Chapter Text
The darkness surrounded him, the storm raging. He bobbed up and down in the swirling water, the saltiness stinging his eyes and burning his throat. It was all he could do to stay afloat.
“BLACK! BLACK!” he cried out. He gasped as the salt water filled his throat, panic tightening his chest as he fought to keep his head above the crashing waves. “BLACK!”
At first, there was no sound but that of the thunder and the ocean that surrounded him. Then, faintly, he heard a high-pitched whinny. He couldn’t figure out what direction the sound had come from. The sound grew louder and louder, and suddenly he felt a body crash against him. It had to be the spirited black stallion. It had to be.
He reached out and clutched what he assumed was the giant horse’s mane, somehow avoiding the creature’s thrashing hooves. “We’re okay, Black. We’re okay.” he called out, as much to comfort himself as the horse.
A crack of thunder startled them both, and the stallion thrashed, tossing his head back as the boy hung on for dear life. They had come too far to have it all end now. Another crack of thunder seemed to further panic the horse, and he could feel his grip slipping, his own sense of panic rising. Is this where it would end, in the middle of an ocean, never to be found?
The stallion tossed his head, his mane sliding out of the boy’s hands. “Black, no!” he screamed, as if the horse could hear him. He reached out and found nothing but water where the bold stallion had been. He was alone, desperately crying out, but there was no response. Salt water filled his throat, choking him, silencing him as the darkness overtook him...
Alec awoke, sitting bolt upright as the scream faded, his breath coming short and fast. The house was dark and quiet, and he hoped no one had heard him scream. He already felt as if he was under surveillance, no need to give his parents any more reason to worry about him.
He glanced at the alarm clock. Already 4AM, might as well get up. He wasn’t going to sleep any more tonight.
Alec dressed and moved through the house as quietly as he could. Ever since his return from what his mother had called his “adventure”, he often felt as if he were always being watched, as if he would lose his mind and take off again at the slightest provocation. He couldn’t say he blamed them, but the tension between him, his parents, and Henry was obvious, and he didn’t know what to do to ease it. If only it were as simple as reassuring them that he was fine, that he wouldn’t act so impulsively again, but of course he couldn’t guarantee that.
The euphoria he had felt after his experience out west had been short lived. The cold and gloomy New York weather was no help, making his mood even darker. Henry wanted to act as if nothing had happened, to pick up the business where they had left off, but Alec had trouble going on with business as usual. If only he could just “snap out of it”, as Henry demanded. If only.
His dreams had become increasingly troubling, almost always ending with his own impending death before he woke up. Alec was sure there was something to that, but wasn’t exactly comfortable with digging too deeply into it. Maybe he really was crazy. Maybe Pam’s death had really sent him over the edge, and maybe there was no coming back. He didn’t know.
The cold air snapped him out of his reverie as he stepped out the door and started toward the farm. Normally he would take the Jeep, but he needed the long walk to clear his mind before he started his real work day.
As he approached the stallion barn, he could see the light on in the apartment over the barn. Looked like Mike was getting off to an early start as well. Alec was glad for Mike’s presence. He had finally retired from riding and had allowed Henry to convince him to come work for Hopeful Farm, although Alec was sure Mike hadn’t required much convincing. Alec and Mike had developed a good working relationship ever since his return, and he didn’t ask Alec a whole lot of questions. Mike was one of the few people Alec felt truly comfortable around anymore.
The smells of the barn, sharp and familiar, further awakened Alec, and he heard a whinny and a snort from the first stall. Alec smiled to himself and greeted his beloved Black with a tug of his forelock. “Good morning, old boy.” he spoke softly to the stallion. Alec heard a loud nicker further down the aisle. “And good morning to you too, Satan.”
A snort was the only response. Alec couldn’t help chuckling to himself. The two stallions couldn’t have been more different, bound by blood though they were. One was barely tamed, and only Alec could guide him on the track. The other, though desert born and full of fire, had become a true champion, thriving under Henry’s training despite their rough beginning. Alec’s heart would always be with the Black, as Satan would always be Henry’s.
“You’re here early.” Mike’s Irish brogue snapped him back to attention.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
Mike nodded sympathetically. “There’s coffee in the office.”
Alec could smell the coffee over the other barn smells, grabbing a mug as he entered the office. The piece of the trailer he had inexplicably brought back with him was the first thing he saw, a rough piece of wood with the “HOPE” part emblazoned across it. It was supposed to remind him of all he had to live for, but this morning he resented the sight of it. His recurring dreams, nightmares really, were starting to sap him of anything resembling hope.
He sighed and sat down at the desk, sipping at the hot and bitter liquid. The previous day’s mail awaited him, and he sorted through it, setting aside bills to pass on to his father. Nothing else of interest was in the pile. Time to move on to other things that required his attention.Alec knew Henry would be returning from Florida soon as they prepped for the spring meet at Belmont. The last time they had spoken, Henry had been excited at how well Pam’s Song had performed at the winter meet. The filly had shown great promise as she started her three year old season, and they had been discussing whether to point her toward the Kentucky Derby or the Kentucky Oaks. She had placed well in the Florida Derby, and Henry thought Pam’s Song had great potential to take on the boys in the Kentucky Derby.
Alec had nodded along on these regular phone calls, and he knew Henry was still upset that Alec hadn’t gone to Florida with him for the winter season. But the idea of returning to Florida after his experience in the Everglades, in addition to his experience out west, filled Alec with dread. It was better that he had stayed behind, of that he was sure.
He looked over his notes from their last phone call. The filly was performing strongly and consistently, and Alec was sure she would be unbeatable against other fillies. He wasn’t so sure she would continue to do well against colts. Henry had other ideas, insisting that Pam’s Song could be another Black Minx in the making.
As if on cue, the phone rang. It could only be Henry at this hour.
“Hello?”
“Alec!” Henry’s excited voice rang down the line. “Did you see our girl yesterday?”
Alec smiled. “Yeah, I saw.”
“She’s a Derby horse if I ever saw one.” Henry declared. “Better than Black Minx.”
Alec nodded as Henry waxed rhapsodic about Pam’s Song, his heart not entirely in the mostly one-sided conversation. It was hard for him to disconnect the filly from the girl he had named her for. He knew it was silly, that it was illogical, but that didn’t stop his train of thought.
“Alec, are you listening?” Henry’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“Sorry, what were you saying?”
Henry huffed in annoyance and continued. “I said I picked up a nice little colt off the claim. He’s got a lot of potential.”
Alec groaned internally. Henry had a penchant for lost causes, and claiming horses usually qualified. “Why would you do that? We’re busy enough as it is.”
Henry suddenly went quiet, and at first Alec thought he had hung up on him. Then the trainer spoke again. “I picked him up with you in mind.”
Alec was baffled. “Me? Why?”
“Well,” Henry hesitated. “You’ve been...off ever since you got back from...you know.”
Alec rolled his eyes. “Go on.”
“Look, you need something to get you back into the swing of things. I can’t have you up on a horse this season. It’s too damn important. You’ve been talking about getting into training. Figured this might be the perfect horse for you.”
Alec wasn’t sure what to think. His heart hadn’t been in riding for some time before Pam came along, but he resented being replaced and shoved aside. He was suddenly angry that Henry thought he wasn’t up to the task of taking Pam’s Song through her three year old season.
“I can still ride, Henry.” Alec argued.
“Alec.” Henry’s tone changed, becoming firmer. “You were losing focus before...everything. We can’t afford to have your mind wander off out there.”
“You mean that YOU can’t afford it.” Alec answered sharply. “YOU don’t want me to embarrass you.”
“Dammit, Alec.” Henry replied in exasperation. “I’m giving you an opportunity to do something different. Besides, there’s someone that’s been riding Pam’s Song, and she’s coming up to Belmont for the spring meet. She’s already agreed to ride for us.”
“She?” Alec was baffled. “I thought you didn’t want any girl riders.”
“I changed my mind.” Henry answered, slightly defensively. “She’s damn good. Wait until you see her. She and Pam’s Song have a connection. They’re one hell of a team.”
“So I’m being retired?"
“Not retired, Alec.” Henry assured him. “Just...taking a hiatus.”
Alec was alternately amused and hurt. Maybe the old man was finally starting to come around to the idea of women on the race track. He disliked the idea of being replaced so easily, but if this jockey was everything Henry said she was, then he supposed there was no point in breaking up the team.
“Anyway, I’ve gotta go, Alec.” Henry continued. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Alec hung up. He took a sip of his coffee to find it had gone cold. Just as well, he had other things to do anyway.