Work Text:
“You’re going about things all wrong, you know.”
I look up from my studies. In the doorway stands a figure. Perfectly styled hair. Skin that looks more akin to porcelain than flesh. Eyes as cold and unfeeling as glass. A simple looking dress that is nonetheless perfectly tailored to her form.
Alice Margatroid. A Youkai.
I force a small smile onto my face. Even if she was once human herself, she’s not safe. Not to any human.
“Ah, Lady Margatroid, my apologies. I didn’t notice you come in!” Because the door was barred and the wards on the house were up and nothing should have been able to get in. “Pardon the mess, please make yourself comfortable-”
“You’re setting yourself up to get killed at this rate. Reimu will kill you if you succeed. I can understand your desires, but you’re doing it wrong.”
“I –“ I can feel your throat drying as we of you speak. “I’m sorry, I don’t – what are you talking about?”
“You want to be a Youkai. A Magician, specifically. Not surprising, considering it’s a more straightforward path than most.” She takes a step forward. “But. You’re a human from the human village. Leaving the village doesn’t change that fact. Really, you only made yourself more obvious in your intentions. Do you really think Reimu doesn’t keep tabs on every magician in town?”
I feel my face reddening, but force myself to remain calm. “I don’t understand. There isn’t – there shouldn’t be any problems, right? I’m outside the village’s protection, so there shouldn’t be a problem with the rules, right?”
There were very few hard rules in Gensokyo.
1. 「Youkai shall not harm those living in the Human Village.」
2. 「The winner of a Spell Card duel must spare the life of the loser.」
3. 「There shall be no permanent damage to the Hakurei Barrier」
And finally…
4. 「Human villagers were not to knowingly let themselves become Youkai.」
“I mean, after all, you were human once, right? So clearly an exception could be made? I’m out here in the wilderness, so it’s not like I’d disturb the village like that fortune-teller did – “
She shakes her head. “You… how can I explain this in a way you’ll understand? It’s not about the village. And it’s not a problem with your methods, either. It’s your mindset that will become a problem. That’s why Reimu will kill you.”
“I don’t understand. What’s wrong with my mindset? What’s wrong with wanting to be a Youkai?!” I take a moment to calm myself, belatedly realizing that at some point in the conversation, I’d leapt to my feet.
She makes no comment on my outburst, and simply continues staring at me with those inhuman eyes of hers. “Tell me. Why do you think I became a Youkai?”
“I… I don’t follow? Immortality is one of the most sought-after types of magic, shouldn’t any magician want that?”
“Hm. Wrong on all accounts. I asked why you thought I became a Youkai. Not why you want to be one.” She shakes her head again. “No, the answer is far simpler than that. Becoming a Youkai… that wasn’t my goal at all.”
I feel my mouth gape open, but I can’t find any words to respond to that. What? She didn’t want to become a Youkai?
“Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t do it accidentally, if that’s what you’re thinking. But the difference between us? It was never my goal. My goal is something much different.”
She reaches into her bag and pulls out a small doll, with finer craftsmanship than I’d ever seen. “My goal is, and always has been, to create a doll that can meet my standards for perfection.”
Before I can react, the doll in her hand catches fire, and burns away like flash paper. “That one was a failure. I couldn’t get it quite right, so I repurposed it by filling it with gunpowder. That’s all.”
“The reason I became a Youkai is really quite simple. I knew my standards wouldn’t be achievable in a single lifetime. Becoming a Youkai was a stepping stone to reaching my true goal. Nothing more, nothing less.”
I sit back down, still not quite over my shock. She didn’t… she didn’t even care? She cast off the yoke of human mortality, reached the pinnacle of magic, and it was an afterthought?
“You were right, you know.” I look up to face her once more, confused beyond belief. She critiques my life’s work, but then tells me I’m right? “About the rules, that is. If someone outside the village becomes a Youkai, Reimu generally won’t step in. But that’s not the problem.”
Once more, she steps forward. “The problem, human, is that to be a Youkai, you need a focus. You need a passion, a drive, something more valuable to you than your life. Youkai are an embodiment of their ideals. I’m a Magician, yes, but I’m a Doll Craftsman first and foremost. Byakuren feared death, but had devoted herself to Buddhism long before she made the final step. Patchouli is a naturally occurring Magician, but she’s taken the title of Knowledge for a reason – she exists to study magic for magic’s sake. Kosuzu isn’t a Magician yet, but I’d imagine she’ll become one sooner or later just so she can collect more books. Marisa has given up on becoming a Youkai Magician because she realized that having a human lifespan gave her a better understanding of flashy, explosive magic.”
“You can’t be a Youkai without a purpose. Without something you care about. The reason Reimu will kill you if you succeed?” This time, she turns to leave. “Because if you actually succeed in your goal, you’ll have nothing left. You’ll be a Youkai that stands for nothing, that cares for nothing, because you’ll have achieved everything you cared about, and all that’s left is you and eternity.”
“And then you’ll go mad and start attacking humans indiscriminately, desperate for a reason to exist.” She pauses, and the air between us seems to chill imperceptibly. “That’s when Reimu will kill you.” And with that, she closes the door behind her, as though she was never there at all.