked into Chaewon’s eyes. She didn’t understand what the other was talking about. “What do you mean..?”
“Honestly, Minju. Forget about our condition right now and tell me honestly. Do you love me?” This will be the answer that sets it all, Chaewon thinks to herself. She had always been unsure, but since they are meant to part, she’s going to make sure that Minju really truly doesn’t mean anything she said for the past month, at all.
Minju went silent.
She loves Chaewon, love meaning that she’s willing to let Chaewon do things to her that no one else ever had, love meaning that she’ll show Chaewon her secret spots where it’s quiet and nobody will come and interrupt them. But does all that mean anything to Minju? They’ll break apart one day and none of this will happen again, she won’t have to hold hands and give kisses on her forehead. No more of that. She accepts this in a way, in her own way that she is free, in her own way that it doesn’t mean anything at all.
“No.” Minju answered.
“Then that sets it. I know what you’re going to say. And my answer is also no.”
Minju is ‘breaking up’ with Chaewon. She knows that today marks the exact thirty days that they have been doing this act. Minju isn't the only one who is concerned about those rumors, Chaewon is too. That’s why when she gets the chance to, would always say good things and how much Minju means to her. She doesn’t have to do that lately, that means the rumors are all gone, our relationship is going to be gone pretty soon too.
“Loving you really did free me, Chaewon. I want to be fully free..”
The only thing locking Minju in place right now would be the chain she’s tied up to called a relationship with Chaewon. If she’s free from this, she would finally be free from everything, she could flee far away and never turn back, never turn back to what catastrophe she had just created the moment she will take off.
“I understand.” Chaewon stared into Minju’s pupils. It’s swirling something inside so complicated that even Chaewon herself is scared to approach it. The only thing she really dares to do right now, is lean in for one last kiss from her former lover.
Chaewon never wanted to let go, and no, she didn't understand. Their chemistry was perfect, while they were together everything seemed to fit together so perfectly like this was all bound to happen. She didn’t want Minju to see her cry, so now with her knees tucked under her chin, she let those droplets fall and soaked the fabric of her jeans.
“Goodbye, Chaewon.” Minju said, her voice a little shaky.
She saw it coming, Chaewon. She knew one day this was going to happen and it won’t be a pleasant day for her. It’s fake. All of it was fake. It’s something that is kept in her mind since the moment Minju had sid that she didn’t really want a relationship, she just needed to make up a relationship. It’s fake. All of it was fake.
In the end we were a plastic pair bound to melt to the heat of the sun.
-
It’s blurry. Her vision, is blurry. She’s deposited in the corner of her room, the speaker she turned on to mask out the obnoxious feelings pouring out in the form of tears. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. It was fake. It’s just a pretend relationship that was temporary and when she stepped out of it she’ll feel nothing. And here Minju is, trying her best for her heart not to ache, for her head to not remember any of those fun times that she had spent with Chaewon.
She was so happy.
There was one thing that had been bugging her since the moment Chaewon had said this. You know more about me that you realise . She was naive back then, she didn't know what it meant or why that sentence was followed by an I love you. But now she gets it, too late though.
She got on her feet the moment she realised. The words like her tears they all fell out of its place and were screaming for Minju to get out of her place, grab her phone and start calling someone. When the line picked up, it was a deep voice, and spoiler alert, it isn’t Chaewon. The front door swung open, and onto the streets was Minju, running as fast as possible down the road.
Think harder, you know more about me than you realised.
This part, this part was about even before they met. There were the exact words if she remembered correctly, on that night, the night before she was no longer free, she said this exact same sentence to the blurry person by the river.
There was no confirmation at all of who she was talking to. She just assumed it was him because of all the stupid rumors running around.
“Hello?” The other side of the line started speaking since Minju wasn't responding.
“Remember that party at the rich guy’s place?” She got straight onto the point.
“Uhh… oh! Richie’s party right? The night where I accidentally called the wrong number, I was calling my girlfriend, sorry if you cringed. But I wasn’t there, I went to a rugby match instead.”
She hung up the moment she got the answer. Minju fucking knew it. That night, that night when she was drunk and sat by the river and talked to a blurry stranger she can’t remember for hours and hours straight it wasn’t even a fucking guy she was talking to. It was Chaewon.
It’s too late for everything, Chaewon probably blocked Minju on all of her contacts already and since the sun had set there is no way she’ll still be at school. The only shot is making it alive to knock on Chaewon’s door. She ran for her life, never this fast would she ever thought to be spriting somewhere this quickly, taking the bus would take too londg and none is guaranteed to show up. So half an hour later, the doorbell was pushed lightly, followed by a loud thud to the floor.
“Hel.. Oh my goodness! Someone fainted at our front door!”
It was Chaewon’s parents who had opened the door to see Minju's collapsed body on the ground. And guess who came bolting to the front door as well, the host who was supposed to be welcoming the guest who had visited her on multiple occasions, Chaewon.
“She’s my friend, I’ll take care of her, don’t worry.” She said to not worry, but Chaewon was making the most worried face she had made in her lifetime.
While her parents were still panicking in the other room, Chaewon carried Minju into her room and dumped the exhausted body on her bed. Judging from the muddy shoes she took off for Minju at the front door and the amount of sweat soaked around the neck of her t-shirt she figured that Minju sprinted here. A faint stream ran from the tip of her eyes and down passed her jaw line. This girl had been crying.
Chaewon isn’t in a pristine condition either, uncoincidentally she was in the same condition as Minju. Up until the moment she heard her parents’ distress, she was balling her eyes out to every song no matter the mood. She thought it was her secret power at one point, to turn every song into a sad song just because of a heartbreak.
Right now the room is silent, a light drizzle outside makes a static noise, Chaewon sat on the carpet floor gazing into Minju’s features. Her breathing is steady, she’s fine. She should be trying to wake Minju up, and she’s gathering the courage to do so. It’s dangerous to leave someone in an unconscious position, and with this in mind, she got onto her bed, sat down by Minju’s side and started tapping Minju’s arms softly.
“Minju.. Minju! Wake up! Please.. Minju!”
It took only a few taps until Chaewon heard a complaint hum from the one laying down. Chaewon sighed in relief, a smile on her face, something she hasn’t done in a while.
Minju opened her eyes fully a few moments afterwards, the light was barely reaching her eyes, just the table lamp was left on and the curtains were drawn. But the moment she inhaled in and sensed this familiar scent her eyes widened and she came back to her concious. She’s currently in Chaewon’s room.
“Good morning.” Chaewon said in her terribly soft voice.
“What time is it?” Minju asked. She seriously thought it was morning at that moment.
“Eight p.m. You’re fine.” Chaewon answered. She didn’t dare to say a lot of things, afraid that it would come out wrong and Minju would interpret it a different way.
She reads Minju’s expression. It’s tired, yet relaxed. It’s like her speech is limited. Someone who had just been sprinting for a while shouldn't be moving much, so Chaewon just continued with her careful talk.
“What are you here for anyways.”
“I’m here to apologize. I was wrong.” She was wrong for everything that she’d done. She was wrong for thinking that Chaewon was faking it like she used to.
“I was wrong about me being free, Chaewon. I thought loving you was going to free me but it was the fact that I’m loving you, that freed me.”
All this time that Minju thought she was free, the boulder in her chest and the chains confining her in place was always lifted away by Chaewon. The thing that truly freed her was happiness. She’s always happy when she is with Chaewon. For every time that Chaewon smiles and hugs her in her arms, Minju feels safe. She’s free when she is with Chaewon.
“Remember that day when you came up to me and dared me to be your girlfriend?” Chaewon reminded Minju. It’s the only trick up her sleeve, the only advantage Chaewon has against Minju in this game that they’ve got going on.
“Yeah?” Minju’s head sparks a lightbulb. She remembers it clearly.
“I never broke my part of the dare.” Chaewon said that sentence loud and clear. She’s so proud of the fact that when Minju said she wanted to break up with her, her speech froze so hard that she didn't break the dare then. Coward Chaewon is kind of useful in a way.
It’s like a whole ocean had just been lifted off Minju’s chest. Who is Chaewon and why did God send someone of this kind to be Minju’s. She doesn’t deserve Chaewon for her stupidity on this subject, but at the same time she thinks Chaewon wouldn't like that either, she knew Chaewon would rather be with Minju than without.
“I love you, Chaewon. As in, I love you really.”
“I love you too, Minju.”
Chaewon didn’t have to say that it’s true like how Minju did, because all this time it had always been true. And it is going to continue to be like that. For Minju, she takes back everything she said. This isn’t her feeling guilty and trying her best to make up for all that she said, but instead she’s accepting it in Chaewon’s way. In a way that every time they smile, every time they show affection it is going to be genuine.
“Chaewon, would you be my girlfriend?”
“Of course.”
-