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If life was a race, then Jeongwoo was a sports car; living in speed from day one.
While other boys of his age were chasing girls, Jeongwoo was busy chasing dreams. The dreams consisted of being an idol even before puberty hit, taking an adult job he wasn't aware of how heavy the mantle is. But Jeongwoo was born as an embodiment of overflowed energy, and the boy preferred to run than walk, anyway. So with his mind on the finish line, Jeongwoo stepped on the gas and went full throttle. But along the way, the lap branched into two and he found another fast car.
It's Hyunsuk-hyung, inside a dazzling, purple car, driving steadily a few meters in front of him.
His hyung had always stood at the front, being the role model of the role model Jeongwoo was supposed to be. He was smart and charismatic but it's the gentle brushes over Jeongwoo's windswept hair and contagious giggles to his lame jokes that made Jeongwoo's heart skip a beat. Before he knew it, the wish to be seen as equal, not just another cute dongsaeng, expanded until it became a new list in his ongoing dreams. Now, Jeongwoo wanted to catch up with Hyunsuk-hyung, grabbed his hand, and made him look back to see what his hyung had been missing. Notice me--Jeongwoo pleaded mentally as he clenched the steering wheel until the knuckles colored white--notice me as a man, not a brother you had to look for.
But sometimes the race was unwinnable, especially if the competitor wasn't mortal. Because no matter how hard he stepped on the pedal or broke a speed limit, Jeongwoo couldn't win against time. No matter how fast he grew in height, he couldn't outgrow Hyunsuk in years. The latter always treated the members like a mother hen to its chicks so Jeongwoo was no different. And for someone who had been tuning its engine just to catch up, it felt a little bit frustrating,
so much so that on the day when half of the members were asked to visit a temple up in the hill for their penalty, Jeongwoo faltered behind.
Like watching a moving car from the windshield, Jeongwoo saw how the distance between him and Hyunsuk widened. How Hyunsuk's back grew farther away as the eldest climbed the stone-padded path with ease while Jeongwoo gasped for breath with weak knees and a heartache. Jeongwoo then stopped, glued on the spot, while stubbornly thinking a million whys he couldn't keep up. The answer was clear but Jeongwoo was a boy, no more than sixteen, so eager to win against things beyond control.
"Why?" he murmured as he evened his breathing.
"Why what?"
Jeongwoo flinched in surprise. When he looked up, Hyunsuk was there. Three steps away as the eldest stared at the younger curiously. "You're too slow, Jeongwoo-ya. You're gonna fall behind if this keeps up."
Remembering the race, Jeongwoo snorted quietly. "I already did."
"Oh, really? You just fell? When? Where? Are you hurt?" Hyunsuk straight off closed the distance between them to inspect Jeongwoo thoroughly. It would be a damn lie if the latter didn't feel a bit flustered.
But Jihoonie-hyung taught him comedy is the best remedy so he quickly played it off.
"Here."
"Where?"
"Here, hyung," while patting his chest where his heart was.
Hyunsuk blinked confused a few times, unfairly cute for a twenty-two years old man, before a sense of embarrassment washed over Jeongwoo first so he hid it with a nervous giggle.
"Just kiddin'. Hehe."
Hyunsuk rolled his eyes before elbowing Jeongwoo's stomach lightly. "You hang out with Jihoonie too often. Really..." followed by a sigh before suddenly, he grabbed Jeongwoo's hand and dragged him up the path. "Come on, or we'll be late."
Oh, how the skin-to-skin contact raced Jeongwoo's heart by a mile. The younger blushed red, almost stumbled on his tracks. When he spoke, his voice cracked horribly. "H--Hyung, you don't have to hold my hand--"
"Then, you'll fall behind, Jeongwoo-ya. We'll be late and I don't want that," Hyunsuk cut in. Then a brief pause, before, "I don't wanna leave you behind."
It was like a gong echoing inside Jeongwoo's head as realization dawned in; why when he stopped earlier, out of the people, it was Hyunsuk who came back.
Because from the reflection of his rearview mirror, Hyunsuk had been observing a little boy so desperately running after him from trainee years until now. Hyunsuk noticed, of course, he wasn't blind, just as he noticed how the boy grew more talented and dependable, shaped by harsh ordeals, but still preserved the humor that made the eldest cackle when days were tough. Hyunsuk noticed but chose to keep the distance as it is because the boy was only a boy and life had so much more to offer but when Jeongwoo's smile downturned, his spirit dimmed, even Hyunsuk's heart ached.
So the eldest slowed down, until the speed of his car was on par with Jeongwoo's. Now, they drove side by side and Hyunsuk caught how the stars on Jeongwoo's eyes twinkled once again as the boy grinned sheepishly and greeted his dearest hyung.
On the way to the temple, Jeongwoo and Hyunsuk passed the other members and crew. All panting for air from the steep climb. But surprisingly, it was the two members that once came in last who came in first and reached the top of the hill.
After Jeongwoo inhaled the fresh mountain air and took in the cityscape laid in front of him, he sneaked a glance to his side, and there he stood; Hyunsuk-hyung. Sweats trickled on the side of his face. A brush of pink on his cheeks. Hyunsuk smiled, ear to ear and pretty. "What do you know? We're faster together, Jeongwoo-ya."
And his hyung was right. Life was a race, true, but for once, speed didn't matter to a sports car like Jeongwoo. Who cares about being fast when Hyunsuk was willing to wait so they could cross the finish line together.
Time could win the race against Jeongwoo, but never against his feelings for Hyunsuk. Simply his hyung's hand tucked safely in his grip was a worthy trophy of its own.