Chapter Text
you weren’t sure why kiyoomi had even agreed to your marriage. of all the proposals and offers his family must have received, it baffled you as to why you were the one he accepted. you came from a humble family, attended an average university, and worked an ordinary job. marrying you could do little for his opulent family’s prestige.
the concept of an arranged marriage was nothing new to you. growing up, your parents constantly retold the story of how they were promised to one another by their families and married not long after high school. you found the whole thing slightly unsettling, but with how your parents always looked at one another with so much love and admiration, you couldn’t find the idea all that bad.
the need for arranged marriages had significantly declined since your parent’s time but hadn’t been completely abandoned. it wasn’t totally unheard of for parents still to find marital partners for their children. specifically those in the upper class; especially when it was financially or socially beneficial.
as for you, your love life had never managed to take off- much to your parent’s dismay. your family and friends constantly scolded you for your lack of effort in finding a partner and begged you to put yourself out there more. it wasn’t as if you didn’t want to date anyone, it just never happened for you. occasionally, you went on dates but those would fizzle into nothing. seeing no point in forcing things or being miserable about it, you carried on with life and focused on your goals. if it happens, it happens, you told yourself.
but over the years, as you made progress in your career, you found your thoughts occasionally drifting back to the idea of marriage. you no longer found yourself comfortable and content with your quiet solitary life. you longed to share your happiness, thoughts, worries, and successes with someone else. to tell someone about your day and lean on them for comfort- happily offering them the same.
had you not tried hard enough? would it be like this forever? was it too late?
those feelings came to a head while you were attending your cousin’s wedding. he and his partner were another happily arranged pairing. as you sat with your mother at the reception, watching the newlyweds sway together lovingly, the words came out of your mouth before you could give yourself the chance to reconsider.
“i want that too.”
you soon realized how draining the whole process could be. after four failed potential matches, you were losing hope, almost resigning yourself to a quiet life with at least two pets.
“one more meeting”, your mother begged. you had nothing to lose.
the first time you saw kiyoomi, you actually wanted to run away. your heart was racing, your stomach was in knots, he made you speechless. in all of your 27 years, you had never felt so drawn to someone- it was unfamiliar and absolutely terrifying. sensing your nerves, your mother squeezed your hand reassuringly. she knew. she always did.
the meeting went well. the sakusas were polite and even seemed overly eager to make sure things were to your family’s liking. kiyoomi didn’t speak much, even when he was tasked with giving you a brief tour of his family’s estate. it was awkward and you felt on edge the entire time but still, you didn’t want it to end.
during the car ride back your mother smiled to herself. she had never heard you speak so much, so fondly before. “apparently he’s an outside hitter, we should watch a game on tv tonight!”
after three months with the sakusa’s, the engagement became official. your family was elated but you were unsure. multiple emotions clashed within you: anxiety, hope, and fear. it was all happening so fast. kiyoomi was in many aspects a great man and you knew others would love to be in your place.. but he was still a stranger to you.
you’d met numerous times and taken plenty more walks together since that first encounter, but he was still very reserved and you hardly knew anything about him. any attempt at getting to know him on a deeper level was met with curt responses or deflection. you had almost lost all hope until his siblings pulled you aside one day to offer you some assurance.
“deep down, kiyoomi is dedicated and kind. if he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t. if you’re patient, he’ll let you in. please don’t give up on him, y/n.”
had you been misunderstanding him the whole time? were you just mistaking his composed disposition for frigidness? perhaps you were to blame. there was no doubt that you had been somewhat expecting to have the same kind of relationship you watched your parents share over the years, loving and loud. but you were nothing like your mother and kiyoomi was nothing like your father. the love you two would share would be different and that was more than okay with you.
with your nerves slightly settled, you decided to proceed with the engagement and gave kiyoomi all the time he needed to open up.
three months later, the two of you married. even though you still had your apprehensions, you were excited to share your life with him. you swore to try your best to make the marriage a happy one.
on your wedding day, as you held his hands in your own, you wondered if he felt the same warmth you did.
it was supposed to be the start of a new chapter, a life together. yet only a year later, your bags were packed- you were leaving sakusa kiyoomi.
to anyone on the outside, you were living the dream. going from an average life to being married to a handsome pro athlete from a wealthy family- living in an expensive penthouse in the city- who wouldn’t want that? however, it didn’t take long for everything to stop feeling like a dream. not long at all.
you weren’t quite sure what the last straw was. the countless dinners eaten alone? all the rebuffed attempts at even the smallest amount of intimacy? the constant feeling of being an unwelcome guest in your own home? his lack of interest in anything about you? or was it his unwillingness to utter more than two sentences to you a day? the reasons seemed endless but it didn’t matter anymore, you were done.
it was perfect. kiyoomi had been away at training camp, giving you plenty of time to neatly extract yourself from his life without any complications. you didn’t have much to pack aside from your clothes and a few items since he didn’t want you to bring many things from your old apartment. despite the penthouse being new to you both, you never really got a say in how it was decorated. everything was optimized to kiyoomi’s liking. it was never your home.
it would be your burden to inform both of your families but you considered that a small price to pay. you don’t have anything else to lose- you just wanted out, even if it meant bearing the shame from both families for a while. you let out a deep exhale, anticipating your mother’s heartbroken reaction. she had her heart set on you experiencing the same kind of love story she did with your father. you almost laugh at how ridiculous you were for hoping the same thing.
as you pondered where to leave your brief farewell note along with the wedding ring and the divorce papers, the sound of the elevator caught your attention. assuming that it was your friend who had agreed to help you move your stuff, you called out to them.
"i’m almost ready! i just need to leave this on his nightstand!”
confused after there was no response, you took a few steps toward the hallway before coming to an abrupt halt, panic spiking as you recognized the footsteps that drew near.
“leave what on my nightstand?”
kiyoomi stood in the bedroom doorway, arms crossed with the usual scowl on his face.
you were stunned. this wasn’t supposed to happen. his schedule was always so strict with hardly any deviations. what was he doing there?
“y/n.” he said.
you gripped the papers to control the slight trembling of your hands. his reaction wasn’t something that you’d ever given much thought considering you had always planned on being long gone, never seeing him again unless it was absolutely necessary. it was nerve-wracking, not knowing how he would react.
annoyed with your lack of response, kiyoomi strode over to you and slipped the papers from your grasp. you held your breath as his eyes scanned over the words.
to your surprise, his scowl fell instantly as he realized what he was reading. he glanced at you briefly before looking around, noticing the bedroom was slightly emptier.
“i’m leaving,” you admitted.
there was a long pause. when he made no effort to speak, you continued. “things haven’t been working. we’re clearly not a good match and i don’t want to trouble you any longer. i’ll be the one to meet with our families to inform them since this was my doing.”
“why are you… do you not have everything you want?” kiyoomi looked down at you in utter confusion before letting out a heavy sigh. “y/n, just tell me what this is really about so you can stop whatever all this is.”
it was your turn to be confused. “what? i just told you. this just isn’t working for either of us.”
“and you’ve come to that conclusion for the both of us? all on your own? i don’t get a say in my marriage?”
“are you serious?“ you tried not to raise your voice. "you’re really going to act like you haven’t despised my presence for the past year? have i just been imagining that you treat me like i’m nothing but a pest? i’m surprised you’ve acknowledged this as a marriage at all.”
“oh, i’m well aware of our circumstances.” he spat, tossing the papers carelessly onto the bed.
“that’s exactly what i’m talking about!” you could feel rage bubbling in the back of your throat. you were quickly losing your composure. “why are you trying to argue? i know you hate this- i know you hate me!”
“what a-” kiyoomi couldn’t get another word out as you began to yell at him. he could only watch in stunned silence as a year of suppressed anger finally boiled over.
“well i hate it too!” you seethed. “i hate walking on eggshells around you every day, i hate being alone in this stupid penthouse, i hate this meaningless ring, i hate being married, and i hate you! i hate it all!”
when tears began to blur your vision, you turned your back to him, hugging yourself.
"i tried, i did. i promised myself that when we got married i’d put my all into this. because i- i wanted to know you, kiyoomi. i wanted to stay by your side. and because i thought there must have been some reason you would do this with me. i thought you wanted this too… maybe just a little.
"now i know that it was all for nothing. i’m a fool for believing this could work and i’ve wasted over a year of my life being miserable that i can never get back. i’m sorry if its inconvenient for you, but i can’t live like this any longer.”
a heavy silence enveloped you both as you waited for him to say something. when it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak, you left the room and closed the door behind you.
"find someone else to do this to.”
it had been hours later when you woke up in the guest room. remembering the events of that afternoon, you rubbed your temples to soothe an oncoming headache. after leaving kiyoomi in the bedroom, you remember going to whatever room was furthest away from him and burying yourself underneath the blankets. you thought you heard the sound of the elevator in your distressed state but you couldn’t be sure. you wondered if he ran off to his family to break the news. you scoffed, so much for trying to settle things as gently as possible.
remembering that your friend was supposed to come over, you sat up and looked around for your phone. you had to contact her right away. with all the moving around you did earlier before the confrontation, you weren’t sure where you had placed it. hoping that kiyoomi had really left the penthouse, you opened the bedroom door slightly and listened for any sound of his presence. there was none, just the familiar silence you’d grown accustomed to. you let out a small sigh of relief and made your way down the hall, deciding to check the kitchen first.
to your luck, your phone was on the counter. upon unlocking it, you saw numerous concerned texts from your friend. you sent a quick response assuring that you were fine and promised to call later before setting your phone back down.
you stood in silence for a while, wondering what your next move would be. would you still leave him? of course. why wouldn’t you? nothing had changed, kiyoomi just knows how you really feel.
you grimaced, feeling slightly regretful with your choice of words earlier. you didn’t actually hate kiyoomi, you just wanted it to be over. you made a mental note to apologize for your words and for yelling the next time you saw him- if you ever saw him again.
feeling your head begin to throb, you grabbed some aspirin from one of the kitchen drawers and made your way to get some water.
a chill ran up your spine as you reached into the cabinet for a glass.
"y/n.”
he hadn’t left.
in your shock you didn’t hear the crash nor did you feel the shards at your feet.