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Shu wasn’t particularly fond of Sundays.
There wasn’t anything particularly wrong with the day, per se. It just so happened that Sundays were the day that he had Dramatica meetings, and Dramatica meetings forced him to clear his schedule for the entire day. Due in part to the fact that the members were so busy outside of circle activities, it was almost impossible to even have every member attend each meeting--so to maximize effort, Wataru made the executive decision to have rehearsal last as long as physically possible.
That meant no Valkyrie work, no part-time, no personal projects, just throwing himself fully into script-checking and writing, measuring, sewing, arguing about aesthetics…
A headache, frankly.
It’s not as if he dislikes it, though. In fact, he did love theater, and he did also love Wataru (most of the time). It was just a minor pain to dedicate himself to one thing all day, when he operates on a level of needing to do several things at once to feel truly fulfilled.
On top of all of that, working with the same group of people all day also means dining with them, when he truly wanted to eat alone. Truly, having set lunch and dinner times often got so in the way of his work, he’d rather--
“Shu!” Wataru trills from his spot, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a bento in front of him, “I’ve saved you a spot! Hurry and grab your lunch, we don’t have a very long break, you know!”
Shu looks up from where he’s hunched over a particularly stubborn corset, regarding Wataru with a flat stare.
“Oh, don’t give me that.” Wataru huffs, “While I very much understand your need and absolute love for the arts, I will not have you passing out again over the sewing machine!”
“He’s right,” Narukami leans backward, tilting her head upside down from her place on the floor, one knee propped up. She’s got a half opened plastic bag in front of her, no doubt containing the lunch she’s bought for the day, “Unless you want me to carry you to your dorm again?”
The metal chair screeches painfully as it skids across the floor, Shu standing with such intensity that he was close to tipping it backwards.
“That will not be necessary,” He says curtly, “I was intending on eating after I had finished with these channels, however if you are to be so insistent, I suppose I can grace you with my presence.” He punctuates his sentence with a click of his heel, unzipping his bag in one movement to search for the croissants he bought earlier that morning.
The group lulls back into rustling with their own food, quiet exchanges as they compare lunches while Shu pushes aside his bag contents, brows furrowed in confusion as more time passes.
“...Are you having some trouble?” Nagisa prompts after a minute, stabbing into Shu’s already-growing migraine.
“No,” Shu snips back, “You would do well to mind your own business, Ran. None of you have to wait for me, so just begin your lunch. I’ll figure something out on my own.”
The little semi-circle does as he says, thankfully, Wataru launching into some conversation about whether or not the Ensemble Square dorms are haunted.
It’s not as if Shu minds skipping lunch. It wouldn't be anything different from usual. However , he did remember admiring some particularly delicious croissants this morning after he had purchased them from his favorite bakery, and it was rather disappointing to have to miss out on such a delicacy.
He wasn’t upset about not being able to participate with the group, unable to even follow their discussion as he’s hardly even in the dorms. The notion that he would feel “left out” would be absurd. Laughable, even!
Shu stands, dusting off his knees, turning on his heel to go back to the devilish corset that seemed intent on making his life a living hell. At least he’ll be able to focus on this, and he can--
“Comin’ in!” The voice is startlingly loud, Shu uselessly clutching at the air where Mademoiselle would usually be, trying to ground himself as his heart leaps into his throat in shock, just barely swallowing the scream that threatened to humiliate him in front of half the theater troupe.
Such an ear-splitting cadence could only belong to one person alone, Shu turning slowly to spot the bouncing head of dark green as Kagehira barrels down the seat aisles in a determined march.
“Oshi-san, Delivery!” Kagehira waves, skipping once, stumbling on the landing enough to send him bouncing forward, barely able to regain his balance.
Narukami squeals excitedly, hopping to her feet in a rush to greet him with a hug. The smile Kagehira gives her is annoyingly cheerful, lopsided, accompanied with a shout of her name in greeting. Kagehira lifts his hand up and away from his chest, holding a bag just out of her reach.
“What brings you to our lovely little rehearsal, Doll-san?” Wataru asks, “Have you come to join our little troupe?”
“Ahh, nah, I ain’t good in a play.” Kagehira laughs nervously, still holding onto Narukami. “I came t’ deliver this t’ Oshi-san! One sec, kay, Naru-chan?”
Shu watches as Kagehira untangles himself from her embrace, stopping in front of Shu to lower the bag to his front.
“Here, Oshi-san! Ya forgot this in my room this mornin’.” Kagehira thrusts the bag out to him, “I warmed it up for ya, too. Y’were in such a rush, ya didn’t hear me callin’ and callin for ya to come get it back! So I thought I’d just deliver to ya at lunchtime.”
Shu hesitantly takes the bag, peeking inside--and lo and behold, his forgotten croissants which he was already in the mourning process of.
“Thank you, Kagehira.” Shu clears his throat, straightening up. “You didn’t have to go all this way for me.”
“S’no problem,” Kagehira waves his hand carelessly, Shu watching the cuff slide down his wrist, “Th’jet lag’s prob’ly still messin’ your brain up! At least now, ya won’t be hungry!”
Shu nods--half-listening--and rakes his eyes over Kagehira’s form. He was dressed in that...abomination he called a winter coat, buckled at the top, the reflective yellow making Shu squint everytime it caught the light. How many times had he tried and failed to make Kagehira be rid of this horrible excuse for a jacket? He recalls several clothes he’s made for Kagehira that are suitable for this season, as well as far more fashionable than a comically-large safety pin acting as a brooch.
Shu places the bag on the table and steps forward to unbuckle the top of the jacket, folding it halfway down his arms.
Lint, all over his turtleneck underneath. Honestly, he’s so sloppy. Doesn’t he realize when such things are slightly out of place? Shu starts plucking and preening, pinching fuzzies between his nails and flicking them elsewhere--in the direction of Nagisa. Purely accidental, really.
“And? Where are you off to this afternoon?” Shu prompts, “You wouldn’t have done our stage makeup if you were just off to visit me.”
“Mm, got a photoshoot.” Kagehira lifts his chin with practiced ease, spreading his arms slightly to let Shu access his sides, “It got booked before I knew ya were gonna be in town again, so s’just for me. Did I do it okay?”
Shu runs his hands down Kagehira’s sides, plucking a piece of hair from the seam and then stopping at his hips, deciding that the tucking in of his shirt was satisfactory. He plucks at the turtleneck once, then draws his hands up to Kagehira’s cheeks, tilting his head as he observes his handiwork.
“It isn’t on my level at all,” Shu begins, “But it does look satisfactory. However, you must work on those shaky hands of yours.” He pushes Kagehira’s bangs out of his eyes briefly, spotting the wobbly line of eyeliner he undoubtedly put on with his left hand.
Shu lingers, holding eye contact with Kagehira for a moment, just appreciating how nicely red eyeshadow always looked with his different colored eyes. Red and gold was one of his favorite color combinations, and on Kagehira it always looked--
“Nn, Oshi-san.” Kagehira whines, shaking his head out of Shu’s hold to allow his bangs to cover up his golden eye, leaning back in a clear message of enough .
Shu huffs, annoyed that Kagehira stepped out of his space when his hands itched so much to preen, to spend a lifetime on the tiniest of details to dress him nicely--but even still, he lets it go, folding his arms instead to stop himself.
“Nngh..well, an’way!” Kagehira waves his hands, “What’cha guys up to? Lunch break? How’s th’ play goin’? Oohh, is this the outfit y’r workin’ on, Oshi-san?! It looks like one’a Valkyrie’s!”
And he’s off, Shu watches as Kagehira shoots into one of his rambles, Narukami filling in the gaps for when he paused for breath with more conversation, oh so easily. Far more easily than he could ever pull off, at least. He observes for a moment, pulling his lunch out of the bag to go take his seat on the floor--which, honestly. Why the floor? His back already hurt enough as it is.
After about three minutes of Narukami and Kagehira gushing over--whatever they were talking about, Shu wasn’t particularly listening, focusing on his croissant instead--he decides to interrupt.
“Kagehira, take care to not be late.” Shu voices loudly, and was rewarded with the telltale sound of Kagehira’s brain working for once, a shocked “GAH?!” as he remembers what he was originally supposed to be doing.
“Right! Sorry Naru-chan, I’ll talk t’ya later, okay?”
Shu notes that the croissant doesn’t taste as good when he hears an annoyingly-loud sloppy kiss being pressed to Kagehira’s forehead. Surely it was because it was reheated and traveled a distance, and nothing else.
“Oshi-san,” Kagehira’s gentle touch was on his shoulders suddenly, causing him to turn and look up at him, “M’gonna go now. Do ya want me t’bring ya dinner, too?”
“That wont be needed,” Shu shifts more comfortably, leaning on one hand. It was always amusing when Kagehira leaned over him, Shu having been so used to having to look down at him, “I have plans with Wataru and the boy, and then I’ll be returning to the dorms after that. I shall call you when I’m on my way.”
Kagehira smiles, soft and private, framed perfectly by the way his hair falls around his face. Shu has to take a momentary pause, a million ideas running through his head upon sight, his mind painting images of new outfits with motifs of the moon, the stage for their next live decorated with vines and purple flowers, a removable train of fabric, sheer, decorated at the ends with golden beads--
“Kay, Then I’ll see ya later, Oshi-san!” Kagehira leans down more then, pressing a chaste kiss to Shu’s lips, breaking him from his inspiration-induced trance.
Shu hums in amusement, hand lingering on Kagehira’s arm as he retracts, and Kagehira offers a bright goodbye to the rest of the group while Shu, tension melted away from his body, gets back to his lunch.
The loud double doors slam slightly on his way out, and the group is silent.
Shu quietly eats, pausing briefly to look up. Was there any particular reason everyone had decided to turn their gaze upon him? Even Narukami, who’s sat back down, didn’t even rustle her bag to get her food.
“...What?” Shu looks between their shocked faces, “What troubles you all so? I dislike being stared at while I eat.”
“Shu-niisan.” Natsume says slowly, “Since when were you and Mika-kun…”
“Since when were we what?” Shu narrows his eyes slightly, “Did Kagehira do something to bother you?”
“Amazing!” Wataru laughs brightly, “I don't think he’s even realized!”
“Realized what?” Shu stresses, starting to get annoyed. “You’ve all known me for so long--is it so strange to see me fuss with his clothes? Is that it?”
“Shu-chan.” Narukami touches his shoulder, and Shu just barely resists the urge to smack her hand off, “You and Mika-chan just kissed.”
Shu stares at her.
“...What?” Shu scoffs, “No we didn’t.”
“You did.”
“...Yes, you really did.”
“You most certainly did!”
“Right in front of all of us, Shu-niisan.”
Shu almost laughs at the notion, because why would he do such a thing in front of his friends? If he even allowed himself to kiss Kagehira, it certainly wouldn’t be in front of such a nosy group.
“You’re all delusional. Honestly, Shall I go make appointments to get your eyes and brains checked?” Shu flourishes his hand dramatically, “Let us recount what just happened, shall we? Kagehira brought me my lunch, I corrected his clothing and judged his application of his makeup. He talked to Narukami, and thus gathered himself and left.”
“Okay, sure.” Narukami is grinning now, but Shu can’t tell if she’s got bloodlust or excitement shining in her eyes. “But what did he do before he left?”
“Said goodbye to me. To you all, as well.”
“Be specific, Shu-chan.”
“This is utterly foolish, I’ll have you know. He touched my shoulder to get my attention, informed me of his plans and asked me of mine, then he leaned down and--”
Shu freezes, hand dropping slightly from its place in the air, his posturing stopped dead in its tracks.
If the blood hadn’t rushed straight to his head, loud enough to create a pounding and ringing in his ears, Shu might’ve heard the uproarious laughter from Wataru and the overlapping confusion Natsume, or the continued questions from Narukami--he may have even heard Nagisa’s amused chuckle, the lunch break thoroughly derailed.
Shu doesn’t go to Kagehira’s room after dinner. Actually, He never gets the chance to, staring down at the text from Kagehira himself who said he wanted to turn in early, so he should just go to his own dorm for the night
Oh, no.
---
Monday comes slowly, the sun rising outside the window to greet Shu after a sleepless night, shining right into his eyes. He really should invest in black-out curtains, like the ones at home--or the ones in Kagehira’s room.
Kiryu had inquired if he was alright when he returned after dinner and rehearsal, and Shu brushed him off easily, saying the day had just left him tired. He didn’t exactly want to get into the events of this afternoon, far too embarrassed by his own oversight to even want to acknowledge what had happened.
So he laid in bed, Mademoiselle on top of him, listening to his woes as she usually did while the rest of his roommates were asleep.
“Isn’t this a good thing, Shu-kun?” Mademoiselle whispered, conscious of the people around her, “You wanted to be with Mika-chan, no?”
“Perhaps in my wildest dreams,” Shu scoffs. He wasn’t ignorant to his own feelings. In fact, he had been made aware of them very shortly after he graduated, when he looked over his shoulder before boarding the plane to France, seeing Kagehira with his face buried in his hands, shoulders shaking, unaware that Shu had looked back. It was then he was struck, not with inspiration, but with the urge to throw away all his plans, to rush back and grab Kagehira’s hand and stay with him--whether it meant getting him on the plane, or throwing away all plans of university to stay with him.
I love him, Shu had thought as time slowed around him, his eyes traveling from Kagehira’s crying, shaking form, to Rei who stood next to him and mouthed ‘Go.’ as soon as Shu locked eyes.
And he goes.
He swallows the lump in his throat, turns on his heel, and walks with fervor onto his plane and into his new life. He settles into his seat with a sketchbook thrown open, and makes two decisions.
One, To bolster his artistic journey to the best it could be--to thrive in Paris.
Two, To never tell Kagehira how he felt, and die happy knowing he could at least stay by his side, even if it was in an entirely platonic sense. That’s all he could ever ask for.
But now, here he is. He had gotten too comfortable in his life going back and forth between cities, and it had resulted in this. A mistake. Something he desperately wanted to talk to Kagehira about, at least to clear it up--because there was no conceivable way that he had done that on purpose. Just like Shu, he didn’t even realize he did it, so it would just be faster to discuss this with him and clear the accident up as it is, and he can go back to quietly admiring Kagehira from afar.
“Oh, Shu-kun.” Mademoiselle sighs, “But what if he does have feelings for you?”
“Then he is making a mistake,” Shu answers, grimly. “There is no way that he feels those things for me, Mademoiselle. Let us not kid ourselves. I’m already tired enough as is.”
“If you say so.” Mademoiselle doesn’t fight as she usually does, Shu feeling the pity in her voice as it runs through his own vocal cords.
And he does say so, and he leaves it at that, deciding to sit up and at least start his morning early if he isn't going to be able to sleep. At least nobody would be at breakfast this early, and he could...work on some sewing. Then he could contact Kagehira and try to figure this all out with him, and things would go back to normal.
Things do not go back to normal.
Shu tries to contact Kagehira as soon as he knows he’d be awake, only to get an immediate voicemail. He tries to not take it too personally, Kagehira did have a habit of letting his phone die, after all.
Thus, he tries to go to him directly.
“What?” Ritsu whines as he opens the door to the dorm, just barely opening it a crack. “Can you keep it down already?”
“Is Kagehira here?” Shu asks, cutting straight to the point. He already knows the Sakumas far too well, and he knows that wasting time with a good morning on Ritsu is pointless.
“Nope.” Ritsu yawns, “Bye now.”
Shu presses his lips into a thin line as the door shuts in his face, tightening his hold on Mademoiselle, then loosening when he realizes he’s wrinkling her beautiful winter dress.
“Well then.” Shu breathes in deep to calm himself, trying to ignore the head rush he got from the anger in his body at being treated so rudely, clenching his teeth so tightly they creaked.
“Maybe we shouldn’t look for him,” Mademoiselle’s voice comes out suddenly, and Shu looks down to regard her. “He might have work. Besides, you’ve got those outfits for Dramatica to finish, too! You’re almost done!”
“...I suppose I do.” Shu gives a lingering look to the dorm door, then down the slowly-filling halls. He would like to get out of here before the bustle begins, god forbid he meet that cursed Amagi or Tenshouin in the halls. “I’ll give him some time, then try once more.”
He doesn’t see Kagehira all day, after that. Worry starts to gnaw at his stomach, ruining his appetite, so he skips dinner and heads to his dorm instead, outfits strewn over his arm so he could hand stitch the lacing in peace and quiet, as well as ask Kiryu for his opinions on some of them.
Narukami hadn’t contacted him, nor had any other of Kagehira’s friends, so at least he can take solace in the fact that Kagehira is likely not missing or dead, just…
“Avoiding you?” Mademoiselle comments.
“Hush, Mademoiselle.” Shu mutters.
---
On Tuesday, Shu is running late for a meeting with Narukami, which is already an obvious sign that the rest of the week was probably going to be just as strange.
“Pardon me,” Shu announces as he opens the door to the outfit room, where Narukami is sitting and tapping away on her phone, “I’m usually not this late. I had lost track of time with Wataru, so you see--”
“It’s fiiiine, Shu-chan.” Narukami waves her hand prettily, Shu admiring the arc it makes in the air. “Let’s just get started, okay? Izumi-chan’s plane lands soon, and he wants to call a meeting as soon as possible.”
“Please stand then, arms out.” Shu orders, opening his sewing box to pull out the measuring tape. “I’ll be double-checking your measurements, then you may try on the gown.”
Narukami, for all the trouble Shu gives her and she gives him, at least listens well when she’d like to. They work in relative silence, save only for their breathing and the occasional tapping of nails against her phone screen, fingers flying over the text box.
“So,” Narukami hums suddenly when Shu’s in the middle of measuring her waist, “Have you talked to Mika-chan, yet?”
His fingers twitch. Of course, she would ask. Perhaps Shu was a fool for thinking that she wouldn't.
“...No, I have not. But is that any of your concern, Narukami?”
“Of course it is!” Narukami laughs, gripping Shu’s wrist just shy of too tight, “I mean, Mika-chan’s pretty upset, you know? So I’d want to know why.”
Shu tugs once, trying to break out of her grip, only for her to double down on the pressure to tell him how fruitless it was to try and run from this. He wishes she wouldn’t be so forward, a panic settling into his bones as it usually does when he’s been restrained in any way--but he’s not about to let that show on his face.
“I have no idea why he’s so upset,” Shu answers honestly, “He hasn’t spoken to me once since Sunday.”
Narukami blinks, pursing her lips like she’s gotten a deep thought she has to mull on. “Not even once?”
“Not even once.”
Her grip loosens up then, Shu immediately taking the opportunity to slip out of her hold and back several paces, intent to go find the gown and put as much space between her and himself as possible, intaking a sharp breath as he does.
“Well, alright then.” Narukami hums, “Tell me what’s bothering you!”
“No.” Shu cuts the conversation off quickly, grabbing the half finished gown with gentle hands, “Try this on so I may leave and never speak to you again.”
“But what about our lunch date?”
“...Except for then. But no other time.” Shu clears his throat, pushing the gown toward her. “Will you need help, or would you like me to turn away?”
“I can do it myself, so turn around.”
Shu does so, trying to focus on a crack in the paint in the walls rather than the ever-growing tension in the room, heavy enough to make him feel lightheaded while trying to hold it back. He could feel Narukami’s eyes boring holes into his shoulders, the anticipation of another question almost enough to make Shu snap a sharp “ What? ”
“Shuuu~chan.”
And there it was.
Shu doesn’t turn around. “Are you having trouble? I understand the clasps are rather flimsy at the moment.”
“Nope, no trouble.” Narukami hums, Shu’s blood pressure rising with every step closer he hears her take. Her hands come down onto his shoulders, pulling him backward slightly.
“Unhand me, Narukami,” Shu gripes, “You know I hate being touched.”
“Not until you tell your big sister what’s been up.”
Shu furrows his brows, “Big sister?” He repeats, “My older sister has no care for my personal issues, nor me as a person. Why on earth would I do such a thing?”
“Not that big sister.” Narukami sighs, turning Shu around carefully, “Me! I’m everyone’s older sister, so you can rely on me.”
Shu tunes her out for a moment, stepping back to admire his handiwork thus far on the gown she wore. It did make her look big-sister like, the soft navy blue suiting her complexion perfectly. He opted for a more mature design, something subtle and modest that would suit the character she would play, as well as her own personal style. However...it was quite bland, even with Narukami’s personality filling in for where it needed to.
He steps forward, hands pulling at the waist line to start pinning, trying to get the cogs in his brain to work toward more inspiration so he could figure out what exactly was missing on the dress to make it work--a welcome distraction, but a distraction caused by the fact that the stress of Kagehira’s lack of contact was slowly starting to consume him whole.
And clearly, he wasn’t hiding it as well as he wanted to.
“Have you met with him?” Shu finally replies, voice almost hushed. He wouldn’t dare say he was afraid of what she might tell him next, but he might be willing to admit he was...nervous, to say the least.
“With Mika-chan? Mm, at least once. Ritsu-chan told me he was having trouble sleeping because of all the crying.”
The wave of nausea that passes through his body is enough to stop Shu’s precise and careful hands, threatening to pass a pin through his thumb. The force of it is almost enough to topple him, and he suddenly wishes he had skipped this entire meeting.
“He can barely tell me what’s wrong, though...” Narukami continues to explain, but she doesn’t even sound mad, much to Shu’s confusion. “Ever since you two kissed, everytime he opens his mouth to talk about it, he just starts bawling.”
This time, Shu does drive a pin into his thumb.
He pulls his hands away from the dress with a quick movement, the pin hanging on by a thread. Blood beads on his thumb, spilling over and down his palm, unnoticed in the way he stares only in quiet shock at the dark blue fabric.
“That’s why I was hoping you two had maybe talked--because if it was something you did, I could just yell at you, but if it you two haven’t then--!”
“Narukami.” Shu cuts her off sharply, “Do you know where Kagehira is now?”
“I think Ritsu-chan said he was going to meet with Ibara about something, at the offices?”
That seals the sneaking dread in Shu’s body, every suspicion he’s had ever since he’s graduated culminating at once. He doesn’t know whether to feel like vomiting or collapse on a floor in a relieved heap.
Because, even if Kagehira has been bawling for the last two days at his decision...at the very least, at least he felt attached enough to show so much emotion at leaving the unit.
“Please take that off.” Shu instructs, turning around once more. “..Something’s come up. I’d like to head back to my dorms.”
Narukami doesn’t ask, or touch, again. They fall back into silence, save for her steady breath, and Shu’s shuddering one.
---
On Wednesday, Shu goes for a walk to clear his head after a particularly grueling voice-over job. It’s been agonizingly hard to focus on anything with all of this looming over his head, his mind torn between work, that blasted kiss, and readying himself for when Kagehira was likely--inevitably--leaving Valkyrie.
Leaving him.
Perhaps it’s a bit of a morbid thought after just three days of no contact and deliberate avoiding from his partner, but he always knew this day was coming.
He just didn’t know that an accidental kiss would be the reason he would.
He can feel Mademoiselle trying to say something to him, his mouth moving and vocal cords pitching, but he can’t hear her. In fact, It’s hard to hear much of anything, spots dancing at the corners of his vision to accompany the loud ringing.
Shu stumbles to the nearest place to sit, desperate to get Mademoiselle out of his hands before he succumbs to a fainting spell. He places her gently down into a sitting position, thankful to be kneeling now because his time is short, he’s going to--
Awake.
Shu blinks at the blue sky above him, feeling uncomfortably damp around his waist and arms, a coldness enveloping his right hand.
“Shu…” There’s a grip under that coldness, and Shu turns his head slowly to face them.
“...Hello, Kanata.” Shu greets, slowly processing everything around him. Kanata’s brows were drawn slightly with concern, and Shu pauses briefly to be distracted by a water droplet that’s sliding down his chin.
“Good morning, Shu.” Kanata scoots closer, lifting Shu’s hand up to rest his wet cheek against it, much to Shu’s chagrin. “You had ‘fainted’ next to my fountain, So I moved you up ‘here’, to make it seem like we were ‘hanging out’.”
Shu sighs, raising his free hand to rest it against his pounding forehead. He despised the feeling of his clothes now being wet, especially considering how nice of a material his suit jacket and turtleneck is, but he bites his tongue to not scold Kanata.
Kanata plays with his hand absently, bending his fingers for him, linking their own together, “So?” Kanata hums, “Have you not been taking ‘care’ of yourself, Shu?”
“One could say that.” Shu half-admits, turning his head away from Kanata. “Is Mademoiselle wet?”
“No, you left her very nicely on the ledge.” Kanata explains, “Did you want to see her?”
“No, that’s alright.” Shu doesn’t bother to move, knowing he’d just have to lay back down if he got up now. He takes a long look at his friend, sitting so calmly and observing him back with such a caring expression, he finds himself opening his mouth without exactly planning to. Kanata tends to have that kind of presence, one that makes you look at him and confess everything you’ve ever done.
“...Kanata, may I confide in you?”
Kanata nods, Shu feeling the movement against his hand once more.
“I fear I have...destroyed everything.” Shu mutters, “Kagehira has been avoiding me since Sunday. At first I thought it to be foolish of me to worry so much, considering plenty of others--including He and I--have gone much longer without talking...But I have heard from Narukami that he has spent the last days in tears, as well as contacting Ibara privately...I’ve only seen him once more since this all started, and he sprinted away from me on sight.”
“Are you fighting?”
“No, no such thing.” Shu sighs, because they weren’t. “I..relaxed far too much around him. We...kissed.”
“Oh.”
Shu almost gets up then and there, the admission of their actions rattling around in his head hard enough to make his ears burn. Kanata makes a humming noise, thinking, head rolling back for a moment before he refocuses on Shu.
“So, you ‘kissed’ him, and now he’s ‘avoiding’ you?”
“What? No.” Shu shakes his head, covering his eyes. Ahh, He’s made such a huge mistake even admitting this to him! “He kissed me, but of course I kissed back. Which was a misunderstanding, you see, because now he’s avoiding me and I’m positive he only did such an action because of me--tricking him. Somehow. If it wasn’t that, why on earth would he avoid me so? He runs away at the mere sight of me, so clearly this is a folly of m--”
Shu is cut off abruptly, a splash of water aimed directly at his face ruining his makeup, his hair, and all around--his mood.
“KANATA!” Shu shrieks, tearing his hand from his friend, disregarding all previous ailments and jumping up and away from the fountain. “You know I hate it when you do that, you--you--!!”
“Sorry, Shu.” Kanata responds, clearly very not-sorry, “But I had to ‘stop’ you, somehow. You were being an ‘idiot.’”
“I was what?!” Shu exclaims, shaking his wet hand off to try and scrub at his face, only stopping himself when he knows he’d smear all his hard work on today’s natural look, “I confide in you my troubles and you defile me with--with reclaimed water! Mademoiselle, we are leaving this instant, I cannot believe the audacity of someone who I call a dear friend! Calling me an idiot, SOAKING me with water, You know, I should pull you out of there and--”
“Shu.”
Shu quiets, stopped as he reaches for Mademoiselle.
Kanata smiles at him softly, pillowing his arms on the ledge of the fountain, Shu stepping back slightly when he sees the puddle that comes off of him.
“He kissed you, Shu. You didn’t ‘make’ him do that.”
Shu’s hands idle uselessly right above Mademoiselle, his face contorting into an undoubtedly ugly expression before he steels himself, straightening her dress and reassuring her position on his hand.
“I think he knows that,” Mademoiselle provides where Shu can’t, “I think he’s simply just confused, so now he’s very scared.”
Shu turns and leaves before Kanata can say anything dreadfully heartfelt, starting his cycle of misery all over again.
Besides, he has something to busy himself with now. More than just work, or sewing. As his phone will keep cheerfully reminding him, he has to start packing once more.
After all, his flight back to France is Friday.
---
On Friday morning, Shu was still packing.
Shu always packed Mademoiselle last. He didn’t like to suffocate her away inside boxes and suitcases, but he’d much rather her complain a little bit rather than risk some idiot bumping into him and sending her flying to the ground on the plane.
This trip to Japan was particularly short, as Shu was mostly just returning to get some minor jobs done and finish up his work on Dramatica. But now, with what’s transpired, he’s dreadfully behind in script work and costume-making, having screwed up and ruined several notions in his distraction.
Shu gathers his things, re-checks his flight time, and turns to lock the dorm behind him as he sets off toward the elevator.
It’s his absolute last chance at talking to Kagehira in person. Thursday was a complete bust, Kagehira missing Valkyrie practice--something he’s never done before unless he was practically dead with sickness. His messages refused to go through, and every call was sent straight to voicemail.
A terrible omen, really.
But Shu is nothing if not stubborn, and they can’t be silent forever, so he’s decided to try one last time before getting on his plane. If not...then, well...He’d have to figure something else out.
The bear-and-bat decorated nameplate that reads “Ritsu and Mika” in the shakiest handwriting he’s had the privilege of seeing stares Shu directly in the face as he tries to go over the words he’s prepared in his head for if Kagehira was to open the door. He’s got several scripts, several opening lines, meticulously recited on the walk over so he wouldn’t manage to fuck this up further, his patience thin and ready to snap by this point.
So, one could imagine how he feels when he knocks on the door and is faced with not Kagehira, not Ritsu, but Izumi Sena.
“Can we help you?” Izumi drolls, leaning an arm against the door.
“...Sena.” Shu shifts slightly, standing up straighter, “Just when did you get back in town? I hadn’t seen you in the dorm.”
“Uh, yes you did?” Sena’s only been speaking for not even a minute, and he’s already looking annoyed. Frankly, Shu should count this as a new record. “We said hello and everything, like, Wednesday. Is your head okay?”
“...Forgive me, then.” Shu resists the urge to sigh, composing himself. “What business do you have in this dorm?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Sena replies, tapping his hand against the nameplate. “It says Ritsu right here. If your brain isn’t too messed up, you can remember that he’s part of Knights? We’re having a Knights meeting.”
“There are meeting rooms for that.”
“Yeah, and there’s dorm rooms, too.” Sena rolls his eyes, “So, what do you need?”
Shu opens his mouth to respond, his eyes catching movement behind Sena’s head momentarily before he can. It’s easy to see into the room, he’s taller than Sena, as well as the fact he’s not got the door cracked or anything--so Kagehira’s purple bedsheets are visible to him, as askew as ever.
What’s also visible to him is the rest of Knights all gathered there, some of them holding Mika’s frankenstein’d plushies, some of them holding sheet music--all except Narukami, who’s got her arms around Mika, who doesn’t seem to be aware who’s at the door.
It’s a brief moment of fire boiling under Shu’s feet until he can collect himself, mouth shutting with an audible click of his teeth smacking together. All of Knights plus Kagehira, a meeting specifically within this dorm...So that was what was going on, hm?
“...I need to speak with Kagehira.” Shu finally admits, looking back to Sena who’s absolutely not got the patience for this.
“Kagehira?” Sena hums, “Mm, never heard of him.”
“What?” Shu demands, “I see him. He's sitting right there.”
“No, I think you’ve got the wrong room.”
“Sena, I can quite literally see him, just who do you think you’re trying to--”
The door shuts in his face.
Shu stares, wide eyed, insulted once again by a Knights member having the sheer audacity to slam a door in his face. He raises his hand to knock again, only stopped by one thing.
“Ya didn’t have to do it like that!”
... Kagehira’s voice.
“He wasn’t going to leave, otherwise. You’re the one who doesn’t wanna talk to him, you k--”
Shu is down the hall before he can eavesdrop more. He has a plane to catch, after all. He has a plane to catch, an apartment to get back to, and if anyone sees him like this--his eyes are red because he’s got a bit of a cold. Because he hasn’t slept! That’s it.
He isn’t upset.
He isn’t.
---
His apartment in France is cold and unwelcoming, for the first time in weeks. Shu usually took solace in his solitude here in the place he considered the apex of the world, but when he unlocks his door to enter, all he feels is dread.
The week is catching up to him all at once, dragging at his ankles like chains, locked to his phone in his pocket. No missed calls or messages, because he checked constantly--continuously, all throughout his flight.
He pulls Mademoiselle from her glass case within his suitcase, setting her up nicely on his bed, collapsing heavily next to her, sprawled out in a most unsightly manner that would surely have gotten him scolded at his family’s home should anyone have seen it. He can’t find it in him to care about being well-mannered around Mademoiselle, though, all things considered.
“Shu-kun…” Mademoiselle starts, but she quickly silences herself. There’s nothing she can really say, nothing that Shu doesn’t already know. He knows Kagehira’s silence is weighing heavily on her, having already had a somewhat rocky relationship with him recently.
“Perhaps it was time for me to go solo again, anyhow.” Shu reasons, tone saturated with nothing but sorrow, “I did fabulous work on my own. I could do it again, you know.”
“I know,” Mademoiselle soothes, “Your art is always wonderful, Shu-kun. Itsuki Shu, the soloist, inspired many!”
Shu nods, rubbing his face against the silk of his pillow, a lapse of silence following her statement. He moves briefly, grabbing the nearby blanket and throwing it over his head, seeking the comfort of being hidden away from the eyes of the world. He left his purple one with Kagehira when he left for France initially, wanting to have him hold onto it, reasoning that he had no use for it anymore.
Ah… The cogs of his mind start to turn, recollecting the small gathering of items that Kagehira had which belonged to him. Crows always had a special affinity to what delighted them, after all. I’ll have to retrieve those from him when I’m back in Japan next. Then, I’ll have to submit the paperwork for dissolving the unit to Saegusa, if Kagehira hasn’t already submitted his...
Shu pauses for a moment to wipe his cheek, grimacing at the sudden wetness on his hand. When had he started crying?
“How unsightly.” Shu mumbles into his pillow, closing his eyes. He lets his body be drawn toward the idea of sleeping off the flight and his issues, content to succumb to his misery and wallow…
And then, his phone is vibrating.
It’s almost comedic how timing had worked in the last week, blindly searching the sheets for the offending object. He grips it, white knuckled, and pulls it into his blanket with the intention of hanging up so hard that the phone broke. Who would be so foolish as to call him when he clearly was communicating to the universe that he wanted to be alone?
...Of course.
Kagehira.
Kagehira was the one calling him.
Shu sits up, blanket forgotten, staring at the screen for only a second before fumbling to answer.
“Kagehi--”
“Oshi-san.”
Shu’s heart drops into his stomach, hearing Kagehira’s voice thick with tears. His problems fade into background static, cupping his phone with both hands. Any scolding he had for the silent treatment he’s been given dies quickly, hearing shuddering breaths and harsh sniffles--Kagehira was always such an ugly crier.
It broke Shu’s heart every time.
“O-Oshi-san,” Kagehira tries again, “M’sorry. I’m really, really, REALLY sorry for what I did--jus’...please don’t kick me outta Valkyrie!”
Shu blinks. What?
“I-I can do anythin’ ta make up for it, okay? More jobs, or--or I’ll...I’ll not ask f’r any help on the next outfits I make!” Kagehira desperately trying to reason, growing more and more upset as he continues, “Ya know? I can do whatev’r ya want me to, so jus’...Let me stay, alright? Please?”
“Kagehira.”
“Oh! Ya know what I can do? I can buy all th’ fabric we need! Right? Yea? I reckon I have enough with all m’part time jobs, so that way--”
“Kagehira. ”
“I jus’--I really dont know what came ov’r me that day, Oshi-san, ya were just lookin’ so pretty and I was bein’ so stupid! ‘N now y’re gonna throw me away, ah b-but, I ain’t a doll, so I guess y’re jus’ gettin’ rid of dead wei--”
“KAGEHIRA.” It hurts Shu to shout, but he could feel Kagehira’s spiral through the phone, the way he was starting to hyperventilate as he tends to. There’s a very sad whimper in response, so Shu at least knows he’s listening now.
Shu collects himself for a moment, accompanied by Kagehira’s sniffling, then relaxes. “Kagehira, I’m not kicking you out of Valkyrie.”
“..Ya ain’t?”
“No, you silly fool.” Shu sighs, running a hand through his hair, exasperated, “I thought you wanted to leave Valkyrie.”
“What?! Oshi-san!” Kagehira sounds positively offended, gasping like he’s been hurt. “I told ya so many times, I never wanna leave! I’m with ya ‘till the end of the line!”
“Yes, and as I’ve told you so many times,” Shu reminds, “Being human allows you the freedom to go back on those words. I just...assumed, I suppose, with...how you were acting before I left.”
“Oh, ya mean me avoidin’ ya?”
“...yes, that is what I mean, Kagehira.”
“I was doin’ that cuz I thought you were chasin’ me down to gimme what-for!” Kagehira takes a weird breath and a sniff, no doubt scrubbing at his nose in a way that makes Shu grimace. “I thought you were comin’ to tell me all about how I should pack my unit uniform an’ burn it or somethin’!”
“You should know I would never burn a creation of mine.” Shu scoffs, “and no, why on earth would I be kicking you out of Valkyrie?”
“...Well…” Kagehira mumbles, “Because I kissed ya. I thought ya...might’ve hated me for it, ya know?”
Shu plays with the hem of the blanket. So, now was the time, wasn’t it? They were talking about it. Easy enough. He could do this, easy. He was Itsuki Shu--a superb idol and specimen that ranked higher than the common masses. Discussing a kiss is nothing to him.
“ If you would just--” Shu cuts himself off, biting his lip. Too harsh. “Simply...just...Well. I didn’t particularly complain about the kiss, did I?”
“Well, no, but--”
“I despise it when you try to reason for me.” Shu is almost glad this conversation is happening over the phone, god forbid Kagehira see his burning cheeks. “I kissed you back, if you’ll recall. Perhaps the time and place wasn’t up to standard, but the action itself was one that I found...favorable. If you will.”
“..Um, so Oshi-san. What y’re sayin’ is, ya liked me kissin’ ya?”
Shu leans forward, placing a hand over his eyes. “Yes, Kagehira. That is what I’m saying.”
“...Oh.”
Shu felt torn between screaming out loud and ripping up fabric. Since both were counter-productive, he chose instead to uselessly grab onto Mademoiselle, trying to ground himself as the silence between them tries to swallow him alive.
“O-oh!” Kagehira blurts suddenly, “OOH! Oshi-san, you--!”
“Please do not make me say it again.”
“N-no, ya don’t gotta, um--wow!” Kagehira is finally laughing, bright and embarrassed, “Okay, yea! So, um..aaah, geez, this is finally happenin’ and I don’t even know what ta say!”
“You sound...very happy.” Shu preens a group of frills on Mademoiselle’s dress, trying desperately to distract his hands. “Are you?”
“Well duh!” Kagehira exclaims, and Shu’s heart clenches.
“...So, then. That kiss wasn’t a mistake?” Shu asks, messing with the frills a bit faster, “You did that on purpose.”
“Uh, yeah?” Kagehira regards him with a somewhat-insulting 'are ya stupid?' tone that he reserves for special occasions, “People usually don’t kiss by accident, Oshi-san. I kissed ya because I wanted ta kiss ya. Why didn’t ya just tell me ya liked it in the first place! Here I was, thinkin’ I ruined everythin’!”
“Why didn’t I--You never gave me a chance to!” Shu scoffs, “I thought you were running about, submitting papers to leave and join Knights!”
“Knights--Ya thought I was--!!” Kagehira stops to snort, “Ya mean--oh man, Oshi-san. We’re terrible.”
Shu can’t help but crack a fond smile, it pulling just slightly at the corners of his mouth. Even after all this time, their true intentions just kept slipping by eachother...What had Wataru compared them to, once? A romantic comedy?
“So, then.” Shu clears his throat, “Wonderful. I will be returning to Japan in two weeks. I..believe we should discuss this development further in person, now that we’ve cleared up this...miscommunication between us. I believe we have..more to discuss. If that’s something that you’re wanting.”
“Yeah!” Kagehira agrees quickly, “Um--yeah. Yeah. I’m real glad we did, too. I..Guess i’ll talk to ya later, Oshisan.”
Shu says his goodbyes, flipping onto his back and holding his phone to his chest.
“Mademoiselle.”
“Yes, Shu-kun?”
“I’m going to work on Valkyrie’s next stage. I am simply bursting with inspiration at the moment, and I’d like to expend my energy.”
“Of course, Shu-kun. Make something very lovely, something to impress MIka-chan, perhaps?”
“Hush, Mademoiselle." Shu slips off the bed, grabbing his sketchbook to bury his face in it, rushing off before she could point out just how much his smile had grown.
---
Shu returns to Japan early-morning Sunday, dropping his things in his rooms before heading to the Dramatica meeting, intent on making the final touches to Narukami’s gown for the play and discussing possible scene adjustments with Wataru, head held high and motivation bursting at the seams. He felt as if he could write a whole new play in one sitting, and dress the cast in finery at the exact same time.
“You didn’t forget your lunch today, right?” Narukami teases right before their break, arms out at her side as Shu pins some extra detailing to her waist.
“I’m saving my appetite today,” Shu hums, “Rest assured, I will be here for the whole rehearsal--however, I have some ideas for dinner I’d like to have an empty stomach for.”
Narukami smiles down at him knowingly, humming. “Special night?”
“How strange,” Shu smirks back up at her, “I don't recall having any obligation to tell you my plans, Narukami.”
Narukami shoves at his forehead playfully, and Shu can’t even find it in him to retort or care despite the fact she’s probably just messed up his bangs--or made him pin something wrong. He flies through the meeting with a positivity usually unlike him, with increased posing and flourishes as he speaks, all the way into the night.
“Comin’ in!” A voice startles the group as they gather their bags, discussing plans for the evening. Shu turns on his heel, purse in hand, and immediately starts off to the double doors where Kagehira is now standing, bouncing on his toes. Shu is trying to act quickly, both out of excitement, and in anticipation for…
“Mika-chan!” Narukami calls, making Shu’s shoulders jump. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
“N-Naru-chan!” Kagehira whines, “Geez, We’re not even--We’re jus’ gonna have dinner, we do that all the time, So ya don’t gotta--!”
“ Kagehira. ” Shu hums, standing at the door. He looks down at his feet for a moment, then back into those mismatched eyes, and offers an open palm to him. “...Shall we go?”
Kagehira smiles, and Shu feels like he’s stepped back into the sun, warmed completely to his bones as Kagehira links their fingers together and squeezes.
“Yup! I’m with ya every step, Oshi-san!”
.
.
.
“Perhaps we should’ve made a bet on how long that took,” Wataru expresses, blooming a rose from his hand to give to Nagisa, “Why, I was waiting with bated breath!”
“Wataru-kun,” Nagisa tilts his head, “...You weren’t involved with the bet? I won quite a lot, actually...Ibara’s very pleased with me.”
“... Hm ?”