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Juleka slips into the hospital just as visiting hours open up, quickly following the usual protocol before heading towards a familiar hospital room. She opens the door and walks in.
The room is as always - small yet comfortable, dull but filled with bright colored objects, and quiet except for one patient noisily flipping through a book on the hospital bed.
Juleka stares fondly at the sight as she shuts the door behind her and walks closer. “Rose?”
Rose looks up from her book and grins as soon as she sees her. “Juleka!” she exclaims. “I didn't know you were coming today!”
Juleka smiles shyly back and sits down on the chair next to Rose’s bed. “I wanted to see you,” she mumbles. “I miss you.”
She slips her hand into Rose’s and squeezes it. Rose squeezes back lightly.
She's right here.
“I’ve missed you, too. Oh! Tell me about—” Rose breaks off into a violent coughing fit.
Juleka shifts to rub her back as the awful noise fills the room. She tries to focus on the warmth of her skin instead of how sick she sounds, how Rose had been doing better but now she’s here again, how she can’t do much but sit here.
Rose is warm. She’s right here.
Her girlfriend takes in a shaky breath. “Sorry about that! Anyway, tell me about what you and the girls did at Marinette's place! Did you have fun?”
Juleka stares at her, taking in the sweat along her brows and the way Rose's eyelids droop with exhaustion. “Why don’t you rest? I’ll tell you later,” she mumbles, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
Rose frowns. “Oh, are you sure? I don’t want to waste your time, I can always sleep later.”
Juleka shakes her head. If anything, she's the one bothering Rose right now.
"You're never wasting my time. You should rest now."
Rose's grip on Juleka's hand tightens as she whispers, "Will you stay?"
Stay.
Is that even a question? Where else would Juleka even go?
So Juleka nods, and Rose smiles. Rose puts the book aside and leans back down on the hospital bed. Their fingers are still intertwined; neither of them seem to want to pull away. Rose's eyelids are heavy in a matter of moments, and Juleka watches as her girlfriend slips off into a deep sleep.
It's only when Rose is resting that Juleka finally allows herself to feel the tight emotion that's built up since she walked in here.
A shiver runs down her spine. Rose doesn't belong in this impersonal bland room. She should be at home under their soft pink covers, not lying in a firm hospital bed.
And yet... maybe home isn't the apartment they share. If it is, then home is missing Rose's fingers braiding her hair. Home is missing the warmth of Rose's body tucked into hers as they scroll through Netflix. Home is missing the way Rose's laughter bubbles out of her throat.
Home is not their apartment, no.
Rose is what makes it home.
Juleka refuses to think of this room as home, though.
It doesn’t matter how many times Rose has been in similar rooms; it’ll never be home. This is a hospital. Hospitals almost never have good connotations associated with them despite what Rose insists about positivity and having optimistic thoughts.
Optimistic thoughts.
Juleka’s grip tightens on Rose’s hand, and she holds back a bitter laugh. She doesn’t know how Rose does it, really. Juleka’s hope slips away each day the doctors tell her they want to keep Rose longer for one reason or another.
Just another day, she’s fine, I promise she’ll be alright.
And Rose too, ever so positive, will simply nod and tell Juleka that it’s okay, that she’ll stay a little while longer before she’ll be ready to return home as good as new.
Juleka closes her eyes to hold back tears. She doesn’t want to think about what would happen if Rose couldn’t be discharged for any reason. If something happens, if something goes wrong…
What would Juleka do if her home is gone?
So caught up in her thoughts, Juleka almost doesn't notice the way Rose's hand tightens around hers. But the instant she feels the movement, she gasps, and Juleka's gaze shoots up to see her girlfriend watching her sleepily. Rose's eyes are still half-closed as she smiles reassuringly up at Juleka.
"Hey, it'll be okay, Jules," Rose whispers. "Please don't cry."
Juleka looks down at Rose, trying to ignore the dried up tears against her cheeks. How is she not supposed to cry? How is she supposed to not worry?
"I'm stronger than you think," Rose says in what seems to be amusement. "I know you know that. I've gotten through it before! I will again." She laughs softly, before looking up at Juleka with affection in her eyes. "And you know? I love you, Juleka,” Rose murmurs, '' I won't ever leave you. I promise."
Juleka simply nods, her voice too thick with emotion to be able to say anything. Instead, she squeezes Rose's hand and gently brushes back her hair, leaning over to press a kiss to her girlfriend's forehead as Rose drifts off to sleep again.
"I love you too, Ro."
She admires the way Rose perseveres after all the hours they’ve spent in rooms just like this one. Even now, she can tell she’s still finding the best in this situation. She’s not sure how she does it.
It almost feels hopeless, with how Juleka visits to hear the same monotonous beeps over and over. To catch hushed voices outside the door before being ushered out.
But Rose is here. If there's anything she knows about her girlfriend, it’s that she’s a fighter.
And Rose is strong.
Right now, the day when they’re not enclosed in a room with such bright lights and bland walls feels like nothing more than a pipe-dream.
But Rose is still here. And that’s all Juleka asks for.