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"Weren't you gonna go to the training hall this morning?" Zack asked the young man who was cuddled up to him in bed. It was still quite early in the morning, and despite them not having slept much, and Zack having been travelling the previous day, he didn't feel the least bit tired. How could he be - he finally had his boyfriend back.
"Changed my mind. You just came back from your mission, I missed you," his boyfriend said, his voice still sleepy and muffled as most of his face was hidden between the cover and the crook of Zack's neck, and mostly just a tuft of blonde hair messily sticking out. Training was important, but right now, Zack couldn't feel happier as he indulged. Shifting a little more comfortably, he held his--
An alarm woke Zack from his sleep, and he hugged his pillow tighter to his chest - when had it disappeared from underneath his head? - trying to force himself to just ignore the alarm clock and go back to sleep. He had felt so comfortable and warm in his dream, he didn't want to leave. But his attempt to ignore the alarm lasted only for a few more seconds before he sighed a little more dramatically than really necessary, and finally stopped the wake up call. It was no use.
Zack had just recently moved to Osaka to fill in for a high school teacher that had to quit for health reasons at the beginning of the new calendar year. Having grown up in a small place outside Kagoshima, he had double majored teaching physical exercise and biology, as well as learnt kendo since his childhood. After graduation, he had first taught PE at a high school in a neighbouring town, but hadn’t had the chance to include biology or kendo. There had been a kendo club at his school, but they had already had an instructor.
Then there had been a chance for him to be recommended as the new PE teacher at a high school in Osaka, and for him to share the biology position. The previous PE teacher had instructed the kendo club, so with such a perfect chance, Zack had decided to leave his parents' nest for the big city. His American father had always been fairly busy with his oceanic research work at Kagoshima’s university, so his Japanese mother had raised him largely on her own. And though her side of the family didn't like his father much, they adored Zack.
Crawling out from under the warm cover initially wasn’t easy, but a few stretches were enough to help wake Zack up. There wasn’t much to wake up to in his one-bedroom apartment, which was still a bit of a mess of boxes that he hadn’t bothered to unpack yet since he had moved in two weeks ago. It wasn’t much, but it was his new home, and Zack still felt this excitement over this new chapter in his life - so far from home, on his own two feet, having a teacher job that he loved. The students liked him and his positive, motivational nature, and the school’s kendo club would stand a good chance at the next high school championships.
As he began to get ready for a new day at work, Zack let his thoughts drift back to his dream from that morning. It hadn’t only been this morning that he had dreamt of that blonde guy, he actually appeared fairly often in Zack’s dreams, for a few years already. Blonde, a bit shorter than him, the most beautiful dark blue eyes, and his voice. Soft, with a bit of an accent when he got emotional, but it wasn't an accent that Zack recognised. And his name was Cloud. In those dreams, they were both in some military. Zack was some kind of elite unit soldier, swinging around a hefty sword (pretty cool!), while Cloud was an infantryman. Sometimes Zack fought other soldiers, once even ugly monsters (also pretty cool! Kinda…!). He had always had a very vivid imagination, but sometimes his dreams still surprised even him.
But not all of his dreams with Cloud were good. Sometimes Zack dreamt that he was on the run from the very same military he and Cloud were a part of, and in those dreams Cloud was always a very scary kind of catatonic. Other times he would dream of a laboratory in which he and Cloud were being held captive and… experimented on… In those dreams, Zack was held in a glass pod that he failed to break out of, while having to watch scientists conduct some kind of experiments on Cloud. But possibly the worst dream was the one in which Zack himself was shot and killed. Whenever he dreamt of that, he always felt a piercing pain in his chest that eventually woke him up. And Cloud was in that dream, too - his face and hair bloodied, but conscious, crying as he knelt over Zack as he laid there dying. Zack would always talk about 'honour' and 'legacy', and pass his beloved sword on to Cloud who could barely even lift it…
The worst part about that particular dream wasn’t the fact that Zack was dying, but the feeling of leaving Cloud behind, and seeing him cry. That almost hurt more than the multitude of wounds across his body.
Zack hated those bad dreams, they always woke him up in the middle of the night in tears and pain. They felt so real - but luckily the good ones like the one from this morning felt real, too. He always wondered what gave him these dreams, as they were always very specific, and recurring. Zack didn’t think he had a particular thing for blonde foreigners, and he never dreamt of being with other foreigners. Of course he had dated guys and girls back in Kagoshima, and though he had liked his partners and had treated them well, none of those relationships had ever felt serious to him. They had always ended up with him calling it quits, as it would have been unfair to his partner if he had kept leading them on. Sometimes Zack jokingly wondered to himself if the guy from his dreams made it impossible for him to love someone in the real world. He knew how much his dream self loved Cloud, so maybe there was just no love left for reality.
When Zack finally left his apartment, he quickly zipped up his jacket. It was winter, mid January, and while he was also used to warmer climates from home, Osaka was currently under an unusual cold spell, too. “Just my luck,” he muttered to himself as he made his way towards the nearest metro station. His apartment wasn’t exactly close to work, but at least his commute wasn’t as horribly long as for some of his colleagues who lived on the outskirts.
Halfway towards the station, much to Zack’s displeasure, it even began to snow. This wasn’t what he had signed up for when he had moved to Osaka, but at least he knew that it most likely wouldn’t become too snowy. The weather forecast hadn’t said anything about much snow, after all. But at the same time, out of nowhere, Zack suddenly felt a pang of nostalgia.
“At least someone’s keeping up.”
“Well, I’m a country boy, too.”
“A mako reactor outside Midgar usually means… nothing else out there…!”
That dream… In that dream, Zack had presumably met Cloud for the first time, in some snowy mountain area. Zack had called them both 'backwater experts', and they had laughed together. In that dream it truly felt like love at first sight...
Zack was so lost in his thoughts that he accidentally walked into someone at a red traffic light. He had to apologise profusely as the woman gave him a deserved annoyed glare, and as she walked off once the light turned green, Zack pulled his scarf up to his nose. Zoning out like that was nothing unusual, though. Most of the time, when Zack randomly daydreamt of moments with Cloud - and of those beautiful, deep blue eyes - he completely forgot what he was doing.
In an attempt to keep himself more focused, Zack dug out his earphones. He plugged them into his phone, and began listening to an audio book, starting where he had left off last time.
To Zack’s relief, it had actually stopped snowing at some point during the day. Not that he had really had much time to think about it - or anything else for that matter - as classes had kept him busy. A few of his colleagues had asked him to join them for some after work drinks, but he had politely declined, promising that he would join them next time. Usually Zack would be happy to go out with them after work, but that day he just didn’t feel like going anywhere.
Though later, after work, when Zack reached the metro station closest to the school, he almost regretted not having gone with the others. By the time he actually got to leave, it was rush hour, which meant an absolutely crowded station, waiting in line, and packed trains. Why was it even called ‘rush hour’, when there was absolutely nothing fast about it? Zack wasn’t one to feel claustrophobic, but the masses of people inside the station felt uncomfortable even to him. Hopefully he would get used to it soon.
Zack was letting the flow of people slowly move him towards the ticket gates, when he was momentarily dumbstruck. He saw someone by the ticket gate whose hair looked exactly like Cloud’s - the same shade of blonde, the same length, the same spiky style. The guy briefly turned his head to the side as he presumably swiped his metro card over the scanner by the turnstile. Even though Zack only had a brief profile view, there was no mistaking it - the guy’s profile looked exactly like Cloud’s! … Well, at this distance, at least… But even if Zack hadn't been so taken aback by the similarity, there was no way he could have acted in time. By the time that he finally reached the ticket gate, the guy was long gone, lost in the crowd.
Cloud...
Zack kept looking around desperately for the blonde while he continued towards his own platform, and even there he didn’t give up hope yet that he would spy the guy again. Though when his train arrived and he had to board it, he finally had to admit to himself that it had probably just been wishful thinking on his part, a mistaken recognition, especially considering the distance between them. That thought put a serious damper on his mood, but at the same time Zack told himself to not be so possessed by some far fetched dreams. Sure, they felt very real and familiar, but they were just that - dreams. Frowning heavily, he told himself for the umpteenth time to focus on the real world instead.
A few days later, Zack agreed to join his colleagues for some after work drinks and a bite to eat. His colleagues made a big deal out of it, deciding they just had to finally show him around Dotonbori this time. They usually went for some drinks closer to the school, but since Zack was still quite new in the city, they wanted to introduce him to the popular area. It was Friday evening, and that apparently made it the perfect day to show Zack ‘what Osaka was all about’. Zack usually went for a jog in the evenings, or at night when he’d been out in the evening, but knowing his colleagues, he would probably just want to go to bed at the end of this outing.
Osaka, or Dotonbori respectively, on a Friday evening was all about crowds of people. Crossing the famous bridge was an experience in itself, as it felt to Zack like half the people here just stood around to take pictures or selfies. He had wanted to send pictures to his parents, but figured that he would come back here on a less busy day and time. Also, his colleagues kept him engaged in conversation pretty much the entire time, so Zack didn’t want to interrupt to try to get a halfway decent picture.
Zack was only half listening to one of his colleagues talking about some awkward English class he had suffered a few months ago. The other half of Zack’s attention was on all the different flashy restaurant and shop signs all around them. Unlike in the metro during rush hour, he felt comfortable here in the bustling district, and him being a people person probably did help a lot in the matter.
Though nothing stole Zack’s attention more than… He was absolutely sure it was the same blonde guy from the other day inside the metro station. The unknown man was with a small group, probably friends, walking in the opposite direction of Zack and his colleagues. This time Zack got a better view of the guy’s face, and he really did look like Cloud in his dreams. The same shade of blue eyes, the same small smile; the face, the hair, he looked exactly like Cloud. The guy looked up, and for a brief moment their eyes met. The other man also looked momentarily surprised, but quickly broke eye contact as he was pulled along by one of his friends.
“Oi, Fair, you listening?” Zack’s colleague asked with a tap at Zack’s upper arm, pulling Zack’s attention back to him. “Huh?” Zack asked, momentarily confused and wondering about what his colleague had been saying. “Cut him some slack, it’s his first time here - there’s a lot to take in,” another colleague laughed, saving Zack from having to explain why he hadn’t been listening. Still walking on, Zack looked back again, but he could no longer see any sign of the blonde guy. Other foreigners, yes, but not that guy.
“You’ll be… my living legacy.” Cloud’s head was let go, and he slowly lifted it up. The rain poured down upon them mercilessly, but it didn’t help to wash away all the blood from the one person that was the most precious to him. Cloud’s eyes stung, and his tears fell, mixing with the rain. It didn’t matter. His only focus was on his boyfriend, who was trying so hard to hold on to life for these last few moments they had together. Zack's body was riddled with shot and cut wounds and bleeding out, and it was obvious that every breath was a painful struggle for him. Every pained breath that Zack took, broke Cloud’s heart more. “My honour, my dreams, they’re yours now.”
“Zack!” Cloud woke with a start in the middle of the night. Slowly sitting up, it took him a long moment to realise where he was. His breathing came heavily, his clammy hands were shaking, tears were running down his cheeks, and his entire body still felt heavy. He hadn’t dreamt of Zack in a little while, but now it seemed like those dreams were back with a vengeance. There were good, happy dreams with Zack, but this one always woke Cloud up, and left him feeling lonely, sad, and… confused. What had happened to Zack? Who had shot him so many times?
Rationally, Cloud knew it had been just a nightmare, but right now, it was difficult to believe it had only been that. The rain pelting down on him in the dream had felt so real, and he could still faintly smell the scent of blood mixed with rain. In that dream, nightmare, Cloud’s body always felt sluggish and heavy, his mind slow to catch up, and he felt the same right upon suddenly waking up. Heavy, sluggish, and… empty. As if his real body was far too slow to realise that he was back in the real world. A faint image of Zack closing his eyes one final time, breathing his last breath, clung to Cloud’s mind, and his tears fell in a new wave. He wasn’t one to cry often or easily, but this nightmare always pulled all the stops as he hugged himself. And in the safety and seclusion of his own apartment, he didn’t try to stop them.
Cloud hated this. He hated how helpless he had been in that dream, how he probably hadn’t even been capable of saving Zack, not with how sick his body always felt. He hated how someone like Zack, beautiful inside and out, had been massacred and left to bleed out like a criminal - like an animal. He hated how, even after waking up, his heart physically ached in his chest, how his sluggish feeling body wouldn’t stop shaking.
A memory of a man in Dotonbori earlier that evening came to Cloud’s mind, while he wiped away his tears with still shaking hands. The guy had looked so much like Zack in his dreams. Granted, Cloud had only seen him for a short moment and at a distance before his colleagues had dragged him into a restaurant, but the similarities had been shocking. Had Cloud been braver, he might have marched right up to the other man, if only to get a closer look. Maybe seeing someone with such a similarity had triggered this dream. Or maybe it had been the rain that was still hitting against his window now, as it always rained in that dream as well.
Cloud had been so preoccupied lately with his move to Osaka, and his new job in the motorbike division of a big car and motorbike company, which he had joined as an engineer. His father was an engineer, up in Owani in Aomori Prefecture, which was where Cloud had been born to English parents. Still, he had been raised primarily Japanese, something that had been important to his parents for his future here in the country. While he was grateful for their choice, it hadn’t always been easy, particularly growing up. He looked different, and even to this day was often treated differently - like a foreigner. People were often surprised over his fluent, native level language skills and dialect, or over something as simple as him being able to eat with chopsticks.
Cloud’s relatives treated him like a foreigner, too, the few times he visited them or spoke to them. He looked like one of them, barely even spoke with an accent, but he wasn’t one of them, and it encouraged him to keep a distance from them. There was always a gap between him and his cousins, and during holidays with the extended family he had always felt like he was invading. Growing up, he had often felt like he belonged nowhere, like he was an outsider no matter where he went. But while he was often still mistaken for a tourist nowadays, he had learnt to take it in stride. His time in the university had certainly helped.
As a child, he had already helped his father tinkering with motorbikes, and he had ended up following in his father’s footsteps by studying engineering in Aomori. He had been among people his age with the same general interest in creating things, and they had accepted him for who he was. And after having gained a little practical experience in the company that his father worked for, Cloud had had the incredible chance to land a good job in Osaka for one of his favourite motorbike brands.
Cloud had dreamt of Zack fairly regularly, though lately, with his days being busy, loud and crowded with people, he had usually been knocked out the moment his head hit the pillow, until his alarm went off in the mornings. During the week he didn’t have enough quiet time to regenerate quick enough. In a way he had missed dreaming of Zack, because in his dreams he felt more love for that man than he had ever been capable of feeling in reality. Whenever he had tried to date girls or guys in school or later in uni, he had never felt comfortable. Eventually, he had figured that he just wasn’t dating material. He had learnt that girls definitely weren’t for him, and had just settled for flings with guys, one ‘friends with benefits’, no strings attached. And more importantly, no feelings necessary. It felt like all his romantically emotional capacities were reserved for his dreams with Zack. That also made this dream of Zack’s death so much worse for Cloud whenever it occurred. Each time it hit him a bit harder, took a bit longer to recover after it startled him awake.
Once he eventually, finally calmed down, Cloud laid down again, but right then he felt too awake to sleep. His mind drifted back to the guy in Dotonbori that evening. Cloud wished he had gotten a better, closer look at the man, if only to be sure that he looked different up close after all. Someone like Zack existing in real life would be too good to be true. Turning around onto his side, Cloud curled up under the cover. He’s not real. It’s just a dream… he told himself bitterly, but a part of him still wanted to believe in miracles. The reminder made him feel lonelier than he had in a long time, and empty, as if a part of him was missing. He usually prided himself on being rational, but Zack seemed to poke a hidden side. If only Cloud could convince this hopeful side to quit its wishful thinking…
Two days later, Zack decided to spend the late Sunday afternoon checking out his new home city. He had spent most of the previous day with a hangover after the evening out with his colleagues, so now it was time for something more fun. And since this was the first dry day in a while, despite the cold, he decided to walk the fair distance to Osaka Castle - with the help of his trusty navigation app on his phone. In the end he wasn’t disappointed, though, as the castle proved interesting, and the Castle Park relaxing. He also made a mental note to check out the park come spring, when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.
It was slowly beginning to get dark by the time he finally neared his apartment building. Rounding the corner into his street, Zack stifled a yawn, just when he saw a familiar figure up ahead. Zack instantly recognised that hair and the jacket - the Cloud-lookalike! The man was carrying a plastic bag from a convenience store around the corner, which had Zack wondering if the guy actually lived close by. But after the initial surprise passed, Zack’s mind and body decided there was no way he was going to pass up this chance, and it gave him a surge of adrenaline.
Catching up, Zack reached out to grab the other man's left wrist. “Cloud?!” Zack blurted out the first thing that came to mind to verbally catch the guy’s attention. That seemed to (understandably) startle the other man, and he whipped around asking “What the hell?! Do I know you?!” Within seconds they faced each other, and both froze with a look of surprise. Zack had expected a strong foreign accent, maybe even relatively bad Japanese or full on English. What he got, though, was a perfect northern Japanese dialect.
But that wasn't the only thing that made Zack's mind metaphorically short circuit. Now that Zack saw the guy up close, he definitely looked exactly like Cloud in all those dreams. Older than the teenage Cloud, and healthier than the adult. But apart from that, they looked and sounded completely alike. And Zack would recognise those eyes among thousands.
“How do you know my name?” the other man asked after a few moments with a small frown, but he sounded calmer now, and he suddenly spoke in the standard Japanese dialect. And for a moment, Zack didn’t know how to respond to the question. So that was actually this guy’s name, just like his dream lookalike? “I, uh, didn’t. I… you just… looked familiar,” Zack tried to explain himself helplessly, thinking that he could hardly say the guy - Cloud - looked and sounded exactly like his literal dream boyfriend. Though it wasn’t a common name, probably not even among foreigners, so what were the chances of the name being the same in dreams and reality?
“...You do, too,” Cloud said quietly, hesitantly, and Zack’s mind still wasn’t quite catching up yet. He looked familiar, too? How so? Zack only realised he was looking at Cloud dumbly, and still holding on to him, when the other man pulled his wrist free. Cloud excused himself as he turned to continue walking towards an apartment building’s entrance, his free hand digging a set of keys out of his jacket pocket. Zack didn’t have time to carefully consider what to do or say, to decide whether to let Cloud walk off or not, as his brain once again made its own decision. “This’ll sound crazy, but would you let me take you out?” he called out, ignoring the two strangers that walked past him on the pavement. He knew he was really jumping the gun, that one couldn’t just run around asking people out based on them looking like someone in his dreams. But he acted on instinct, and his instincts were usually correct.
The question drew Cloud’s attention again, and he turned around. “What makes you so sure I’m into guys?” Cloud asked, which momentarily caught Zack off guard. Had he gotten it wrong after all? He quickly regained his wits, though, and pointed at his own eyes. “Your eyes are expressive, they gave it away,” he said with a grin, daring to be cheeky. It seemed to work, too, as Cloud gave a small smile. “Fine, once,” Cloud agreed, and just seeing that small smile gave Zack this fluttery feeling that he only ever really felt in his dreams. Even that expression looked exactly like dream-Cloud’s.
“How ‘bout…” Zack began, and quickly scrambled for where he could take Cloud - it had to be something fun and interesting. “The aquarium? Next Saturday? Meet here at 12?” he suggested the first thing that came to mind, and for a moment he wanted to slap himself. He enjoyed marine life, but was the aquarium really an ideal place for a first - and worst case only - date? Did Cloud care for that kind of thing? Those unasked questions answered themselves when Cloud nodded with that same soft smile still on his lips.
Zack watched Cloud turn, and unlock the front door of an apartment building before he turned around again. “What’s your name?” Cloud asked, and Zack introduced himself belatedly. He saw something pass over Cloud’s expression that he couldn’t quite place, but it only lasted for a second or two. “Looking forward to it,” Cloud said then, his smile back, and turned around again to enter the building while Zack could only wave awestruck.
As Zack continued walking the one last minute towards his own apartment building, he wondered when someone had ever made his mind go blank as often as Cloud just had. Zack wasn’t dumb, far from it - he was usually also smooth and charming, but now? He figured he had at least been charming enough for Cloud to agree to go out with him, despite how crazy, even surreal this whole encounter had been.
When Cloud entered his apartment, he finally let himself relax. He had seen that guy the other day in Dotonbori. Though he had brushed off any similarities to Zack from his dreams because of the distance, this chance meeting had changed everything. Having seen the other man up close, absolutely everything about him looked the same as dreams-Zack, even down to the scar on his cheek and the tan of his skin. But not only that, even his voice had been exactly the same, as well as his name. What were the chances?! Cloud had never told anybody of his dreams, so there was absolutely no way this could be some elaborate trick by someone.
There was also the fact that he had agreed to a date, Cloud thought as he discarded his shoes and jacket, and ventured further into his small company apartment. He went to sit under the kotatsu table he had brought from home, reached underneath it to turn on the heater, and took the bento and can of beer out of the convenience store bag he had just brought home. The fact that he had agreed to a date was another quite incredible thing. He hadn’t been on a date in forever, and certainly never with someone he had just randomly met on the street not even two minutes earlier. Flings with strangers from a bar, sure, it had happened, but a date?
Cloud thought it over some more while he slowly ate. Was it because the other man, Zack, looked exactly like Zack in his dreams? Was there such a thing as fated meetings and visions? They couldn’t really have been visions, as those dreams hadn’t contained anything from reality, right? Was that how visions worked? The world in his dreams was foreign and strange, with monsters. But maybe he was just putting too much weight on those dreams. At the end of the day, Cloud was too pragmatic to believe in something like fated meetings. So until he was proven otherwise, he decided, he would just put this off as an incredible coincidence. He also decided to just look forward to this date next weekend.
Zack had feared the week would pass at a snail’s pace, but with the after classes workload and additional club training for an upcoming kendo tournament, the week practically flew by. It was a good thing that he loved his job, so despite all the hard work and overtime, when Saturday rolled by, he was as energetic as ever. The fact that he was about to meet Cloud again certainly helped the matter. Zack felt excited, and almost a little nervous at the same time. He had been on dates before, of course, but it had never once felt like this. Now he even fussed over what to wear, something that he didn’t usually put too much thought into.
In the end, Zack settled on jeans and a light grey, slightly warmer button-up. After a brief moment of consideration, he also tied his hair into a ponytail as per usual these days. He would be wearing a scarf, and that usually left knots in his hair when he left it open, which was a literal pain to brush out. He really should get his hair cut sometime, but he liked it this long, and his director surprisingly didn’t complain.
When Zack finally left his apartment and walked towards where he was to meet Cloud, he hoped there wouldn’t be any awkward silence between them. What if they had absolutely nothing to talk about? What if his dreams had influenced his judgement too much, and there was zero chemistry between him and Cloud? What if-- Zack didn’t have the time to continue along that train of thoughts when he saw Cloud waiting on the pavement, on the same spot where they had met last weekend. Just seeing Cloud was enough to banish any second thoughts out of his mind, and Zack felt this same fluttery feeling he had felt last Sunday. Zack smiled when their eyes met, and his fluttery feeling only intensified when Cloud returned the smile.
“Feeling cold?” Cloud asked with a tease in his voice when they began to walk towards the nearest metro station alongside each other. Play it cool, Fair, Zack told himself, seeing as Cloud didn’t seem to be bothered by the cold, unlike him. “I wanna say no, but… a bit? Kinda? … Okay, yeah, it’s really cold,” he relented with a laugh when he saw Cloud’s amused, knowing smirk. “Come on, you don’t think so?” Zack asked then, his hands stuffed into his pockets, and his scarf pulled over his chin. “Winter here is mild. I’m from the north, we get real snowfall, meters deep," Cloud said, which made Zack even more curious.
"Oh yeah? Where in the north?" Zack asked, now thinking that Cloud might be from Russia, even though he had absolutely no accent. It was possible… When Cloud said he was from Owani, near Aomori - very much not Russia - Zack was admittedly confused. It apparently showed in his expression and hesitation, though, as Cloud began to explain. "I'm Japanese. My parents are originally from England, but they moved here after graduating from uni, and were lucky with their jobs and visas. I was born and raised in Owani like any other local.” Zack listened, of course, but part of him was entirely captivated by Cloud’s soft voice. It felt so familiar, which was probably due to his dreams. Somehow this familiarity still felt deeper.
But hearing that, it also made Zack feel like an idiot. He had done what he usually hated people doing to him - judged a book by its cover. Cloud looked like a foreigner, so Zack had let it mislead him. But he owned up to his mistakes. “To be honest, I thought you’re maybe from Russia, even though you don’t have an accent. I mean, you had a Tohoku accent last week, but definitely not foreign. Sorry,” Zack apologised ruefully as they descended the stairs to enter the metro station, hoping he wouldn’t offend Cloud. He just didn’t feel right by hiding the truth when he had probably already been figured out. The other man’s soft smile, though, indicated that no offence was taken. “It’s fine, I get that a lot, so I’m kinda used to it. And the Tohoku accent has a bad rep in the rest of the country, so we typically speak in standard dialect outside the region. Makes life easier. But what about you? You’re not wearing blue contacts.”
That observation had Zack wonder with a giddy feeling just how closely Cloud had looked at his naturally blue eyes earlier to tell the difference. But also, having a foreign parent as well, Zack thought he understood a bit how Cloud probably felt, being judged so easily. “American father,” he said, and paused as they went through the ticket gates. He had made sure to memorise how to get to the aquarium on a map, so he could guide them to the right platform without a hitch. “He met my mother in Kagoshima, and they settled in a small town near the city. It was great there - just minutes away from the coast, clear water, insider beaches that tourists don’t know about,” he said with a grin. He loved his hometown, and would probably miss it soon enough, but he also knew that he would be happy here in Osaka. He just needed a little time to adjust.
“From Kagoshima, huh? That would explain why you’re a cold weather wuss,” Cloud teased with a grin, and Zack’s playful “Hey!” went decidedly unheard. “What brought you to Osaka, if you liked your hometown that much?” Cloud asked as they reached their platform and lined up, and Zack felt that Cloud was genuinely curious, not just asking for the sake of small talk. In general, Zack felt incredibly comfortable talking with Cloud like this. Zack was a people person who didn’t usually have trouble talking with others, but the way he felt talking with Cloud was different. Like they had sat and chatted countless times before.
On the way to the aquarium, Zack and Cloud quickly found out that they had both recently moved into company apartments a minute or two apart for the sake of new job opportunities in completely different fields. Zack also told Cloud he had seen Cloud inside a metro station, before they had had a glimpse of each other in Dotonbori. “Maybe it’s fate that we met the way we did. Osaka’s huge, and with us working in completely different fields, what are the chances that I saw you twice before we met last week?” Zack wondered aloud as they eventually walked from the station towards the aquarium. “Maybe… I don’t really believe in something like fate, but I don’t mind being proved wrong,” Cloud wondered aloud, and Zack was only happy to accept the challenge.
This easy atmosphere between them continued throughout the visit inside the aquarium. Being as interested in marine life as Zack was, visiting one of the largest aquariums in the world was exciting in itself - being here with Cloud, of course, just made the experience that much more exciting. Zack explained a lot, and they talked about how weird some of the water creatures looked. They laughed together about little jokes and stories they shared, but Zack was acutely aware of how much he actually did the talking. “Sorry if I talk too much, I hope I’m not boring you,” Zack apologised at one point with a sheepish smile, but Cloud shook his head with a soft smile of his own. “It’s interesting, I enjoy listening to you. I’m actually impressed with how much you know about marine life.”
Hearing that was honestly a relief to Zack - he felt ‘at home’ around Cloud, and didn’t want to mess up this one chance. So Zack did worry a bit about boring the other man, but Cloud sounded sincere when he said that he found it interesting. “It’s mostly self-taught, really, aside from what I learnt in uni. I grew up by the coast, and I was always fascinated by what I found when I went out diving. My dad works in oceanic research, so I had a pretty much limitless supply of books and papers to read,” Zack explained as they slowly walked through the corridor towards the spider crabs, and he didn’t miss how close to each other they were walking - had been this whole time already, their arms brushing with every other step. Cloud hummed in thought as they came to a halt in front of the spider crabs, and watched them for a moment.
“Maybe you can show me one day,” Cloud said with a soft smile, and Zack had to remind himself once again to play it cool through his excitement. It was an open invitation that this wouldn’t be their only meeting, and it told him that Cloud really was enjoying himself. “Sure! But don’t blame me if you don’t ever wanna leave the coast again,” Zack chuckled, and he couldn’t help but laugh more when Cloud gave the giant crabs a doubtful look. “At least it won’t be spider crabs that’ll keep me there,” Cloud said with his smile back, and he looked up at Zack before turning to continue walking. It made Zack feel this by now familiar, fluttery sensation again that Cloud kept giving him, and with a happy smile of his own, Zack turned as well to return to Cloud’s side.
Cloud enjoyed the visit to the aquarium far more than he had originally thought he might. While the things Zack told him about marine life really were interesting, more than that, Cloud just loved listening to the other man’s voice. Listening to Zack was calming - Zack could have held a long lecture about rock formations, and Cloud would have listened attentively. Not only that, Zack’s entire presence was somehow calming and familiar, like they had known each other for a long time already. The conversation between them flowed so easily, without any trace of awkward silence or fishing for topics.
When they eventually left the aquarium, and walked towards the Ferris Wheel opposite the aquarium that they had agreed to take a ride in, Cloud thought back to a week ago. Zack had said he looked familiar, and Cloud definitely thought the same about Zack. Cloud kept thinking about it even as they chatted lightheartedly, and soon entered a gondola together to sit opposite from each other. The gondolas were relatively small, though, so Zack and Cloud were still quite close.
They both looked out of the window as the wheel slowly began to turn again, with a comfortable silence between them. After a moment, though, Cloud decided to finally ask. “You said last week that I looked familiar, right? How so?” he asked as he looked at Zack, who suddenly seemed… a bit uncomfortable? Awkward? Either way, Zack hesitated for a moment before he spoke. “This’ll probably sound either corny or dumb, but, uh… I’ve been having some dreams in which someone looks exactly like you,” Zack said hesitantly, and in any other situation Cloud would have understood Zack’s sudden awkwardness. He did understand now, too, but he was too astonished to dwell on any awkwardness. Dreams?
Cloud shook his head. “It’s not dumb. That’s actually how you seemed familiar to me, too,” he admitted, and saw Zack visibly relaxing with a look of surprise. “What kind of dreams were they?” Cloud asked then, and this time, Zack remained relaxed. “The one in my dreams actually has your name as well. We’re in some kinda military, but with swords and guns and monsters. We met on a mission near a snow base.” Zack said, and while listening with a strange kind of numbness, Cloud added “Modeoheim…”
“Yeah, Mo-- Huh? How do you know?” Zack asked, clearly shocked, and Cloud really couldn’t blame him. Could it be that they actually had the same kinds of dreams? That would explain how they both seemed familiar to each other, but at the same time it only brought along even more questions. “I’ve had those kinda dreams, too. Gongaga, Nibelheim, some Shinra company, right?” A heavy silence followed Zack’s nod as they just looked at each other. It seemed impossible that they both had dreamt of the same things, but this right now definitely wasn’t just another dream or wishful thinking.
“My favourite ones are of lazy mornings,” Zack said with a cheeky grin, effectively breaking the silence for a lighter mood. And while that expression automatically made Cloud smile, as it always did, his mood went in the other direction as he recalled other, less good dreams. This one was always lurking somewhere nearby when he thought of dreams about Zack.
“And the worst was about seeing you shot,” Cloud said quietly, wringing his fingers without even noticing, his eyes somewhere on the window frame. Fidgeting or wringing his fingers wasn’t a nervous habit, but sometimes it just overcame him. That is, until he felt larger hands take his, which pulled his attention back. Their eyes met again, and for another moment they just looked at each other. And in this moment, stronger than at any point before, Cloud felt a certain, special connection with Zack. Cloud gently squeezed the other pair of hands, which Zack promptly returned.
Before either of them could do anything else, the Ferris Wheel came to a halt again, and their ride was over. Not their date, though - there was a tiny park along the pier, which they decided to take a walk through. “I’ve never told anybody about those dreams, they somehow felt too personal for me to share. But I’ve always found comfort in them, in you. In those dreams, aside from the bad ones, I felt happy, like I belonged somewhere,” Cloud said thoughtfully as they slowly walked towards the small park. It felt surprisingly comfortable to open up to Zack about this, but then he thought that maybe it wasn’t so surprising after all. Not with how comfortable he had been this entire time around Zack, and considering their apparent connection. And he felt a familiar, fluttery feeling when he looked up to see Zack giving him that most beautiful smile.
“Same, I often think back to good dreams when I’m feeling down. They always feel so real, that it’s easy to feel comforted by thinking of you,” Zack said, but then gave a small laugh. “Okay, that sounds kinda weird, but it’s true. I mean, the whole situation’s weird. Us meeting after we met in the same dreams… But it’s a good kinda weird! Even here in reality, I feel as comfortable around you as in those dreams. Like I’ve known you for years.”
Cloud listened, and he nodded with a soft smile as he knew exactly how Zack felt. “I feel the same way. When I first saw you last week, I thought you had literally jumped out of my dreams. Because what are the chances of dreaming of someone for years, and suddenly having them standing in front of you?” he said, to which Zack nodded his agreement. With that, a comfortable, companionable silence rested between them for a few minutes as they walked closely alongside each other towards and into the park, each busy with their own thoughts.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” Zack asked then, breaking the comfortable silence, and Cloud took a moment to consider the question. He was usually factual, trusted in things that could be explained. Now… he might have to reconsider his views a little. “Not until a quarter of an hour ago. I don’t usually believe in things like rebirth or this kinda spiritual stuff, but maybe I’ll make an exception this one time,” Cloud said with a small smile, which Zack easily outshone with his own. How could a person’s smile outshine the sun just like that? “I mean, we both had those kinds of dreams, and even talking to you now, it feels like I’ve known you for much longer. I’m comfortable around you in a way that I’m not even comfortable around people that I’ve known for years. That’s gotta mean something, right?”
“I think so,” Zack agreed with a nod as they entered the small park, which didn’t have many visitors at the moment. “And that feeling’s the same for me. I mean, I’m comfortable being around people, but this,” he pointed between them both, “this is a whole other level. I’ve never really been able to feel deeply for a partner, it just never felt right. But if this soulmate thing is real, then maybe… well, maybe we had been happy together in a past life. Bet you haven’t heard that pickup line yet,” he chuckled, while Cloud shook his head with a soft laugh. Not all of those dreams (memories?) were happy, but there was always a strong feeling of love and devotion present in every single dream.
They sat on one of the more secluded benches while they talked, sitting closer than necessary, while at the same time it was absolutely necessary for them to be this close. They had only spent a few hours together, but to Zack it felt like so much longer. He firmly believed that they had been together in another life, another world, and knowing of their tragic ending, it almost felt like they were being given another chance together.
Zack felt so comfortable, even, that when he looked at Cloud in a pause in their conversation, the urge to kiss him was now stronger than before. It had been strong this entire time already, but this moment just felt right. He slowly leant in, as if to give Cloud time to back out if he wanted to - but instead, Cloud only moved to meet Zack half way.
Hidden away in their little corner on the bench, their lips connected for the first time, but it felt so natural, as if it was their millionth kiss. Their lips moulded against each other with an old familiarity, as if they were reunited with their long lost partner. The taste, Cloud’s scent, the feeling of lips against lips. Even the warmth and softness of Cloud’s cheek as Zack reached up with a hand to gently cup it, while Cloud’s hands held on to Zack’s arms. This was it, this was what Zack had been missing all these years - he had Cloud back. ‘Back’?
New, short flashes of memories came to him as they slowly deepened the kiss. The memories were random, but happy ones: Their first kiss in Zack’s quarters, them both spending time playing cards with a friend, falling asleep together in front of the TV. Neither of them were in the military now, and with this second chance, Zack wanted to do things better. He wanted to share his life with Cloud in a way he knew they had once intended to. In this life, dangerous military missions and crazy scientists thankfully weren’t part of their world.
Eventually the kiss had to come to a natural end, and Zack couldn’t wipe a soft smile from his lips. He saw the same happy smile on Cloud once he opened his eyes again, just when he heard a group of people walking nearby. Sadly that was the cue for them to pull apart, though neither of them wanted to. “How ‘bout we go grab something to eat, and then go to your place? Mine’s still a mess of boxes from the move,” Zack laughed, really not having expected their date to go this well. He had hoped for the chance of a second date, and here he was, craving a second kiss. Them having more dates in future was already an unspoken promise between them.
“I hope by that you mean us getting take-out, I want more of those kisses sooner rather than later,” Cloud chuckled as they stood up, and headed for the exit. And Zack could only agree - he wanted to hold Cloud close and kiss him senseless, neither of which he could do out in public. It was also their luck that their apartments were only about a minute or two apart from each other, so they would be able to go see each other in next to no time at all.
Despite how close Zack and Cloud’s apartments had been at the time, nearly a year later they finally settled into their first shared apartment in another area in Osaka. Over the past year, they hadn’t spent a single night apart in their own apartments, so it was almost surprising that they had waited for this long.
Though in summer they had taken a holiday together in Kagoshima. They had taken Cloud’s motorbike, with an overnight stay in Yamaguchi considering the long driving distance. For the next year, Zack was already planning to get himself a motorbike license as well, so they could drive on tours together, or take turns when they drove longer distances. During that trip they had also visited Zack’s parents in his hometown, and Cloud had actually found a new love for diving, which they had ended up doing a lot together. Cloud couldn’t wait for their next trip either to Kagoshima, or to another coast - but first, they would be visiting his parents in Owani during Golden Week in a few months. Both of their parents were supportive of their relationship, as they knew how happy Zack and Cloud were with each other.
They both still had dreams from their old life, and had shared what memories the other had been missing. It had mainly been Zack telling Cloud about the few memories from that strange lab, and Cloud’s time being catatonic. But now that they had each other back, they always supported each other when one of them woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. At one point Zack had suggested they give hypnosis a try, but having been reluctant, Cloud had merely promised to consider it. Part of Cloud wanted to know more about their past lives, but another part was afraid of what they might find. They had been involved with some kind of experiments that had apparently left him catatonic for who knew how long, and Zack had ended up shot dead. Cloud really hadn’t been too excited to learn more.
It was Christmas now, though, and with it being more of a couples thing here than something religious, Zack and Cloud had decided to have a home-warming Christmas date. They had cooked various small dishes together for dinner, and after having eaten and finished washing the dishes, they finally sat by the kotatsu table. They had a couch in their new apartment, but now, during the cold season, it was mostly being used as a back rest while they sat under the warm kotatsu.
“Hey, look what I found,” Zack said as he sat down next to Cloud, and held up a mistletoe over their heads with a grin. Cloud recognised it to be the decoration he had removed from the Christmas cake earlier, to be able to fit the cake into the fridge. “You know we don’t need a mistletoe as an excuse to kiss, right?” Cloud asked, to which Zack huffed a laugh as his arm lowered a bit. “You said the same thing on Pocky Day. You’re reeeally romantic, Cloud,” Zack said, sarcasm mixed with amusement - though maybe, just maybe there was a hint of truth in his words. Between the two of them, Zack was easily the more romantic.
“Dunno what you’re talking about, I’m plenty romantic. You gonna kiss me now or not?” Cloud asked then, a smile on his lips as he pushed Zack’s arm up again, for the mistletoe to be above them. Zack’s smile brightened, and he leant in for their lips to meet in a soft, loving kiss. They had exchanged their first ‘I love you’s not long into their relationship, which had basically begun with their first date to the aquarium. And rather than falling into a routine, every day leading up to this moment (and this moment included) had felt special to Cloud - and he knew it had for Zack, too. Every kiss they shared still felt special to him. Zack being the first and last thing he saw each day, him being the one that Cloud got to share his life with, Cloud was grateful for everything. Grateful for Zack.
As one of Cloud’s hands reached up to rest on the side of Zack’s neck, his thumb brushing along the clean shaven jaw, he felt his boyfriend’s arm loop around his shoulders, keeping him close. The TV was on in the background, but all of Cloud’s attention was on the kiss he shared with Zack, which made him feel warmer than any kotatsu table could. It came to a natural end eventually, though, ending in them sharing a few more pecks. Cloud could easily get lost in their kisses, and forget about the world around them.
“At least your kisses make up for your lack of romance,” Zack teased with a grin in between those pecks, and received a playful ‘bite’ to his bottom lip. “I can prove I’m romantic,” Cloud stated, though he was hesitant to move. Zack’s gift would seal the deal on something that Cloud was nervous about, but at the same time it was something he wanted to do. He reluctantly moved away from his boyfriend’s warmth to reach for the motorbike magazine he had laying on the couch, in which he had hidden Zack’s gift. “Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t read your motorbike magz,” Zack laughed as Cloud pulled an envelope out of the magazine, and returned to his original position with Zack’s arm around his shoulders. “I wasn’t assuming,” Cloud pointed out with a grin - Zack was interested in riding bikes, not so much in their technology.
He gave Zack the envelope, and Zack hugged him closer to be able to open it without having to remove his arm from around Cloud. Pulling out the paper, a brief silence followed. “Is this…?” Zack began with surprise clear in his voice, and Cloud nodded. Inside the envelope was an appointment for a hypnosis session he had made for them. “Are you sure?” Zack asked then, and Cloud nodded again, with more certainty.
“I don’t want to keep running away, and keep us both in the dark. I did some research, and… it’s worth a try. We can take it as a trial appointment, and see how it goes,” Cloud said, wanting to give it a fair chance. He knew there were good memories to recover as well, not only bad ones, and he didn’t want to miss out on those good ones. But more than anything, he didn’t want to hold Zack back more than he already had. Zack was a lot braver, but he wanted for them to do this together. So for Cloud, this was one of the many ways to say ‘I love you’.
Zack looked at Cloud for another moment before he leant in for a kiss, which Cloud was happy to return. “Thank you, I love you,” Zack near whispered with a smile against Cloud’s lips before he pressed another kiss to them, “I promise it won’t have to be more after this appointment if it doesn’t feel right, no pressure.” Cloud smiled softly at the care and concern, and gave a small nod. He never felt pressured to anything with Zack. He claimed one more kiss from Zack’s lips, and reached up with his hand to cup his boyfriend’s cheek. His thumb brushed over the scar on Zack’s cheek, which he had learnt Zack had received in a moment of teenage recklessness. Cloud couldn’t remember where the same scar had come from in his dreams, but maybe he would find out soon.
“I’ve got a gift for you, too,” Zack stated once the kiss came to a natural end, and he put the envelope down on the table for now. “I thought we’re not doing gifts,” Cloud said, but smiled sheepishly when Zack gave him a deadpan look while pointing at the envelope. Christmas was a couples thing in Japan, not necessarily a gift giving day, but many couples did exchange gifts anyway. Cloud had meant to play off the timing of bringing up the appointment as a coincidence, but unsurprisingly Zack saw right through him. “Hey, that look’s mine,” Cloud pointed out in a poor attempt at distracting Zack - that deadpan look was definitely more Cloud’s trademark. The comment made Zack laugh, at least, while he reached into his jeans pocket, and pulled out a small box that he gave to Cloud.
Cloud was genuinely surprised, though, as he took the box, and opened it. What he found were two matching wolf head ear studs, and they stirred something in him. Something felt familiar, heavy, bittersweet, like there was a memory trying to worm its way out, but it was locked away too deep. Cloud brushed a finger over one of the wolf heads, and pushed back these strange feelings, thinking it was probably connected to their previous lives as well. He knew this kind of ‘familiar feeling’, after all. “They’re beautiful, Zack,” he said with a soft smile as he looked up at his boyfriend again, and Zack’s smile brightened.
“I knew you’d like them,” Zack chuckled as he reached up to tilt Cloud’s head to the side, to be able to take the current stud out of the left earlobe. Cloud waited for the stud to be taken out, and took one of the wolf heads out of its box to hold it up for Zack. “Something feels familiar about them - that kinda familiar. But at the same time they remind me of you,” Cloud said thoughtfully, while Zack secured the new piece of jewellery in his earlobe. “Think it’s got something to do with the old life?” Zack asked as he clipped the back piece into place, and gently brushed a thumb over his handiwork.
“Yeah, I think so,” Cloud confirmed, and moved when Zack motioned for him to turn around to be able to access his other ear. And though Cloud knew what his boyfriend meant, he tilted Zack’s head now, instead. “Let’s share this,” Cloud said at Zack’s protest, while he reached up to take out his boyfriend’s piercing as well. “Couples’ ear piercings? Is this you being romantic?” Zack teased, but there was warmth in his voice. “Maybe? Neither of us really wears a lot of jewellery, so why not have this?” Cloud reasoned as he picked up the other wolf head, and secured the stud in his boyfriend’s earlobe as well. Maybe one day they would sit here and exchange rings, but for now, this felt like the right thing to do.
As expected, the wolf suited Zack perfectly - beautiful, loyal, prideful and strong. As they shared another kiss, Cloud once again considered himself fortunate to have Zack in his life - again, that’s what they were both convinced of. Their first life together had ended horribly, and part of Cloud still feared what they might find out through hypnosis. But it felt like they were being given a second chance now, and he had never felt happier as he had over the past year, together with Zack. Before they had run into each other almost a year ago, Cloud had always felt like something had been missing, but that feeling was long gone. And now he looked forward to many, many more years with the one he loved.