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Inui Seishu wasn’t asleep his eyes were just closed, there was a cool spring breeze and the curtain fluttered with the wind. It was nice, it had been a while since Seishu found himself feeling so calm. He would admit, it was a little risky resting in the library, anyone could walk by and mistake him for a girl or he could get scolded by the librarian, neither sounded very appealing to him. But he still wanted to stay in the same spot, it was soothing, except for maybe the heels he was wearing.
It was irrational, his reason to put those death traps on that is. He didn’t need to do such ridiculous things, with or without the heels, those feelings would still be there, heels or no heels Inui Seishu would always get the short end of the stick, regardless he still wore those, as if shoe bites lasting weeks wasn’t enough of a nuisance.
At some point Seishu lost track of time, it would probably be best to go home now, he thought. He was yet to have lunch, he was starving. Just as he was ready to move, he heard footsteps coming his way.
Shit, he thought. Maybe it was just another person walking by, it was better to stay in the same spot instead of getting caught by that psycho librarian. And Inui stayed there, his eyes closed and not moving an inch, still. The footsteps got closer and closer until Inui felt the wind get blocked by an intense heat, and a smell that he could never miss, overwhelming and suffocating, so strong it felt like a rope tightening around his neck, choking him slowly until he was to stop breathing altogether.
That smell and that heat got closer and closer, making him dizzy. And there it was, the flutter of heat he felt on his lips, quick and hot. The wind blew stronger, lifting the curtains in the air.
And at that moment, there was a balance of hot and cold. And just for a moment, Inui felt at peace like he was floating on a cloud, above the land, above all the chaos and the fire, the smoke and the ashes, the hospitals and the scent of death they bought along, above it all.
And in the blink of an eye, it was all gone, the heat and the wind. The curtain returned to its place gently trailing behind the wisps of the wind. Inui heard a pair of knees hitting the ground.
Say it, he thought.
Say my name.
“Akane.”
Ha! This bastard, this disgusting son of bitch, fuck.
Inui felt disgusting, he wanted to throw up and then scrub himself until his skin was red and on fire. He needed to leave, he needed to leave now and get away, how foolish of him to think such delusions would come true, how foolish of him to think that he wasn’t a replacement.
How very foolish.
Inui opened his eyes, as he heard the footsteps go further and further away. He stood up, running out of the library.
Never again, he thought. Not in his entire lifetime, no matter how long or short will he ever let such a thing happen again.
He rushed into his bathroom, the moment he stepped foot into his house. Puking his guts out as his mother knocked on his door asking him what was wrong. He touched his forehead on the sink mirror, the vile taste of vomit still lingering in his mouth.
“Bastard,” he mumbled.
Never again, he thought. But he was wrong, it happened over and over again for years, and Inui never said anything, he kept quiet and took it, at some point it went from when Inui was unconscious, to him being conscious, be awake, and aware. But that didn’t stop Koko, not even streaming tears would stop Koko.
It became a thing. No, they became a thing. Something that would fulfill both their delusions. And every time it happened, Inui found himself puking in the bathroom. While Koko listened to him retching outside the door, not having enough courage to comfort or confront him. And when Inui would come out, his skin still crawling with disgust he would either find Koko gone or asleep.
It had been the case for years until suddenly Koko was gone. And Inui Seishu should’ve been happy, Inui Seishu should’ve been relieved that the one person who had haunted him for so long was gone, was out of his life. But instead, he felt like he was crumbling, this delusion, these lies that he had made up suddenly came tumbling down without any rhyme or reason. And then it made sense. He wasn’t it and it wasn’t him. Delusion or not, he was never enough.
It has been years since then, slowly Inui had picked himself back up, pieced himself together until he was satisfied, walked out of the delusion he had been living in for years, and faced reality headstrong, this time without a pair of heels.