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The roof was one of the safest places at the MQ studio. Literally speaking, it was far from it, considering it was an actual roof, very high above the very solid ground. But it was safe in the sense that anyone could go up there to collect themselves without any disturbance.
David found himself on the roof more often than he would like to admit. Ian and Poppy’s constant fighting, being forced to move houses, and the overall atmosphere at the office was starting to make him dizzy. The last few weeks had been some of the most confusing of his life, so having an escape came in handy.
David stood by himself, elbows resting on the concrete ledge. His arms were crossed across his chest, practically holding himself upright, his head down. He stared blankly at the street below him, watching the few cars that were driving by. It was past 9:00pm, long after normal work hours, and David wasn’t even sure how many people were still in the office.
David focused on a spot on the sidewalk. It was far away. A fall from this height wouldn’t leave much room for survival, and David supposed he should’ve felt more discomforted by that thought than he was. He would never do anything too drastic, of course, though he couldn’t say it had never crossed his mind. Regardless, the roof probably wouldn’t be many other people’s favorite spot to relax.
David took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. His head was spinning, and the fresh air wasn’t even helping any.
David nearly jumped a foot in the air when a voice came from behind him.
“D-Train, what are you doing out here?”
There was only one person in the office who ever called him that nickname. David looked over his shoulder quickly to see Brad approaching, his hands shoved in his pockets.
“Jesus, Brad!” David exclaimed, his hand clutching at his chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack. How are you so quiet?”
Brad shrugged. “That doesn’t really answer my question.”
He gave David a smug smile before David turned to face away from him. Typical.
“Shit, you weren’t gonna jump or something, were you?” Brad asked.
“What? No! I wouldn’t… well, I mean, I wasn’t. Uh, just, just no.”
“Okay.” Brad paused. “Just checking.”
Brad was eyeing him warily. David technically didn’t explain what he was doing on the roof, which he realized when Brad still hadn’t left.
“I came up for fresh air,” David answered. “The office feels too busy sometimes.”
Brad tilted his head. “But everyone else went home already.”
“Am I not allowed to do anything without you patronizing me?”
“Nope. Also, I don’t think you’re using that word correctly.”
“Fuck off. It’s a nice night, and I just… needed to clear my head, okay?”
“Okay.”
Instead of leaving, like David expected, Brad leaned on the railing next to David. He mimicked David’s position, arms folded tightly across his chest and looking at the night sky.
“How come you’re out here?” David asked, picking at a loose stone on the ledge.
“Same reason as you,” Brad stated. “The fresh air is nice.”
“Do you come out here often?”
“I’d say so, yeah.”
“How come I never see you, then?”
“This feels like an interrogation. You’re not working with the feds, are you? If you are, you legally have to tell me.”
David furrowed his eyebrows. “What would the feds want with you?”
Brad smirked. “I’m criminally good-looking.”
“You’re insufferable, that's what you are.”
Brad laughed, his tongue peeking out between his teeth as he glanced at David. David returned a nervous smile back at him. Brad shook his head and looked ahead of him.
David stared back at the layout of buildings surrounding them. He could see lights turn out one by one, likely people settling in for the night. David closed his eyes, the slight breeze messing up his hair more than it already was. A shaky breath escaped David’s lips. It almost sounded like crying. He could feel Brad’s eyes on him, silently asking what that was.
“My mom called me.” David blurted out, needing to get this off his chest.
“Your mom? I thought you didn’t talk to your parents anymore.”
“I don’t. Well, I- I- I didn’t. Not since… I still don’t really want to.”
Brad shifted beside him. “Why’d she call?”
“My dad died.”
David didn’t meet Brad’s eyes, but Brad knew him well enough to know that David wasn’t finished talking.
“She didn’t explain what happened,” David added. “But she- she sounded upset. That was surprising. I haven’t heard her say anything caring about him in 30 years. She always hated being married to him. Just like how I hated being raised by him. If you… if you could even really call it that.”
Brad nodded. “Is that all she said? Calling just to tell you he died?”
“Pretty much.” David sighed.
“David, that sucks, I’m sorry.”
“I think my mom expects me to help, like, plan the funeral or some shit, but at this point I don’t even know if I wanna go.”
David wasn’t sure at what point the filter between his mouth and his brain had shut off, but there was no stopping him from rambling now. He mainly stared ahead of him, occasionally locking eyes with Brad to check if he was still listening. Surprisingly, he was.
David knew that unloading so many personal problems onto Brad could go horribly, because Brad was the type of person to take anything remotely embarrassing that you say and use it as blackmail. David had fallen victim to that trick many, many times.
This time around, David just needed to clear his head. If that meant emptying everything out by ranting to Brad Bakshi, then so be it.
David’s words were going a mile a minute, asking questions aloud that were more meant for himself than for Brad.
“Does the whole ‘respect for the dead’ shtick even apply here?” David wondered. “I mean, I shouldn’t have to owe him this, he was a terrible father. Drunk all the time, never once said he was proud of me, and not to mention the abuse. But I haven’t spoken to either of my parents in nearly 20 years, so now what?”
Brad exhaled loudly, seeming totally unsure of what to say. David didn’t blame him though, because there was a lot to unpack. Brad folded his hands on the ledge in front of him and leaned closer to David. He looked worried.
“Do you want my honest opinion on this?” Brad asked, tilting his head.
David nodded.
“Don’t go. To the funeral. Your dad sounded like a total dickhead, and you shouldn’t have to pay him respect or whatever other bullshit is expected of you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I mean, it’s your decision.” Brad reiterated. “But that's what I did.”
“Don’t you mean that’s what you would’ve done?”
Brad didn’t answer at first, he just pressed his lips into a tight line. After a minute, Brad huffed and rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t go to my dad’s funeral, either.” Brad confessed. “My family consists of some terrible people, and he was no exception.”
“Oh. I- I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, my relatives really weren’t big on me skipping. That’s one of the many reasons why my brother and I don’t get along. And he’s also a very terrible person.”
David had met Zack, of course, and he still didn’t quite understand what was so bad. Brad never fully explained what had happened between them, but it took him a while to forgive David for the birthday fiasco.
David opened his mouth to speak, but Brad quickly shut him down with a pointed finger.
“I’m not unpacking that shit, Brittlesbee.” Brad warned. “You’ve heard enough out of me for a whole lifetime.”
“It’s okay to be vulnerable someti-”
“Stop quoting Brené Brown.”
“She’ll change your life.” David muttered.
Brad groaned, laughing slightly.
David bit his lip. “Do you think my family would be mad if I didn’t go?”
“If you don’t talk to them anyways, then I don’t see why it matters.”
“I guess you’re right.”
David pushed away every thought inside of him telling him this was the wrong idea. His father treated him horribly for years, and David had had enough of it. He let the decision settle over him, briefly smiling to himself as he looked out over the city. David’s smile faded quickly, but he really didn’t know why. He was relieved to have made up his mind, but there was too much else going on to stay calm.
David opened his mouth to thank Brad for all the help, but the words wouldn’t come. His voice would be shaky if he attempted to speak, so he chose to stay silent.
David tried to take a deep breath in, but even his breaths got caught in his throat. Before he could prevent it, David’s eyes welled with tears. He dropped his head, shoulders slowly beginning to shake.
Brad put his hand on David’s back. “David? Are you okay? Look, if this is about not going to the funeral, I just thought-”
“It’s not that.”
“Do you wanna…” Brad sighed. “…talk about what else is bothering you?”
David sniffed. “This is humiliating.”
“Is that a yes or a no?”
This wasn’t the first time David had cried in front of Brad, but this was somehow the most embarrassing. Usually, David got upset like this when he was frustrated, and sharing an office with Brad meant he was often witness to David breaking down. Crying over something overwhelmingly sad was a different story.
David didn’t know where to begin on what was wrong. It was just the general atmosphere of everything. All the time. He didn’t speak up, he only stood with his head down, and he cried. Loud, shaky sobs punctuated by even louder and shakier breaths. All while Brad kept a firm, unmoving hand on his back.
Brad wasn’t the most comfortable with expressing emotion, as David had come to learn, so knowing he cared enough to stay was a refreshing thought. Plus, the pressure of Brad’s hand running over David’s shoulders was helping to ground him. Helping to make David feel like this was all real, though he wasn’t sure how much he liked the reality he was in.
David’s sobs eventually subsided, Brad’s hand slowly moving away after David took a few deep breaths in. He picked his head back up and wiped the remaining tears off his face. Brad didn’t say anything until David’s breathing steadied.
Brad raised his eyebrows. “Okay, so what just happened?”
“It’s nothing, Brad. Don’t worry.”
“That,” Brad pointed at David. “was not nothing.”
“Man, it’s not like you’ve never seen me cry before. The whole office has.”
“That was more than just you crying because of stress. I know what that looks like.”
“Can you just drop it?”
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
Brad clearly wasn’t planning on letting this go, insisting on an explanation, so David didn’t have much of a choice but to give him one.
David closed his eyes. “Why do things have to end? I don’t get it.”
“Death is inevitable,” Brad said. “It happens to the best of us.”
If David were in a better mood, he probably would’ve laughed at the way Brad phrased that sentence. But he couldn’t bring himself to.
“It’s not just about my dad anymore. I mean, I’m always getting left alone. Anna divorced me, Jane has been acting a lot more distant recently, and even you had stopped talking to me for 3 whole weeks.”
David didn’t even realize his eyes were still shut, but he opened them to glance over at Brad. He caught the change in Brad’s face, his aloof façade slipping. Any mention of those weeks tended to make that happen. When Brad kept quietly staring ahead, it only gave David more room to keep ranting.
“I can’t be the only person who feels like MQ is crumbling,” David continued. “I’m so sick of losing everything and everyone that I care about. Does it ever just, like, slow down?”
Brad didn’t answer. The look on his face was conflicted, to say the least. Tense, yet unshakable, and maybe even a little scared. It couldn’t have been worse than how David must’ve looked right then.
“Promise me you won’t leave, too?” David’s voice cracked. “Don’t go.”
Now, Brad’s face was unreadable. He seemed almost taken aback by how upset David sounded. His eyebrows raised, and then furrowed, mouth twisting into a confused pout. Then, his whole expression softened. And he smiled. He smiled the same way he did whenever anyone did something nice for him.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Brad assured. “Any other shitty companies you get dragged into, I’ll be right there with you.”
“MQ isn’t shitty.”
“Don’t ruin the gesture.”
David laughed. “Sorry.”
The city lights around them made the sides of their faces turn yellow, the simple shine in Brad’s eyes standing out against the rest of his darkened features. Brad’s smile hadn’t changed, though now he was looking ahead, rather than back at David.
“You’re right though.” Brad added.
“About what?”
“About MQ. I really do like it here, so I think the only way I would leave is if I got fired or arrested or some shit.”
“Why would you get arrested?”
“I’m-”
David cut him off. “Criminally good-looking, yeah, I know.”
Brad clicked his tongue and shot David a finger gun, successfully making him laugh again.
David hadn’t had a sincere moment with Brad since… what felt like ages ago. They hadn’t been on the same page since Brad set him up with Jane. He often thought about the speech Brad gave him, about being needed, and how nice it felt to be cared about.
David felt the same way now. He hoped that Brad did, too.
“Sorry for crying before.” David said quickly.
“You said it yourself, it isn’t the first time I’ve seen that happen.”
“I know, but still, sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I… I don’t know. You’re a lot better at masking your emotions than I am, and it’s just… it feels embarrassing when I cry in front of people. Especially you.”
“David, look, I know I tend to give you a lot of shit,” Brad sighed. “But don’t feel bad. And don’t try to model any emotional habits after me, it’s not healthy for either of us.”
“Right, yeah.”
Brad pushed himself away from the ledge, stretching out his arms. He brushed the dirt off the sleeves of his sweater. David didn’t even realize he had been staring until Brad decided to point it out.
“Do you need something?” Brad asked, looking David up and down.
“Huh? No, sorry, I was just… I didn’t mean to, um, just… thank you.”
Brad raised an eyebrow.
“For letting me vent to you. I know you don’t always care about the details of my problems, but it’s nice that you’ll listen.”
“Oh,” Brad whispered. “I may not care about most things, but I do care about you, so um, you’re welcome.”
David beamed, and Brad scoffed at his excited expression. He wasn’t doing a very good job at hiding his own smile. Maybe he wasn’t trying to.
“Can I ask for one more thing?” David raised.
“This doesn’t sound like it could go anywhere good, but sure.”
“Can I have a hug? It’s totally okay if not, I know you usually don't… uh, like them, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”
Brad audibly laughed, and David would have rather been anywhere else than be Brad’s object of ridicule. He was about to backtrack even more before Brad rolled his eyes.
“You’re pushing your luck here, Brittlesbee, and you couldn’t have asked in a more humiliating way. But yes, you can have a hug.”
David’s eyebrows raised. “Really?”
“Yes, now do it before I change my mind.”
Brad was the first to step closer, opening his arms and letting David bring himself in.
“Fucking weirdo.” Brad said under his breath, laughing.
David had his arms around Brad’s shoulders in record time. Albeit a little hesitantly, Brad put his hands on David’s back. David hadn’t expected the hug to last very long, but Brad didn’t seem ready to let go either. He breathed out a quiet sigh, but his grip ultimately tightened.
David exhaled. “You give good hugs.”
“Don’t get used to it,” Brad shot back. ”This stays between us.”
“You’re impossible to compliment.”
“Good.” A beat. “Your hugs aren’t bad, either.”
That was enough to make David want to keep Brad in an embrace, but he figured Brad would kill him if he didn’t let go soon.
David didn’t notice the slightly disappointed look on Brad’s face when he pulled away.
Brad cleared his throat and straightened out his sweater. “We should probably go home.”
“I know, it’s getting late.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow though, and uh, I’ll probably come up here again, if you need to bother me for anything else.”
David knew Brad well enough to know that that was his way of asking to spend time together. He had to phrase it as if it was a chore, but David recognized that Brad didn’t always like being alone. David was the same way.
As Brad turned to leave, David grabbed his attention one more time.
“Hey, um, Brad?” David said. “If you ever need to clear your head, I’m always here to listen.”
“I’ll consider it.”
“You’re a good friend, Brad.”
“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.”
“Opening up can be hard, I know, but I’m more than happy to be your outlet. I like getting to know more about you.”
“Still not listening.”
David rolled his eyes at Brad, still lost on why he always deflected any and all compliments. Despite the annoying qualities of it, the snarky attitude was what made Brad, well, Brad.
Brad grinned. “Brené Brown says that staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take to experience connection, right?”
“You actually looked at the links I sent?” David marveled.
“Yeah, and?”
“Nothing, it’s just exciting.”
“Ugh, have a good night, D-Train.” Brad said, turning on his heels and walking briskly towards the roof’s exit.
David smiled. “Love you, Brad.”
“I know you do.”
“Aw, come on. You can at least say it back!”
“Never gonna happen!” Brad called, trailing off as he descended down the stairs.
The door slammed shut, and David was left alone in the quiet night.
Brad didn’t have to say the words out loud for David to know he loved him, too.