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“Oh my god, did you really say ‘You can run, but you can’t hide’ in a serious battle? If this is just a rumor, i’ll be so sad. You’re lucky I was busy hounding some rando-merchant from Fontaine, otherwise I would be there, cheering for whoever it was.” You were strolling the night-time crowd of Liyue Harbor, accompanied by your fellow Harbinger and long-time friend, Childe. How can he look so serious but act so dorky?
“What? Birdie, it doesn’t sound that bad when you think about it, really. It’s the same as anything else I say when I fight!” He whined, as if it made any of his catch-phrases less funny to think about.
“Birdie? Like, fowl? What’s up with that? I’d like to let you know that I have never chickened out on anything in my entire life ever. Not lying.”
“No, I don’t mean it like that,” he smiled and giggled a bit, “It’s because- Cause sometimes- pfft-“ He took a second to breathe, looking like he was about to combust. “When you talk, sometimes, if you get real mad, you voice goes high pitched,” A pause, “And you sound like a chirping bird,” he spoke in a squeaky voice laughed until his cheeks went red. “Chirp, chirp! You owe Northland Bank six hundred thousand Mora! Chirp! Hand over the full sum by next week, and we’ll half the interest! Chirp chirp!”
“Is that really it?? You’re joking.. I’ll call you- ah,” You broke out laughing- “I’ll call you something dumb! When I think of it!” Your sides hurt from how hard it made you laugh. The name will come to you eventually, and it’ll get him back just as bad—!
Your laughter died down. “Why don’t you just call me by the fancy Harbinger name? I call you “Childe'' all the time. What’s the difference?”
“Well— yours is different. Usually, Her Majesty gives us names that could be mistaken for a birth name. Yours is different.” He looked at you and tilted his head like a puppy. Cute.
You always had to watch over Childe, make sure he doesn’t cause too much trouble, and talk him out of it when he eventually would. Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa wasn’t so upfront about the fact, but you hoped everyone had figured out that you were always thrown together with Childe because he was too bad at talking, and you were too bad at fighting. Together, you had a strong diplomat and a strong warrior- what’s the downside?
You looked up at the stars. “So, what next? We don’t really have anything super important on the agenda besides collecting debt. And collecting debt is boring most of the time.”
“Yeah, the last thing I want to do right now is hunt down some poor merchant and watch you pummel him with words I don’t get until he forks over the Mora. I think it’s exactly how you feel watching me fight, like, ‘I don’t understand a thing but it’s entertaining anyways’?” His walking slowed, and you matched his pace, but he came to an abrupt stop. “Shit, we’re supposed to visit the Palace and report to her, right? Since it’s been six months. Let’s go.” He did a full 180, grabbed your hand and dragged you with him towards the docks.
You wouldn’t bother trying to speak when you got to the Palace. Signora would be the one to tell Her Majesty about the report; you and Childe would be disregarded, then sent anywhere else to keep the trouble away from Snezhnaya. Why was Signora always the one to speak? You were a pretty good talker too. How come she’s always hanging around the Palace when everyone is off doing, you know, productive things?
——
“Ahh… meeting with Her Majesty is always a bit underwhelming. We never get to do anything in Snezhnaya. We get in, watch Signora speak to her, and then get booted as soon as she stops talking.” Childe complained.
Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa always disregarded the both of you, disliking your disregard for fighting and Childe’s obsession with it. Not like you could change anything about that, it will always be this way.
“I think it’s alright. She doesn’t have anything to say to us, we don’t have anything to say to her.. Most of the other Harbingers are like that too, right? It’s kinda shitty, yeah, but I guess there’s not much we can do about it.” You spoke your thoughts out loud. The other Harbingers undoubtedly thought less of you two as well. What can you do about it anyways?
Um, so, Childe zones out a lot, but does he always space out staring right into your eyes? Is this a normal thing? What? What? What? Is it normal for him to not stop staring after you start staring back? What’s going on?
The boat’s swinging pushes you back, and before you had the chance to move, you bash your head on the handrail. Ow.
You pass out. Did you just crack your skull open and die? That would be so embarrassing for you. Ha ha.
——
Everything hurt. You were just sixteen. Why did you have to do this? You just wanted to see it. Now you’re being beaten by some fucking ginger after getting chemicals spouted into you for two years? What the fuck is this all about?
His name was Childe, maybe? Maybe it was Tartaglia. He was as old as you, but had the fighting experience of a drunk old man at a bar. Like, in the strength department, that was worded badly, like he was as strong as a drunk guy but as fast as, um, like a rabbit but without the fucking thing cause he’s 16 but he’s really strong but fast? What kind of sense does this make?
The point is that he was “training you” and you were not learning.
Now, this is where it gets clear that you cannot fight for shit. This is also where it gets clear that you are a really, really good talker. You eventually wormed your way out of “training” by, instead of fighting Childe, you taught him fighting tactics you learned in books and from watching people. This was a weird role-flip, so you were the teacher and he was the one getting beat up. Verbally.
If you didn’t have that Delusion, you were powerless. Physically, you weren’t shit. You were a weak little kid. The Delusion was your only protection besides Childe. It was a little embarrassing seeing how he could fight like that, and you could barely touch him.
Hey, but, he was pretty. So you have eye candy, at least. Maybe that will help with the bruises.