Work Text:
In every absolute is an exception, a pure, white rose in a sea of red, a clear blue sky following a storm. Before Baekhyun, Kyungsoo didn’t believe in exceptions. Now they’re all he sees.
“Sweetheart.”
He doesn’t know why he feels so emotional. It’s raining outside so violently, and the evening sky is clouded gray. This isn’t the setting for nostalgia or sentiments. But it’s their home. He can’t believe how far they’ve come together, to be able to call a place theirs.
“Jagiya?” With no response, Baekhyun comes closer, although he would have come anyway. Kyungsoo feels him against his back. Baekhyun’s arms go around his neck and his chin rests on his right shoulder. “What are you doing out here?”
It’s the green house, so it makes sense that Baekhyun would find it odd. Kyungsoo likes to stay in the living room most of the time, or in the kitchen if he’s in the mood to cook, which lately he’s been doing a lot. The extension is the last place to find him. He gets cold easily nowadays, and there’s no heater out here. But it’s like a different world. Baekhyun’s the one who loves being here in the rain, and now he gets why.
“It’s raining,” he says plainly, watching the drops hit the windows in waves.
“Yeah.” Baekhyun lifts his head to watch too. For a moment they stand there together, watching the storm. “Does Nini like it?”
Their baby. Kyungsoo feels his throat constrict. God, he’s a mess already, and their son hasn’t even been born yet. He fights off tears and puts a hand on his stomach. “He kicked a while ago, but now he’s quiet.”
Lowering his hand on top of his, Baekhyun rocks them side to side gently. “Maybe he fell asleep.”
“He does seem to like storms like you do.”
“Not a bad thing to inherit.”
Kyungsoo thinks back to his childhood. He used to hate rainstorms. His parents would wake up in the middle of the night to him clambering into their bed, only able to sleep in the safety of their nest. It took him a while to outgrow that fear. Though, of course, he’d had to find other ways to cope when his parents separated. “Yeah. If he was scared of thunder, it would be a headache later on.”
“Don’t act like you wouldn’t like it.” Baekhyun kisses his cheek and holds his hand that’s on his stomach, hugging him tightly with his other arm. After a moment of thoughtless silence, Baekhyun asks, “What’s wrong?”
Wrong? Kyungsoo blinks, only to feel a tear at his lashes. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“You sound so surprised.” Kyungsoo can see their reflection in the window, he realizes, and Baekhyun is looking right at him. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m not. It’s just…”
A crash of thunder makes him jump. Disappointingly, Baekhyun pulls away. But he’s taking his hand, and Kyungsoo feels okay again. “Let’s go inside.”
“I’m fine.”
“I know you’re fine.” Kyungsoo doesn’t know why he feels so defensive all of a sudden, but Baekhyun’s voice is so gentle that it goes away in an instant. “It’s just getting a little chilly. Aren’t you cold? I’m cold.”
He’s saying it just to make him feel better. Still, even if he knows it, he’ll fall for it anyway. That little white lie is an excuse for Kyungsoo to admit weakness. It’s Baekhyun’s way of giving him a graceful exit, as much as his pride wants him to stay there. They go inside and Kyungsoo sits on the couch, letting Baekhyun collect pillows to help him sit more comfortably.
As usual, Kyungsoo feels sleepy sitting down. Baekhyun goes to the kitchen, presumably to make a warm drink or something similarly comforting while he dozes off. He can hear him moving around while he drifts. It’s like he’s living two lives in his head, the one with his husband and this baby that he never could have imagined he’d have in a million years, and the one in the past that he’s been dreaming of a lot lately.
His parents were mated, of course. Just like him and Baekhyun. They’d been mated for a long time, longer than most are before they have their first child. Kyungsoo was their second. The happier days of his childhood are a distant memory now, but he remembers that his parents were in love, once upon a time. Or maybe they’d already fallen out of love by the time Kyungsoo was born, and everything he saw was them holding on for him.
They fought a lot. The older he got, the more he began to see the cracks in their relationship. In books, mating was magical, a promise of happily ever after, but Kyungsoo had learned that wasn’t the truth.
It didn’t last. It never lasted. That was the absolute he’d grown up believing.
“Yeah, mom.” Kyungsoo isn’t even sure he fell asleep before he’s drawn out of his nap, opening his eyes tiredly. Baekhyun is on the phone in the kitchen. He has that handsome smile of his on, eyes crinkling at the edges in that way that Kyungsoo has loved since a long time ago. He must have slept for barely a minute, because Baekhyun’s still boiling water and taking fruit out of the refrigerator. “He’s doing okay. He’s been feeling more tired lately, though. And he’s got aches… yeah, he’s here, but I think he’s sleeping.” Baekhyun looks over. Kyungsoo straightens, and he lowers the phone and covers it. “It’s okay. It’s just my mom. You can keep resting.”
“She wants to talk, right? Give me the phone.”
“But…”
“I’m okay, Baekhyun. Finish what you’re doing. I’ll talk to her.”
There’s a moment of hesitation before Baekhyun lifts the phone. “He’s awake now. What—mom, he just woke up.” Baekhyun sighs exasperatedly as he walks over. “Are you okay with video chatting?”
“Yeah, that’s okay.”
“Mom, you’re so lucky he isn’t me. I would say no without even thinking about it.”
“That’s because you’re a bad kid,” Baekhyun’s mother says. She’s on speakerphone now that they switched to video call. Baekhyun hands him the phone and she coos. “Kyungsoo. How are you feeling? You look so tired; have you been sleeping well?”
Baekhyun fake-gags like the immature adult he is and Kyungsoo only barely manages to stifle a laugh. “I’m feeling okay. Just a bit more lethargic than usual.”
“That’s normal around this time. Any pain anywhere? Bleeding?”
“No. Just the usual back pain.”
“Okay, that’s good.” Baekhyun’s mother pauses. “Is Baekhyun nearby?”
Kyungsoo looks up. Baekhyun is back to cutting fruits in the kitchen, but meets his gaze when he feels him staring and sends him an air-kiss. “He’s here.”
“Can he hear you?”
“Um… kind of? Should I go somewhere else?”
“No, no. Don’t strain yourself.”
“Baekhyun.” The husband in question blinks. “Go outside for a second.”
Comically, Baekhyun looks out the window. It’s still raining hard. “Outside?”
“The extension. Five minutes.”
“Okay…”
Looking utterly lost, Baekhyun puts the knife down and goes out, glancing behind him for reassurance that Kyungsoo is okay. Once he’s satisfied and the door is closed, Kyungsoo returns his attention to the phone. “He’s gone.”
“Okay. Be honest with me, Kyungsoo. How are you feeling? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Even if it isn’t something physical, honey. You know when I was pregnant with Baekbeom I was a mess. The first time is always the hardest. You can talk to me. I promise I won’t tell Baekhyun if you don’t want me to.”
The lump in his throat comes suddenly. He swallows. “I’m okay,” he repeats.
Baekhyun’s mother smiles kindly. “Alright. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, okay? Baekhyun, too, of course, but I know sometimes it’s different talking to someone who’s experienced what you’re experiencing right now.”
“Yeah.” Baekhyun is still outside, making silly faces through the window. Kyungsoo shakes his head with a smile, but it’s a little tough to maintain. “Um… I’m not worried right now. Not yet. But… how do I know if I’ll be a good parent?”
She considers the question. There’s a slight lull in the rain, and Kyungsoo waits with a taste of anxiety that’s distant and close all at once. “I don’t think there’s such a thing,” she says finally. “The only thing you can do is your best. That’s what makes a ‘good’ parent. And I know you and Baekhyun. You’ll both give it your all.”
“Okay.”
“Is that all you’re worried about?” Kyungsoo nods. “Don’t be. I know I didn’t raise you, but I feel like you’re my own son. I know you. You’ll do well. And you aren’t alone, so there’s no need to stress yourself. I’ll be here every step of the way, and so will Baekhyun. My husband, too. Even though he seems cold, he’s always worried about you two.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Let me talk to Baekhyun and scold him, now. Letting you worry about this all by yourself.”
“It’s fine, mom.”
“Why, is it a burden?” She smiles. “Just call him and I won’t scold him, then. I want to see both of you together.”
Kyungsoo does as told and Baekhyun returns from exile, looking properly like a kicked puppy as he takes the phone to hold it for him and sits beside him. “Did you two have a good heart to heart while I froze outside?”
“It’s the middle of summer,” Kyungsoo says, rolling his eyes.
“I froze from how heartless you two are.”
“I’m sorry I raised a drama queen,” Baekhyun’s mother says, and Kyungsoo laughs. “You’re taking care of Kyungsoo, right, Baekhyun?”
“Of course I am.”
“You’d better. His health is the most important. If he isn’t healthy, the baby isn’t healthy either.”
“I know.”
“Make sure he eats well and sleeps well.”
“I know.”
“Don’t let him lift heavy things. If he’s trying to reach for something, get it for him instead. He shouldn’t be climbing chairs like this.”
Baekhyun pouts, kicking his feet for effect. “I know, mom. I’m taking care of him. What, do I look that useless to you?”
“Kyungsoo, honey, don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything. Mom is here for you.”
“I’ll call.”
“Good. Okay, go to sleep already. You look exhausted.” Baekhyun’s mother waves. “Good night, you two.”
They echo it back and hang up, and Baekhyun puts the phone to the side and his arms around Kyungsoo, leaning his head against his shoulder.
Kyungsoo likes the weight. “Your mom is always so energetic.”
“I’m telling you: you’re her favorite.” Baekhyun breathes in, then sighs. His eyes are closed. “What did you guys talk about?”
“How we’ll be okay.”
“Mm… I agree.”
He can’t help but laugh at that. “You aren’t worried? At all?”
“Of course I’m worried. I’m always worrying about you. But I know we’ll be okay in the end. We always are.”
“You’re right.” They’ve been through a lot together. From the beginning, Kyungsoo had thought they wouldn’t make it. Yet here they are, testament to their efforts. Everything is up in the air, but they’re working towards their promises. ‘Forever,’ too, is something they can’t be sure of, but as long as they’re willing to try, Kyungsoo thinks he can believe.
Baekhyun breathes in once more before kissing his cheek and drawing away. “Are you hungry? I cut some fruits. Actually, even if you aren’t hungry, I’m not letting my hard work go to waste.”
“I’m hungry,” Kyungsoo says for him, amused.
“Good.” Baekhyun gets up and retrieves the small fruit bowl, giving him a mini fork to match. There’s the fruit tea he brewed too, but Kyungsoo takes only a sip before he decides his taste buds aren’t a fan. Disappointing, considering he usually enjoys a cup of tea on rainy days. “For my mom’s sake, you’d better eat it all. Unless you feel nauseous. Then I’ll finish it and we won’t tell her.”
It’s illegal to be this endearing. But Baekhyun is, as always, a rule breaker at heart. Kyungsoo shakes his head and picks up an apple slice to take a tiny bite. “Eat some even though I don’t feel nauseous. I can’t finish this by myself.”
“Mkay.” Cheerily, Baekhyun picks up a strawberry and digs in. For a moment they eat in silence—that is, until a flash of lightning brightens the room, followed by a harsh crash of thunder that makes Kyungsoo jolt. Baekhyun puts an arm around him and pulls him in so he’s leaning against his chest. “It’s loud again.”
“Too much rain.” Kyungsoo relaxes, placing a hand on his stomach. “I wish I could be as calm as Nini.”
Another bang. He flinches again, but Baekhyun rubs his arm and hushes him. “It’s okay.”
“I know. I’m just jumpy.”
Baekhyun kisses his temple before standing. “I’ll be back.”
But why? Kyungsoo hates how immature he feels, wanting to grab Baekhyun’s hand and drag him to his side again. Baekhyun knows he hates being alone during a storm. Not that he can’t handle it. He’s an adult, after all. But that doesn’t make it any less unpleasant. Feeling bereft, he stabs a peach slice and nibbles on it as he watches Baekhyun disappear upstairs. The fruit is sweet but not too sweet. Exactly how he likes it. Sighing, he listens to the storm and tries not to feel anxious.
When Baekhyun finally comes back, he’s holding his gaming headset minus the mic. Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “I’m not playing games.”
“I know. You’re allergic to fun.” Baekhyun sticks out his tongue as he sits beside him again. He grabs his phone and plugs it in, then turns to gently fit the headset over Kyungsoo’s head. Holding both sides so that his hands are practically cupping his ears, he says, “You can’t hear the thunder anymore, right?”
Kyungsoo tries. It’s there in the distance behind the soft music Baekhyun chose to play for him, but mostly all he hears is a quiet piano and pitter patters, and Baekhyun’s voice. “No,” he says.
“Good.” Baekhyun kisses his forehead softly and settles in. Kyungsoo feels his heart warm. It’s the little things. Cutting fruit and giving him his headset. He wonders if Baekhyun knows how special these things make him feel. There’s so much in his mind when it comes to their relationship, so many insecurities and doubts, but there’s so much of this too. Just Baekhyun reminding him again and again that he is loved. That they are in love.
Nini, did you know? Your parents love each other so much. They love you, too.
He can feel the weight of his body getting heavier. It’s easy to lean his head against Baekhyun’s shoulder, to trust that he’ll hold him steady. His eyes are closing and Baekhyun takes the bowl from him. “Baby.”
“Mm…”
“I can’t let you sleep here.”
“Mm.”
“Do you want to nap here for a little bit, and have me wake you up later, or do you want to go to bed now?”
Kyungsoo snuggles more into his shoulder and hums again. After a beat, he manages to say, “Just for a little bit….” before he falls asleep.
“Is it okay?” Baekhyun teethed at the base of his neck, teasing without meaning to, as Kyungsoo panted, practically begging him to bite. “If you changed your mind, then—”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because—” he swallowed thickly “—because that means it’s an option for you. You don’t need to claim me. You don’t need me.”
“Kyungsoo. That’s not the truth at all.”
“Then what else is it supposed to mean?” Kyungsoo pleaded. He couldn’t imagine how he must look, so desperate and needy, teary-eyed from his heat with an unfocused gaze. Baekhyun’s scent mingled in the air with his own. It was heady and intoxicating and he’d never wanted the way he wanted now, begging Baekhyun for an oath. Speaking was the hardest; every word vibrated with effort. He wet his lips. “Claim me. Take me. I’m giving myself to you, alpha, but you’re always asking me.”
Baekhyun tensed at his words. “You’re saying dangerous things, Kyungja.”
“Give me your pups,” Kyungsoo begged, straining up. He was doing every possible thing, trying and trying, but Baekhyun was still resisting, and he couldn’t understand why. Frustrated tears gathered in his eyes. Maybe he was wrong. Or right, whichever, and Baekhyun didn’t feel the same way. Even though they were engaged. Even though Kyungsoo desperately wanted to believe. “Fine, forget it.” He shoved Baekhyun away. “I don’t want you either.”
“Omega.”
Kyungsoo froze. The low, firm command of Baekhyun’s voice was foreign, but it sent a shiver down his spine as his body immediately submitted. Take me.
“I want you,” Baekhyun said, gentle again. “I just don’t want to treat you like you’re an item. I want to make sure this is what you want. I’m sorry if that made you feel unwanted. I promise that’s the furthest from the truth.”
Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “We’re getting married soon,” he whispered. “And you haven’t claimed me. What am I supposed to feel?”
“Your… your mom told me to take care of you,” Baekhyun admitted reluctantly.
“What?”
“She said you’d been through a lot when you were younger. With shitty alphas. I didn’t want to be that to you.”
She did? Kyungsoo loosened his arms; Baekhyun pulled away. It had been a while since he’d thought about them. Those one night stands and short-lived dates. And more than that. Those moments when he’d said no, but…
“I trusted her not to tell anyone.”
“I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t something to be angry about. Not now. Kyungsoo understood his mother had been worried. And it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault. “Thank you,” he said instead. “For considering me.”
“Thank you for letting me.”
Kyungsoo reached up and cupped his face. He let his fingertips graze his ear, smoothed his thumb over his skin. “I want you,” he said. “I’ve wanted you.”
“Me, too.”
“Then claim me.”
It was in the heat of the moment, shuddering his release, that he did. Kyungsoo whimpered from the sharp pain, but Baekhyun was there to make it better. Small, careful licks where he’d left his mark. Apologetic and sweet. “Shh… it’s okay.”
Limp, tired, but Kyungsoo felt safe in his alpha’s arms. They held each other for a long time until they fell asleep.
“Kyungja.” Baekhyun’s voice pulls him out of his slumber. “Let’s go to bed.”
It’s darker outside than earlier, but he can’t hear the rain anymore. He can’t hear the music either. Baekhyun must have taken the headset off. It’s lying on the coffee table in front of them. “In a minute,” he mumbles.
“Not a minute. Now.” Baekhyun says it firmly, but as always it doesn’t last long before he goes back to being gentle. Kyungsoo wakes up a bit when Baekhyun stands. “Come on, sweetheart.”
Even though he feels annoyed that Baekhyun woke him up, he follows without much argument. It’s better for Nini if he lies comfortably. Which he does, after they make it to their bedroom, Baekhyun sliding a pillow between his knees to make him more comfortable. They talk for a bit. Not about anything in particular. Just to fill up space with one another and beckon sleep closer. Baekhyun is pressed against his back and his hand is on his stomach the way it always is when they go to sleep. The soothing sensation of his palm making small circles on his skin pulls him into a state of relaxation, but like every time it’s paired with a need to cry.
“Stop bullying daddy, Nini,” Baekhyun says. So out of the blue. Kyungsoo laughs softly.
“Bullying?”
“Making you cry.” Baekhyun brushes his nose against the back of his neck and shakes his head. “What are you saying to daddy, Nini? Why is he so sad?”
Kyungsoo somehow smiles, reaching behind him to touch Baekhyun’s head before putting his hand on his stomach, too. “I’m not sad. Do I seem sad to you?”
“Sometimes.”
“Why?”
The rain. It must be on and off, because it’s starting all over again. Kyungsoo closes his eyes. “Today,” Baekhyun says, and his voice isn’t light-hearted anymore. “You were crying.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Then tell me what it was.”
“It was nothing, love.”
“I can’t help if you won’t tell me anything,” Baekhyun says. The bitter scent of frustration meets Kyungsoo’s nose. It isn’t a strong scent, but it’s there underneath all of the familiar, safe ones. He doesn’t like it.
“I don’t know what it is,” Kyungsoo says. “Don’t be angry, please?”
Baekhyun kisses his neck apologetically. The scent disappears. “I didn’t mean to be. I’m sorry. I’m just worried. I don’t know what else to do when I see you upset. We’re in this together, remember?”
They are. Kyungsoo knows it just as well as Baekhyun does, even though he doesn’t make it obvious. They lean on each other so much. Kyungsoo especially. It’s like every day he’s taking from Baekhyun, and Baekhyun never expects anything in return. His selflessness is hard to understand. No matter how many times Kyungsoo notes it, he can’t understand it.
There were two lines. Kyungsoo covered his mouth, tears gathering in his eyes. “Baekhyun!” Where was he? “Baekhyun—”
“Yes? What is it…?”
He never told him when he was going to take the test. Baekhyun found him in the bathroom, crying, and knew.
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
Wordlessly, Kyungsoo held it up. Baekhyun stared. Then the words seemed to sink in and he squealed, rushing forward to sweep Kyungsoo up in a hug.
“No way. Really? Really, really?”
Kyungsoo laughed, leaning down to kiss him. Baekhyun set him back on the ground with more care than necessary, smiling like an idiot.
“Holy shit.” Waving his hands in front of his eyes, Baekhyun sniffled. “Holy shit. I’m crying. You’re crying. We’re both crying.”
He couldn’t stop laughing. “Shut up.”
“You’re pregnant. With our child.” Baekhyun touched his stomach, then looked up at him, then put his hands on his shoulders, then hugged him tightly, all within the span of one very excited second. “I love you. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
“I can’t believe this is finally happening.” It was like he never wanted to let go. Kyungsoo, too. “We’re starting a family together.”
A family. Kyungsoo tightened his hold and buried his face in Baekhyun’s neck, scared out of his mind but so, so happy. “I want this. So much.”
“Me, too.”
Baekhyun is scenting him, rubbing his nose against him lightly. “What are you thinking about?”
He’d almost fallen asleep. Kyungsoo breathes out slowly. He’s about to speak when there’s a flutter in his stomach, and Baekhyun lifts his head.
“Did you feel that?”
Kyungsoo scoffs, but he can’t help the smile that blooms on his face. “Of course I did.”
It’s still a little fresh, the kicks. A few weeks ago was the first. They’re spaced out quite a bit, but Kyungsoo catches them at the most random times of the day, often when Baekhyun is around to witness it. He likes to think it’s the baby sensing both of his parents. Like his baby wants their attention all to himself.
It doesn’t feel strange for Baekhyun to get up and go to his other side. He lies in front of his stomach to put an ear against him. What is he even listening for? It’s amusing and endearing and another little kick makes Baekhyun grin. Returning to his side, Baekhyun says, “He’s getting so big now.”
“Yeah.”
“My parents are really excited. Honestly, so is my brother. He keeps texting me to ask how you’re doing.”
Kyungsoo feels soft at the notion. Although he’s come to see Baekhyun’s family as his own, especially after their engagement, it’s nice to be reminded of how welcomed he feels. “I think they’re more hyper about it than we are.”
“Untrue.” Baekhyun makes a face, a small pout to his lips. “I’m definitely more excited.”
How cute. Kyungsoo pokes his nose. “The most. I can tell.”
“It’s the second best thing to happen to me.”
“The first being…?”
“You.” Baekhyun brushes the hair from his face. A second later, he frowns, cupping his cheek. Softly, he says, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Is he crying again? No, but there are tears there. Shit. He sniffs with a laugh, wiping his eyes. “I’m so sensitive now.”
“That’s okay.”
“I hate you.”
“I love you.”
“Stop it,” Kyungsoo says, laughing, and Baekhyun smiles.
“Talk to me, Kyungja. Let me share your worries. It shouldn’t be just you alone.”
Kyungsoo looks at his husband. So kind and safe for an alpha. So handsome in the little light that a cloudy night sky could grant, so reassuringly in love that it’s hard not to believe. “You make me want to trust you,” Kyungsoo says. “Every day. I see myself as a realist but every day with you I feel like I’m dreaming.”
“So sappy,” Baekhyun says. He slides closer to lean his forehead against Kyungsoo’s, places a hand on his side. “You make me—”
“Shut up for a second.”
Baekhyun splutters. “Are you stopping me from professing my love?”
“You say it enough.”
“No such thing.”
“I’ve never felt like this before,” Kyungsoo says. And the words tumble from his mouth, as if they’d been waiting for this all along. “For so long I believed that love doesn’t last. Like everyone just has to learn how to be alone. I’ve convinced myself for so long that I’m okay with that, but then I met you, and…”
“Kyungsoo.”
“I’m… afraid.” The confession comes with a rush of relief, a realization he hasn’t come to until now. “This baby means so much to me already. You mean so much to me. I don’t want to end up like my parents. Everything about us is a risk to me, and…”
Baekhyun softens, brushes his lips against his. “I know.”
“I can’t let go of you. Even though every part of me is so fucking terrified. I can’t.”
“It’s okay to be scared, Kyungsoo.”
“You’re the only one,” he says. “The only one I’d ever take this risk for.”
It’s as if the world is just the two of them when Baekhyun pulls him in, hand behind his head and his heartbeat steady and clear in their proximity. “We won’t end up like your parents,” Baekhyun promises. “Love is always a risk, but I’d never leave you. I’d choose you again and again, no matter what. I’m so in love with you, Kyungja. You’re my everything.”
Kyungsoo closes his eyes. He breathes in his alpha’s scent. His. His home, his mate, his baby, the only exceptions to his world of absolutes. When he was younger, a moment like this would have been a fantasy. He never would have thought that he could fall in love this way. He was scared of love that never lasted, and he’d gotten used to that comfortable distance that he kept everyone at, telling himself again and again that he was okay with loneliness. But Baekhyun came and swept him away from the familiar, dull life he’d accepted. Arms open. So sweet and thoughtful that it was impossible for Kyungsoo not to question the foundation of every single fear he had, and that absolute he’d always held onto.
“If I told you I loved you, would you run away?”
It took Kyungsoo a moment to register the question. He was stuck in the wisp of an image that he’d been dreaming of a lot lately: a stormy, summer night, the sensation of being held and comforted. “I… don’t know what you mean.”
“You look so scared all the time. Every time we’re together.” Baekhyun ran his thumb over his knuckles mindlessly as they sat curled in front of the fireplace, warm orange flickering across the carpeted floor. Again, Kyungsoo felt the brush of his dreams, but before he could figure it out, Baekhyun continued. “I think you know it by now. But if I said it for real, would you run away?”
What a strange question to ask him. As if he wasn’t basically saying it already. Still. “Maybe I would.”
“Why?”
Kyungsoo shrugged and leaned his head against his shoulder. “Don’t you think it’s a bit of a lie?”
“What is?”
“‘I love you,’” Kyungsoo said. “And that it lasts.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you ever want kids?” The question was so sudden, Kyungsoo almost thought he’d imagined it. Baekhyun said it as mindlessly as everything else. Beyond the walls a snowstorm was brewing, wind howling outside of their little bubble of warmth. “This is hypothetical. If you don’t believe that love lasts, then it doesn’t even have to be with me. Do you want kids?”
A baby. It wasn’t like Kyungsoo hadn’t thought about it before. If he were to want a child, it would be him conceiving, not his partner. As an omega, that was his responsibility. He’d imagined the changes in his body. The stretch marks and the gained weight. Would an alpha love him in spite of that? But beyond that he’d also thought about what it meant to have a child. Starting a family. Being in the same position as his parents were, making that same decision his parents made years ago, to make something together. It was a lot of trust. Maybe more than Kyungsoo was able to give.
“Is it that hard of a question?”
“No. It’s just… a lot.”
“I would want kids.” Baekhyun let go of his hand and instead placed his palm on Kyungsoo’s inner thigh, bringing him closer. “I’m not really sure how to talk about this with you. Can I be honest?”
Kyungsoo laughed. “What am I supposed to say? ‘No?’”
“Just tell me if I can or not,” Baekhyun whined.
“Okay, yes. You can be honest.”
The two of them sat in silence for a moment, whatever that meant when there was a storm outside and the crackling of the fire in front of them. After a beat Kyungsoo could make out the sound of Baekhyun’s parents upstairs, laughing and joking around. They were in a cabin, on vacation with Baekhyun’s family. It’s funny how he didn’t realize it until then. The two of them had already passed the stages. They were closer than Kyungsoo should have allowed.
“I want kids,” Baekhyun said finally. “But I’m not sure if it’ll happen. I mean, it’s too early to talk about this, but—”
“Just spit it out, Baekhyun.”
“I don’t know what you want.” Him? Why would he matter? “If you don’t want kids, then I’ll do what you want to do. Because for me, it isn’t a question of who it’ll be with. I want it to be you.”
“... Okay.”
Baekhyun moved his hand from his leg and scratched the back of his neck. “That’s why I was asking. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Even though I shouldn’t.” He laughed. “I mean, I don’t even know how you feel. You’re kind of confusing. Sometimes I feel like you like me a lot, and other times I feel like you’d leave me in a second.”
The leaves of a pine tree outside knocked against the window rhythmically. Baekhyun continued.
“I don’t know how you feel, but I know how I feel. And sometimes I imagine what it would be like to start a family with you. Like, seeing you pregnant, taking care of you, and then having a kid and I don’t know. It’s all kind of crazy, I know.”
Baekhyun sounded uncertain and a little embarrassed, and opened his mouth to say something more, but Kyungsoo interrupted. “I don’t think it sounds crazy.”
Silence. It was like Baekhyun was holding his breath, waiting for him to continue, so he did.
“I would want kids,” he said.
“Oh.”
“I think I could only want it with you.”
It took a moment, but Baekhyun finally asked, “... Why?”
“I trust you. At least, I’m trying. And you make me want to try.” He felt his cheeks heat up a bit. “I wouldn’t run away,” he said softly.
It took Baekhyun a moment to get it. Then he turned his head, nose against his neck, just above his scent gland. Kyungsoo shivered. “I love you,” Baekhyun whispered.
Kyungsoo closed his eyes and breathed out, letting the words wash over him. It was scary. But he was okay. Maybe Baekhyun could prove him wrong. Maybe they could be together forever, start a family one day and have a home of their own. Maybe love could last.
Quietly, he said, “I love you too.”